To anyone thinking of breaking NC, don't!

[ScienceGal]

So I broke NC today in a silly way, I looked at his Facebook for the first time in a couple weeks. I have contemplated deleting him, but his profile is public anyway, so I can look whenever I want.

 

Looking was a bad idea, and I was struggling today to begin with.

 

I saw that he posted last weekend "oh walk of shame, why must you be so shameful"... why in the world would ANYONE post that? It's either to drive the dagger a little deeper into me, or he just doesn't care/isn't thinking of me. Or, it's a joke (doubtful).

 

I've never slept around or taken the walk of shame, I just don't view sex that way. This makes me feel sick.

[wilsonx]

I always called it the walk of fame but thats irrelevant

 

Why have you not blocked him yet? It doesnt matter if his profile is public, if you block it you cant see it and he cant see yours

[ScienceGal]

I just think that was an awful thing to post. I took him off my news feed just after the split, so I don't see anything unless I go looking for it.

 

I think deleting him at this point would indicate to him that I still care, which is something I do not want to do. I just need to not look again... and I didn't even consider that he might be looking at my profile. I strongly doubt he is.

 

Also, there is the social side of it to consider. My town is a decent size, but not really large. We were in some of the same circles in terms of networking and community event planning. This is the toughest for me really because I had just come on the scene and started making good connections. So in those circles, I quickly became associated with him, and am now a little stuck. Right now I have given up doing anything if I think he will be there or be involved. At the one event I did go to, several people asked where he was and I played on like its no big deal and he and I are still friends (epic lie). I will be the bigger person. I will lay low, but I am not going to give up things I want to participate in because he is an ass.

 

So it's a game of limiting the reminders... eliminating them is not an option.

Edited August 1, 2011 by ScienceGal

[wilsonx]

I think deleting him at this point would indicate to him that I still care, which is something I do not want to do. I just need to not look again... and I didn't even consider that he might be looking at my profile. I strongly doubt he is.

 

 

Block him (not delete). It doesn't matter what he thinks about it. The whole point of BLOCKING him is so you do not know whats going on in his life. So you can't 'accidentally' look at his page and backslide temporarily for a few hours. It also has the effect of him not being able to see whats going on in your life.

 

Read this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t290011/

 

This is what really happens.

 

I'll tell you a secret, you want him to be able to see your page. Want to know how I know, because I thought about it and unblocked my ex a day after she broke up with me. 3 days later I told myself that was stupid and reblocked her. She was still living with me when it happened.

 

Why are you trying to save face with your acquaintances? Tell them the truth and move forward.

[onlyafool]

I removed my ex from my feed the day of the breakup. Then I stayed off FB for a month. When I logged back in, the dammed friendship thingy kept putting pictures of us together. I immediately removed her as a friend (not blocked). I had a brief thought about what that might make her think, then i giggled to myself and clicked the button. Who gives a care about what they think? I was approached about it a couple of days ago from a friend of hers and I responded by saying, "I removed her because we arent friends anymore." Duh.

[ScienceGal]

Thank you Wilson, That was a great post.

 

And, I didn't even know blocking was an option. I just read about it and it seems like a slightly more aggressive stance than deleting. Whatever the differing opinions, I still think if I was going to do that, I should have done it by now. Doing it so many weeks later would show I still care.

 

Today sucked, but there have been many good days along the way too. I'll get there

Edited August 1, 2011 by ScienceGal

[betterdeal]

You do still care. You care if he thinks you care. The very fact you are framing this concept in terms of what he or anyone else will think can only be because you care about what he or they think.

 

To thine ownself be true, wrote Shakespeare. Accept that you do still care and are still a bit raw from the whole thing. Tell people this. Say, "I'm a bit raw from the break up and don't want to talk about it / him" and you may be surprised by how well people accommodate your feelings.

 

That's also why you'll block him on Facebook. Not to cock a snook at him, but for your own well-being. You call it aggressive, I call it assertive. It is asserting your right to privacy and to peace and quiet, to look after your own well-being. You haven't hurt anyone, imposed on anyone, simply are not visible on a particular website and had made him invisible to you too on that web site.

 

You have split up. It's over. Accept that it's over and stop being afraid to end it fully. You will get there. This is one step in the right direction. Let go, be free.

[ScienceGal]

You do still care. You care if he thinks you care. The very fact you are framing this concept in terms of what he or anyone else will think can only be because you care about what he or they think.

 

To thine ownself be true, wrote Shakespeare. Accept that you do still care and are still a bit raw from the whole thing. Tell people this. Say, "I'm a bit raw from the break up and don't want to talk about it / him" and you may be surprised by how well people accommodate your feelings.

 

That's also why you'll block him on Facebook. Not to cock a snook at him, but for your own well-being. You call it aggressive, I call it assertive. It is asserting your right to privacy and to peace and quiet, to look after your own well-being. You haven't hurt anyone, imposed on anyone, simply are not visible on a particular website and had made him invisible to you too on that web site.

 

You have split up. It's over. Accept that it's over and stop being afraid to end it fully. You will get there. This is one step in the right direction. Let go, be free.

 

 

I am not proud of it, but I do still care. Although, someone could not pay me enough to call or message him, there is ZERO temptation to do that. I was fighting this urge until week 4.

 

There is just no way I would tell anyone at this point that I am still raw from the breakup. I will just lay low until I feel strong enough to mingle in the same circles again. By then, no one should be asking me about it. And who knows, maybe my involvement in those circles will never be to the extent that I wanted it to be. Only time will tell.

 

I am going to cut myself some slack for looking at his profile. I am not surprised by his immature comment and it didn't really make me feel any worse. I am happy to be me I am ok that it will take me more time to heal.

Coping the way that he is, and needing to broadcast it, is just sad.

 

Today was a much better day for me

[betterdeal]

I am not proud of it, but I do still care. Although, someone could not pay me enough to call or message him, there is ZERO temptation to do that. I was fighting this urge until week 4.

 

There is just no way I would tell anyone at this point that I am still raw from the breakup. I will just lay low until I feel strong enough to mingle in the same circles again. By then, no one should be asking me about it. And who knows, maybe my involvement in those circles will never be to the extent that I wanted it to be. Only time will tell.

 

I am going to cut myself some slack for looking at his profile. I am not surprised by his immature comment and it didn't really make me feel any worse. I am happy to be me I am ok that it will take me more time to heal.

Coping the way that he is, and needing to broadcast it, is just sad.

 

Today was a much better day for me

 

I'm glad for you

[moontiger]

I'd vote for blocking. I don't think he'd interpret it as meaning that you still cared about him. And even if he did, it's only you that matters now. The more you look at his profile or see his comments around, the longer it's going to take you to feel better.