Kuite09 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Hi Guys, I posted a previous thread a week back or so in regards to my situation. Here is the link incase you want to check it out... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t282648/ I am hoping you guys can hear me out and give me some advise. To make a story short, my ex and I dated for 7 yrs we broke up in 2007 for about a year and then got back together and broke up in March of this year. During our last break up in 2007 he went thru the break up depression (when he broke up with me then also) and continued to call me and tell me im sorry but that he still loves me etc. Since our break up in March this year we talked almost every week due to some family issues I was going thru and of course me calling him driving him crazy begging and crying to him to take me back. Well its no been 3 weeks of NC and I am driving myself crazy.... on Father's day I texted him to say happy fathers day since hes a dad and he replied with a cute respond saying "Thank u very much booboo.....I mean Jackie :)" I guess he was trying to be cute with the response in the message. Well other than that he hasnt called, emailed or nothing nor have I. Back in May I injured my foot hanging out with some friends and he went to the hospital to visit me and took me home and took care of me. 2 days after that we spoke a couple of times but then I started the NC. Since last break up we stayed in contact does this mean this time around he is really done? I am so confused ...I want to hear from him so bad but I know i need to stick with NC. The reason for the break up was some trust issues on my part and my ways and attitude he felt that I was too clingy and I had a bad habit of speaking to him in a messed up way. Btw, I am 28 and he's 35. Any advise would truly help me right now.....should I break NC? is he really done since he hasnt even called in 3 weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Hi Kuite09. Sorry to hear about your situation, and how you are feeling. 7 years is a long time, and I guess you need to figure out what it is that you really want.... He seems to be maintaining NC now, and you need to face the possibility that he really is not coming back, and is trying to move on.. NC is just a way of helping you get over the pain and hurt of a break up firstly. and is only part of a stratigy if you are planning to try and get back together with someone, and is not guarenteed to work if thats what you are planning. Reading about you contacting him, begging him etc etc gives him the power over you and by maintaining NC, you will probably get him wondering what you are upto.. I am a guy, and I know thats how I would think.... / am thinking in my situation.... 3 Weeks NC , and you do need to concider that he may be moving on.... and that is something you do need to get your head round and be prepared for. That does not mean that he is not thinking of you, but be prepared all the same.... I take it that he broke up with you ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Hi Dreamscape, thanks so much for your response. Yes, he broke up with me. Its the 2nd break up and both times hes broken up with me. He tells me that he can't deal with my attitude and certain ways but then I know ive been the love of his life. Hes told me that my qualitys and heart is what hes always wanted in a woman but not my mouth and attitude when I dont get my ways. I was actually hoping while doing NC that he would contact eventually to see how I am doing but its been 3 weeks and nothing what so ever. He did state he was meeting people and that he meet someone but its nothing serious and I got super upset when he told me that and I flipped and he told me it doesnt matter becuz no matter what I am still here with you ( that was on the way home from the hospital, after my injury) hes kept telling me I am so upset we didnt work I wanted you and only you this is not what I wanted but I cant do this right now. Maybe in the future who knows but now I cant. Thats what confuses me he tells me not right now but maybe in the future and that he never wants to burn his bridges. I FEEL SO LOST!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Let me add... After the break up all he ever kept telling me was that he loves me and that he wants us to have peace and get along, he doesnt want the drama after the break up becuz he loves me too much and he wants to keep it civil. Well I never did that because I was so hurt one min i'll be cool with him while the other I would totally lose it. So thats when I decided to go NC because I didnt want to continue pushing him away. He, himself even told me you havn't even given me a chance to miss you cuz all you do is nag and argue with me about the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Let me add... After the break up all he ever kept telling me was that he loves me and that he wants us to have peace and get along, he doesnt want the drama after the break up becuz he loves me too much and he wants to keep it civil. Well I never did that because I was so hurt one min i'll be cool with him while the other I would totally lose it. So thats when I decided to go NC because I didnt want to continue pushing him away. He, himself even told me you havn't even given me a chance to miss you cuz all you do is nag and argue with me about the break up. Yeah, okay, he loves you, you blame yourself, it's all your fault, he said all of these things that show how much you mean to him... He still broke up with you. Twice. I really think that you need to let that one go. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I can relate to alot of what you have just said. I was dumped by my g/f. It was completely out of the blue.... The last contact was just over a week ago. She said to me how much she loves me, and misses me, but cannot be with me because of all the hurt she has caused and that she could cause me in the future. She went off with another guy with in a week of ending it with me... Several times i told her that we could move on together and what has happened will just make us stronger, but she kept saying she could not do it...... So for a week i went NC, and heard nothing from her either....But yesterday I made the mistake of mailing her just to say hello, and that i was thinking about her, and had not just forgotten her...... I say mistake, as she has not replied.... so that is quite upsetting.... but by doing that perhaps I am pushing her away. I also imagine she is in the " honeymoon" period with this rebound relationship she is in, but that makes it no easier... and its still real hurtful. Thinking of her with another guy makes me feel sick.... You said that he had met someone but it was not serious..... sounds like it is something similar to me ....... In both our cases, time will tell.... But like me, you need to face the possibility it could be over for good....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I can relate to alot of what you have just said. I was dumped by my g/f. It was completely out of the blue.... The last contact was just over a week ago. She said to me how much she loves me, and misses me, but cannot be with me because of all the hurt she has caused and that she could cause me in the future. She went off with another guy with in a week of ending it with me... Several times i told her that we could move on together and what has happened will just make us stronger, but she kept saying she could not do it...... So for a week i went NC, and heard nothing from her either....But yesterday I made the mistake of mailing her just to say hello, and that i was thinking about her, and had not just forgotten her...... I say mistake, as she has not replied.... so that is quite upsetting.... but by doing that perhaps I am pushing her away. I also imagine she is in the " honeymoon" period with this rebound relationship she is in, but that makes it no easier... and its still real hurtful. Thinking of her with another guy makes me feel sick.... You said that he had met someone but it was not serious..... sounds like it is something similar to me ....... In both our cases, time will tell.... But like me, you need to face the possibility it could be over for good....... Dreamscape, Yea he did mention that he met someone after I was blowing up his phone 100 times over the weekend and stuff like that. But when I got injured and he came to take care of me, he just kept saying he doesnt matter if I meet someone or not I am still here with you and if you need me again tomorrow I'll be here again. I was being cold with him when he came to take care of me becuz I was upset at the thought of him being with someone else and to add to that I kept throwing it in his face like a freaking 10yr old. I know I was the love of his life, but maybe its best to think they will never come back and if they do its up to use to accept them. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Dreamscape, I know I was the love of his life, but maybe its best to think they will never come back and if they do its up to use to accept them. The way I have looked at my situation is..... " Think of the worst and get used to it, so that you can handle the worst case situation, and anything else is a bonus " I was my ex g/f first proper love and everything that came with that, so her being with some other guy is hard to get my head around... It hurts like hell, but it is something I have had to try and get used to... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 The way I have looked at my situation is..... " Think of the worst and get used to it, so that you can handle the worst case situation, and anything else is a bonus " I was my ex g/f first proper love and everything that came with that, so her being with some other guy is hard to get my head around... It hurts like hell, but it is something I have had to try and get used to... yea its def something we got to get use too. I appriciate him being there with me at the hospital and taking care of me when I needed him but at this point what I have to do now is just let go. It drives me crazy becuz i want to call him, text em etc but I know I shouldnt. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 yea its def something we got to get use too. I appriciate him being there with me at the hospital and taking care of me when I needed him but at this point what I have to do now is just let go. It drives me crazy becuz i want to call him, text em etc but I know I shouldnt. Dont do it... and i will tell you why..... I sent a text and email to my ex and have not stopped checking to see if i had a reply... and guess what.... NONE, which makes me feel worse..... Hope is not always a good thing... particularly when you are trying to heal..... Acceptance is the start to healing...Which is something i find hard to get my head round. I was always of the view " always have hope".... But it is so hard to stay NC.... So i know how you feel..... but learn from my mistake here..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Dont do it... and i will tell you why..... I sent a text and email to my ex and have not stopped checking to see if i had a reply... and guess what.... NONE, which makes me feel worse..... Hope is not always a good thing... particularly when you are trying to heal..... Acceptance is the start to healing...Which is something i find hard to get my head round. I was always of the view " always have hope".... But it is so hard to stay NC.... So i know how you feel..... but learn from my mistake here..... I got to agree with you! I know if I do call I will get a response and he'll answer but I just don't want to be disapointed with what he'll actually say. On Fathers Day I sent him a Happy Fathers Day text and he replied back within 2 min and it was a very nice and cute thank you but thats it. Since the fact he was being silly calling me by our nick names it made me want to speak to him even more but I know I cant. All I keep thinking about is what he told me when we last spoke that he loves me and cares for me deeply and that I mean so much to him, but i just gotta forget everything he said but if he truly felt that way he would be here with me right now. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 yup, I know what you mean, when i last did have contact with my ex, which was about 9 days or so ago, she also called me by our nicknames, which was part of our "special thing ", sounds silly, but its not... gives you a little hope.. My ex told me that she still loves me, and will do for ever, and misses me, but claims she hurt me to bad, and cant live with that, or be with me for fear of hurting me more. I told her it does not matter and we would work through it, but she was insistant that we could not... but that she does love me, and always will... That is why it came as a shock that she didnt reply this time...... The thing is, it makes it hard to move on with life, and to start accepting things.... so trust me, I know what you are going through, as I am too..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 yup, I know what you mean, when i last did have contact with my ex, which was about 9 days or so ago, she also called me by our nicknames, which was part of our "special thing ", sounds silly, but its not... gives you a little hope.. My ex told me that she still loves me, and will do for ever, and misses me, but claims she hurt me to bad, and cant live with that, or be with me for fear of hurting me more. I told her it does not matter and we would work through it, but she was insistant that we could not... but that she does love me, and always will... That is why it came as a shock that she didnt reply this time...... The thing is, it makes it hard to move on with life, and to start accepting things.... so trust me, I know what you are going through, as I am too..... Yea...for some reason those silly names get to us and its true it does give you a little bit of hope. I heard the same thing last time we spoke, he loves me always and misses me but just could'nt deal with our issues and my ways anymore. He had a hard time trusting me due to some past issues. He just kept repeating RIGHT NOW, I can't do it. I am not saying never but just now I can't. We've never gone so long without speaking at all so the fact that its been 3 weeks since Ive heard his voice drives me insane! They say men tend to love harder and hurt harder when the relationship is done, I just hope that he doesn't forget about me and thats what I am truly scared off. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 They say men tend to love harder and hurt harder when the relationship is done, I just hope that he doesn't forget about me and thats what I am truly scared off. I am frightened my ex gf will forget me also... Its a hard place to be.... But i want her to remember all the good things which should make her smile.... But that is something that might, and yet might not happen.... It is something out of our control........ Link to post Share on other sites
california15 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 they won't forget you. You remember your 4th grade teacher right? you remember your kindergarten buddy who shared their crayons or crackers with you? You remember your neighbor next door who never shared their bike? you might not think about them for years, then something triggers your memory of them and a thought about them pops into your head for a second, just to leave as quickly as it came. And these are the people you didn't have a meaninful romantic relationship with! you had a special, meaningful relationship with your ex. Just because the relationship is over doesn't mean the bond you sharED never existed, never to be thought of again. You were once an important part of their lives. However, who's to say if the memories will be good or bad. You'll never know. But you won't be forgotten. Do you think you will forget them? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 they won't forget you. You remember your 4th grade teacher right? you remember your kindergarten buddy who shared their crayons or crackers with you? You remember your neighbor next door who never shared their bike? you might not think about them for years, then something triggers your memory of them and a thought about them pops into your head for a second, just to leave as quickly as it came. And these are the people you didn't have a meaninful romantic relationship with! you had a special, meaningful relationship with your ex. Just because the relationship is over doesn't mean the bond you sharED never existed, never to be thought of again. You were once an important part of their lives. However, who's to say if the memories will be good or bad. You'll never know. But you won't be forgotten. Do you think you will forget them? That is a really really good point..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 they won't forget you. You remember your 4th grade teacher right? you remember your kindergarten buddy who shared their crayons or crackers with you? You remember your neighbor next door who never shared their bike? you might not think about them for years, then something triggers your memory of them and a thought about them pops into your head for a second, just to leave as quickly as it came. And these are the people you didn't have a meaninful romantic relationship with! you had a special, meaningful relationship with your ex. Just because the relationship is over doesn't mean the bond you sharED never existed, never to be thought of again. You were once an important part of their lives. However, who's to say if the memories will be good or bad. You'll never know. But you won't be forgotten. Do you think you will forget them? This is a very good point California. Lastnight I broke NC, tomorrow wouldve been 4 weeks with no contact expcept texting him on Fathers day to say Happy Fathers Day. I know everyone has told me not to contact him at all but im so hurt and just need to tell him how I feel right now. As you can read in my thread this man was a part of my life for 7 yrs and I love him so much. Well I sent him a text saying "Hope your having a nice weekend. I don't mean to bother you but just want to let you know I miss you and no matter what I will always love you" (Yes I know kinda deep) His response: "and you know, I feel the same. Always" After I got this text I couldn't sleep a bit, I just wanted to call him and hear his voice but I didn't reply nor call back. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 This is a very good point California. Lastnight I broke NC, tomorrow wouldve been 4 weeks with no contact expcept texting him on Fathers day to say Happy Fathers Day. I know everyone has told me not to contact him at all but im so hurt and just need to tell him how I feel right now. As you can read in my thread this man was a part of my life for 7 yrs and I love him so much. Well I sent him a text saying "Hope your having a nice weekend. I don't mean to bother you but just want to let you know I miss you and no matter what I will always love you" (Yes I know kinda deep) His response: "and you know, I feel the same. Always" After I got this text I couldn't sleep a bit, I just wanted to call him and hear his voice but I didn't reply nor call back. Just be very careful.... Dont set yourself up to get hurt againand set yourself back to square one , or pin your hopes that everything will be fixed, because while I really do hope things work out just how you want them... just remember they may not.... If he does feel the same way, , why has he not iniciated any contact with you ? I really hope it does work out the way you want it though..... Today I also broke NC, via and email / facebook message saying that i would rather have my ex g/f in my life as a friend, than not have her in my life at all.... Of course, i do want more than frineds, but one step at a time eh.... and like i said to you... things may not work out at all.... I am not even sure she will reply.... but hey, then i would have tried everything.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 Just be very careful.... Dont set yourself up to get hurt againand set yourself back to square one , or pin your hopes that everything will be fixed, because while I really do hope things work out just how you want them... just remember they may not.... If he does feel the same way, , why has he not iniciated any contact with you ? I really hope it does work out the way you want it though..... Today I also broke NC, via and email / facebook message saying that i would rather have my ex g/f in my life as a friend, than not have her in my life at all.... Of course, i do want more than frineds, but one step at a time eh.... and like i said to you... things may not work out at all.... I am not even sure she will reply.... but hey, then i would have tried everything.... Trust me Dreamscape I don't want to set myself up for failure. I did a lot of damage to our relationship and I hurt him a lot, hes no angel but what Ive done doesnt compare. I want to take it as a good sign with his reply but then I don't feel that becuz as you said he still hasnt called me. I had a friend tell me, he hasnt call me becuz you messed up a whole lot and of course hes going to run away from you cuz if he was to call you, you would question him, argue, nag and get on his nerves. When all the guy wants is PEACE!. I truly hope he meant what he said but that doesnt mean anything cuz he still hasnt called or anything. I just wanted to know what you guys thought about his response. I think I should leave it the way it is and thats it for now and hopefully he'll call me (i guess) Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I truly hope he meant what he said but that doesnt mean anything cuz he still hasnt called or anything. I just wanted to know what you guys thought about his response. I think I should leave it the way it is and thats it for now and hopefully he'll call me (i guess) Well To be honest , I have a similar problem too... My ex dumped me out of the blue, and went off with a new guy with in a week... About 2 weeks ago , she text and emailed me saying how sorry she was , and that her head was a mess.. She said she loves me and always would, and that she misses me. She claimed she wanted to be with me, but could`nt because of the hurt she has caused me, and that she is frightened about how she was able to cause hurt towards me.... Now , at first i thought this was a good sign that we could work things out... I told her i love her too and miss her, and that we could work through what had happened and it would make us a stronger couple etc etc....but she said , no it would not work, she was too frightened.... ??? and now guess what..... not heard a thing in the last 9 odd days now...... Makes no sense to me..... Like i mentioned earlier, I wrote and email and facebook message to her saying how i would like to be friends rather than nothing... but as of yet, no reply.... Only 9 days ago she was telling me how she would love me for ever.... So as you can see.... you and i kind of both have the same problem here.... I know people will say stick with NC.... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 I think you were right not to reply straight away... See if he does come after you... My ex caused me a lot of heart ache with our break up... ( as you can see from what she text me ) but i still chased her...... Wait and see if he chases you.... even if you did hurt him..... If he really loves you, he will contact you even if you did hurt him.... My ex hurt me, and i contacted her still... Why ?? because i love her..... You see my point here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 I think you were right not to reply straight away... See if he does come after you... My ex caused me a lot of heart ache with our break up... ( as you can see from what she text me ) but i still chased her...... Wait and see if he chases you.... even if you did hurt him..... If he really loves you, he will contact you even if you did hurt him.... My ex hurt me, and i contacted her still... Why ?? because i love her..... You see my point here? Yea I see your point. I really want him to be the one to reach out to me, I guess Im just scared as time continues to pass by and I still dont get a call or nothing from him. I don't want to face that so its scary. I know I mean a lot to him I know I do but I just feel like hes so tired of my crap. UGH Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 I think you were right not to reply straight away... See if he does come after you... My ex caused me a lot of heart ache with our break up... ( as you can see from what she text me ) but i still chased her...... Wait and see if he chases you.... even if you did hurt him..... If he really loves you, he will contact you even if you did hurt him.... My ex hurt me, and i contacted her still... Why ?? because i love her..... You see my point here? Dreamscape...guess what? He just texted me out the blue saying "Thanks for the text lastnight. it made my eyes water but it put a smile on my face" I replied: I just wanted to let you know I feel and I miss you and hope one day things can be different. His reply: "I miss you too. Maybe one day it can. Hope ur doing ok. I was so not expecting a text from him at all. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Dreamscape...guess what? He just texted me out the blue saying "Thanks for the text lastnight. it made my eyes water but it put a smile on my face" I replied: I just wanted to let you know I feel and I miss you and hope one day things can be different. His reply: "I miss you too. Maybe one day it can. Hope ur doing ok. I was so not expecting a text from him at all. Nice one, so what are you planning next? I had no reply.... :0( Link to post Share on other sites
Movingthrough Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Yeah, okay, he loves you, you blame yourself, it's all your fault, he said all of these things that show how much you mean to him... He still broke up with you. Twice. I really think that you need to let that one go. Pretty much sums it up right here. I would say just be happy that you guys arent on terms where you hate each other, it seems that you both do care and while it might now work out, go ahead and read the other stories on here and how bad it can be. I would honestly look at it like at this point its not going to work out, and if he broke it with you twice then there is no point to break NC. Im one of the very few on here who actually say that breaking NC sometimes can be a good thing, but in this case it would give the power back to him. If you feel there is something you need to say to kind of end it in your head, or look for that closure that we all search for, then go ahead because it will eat you alive. But just know that you will probably not get anything in return. Like i said, i would be happy your stuff is semi "normal" if thats the word because its obvious he cares, but at this point i dont think its going to work out so take the time for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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