tb24 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I've been with my girlfriend for 2 months, it was going well we really connected. She used to jump at the chance to see me and talk to me. Over the last week or two, she's been talking to me less and less BUT she has had exams this week, so I put it down to that and purposefully didn't ask to meet her this week until after her last exam (today). So earlier in the week I asked if she wanted to do something friday night (tonight) and she seemed quite enthusiastic when I asked her. The last time I saw her was sunday and I really want to see her. Yesterday, I texted her asking how her exam had gone and what she wanted to do on friday. She said she didn't feel like going out because of the stress of her exams and after THREE text messages she got annoyed withe me and told me to "Stop nagging until after my exam. Seriously". I was only asking what time she wanted to meet up :-\ Maybe it was due to her exams? Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon: She just cancelled because "her exam was too tiring and she doesn't want to have to get ready". I was just going to go to hers and hang out. How much getting ready does she need to do??? She offered to meet on monday. I asked her about doing something tomorrow or sunday and she's "busy". I know she's meeting a friend on saturday but previously we've done stuff at the weekend and worked around whatever she or I were doing like just meeting up in the afternoon or evening or whatever. Should I ask what she's doing saturday/sunday that makes her so busy or does that come across a bit nosey/needy? Is she losing interest or am I reading too much into it? What's the best thing to do, pursue her or give her space? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Don't ask what's keeping her busy and don't ask for any other days. Give her space, or else it will come off as needy. Honestly, I would suggest you actually not talk to her or text her until monday. As far as the other stuff, I can honestly see being stressed out a lot during exams and needing time to just get s**t done. As for the getting ready remark - is she lives on her own and she hasn't been keeping the place clean (cuz of exam week) I can understand how she's not up to having you over the night her last exam ends - she'll have to get home, clean up, and make herself look presentable, when all she really might want to do is just go home and crash and watch some bad T.V (and get a good dose of Me-Time). My advice is to just leave it till Monday, or when she calls you. If she's still not available to you - then maybe you can read more into it, but for now, from what you've written, it seems kind of understandable. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Is she losing interest? Yes: I know she's meeting a friend on saturday but previously we've done stuff at the weekend and worked around whatever she or I were doing like just meeting up in the afternoon or evening or whatever. So in fact she does have a bit of time, just not for you. That sucks indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
welikeincrowds Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I agree with TigerCub. For now, just do what she asks and let it go. There's no point in picking this fight right now; it will gain you nothing. Also, you would do well not to be so suspicious about the big picture. Focus on solving this small problem, that you know you have -- only consider there to be a bigger problem when it's obvious that you have it. This approach is good for a few reasons, not the least of which being 1) it keeps you sane and 2) it doesn't prophesy problems that wouldn't have existed had you not obsessed them into realization. You should bring this up with her next time you guys are together. You want to get her side of the story so that you're not stuck trying to guess what happened (i.e. in a thread on LS). It is possible you were being quite annoying and obtuse to her, and we won't be able to know that from your account. However, from the side I see here, my opinion is that it sounds like she was also being a **** to you. We all have stressful lives, some more stressful than others. An exam is hard, but it's not cancer, and she's not the only young woman in the country who has had to do a stressful exam. Finally, your SO is not your punching bag, so if that's how she treated you, she should not feel like that was okay. But don't just outright accuse her of all this, as this could be the misguided way of looking at it. You probably weren't perfect, and you want to hear what she has to say anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I would agree to meet on Monday and then not contact her again until she contacts you first. If Monday comes and goes and she hasn't confirmed anything then drop it like it's hot and move on with your life. If she's considering you a pest 2 months into the relationship then you're going to be a downright infestation to her in 12 months. Link to post Share on other sites
curlygirl40 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I would agree to meet on Monday and then not contact her again until she contacts you first. If Monday comes and goes and she hasn't confirmed anything then drop it like it's hot and move on with your life. If she's considering you a pest 2 months into the relationship then you're going to be a downright infestation to her in 12 months. ^This. x100. It sucks but that's the way it is. Being a pest will get you nowhere fast. Chances are she wasn't losing interest and was just busy, but is now losing interest because you're chasing her and being needy when she has a lot going on. Chill. Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I believe she's tell the truth about the tests, but she's losing interest in you and I wouldn't be surprised if she had already found someone else. Yes, I need SOME space from my boyfriend. I could never spend 24/7 without him, but after a week of studying and exams, I'd be missing him to death and so excited to see him. I've been on your side of things before. The people who have time for you are the ones who care about you. The rest don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Silivren Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 She may not have lost interest, but I can tell you right now - if you continue to push her she will. I agree with TigerCub.. She's going to have to write her exam and go home and clean. Maybe she just wants Sunday to herself. Sometimes people need time to recharge on her own. Don't contact her until monday otherwise you will come off as needy Maybe she will get in touch with you and be thankful that you gave her the space she needed. Hope it works out for ya. Link to post Share on other sites
blackmagik Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 posted in the wrong spot haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Well I let her be, she spoke to me (she initiated contact) a couple of times over the weekend, didn't seem very offish. I went over there last night as planned, had quite a nice night... then she broke up with me :-\ guess I was right to worry Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Please recount the details of your night, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Well... here goes.. I went over, in the evening after dinner as we'd planned. We watched a movie on her bed, had a nice time. Prior to the break up, I'd say the evening went well, other than one thing: When I arrived, she said she was 'a bit down'. She told me of a situation where she WAS in danger due to her 'friend' (female) but she said it in such a blasé way, didn't seem very upset and seemed like she was over it. Then told me how she'd resolved it by stopping contact with the people involved. She'd dealt with the issue herself and I was impressed by how maturely she had handled it. All I felt the need to do was comfort her and try to make her feel a little better. I didn't feel the need to try to do anything else. Evidently, this isn't what she expected. She brought it up during the break up later on that she expected me to react more. What was I supposed to do? She'd dealt with it in a good, adult way without getting too worked up about it. Me getting angry/upset with the people involved wouldn't have helped. Especially as she didn't seem to be! Certainly didn't seem like something worth breaking up over :-\ After the brief chat, we watched the movie, snuggling up together on her bed. We chatted for a bit, nothing really out of place or seemed wrong. At the end of the evening, she offered to drive me home (I was happy to walk, but she'd driven me back before so this wasn't unusual). In the car she started 'the chat'. Due to the way she was being in her house this was a total mood swing, I was more shocked by that... Why was she acting so differently only 10 minutes before? Hell if she'd been less cuddly/open during the evening I wouldn't feel so confused right now. She broke up with me for vague reasons like 'not having a connection' and feeling like she 'didn't know me well enough'. My immediate thoughts were: "Well clearly, you've not been making an effort to even speak to me and when I call or IM you, you seem to have minimal interest, of course you don't". It just left me confused/annoyed more than anything. If I'd cheated on her/been a jerk/done something obviously stupid I wouldn't feel nearly as bad. Even if she was seeing someone else! At least that would be a tangible reason. So now I'm just sat here wondering what the hell I did wrong Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 (edited) Not enough raw attraction, it seems. It was like you were too caught up in whatever she said and analyzing it on the spot, instead of just setting her on fire. Edited June 22, 2011 by rafallus Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Well, there was certainly raw attraction initially. She was almost stalker-like at the beginning. Even to the point of admitting that she looked at my entire facebook wall (going back to the beginning) and showing a huge level of interest. I don't know what changed. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 So either you stopped doing something that works, or started doing something that put her off. Not quite sure, what could it be - up to you to figure it out. My guess is, when she came on you hard, you should reward her for making an effort, so she feels kinda validated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I can't think of anything I stopped/started doing. Must be something. The most annoying part is just not knowing what I did wrong Link to post Share on other sites
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