conehead Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Been dating my bf for 2.5 months. For the first 1.5 months, I really really liked this guy alot...I even thought he might be the one. I thought about him all the time and cant wait to see him every week. He was the first guy I felt this way about in 2 years. But it all started to change about a month ago. I think it may have something to do with him meeting my friends for the first time. My bf is really awkward and has issues with etiquette....and when it was just me and him the first 1.5 months it didn't really bother me...I even thought his awkwardness was a bit cute at times. But then when he met my friends 1 month ago, some of his bad etiquette embarrased me in front of my friends. I felt ashamed of him that day and since then my feelings changed. At first I thought maybe it's just a phase but my feelings for him has just gotten worse week after week. I saw him yesterday and I found myself just annoyed by him, and cringing every time he said something stupid or displayed bad etiquette. I feel so awful about this. I don't want to be annoyed by him, I just want to feel for him like I did the first 1.5 months. What can I do to regain positive feelings for him again? This is really depressing me right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 You've been merely 2.5 months together, which already 1 month out of it you are basicly annoyed. I've been there too, can't say this feeling got any better either.. For me it just got more and more annoying to hang around my ex' to the point that I eventually broke up with her. And to be honest, 2.5 months is nothing (or rather 1.5), just tell him you fell out of love with him and move on. Someone new will come. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 I'm not sure I want to break up with him...Im scared I might regret it. Is there anything I can try doing to regain this feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I'm not sure I want to break up with him...Im scared I might regret it. Is there anything I can try doing to regain this feeling? I couldn't do anything to change my feeling, but later I realized that it was futile anyway, because the problem didn't come out of me; My ex' acted in a way I just couldn't overlook and since it was in her nature to be that way, she couldn't change. I'd love to tell you there is a way, but if it's in his nature to be like this, than you can't really expect him to change or oppress his own feelings (it will only cause him misery). Unless you think he's acting in a way that requires therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Conehead, I think you might need a reality check. Your boyfriend and you have actually been together physically (I'm not talking about sex - I mean actually been in one another's company) just a very few times, right? And he rarely calls you or engages with you via text or Internet, right? Of COURSE you are "losing interest" in this relationship. It is not really much of a relationship. I think you had the feelings for him that you haven't had in a long time and that signaled some promise, but beyond that, the interactions you've had with this guy have not really developed into a real relationship. Please, if a relationship is what you want to have, consider moving on from this situation. If you're losing interest, that is probably great. You can free yourself for a potential relationship without much hurt. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 I couldn't do anything to change my feeling, but later I realized that it was futile anyway, because the problem didn't come out of me; My ex' acted in a way I just couldn't overlook and since it was in her nature to be that way, she couldn't change. I'd love to tell you there is a way, but if it's in his nature to be like this, than you can't really expect him to change or oppress his own feelings (it will only cause him misery). Unless you think he's acting in a way that requires therapy. Well in my case, things he does are not bad character, just socially its bad etiquette...like cleaning his hands with water out of his cup at the table, spitting bits of food he doesnt like (like onions) back onto his plate, busting out his calculator to calculate exactly how much tip to pay and still struggling with it even with a calculator and many many other bad etiquette things...these things make me cringe. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I feel so awful about this. I don't want to be annoyed by him, I just want to feel for him like I did the first 1.5 months. What can I do to regain positive feelings for him again? This is really depressing me right now. I take it you have never had an awkward moment in your life. Seriously... just Grow Up! Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Conehead, I just revisited your posts about this relationship. It has never "launched." What you've described is a situation of people who have been on a few dates together and mutually decided (why, I can't tell) to not date others. But the "relationship" has not ever really happened here. You have never been okay with it, not even for one day. There have always been things the guy said or did (or didn't say or do) that were major problems for you. He only wants to see you once a week, and you want more, He doesn't like to talk on the phone or respond to your texts, and you've addressed this with him more than 3 times, And, now we learn that you find him socially awkward around your friends (though you only see him once a week). Anyway, time to MOVE ON. What exactly are you holding onto here, anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Have you talked to him about the odd behavior in front of your friends? I feel like I was in the same boat with my guy a few months into our relationship and his seemingly rude behavior in front of my friends was almost a dealbreaker. After our 3rd night out with friends I talked to him about it and learned a lot. He didn't mean to be disrespectful or rude - he was just shy to a debilitating degree around people he doesn't know at all. He shared a few things with me that made it easier to understand and after our talk he made one hell of an effort around my friends. Things are wonderful and I shudder to think that I almost broke up with him over something that was solved by a little effort and some communication. TALK TO HIM Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Except ... they actually rarely speak, and see each other even more rarely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 Except ... they actually rarely speak, and see each other even more rarely. Well even though we only see each other once a week, the days we see each other we spend an average of 10 hours together...we do activities like hiking, biking, museums, theme parks, etc...so they are definitely qualities times together. We speak on the phone twice a week about 30 mins on average each time. Its not a LOT of time, but not exactly less either. We do talk about the future, like about vacations we plan to have and about meeting each others parents eventually. So I do consider this a real/progressing relationship. Perhaps that is part of the reason why I'm still holding on. That and because I truly did like him a lot the first 1.5 months in. He is only the 3rd guy in my entire life I've liked that much so it rarely rarely happens for me. I'm just confused here because my feelings for a guy has never quite done a 180 like this before...I've never gone from really liking a guy to suddenly just starting to get really annoyed by him. I have no idea what's going on and I wonder if it's just a phase that will pass? It been a month though...how do I know if its just a phase vs perhaps its just not meant to be? Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Well even though we only see each other once a week, the days we see each other we spend an average of 10 hours together...we do activities like hiking, biking, museums, theme parks, etc...so they are definitely qualities times together. We speak on the phone twice a week about 30 mins on average each time. Its not a LOT of time, but not exactly less either. We do talk about the future, like about vacations we plan to have and about meeting each others parents eventually. So I do consider this a real/progressing relationship. Perhaps that is part of the reason why I'm still holding on. That and because I truly did like him a lot the first 1.5 months in. He is only the 3rd guy in my entire life I've liked that much so it rarely rarely happens for me. I'm just confused here because my feelings for a guy has never quite done a 180 like this before...I've never gone from really liking a guy to suddenly just starting to get really annoyed by him. I have no idea what's going on and I wonder if it's just a phase that will pass? It been a month though...how do I know if its just a phase vs perhaps its just not meant to be? I believe that you need about 20 hours per week to fall in love and maintain it. Do you want more attention from this guy or are you content? Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Chick Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Well in my case, things he does are not bad character, just socially its bad etiquette...like cleaning his hands with water out of his cup at the table, spitting bits of food he doesnt like (like onions) back onto his plate, busting out his calculator to calculate exactly how much tip to pay and still struggling with it even with a calculator and many many other bad etiquette things...these things make me cringe. Oh wow. Those are totally dumpable offenses. Have a "heart to heart" and tell him you just don't have the feelings for him you need to be in a relationship and get back on match.com. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 Oh wow. Those are totally dumpable offenses. Have a "heart to heart" and tell him you just don't have the feelings for him you need to be in a relationship and get back on match.com. Seriously. Well the guy has never had a gf before...I'm the first girl he kissed and he's 33. I suppose one option is I can show him the ropes so to speak and 'teach' him proper etiquette....but I'm not typically a bossy person and I'm afraid that if I start doing that he will think I'm lecturing him and being bossy... As of now, I have said NOTHING about his bad behavior and bad etiquette. I fear that perhaps this is just how he is as a person and it's soemthing I either have to accept and if not then move on? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Etiquette has nothing to do with dating experience. If you are feeling this way so early on in the relationship then to carry on would only be forcing the issue. It is unfair on both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
henderson14 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Well the guy has never had a gf before...I'm the first girl he kissed and he's 33. I suppose one option is I can show him the ropes so to speak and 'teach' him proper etiquette....but I'm not typically a bossy person and I'm afraid that if I start doing that he will think I'm lecturing him and being bossy... As of now, I have said NOTHING about his bad behavior and bad etiquette. I fear that perhaps this is just how he is as a person and it's soemthing I either have to accept and if not then move on? Ask you friends what they thought. I'm sure you can be the "mom" and clean up his sloppy behavior a little. That is probably why you lost interest. He went from a man to a child in your eyes. See if you can salvage him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 Okay guys, so as of last night after some discussion with one of my friends, I've decided to begin the process of distancing myself (no longer initiate contact with him and cut down dates to only a few hours as opposed to all day) so as to give myself space...and I think in doing so either I will realize that I do miss him and my feelings for him will be reignited, or I will feel that I am ok without him (and thus we should break up)... I think in this way, I can't say that I haven't tried at least to save the RS. I just don't want to break up then regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Okay guys, so as of last night after some discussion with one of my friends, I've decided to begin the process of distancing myself (no longer initiate contact with him and cut down dates to only a few hours as opposed to all day) so as to give myself space...and I think in doing so either I will realize that I do miss him and my feelings for him will be reignited, or I will feel that I am ok without him (and thus we should break up)... I think in this way, I can't say that I haven't tried at least to save the RS. I just don't want to break up then regret it. Sounds like a decent plan, keep us posted! =) Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Okay guys, so as of last night after some discussion with one of my friends, I've decided to begin the process of distancing myself (no longer initiate contact with him and cut down dates to only a few hours as opposed to all day) so as to give myself space...and I think in doing so either I will realize that I do miss him and my feelings for him will be reignited, or I will feel that I am ok without him (and thus we should break up)... I think in this way, I can't say that I haven't tried at least to save the RS. I just don't want to break up then regret it. Conehead, please answer this question: Have things ever, ever been "right" with this relationship? Isn't this the one that got off to a rocky start, and then he didn't answer your text, and then, he wanted to talk on the phone less? You ARE okay without him! You are pretty much without him already! And he honestly just doesn't sound like relationship material to me. Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Conehead, I hope I'm wrong and maybe you find a second wind with this guy, but it sounds like a slow fade out to an eventual break up. Are you sure you don't just want to suck it up and do it? Mme. Chaucer brings up some good points. Link to post Share on other sites
Tasha49 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Conehead, I just revisited your posts about this relationship. It has never "launched." What you've described is a situation of people who have been on a few dates together and mutually decided (why, I can't tell) to not date others. But the "relationship" has not ever really happened here. You have never been okay with it, not even for one day. There have always been things the guy said or did (or didn't say or do) that were major problems for you. He only wants to see you once a week, and you want more, He doesn't like to talk on the phone or respond to your texts, and you've addressed this with him more than 3 times, And, now we learn that you find him socially awkward around your friends (though you only see him once a week). Anyway, time to MOVE ON. What exactly are you holding onto here, anyway? Wow... this makes me see how dumb I really am with my current situation. If the guy isn't making it perfectly obvious he has a whole lot of feeling for you.... then it isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm still trying to figure out how normal this is, or if its' just a personal issue with me. How is it possible in the matter of just 2.5 months I can go from being just incredibly crazy about him, thinking he may be the one, to actually just feeling utter disgust with him. The thought of kissing him really turns me off right now....is this normal to happen in such a short time frame??? I'm seeing him on Sunday, and I'm kind of freaking out because I may end up breaking up with him that day... Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm still trying to figure out how normal this is, or if its' just a personal issue with me. How is it possible in the matter of just 2.5 months I can go from being just incredibly crazy about him, thinking he may be the one, to actually just feeling utter disgust with him. The thought of kissing him really turns me off right now....is this normal to happen in such a short time frame??? I'm seeing him on Sunday, and I'm kind of freaking out because I may end up breaking up with him that day... If it's normal? I guess it is all things consider. You did get to see a side of him you never knew and this is what dating is all about anyway! isn't it? What's the big deal anyway? Why is it so hard for you to let go? I mean, you've been only 2.5 months with him, 1.5 months out of it you didn't even like him anymore... ?? Why being semi-obsessive? Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 If it's normal? I guess it is all things consider. You did get to see a side of him you never knew and this is what dating is all about anyway! isn't it? What's the big deal anyway? Why is it so hard for you to let go? I mean, you've been only 2.5 months with him, 1.5 months out of it you didn't even like him anymore... ?? Why being semi-obsessive? I think I'm being 'semi-obsessive' so to speak because he is the FIRST guy I've really really liked in THREE years! I mean, who knows how long I will have to wait to find another guy I like - he's also got the great family background, career, house, he's ready to settle. I'm almost 30. I guess I just don't want to make a decision then come to regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I've come to learn (and I could be wrong) that you can't just love/like everyone you meet; In other words, this is not something you can control. So unless something changes that will cause you a change of heart, I doubt you could keep this RS for much longer, in fact, I am very much against pretending during a RS. Alternatively, you can be with him in hopes things will change - but this is gambling, and I don't think a 1 month RS is worth a bet as big as this one. Maybe some time away from him will do you good, will help you reset your feelings towards him... Consider it. Link to post Share on other sites
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