"just being friends"

[Osiris1234]

So it seems like everytime I find a girl interesting and we go out on a date, it always ends with her telling me "I just wanna be friends", and I tell her "I have enough friends" and tell her im not interested and go my own way. So whenever I am on a date I am always open doors for her, look her in the eyes, treat her with respect and everything else but it never seems to work. I do have a few confessions for maybe why I always end up being just friends.

 

1-I havent dated in years, I went into homeschool during middle school,so I never got to meet anyone and go out dating, so i never really gained confidence even though i have it when im around friends and family.

 

2-I have trouble keeping the conversation going, I always seem to run out of things to say and i struggle to keep the conversation alive.

 

3- I come off as boring, like everytime i go out with a girl it is always the typical eat dinner and talking and it just seems like the old routine over and over even though it is getting to know each other and it never seems interesting and im sure she is bored herself, I never try to be interesting by asking her question that are waay out there like "Where is the craziest place you've had sex" to see how she reacts,etc.

 

4- I am never myself, I guess I can blame my mom for the bull**** she tells me such as girls want a guy who will respect them, treat them right, etc. Well the way i usually act is i cuss alot, i try to make things more fun, ill tell people straight up that their comment is wrong if they are, usually act cocky a bit, and people like to hang around me,etc. But when i go onto the date I turn into this completely different person and i am not longer myself. I guess thats why every says to be yourself.

 

5- I never make moves, I am always ****ing afraid to kiss her, hold her hand, put my arms around her waist,,etc. I am to ****nig nervous to do it.

 

Now before you say it, I am not a SELF-PROCLAIMED "Nice guy". Alot of people tell me that maybe i am being too nice. Maybe they are right. I do act nice and treat girls with respect while on the date but the reason i act nice is because i have no reason to be a dick. Just because I act nice doesnt mean i dont have a backbone. If girls are looking for drama (which i don't want) then maybe they should look else where.

 

My dad says I really shouldnt worry about women right now and that i should just enjoy life for myself and that i have plenty of time to date later on. He is absolutely right as well so i have been doing that lately, not worrying about dating and girls but just enjoying myself.

 

So how should I improve these things? I feel like a failure with women since im 21 and have never had a girlfriend before and am still a virgin sadly. I am asking now so that way when i do decide to get back into the dating scene ill know im ready.

[Yamaha]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t261742/

 

 

Try reading the above thread.

[molimo140]

You sound a lot like me, Osiris.

 

But when i go onto the date I turn into this completely different person and i am not longer myself.

Dating is stressful. We're so focused on not leaving a bad impression that we forget sometimes to just be ourselves. Sometimes we may think that who we are (or who we see ourselves as) isn't what another person wants to see.

 

If you have some really quirky stuff about you, then maybe don't show it all at once, but don't delete something from your personality simply because you're around a new girl.

 

I never make moves ... I am to ****nig nervous to do it

Dude.. I can't tell you how how much I can relate to you on this one.

 

This one is really tough, there really isn't much advice I can give you aside from get out of your own head. You're probably thinking 'What if she doesn't like it?' or 'There's no way that she wants me to do this' or something similar.

 

I know it's tough, but you need to take the chances. Be in the moment, don't be lost in your own thoughts. If something feels right to you, go for it. You're bound to fail a few times in your life, but it's the wins that make it all worth the trouble.

 

Plus, most of the time the girl is just as nervous as you are, taking the initiative will make her feel all the more special.

 

I come off as boring ... and im sure she is bored herself

I firmly believe that it's as much the girl's job to keep a conversation going as it is the guy's. I don't know how many girls you have gone on dates with, but it may be that you are just meeting boring people.

 

In my mind, this is what chemistry is all about. Just like your guy friends that you get along with best, conversation just flows naturally. I would say bring up virtually anything.. if she looks at you strangely then just roll with it.

 

Keep in mind my comment above about how girls get nervous too.

 

 

You'll be alright man, just keep trying.

 

 

Edit:: Also, never feel bad for acting like a nice guy. The right girl for you will appreciate it. Girls who want *******s are generally shallow and not worth being with anyway.

Edited June 10, 2011 by molimo140

[fishtaco]

Well, you're shooting yourself in the foot by not making moves.

 

I'll give you a quote.

 

You're not trying hard enough unless you get slapped.

 

Normally I'd tell guys that's not a good idea. You DON'T want to push so far as to get slapped. But in your case, it applies. Because your "trying to get slapped" won't even be half as far as the average guy's "trying to get slapped".

 

As a man, you have to push the limit. So my advice is to work on that part. But you are getting dates, so good job.