Flowerzzz Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Hello everyone. I just wanted to give you all a little perspective, a little insight... I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 years. They were great years. We lived together, we did everything together. During the day, we would walk many miles side by side, talking about everything under the sun. We also worked together and we went to the same grad school together. In the evenings, we would cook fabulous dishes together or one of us would cook while the other read aloud from good books. We were the definition of intimacy. We lived and breathed one another every day for 3 years. Well, I was also his first girlfriend because he had social anxiety problems and found it extremely difficult to talk to other people (including girls). So, after 3 years he broke up with me. It was probably GIGS. We still hung out & acted like a couple for the next 3 months after the breakup until he started dating a good friend of mine. After that, I began no contact. It has been 7 months no contact. I knew that my ex and my ex-friend (his girl) were moving away. This morn I got a text from my sister saying my ex wanted my new number so that he could give me some items back and to say goodbye to me. My friend Amy contacted me too and then my cousin April. My ex had written to all of them asking for my damn number. So he came over to my house...where we had lived together so intimately. Let me tell you, we picked up right where we left off---we drank coffee on the porch while we updated each other on our lives. I have grown so f'ing much these past 7 months! My life is going so well--I have a great new job and I was also recently accepted into school to get my Specialist degree in counseling. I have grown and gotten over his ass. I have made out with cute new boys, exercised every damn day, continued making fabulous healthy meals for myself, read so many good books, reconnected with old friends, cultivated new friendships, etc. In my sad imaginings of a few months back, i pictured him and his girl doing all the intimate things we used to to do together...I believed that he did not think of me at all because he was so wrapped up in his new relationship bliss... but it was not and is not so. He told me that he does not cook anymore; they go out to eat. (I mentioned to hiim that he had packed on a few pounds). hahah He does not exercise anymore. He has not maintained his friendships, they have all fallen by the wayside. I used to tell him that the honeymoon phase doesn't last and he would never believe me. Today he admitted to me that relationships are HARD. That he thinks of me ALL the time, that he will see something and want to share it with me because he knows I would like it. He also admitted that he has been checking my fb profile from his band page. I deleted and blocked his ass at the beginning of no contact...but for the last 7 months he has been fb stalking me without me knowing it. I tell you all these things because I was in the darkest despair thinking about my ex living it up with his new gal. But my imaginings were not the truth. I tortured myself endlessly for nothing. He is still the boy he was and he still cares deeply for me and he does not have what we had with his new girl. So, DO NOT TORTURE YOURSELF WITH FALSEHOODS. No contact is the way to self-growth and healing. Link to post Share on other sites
GymRat Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 This is great, I'm really happy for you! It's been 2 months of mostly NC for me, and my ex has already been seeing another guy. But I've done so much healing, I've put on nearly 10lbs of muscle in the 2 months since I've made myself go to the gym 5 days a week, I've been on the same strength program I gave up on during my relationship. I know my ex has been partying obsessively too, while I've been doing the exact opposite, like getting enough sleep before work, eating well, and reading lots. I do miss her since it hasn't been incredibly long since we broke up, but she's already tried contacting me a few times, I've kept them very short, and sweet, though friendly. It's great to see that sometimes, we can be the ones that come out on top! Hooray! Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Thanks for sharing that, Flowerzzz. It sounds like you came out better for the experience, and that's encouraging. You used the time since your breakup well and improved upon yourself. When my ex dumped me I had similar thoughts of her having the time of her life with new guys. When I got the word that she was in fact in a relationship, I was crushed again. It took me a while to get back on my feet, but I think I'm in a better position now too than I was while we were together. The fact that your ex started dating a friend of yours must have been even more painful. A double betrayal. Happy to see how far you've come! Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Bartowski Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Flowerzzz, I want to thank you for your post. I pictured my ex "living it up" with her new bf. She is an acquired taste and it will take someone a little mental to put up with her.After 8 years I am 3 months post BU and 6 weeks solid NC. It will be interesting to hear what she has to say if I hear from her again. I wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 flowerz great post =) It's usually true and you're right about it being GIGS. While we grow and move on to bigger and better things, they usually go no where and wonder how we are doing without them. I've watched a lot of breakups recently and I'm watching my friends' exs that break up with them for losers that are going no where in life and have no dreams or aspirations like we all have. This even includes my ex. I am pretty well known for being a straight shooter here and this is the reality. Thats why we all need to start looking forward, and stop looking back. They will be the only ones looking back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Flowerzzz Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 Yes, let us all continue to look FORWARD. I wish I had a time machine to go back and tell my sad-self of a few months back all that i know now...but I had to go through it. ALONE. NO crutches. My ex had his new girl as his crutch and it hasn't help him grow to become a better person. Keep on keepin' on!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mukmuk Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Thank you for posting such an happy and inspirational post as most of us here are probably expriencing something not very positive at this moment... I hope we all heal and experience bigger and better things in the near future! cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I have grown so f'ing much these past 7 months! My life is going so well--I have a great new job and I was also recently accepted into school to get my Specialist degree in counseling. I have grown and gotten over his ass. I have made out with cute new boys, exercised every damn day, continued making fabulous healthy meals for myself, read so many good books, reconnected with old friends, cultivated new friendships, etc. In my sad imaginings of a few months back, i pictured him and his girl doing all the intimate things we used to to do together...I believed that he did not think of me at all because he was so wrapped up in his new relationship bliss... but it was not and is not so. He told me that he does not cook anymore; they go out to eat. (I mentioned to hiim that he had packed on a few pounds). hahah He does not exercise anymore. He has not maintained his friendships, they have all fallen by the wayside. I used to tell him that the honeymoon phase doesn't last and he would never believe me. Today he admitted to me that relationships are HARD. That he thinks of me ALL the time, that he will see something and want to share it with me because he knows I would like it. He also admitted that he has been checking my fb profile from his band page. I deleted and blocked his ass at the beginning of no contact...but for the last 7 months he has been fb stalking me without me knowing it. I tell you all these things because I was in the darkest despair thinking about my ex living it up with his new gal. But my imaginings were not the truth. I tortured myself endlessly for nothing. He is still the boy he was and he still cares deeply for me and he does not have what we had with his new girl. So, DO NOT TORTURE YOURSELF WITH FALSEHOODS. No contact is the way to self-growth and healing. thanks for posting this! i'm at 5 months NC and am while i'm nowhere near 100% over him, i'm feeling so much better - - and i hope to be feeling ten times better at the 7 month mark! i too have a tendency to idealize the ex's life since he dumped me. i imagine him being happy, partying it up with a fabulous-looking girl or (girls) at his side; without a care in the world. but more often than not their life is not what he think. they're just as human as we are; and face the same challenges as doubts. i also know him well enough to know that he has a hard time juggling said doubts and challenges because he refuses to look within himself. and would rather jump from relationship to relationship than face his problems. whereas i have spent these past months doing a great deal of self-reflection; as well as increasing my work outs at the gym, reading tons of great books than i ever have, hanging out with family and friends, learning great new vegetarian meals, appreciating my pets, and just enjoying being me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Flowerzzz Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 whereas i have spent these past months doing a great deal of self-reflection; as well as increasing my work outs at the gym, reading tons of great books than i ever have, hanging out with family and friends, learning great new vegetarian meals, appreciating my pets, and just enjoying being me You sound just like me! I am vegetarian too and I love making new recipes! Actually, my ex and I became vegan together...we were meat eaters before. Ahhhh, I miss changing and growing with him but these past months have proven to me that it is even more rewarding to change and grow on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
sun_moon Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Flowerzzz thanks for the awesome thread. I love happy endings because you surely have yours. muwahhahahah The best revenge is happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Thank you flowerzzz! This thread was referred to me, as I am in the mindset of where I think my exes life is wonderful without me, and he is treating his new love better. I am 5 months post BU, and by the time I see him again, I will have gone 8 weeks NC. (The reason I see him is due to a million mutual friends, we literally get invited to all the same things etc), but I finally took a break away, bc seeing him post bu was too hurtful. However, since i have seen him, I know and see too much about his love life, and it seems as though he is so in love, so happy with his new girl, he spends way more time with her than he ever did with me. While I have been dealing with this I am becoming stronger, whereas in the last 6 years he has been single a total of a few months. After we broke up, he stated he wanted to be single for a year, and I encouraged that to him, but of course, he jumped right back in. I think in due time, his issues will surface. He doesnt know how to be on his own, or deal with feelings. I must say, I have learned a lot about his character now that we broke up. I am not bitter and jus saying this bc he dumped me, but I see this completely hurtful, insensitive person that I never knew existed, we were even friends before we dated and I thought he was a wonderful person. I guess sometimes we think things "seem" a certain way, when in reality we could be all wrong....but I am trying to tell myself, in the end, he is the one that may very be burned by not dealing or learning anything, and just repeating patterns. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 You sound just like me! I am vegetarian too and I love making new recipes! Actually, my ex and I became vegan together...we were meat eaters before. Ahhhh, I miss changing and growing with him but these past months have proven to me that it is even more rewarding to change and grow on my own. so true! once you know you can grow on your own you know you're going to be ok - - regardless of whether you're in a relationship. one of the things i have noticed about switching over to a vegetarian diet is that i feel less irritable and depressed - - not sure if it's a coincidence but it's definitely made a difference in my healing Link to post Share on other sites
ludovico Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 I have grown and gotten over his ass. bahahaha! soooo funny thanks for this post - gives all of us hope! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 This post gives me hope too. I want to one day reflect on it and think - what was i thinking? - right now, im too emotionally involved, but when that day comes, Im hoping to write a post just like this!!!! Im proud of you for moving on, there is light after the darkness!!! Link to post Share on other sites
danceallday Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Great posts everyone. Thanks for sharing. Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 it's crazy while going through the pain of nc. you start thinking that there is no life without your ex and then all of a sudden, bam. You feel better and don't even know why! Bravo post. fetish Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightinMadrid Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Great post! Is it too late to restart NC again? I always imagine him living it up with hert hats why he hangs up on me the minute she walks in the door,always putting her first. That to me is soo shabby I know I deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
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