I don't know anymore

[perfectlyflawed459]

So I will try to be brief...My ex and I broke up 9 months ago, and for much about 4 months him and I hated each other and were rude to each other and stuff. Around August, we ran into each other and started hitting it off again. Eventually he ended up kissing me and we both kind of got lost in the moment and proceeded to do other things. I asked him about it the next week and he said what we did felt more than just physical, that he missed me, that he hasn't come across a girl better than me, and that he wanted to see me more. He had also said he didn't mean everything that had happened in the past between us and that he was sorry for hurting me and that he was emotionally stirred from the break up as well. We had agreed it would be hard to be together since I was entering college and he was still in high school, but we wanted to be close again.

 

So I was very happy because I had missed him so much and was finally glad we were gonna get back on track. However, once school began, it got really hard for us to stay in touch. We made it work for two months, we hung out, he took me shopping with him and wouldnt buy something unless I liked it, we hung out at his house and he was really sweet. He would play piano for me, cook food, and we would just laugh and have fun together. Down the line we did become more physical as well. When we would get physical, he would do sweet gestures like make eye contact, say I am beautiful, and kiss my forehead and stuff. Finally, I became very impatient and we started fighting again because deep down it hurt me that I had him there but wasn't dating him and such. So we had a few arguements, but patched things up. Just last week, I had found out he was seeing another girl, so I confronted him about it and he said it was nothing serious. I asked if he was gonna date her and he said maybe. That completely tore me apart...He said the only thing that made her different was the fact that she had a non-committing attitude and that we just got back into our old routine of fighting and patching things up, like we would do the last month of our relationship. I told him I really wanted to make things work because in my heart, I know things can be better between us, but he said he has turned into an #### and that I shouldn't blame myself because the fights were his fault too. I told him I just wanted him to be happy and that if he liked her he should go for her. He said it wasn't for certain that they would anyway. I told him I still loved and cared about him, and he told me to my face that he didn't believe I truly loved him. That is what hurt me the most, I try to show him that he means a lot and that comment was such a huge slap in the face.

 

After crying all last weekend, I mustered up the courage to go to his house to talk to him. I sat him down and told him I drove all the way over there just to tell him how much he meant to me and that what hurt me the most was the fact that he didn't believe me. After I told him that, he hugged me very tightly and leaned his head against my shoulder, saying he was so sorry for saying that. It almost seemed like he was going to cry even. While he hugged me, he kissed my forehead and then we kissed and then he told me he believed I was going to meet someone better than him in college, and I asked if he really still thought that after all this time. He said yes and that he cares so much about me and that I gave him the best year and a half of his life. So now I am here, wondering what I should do. I love him so much and I know he is good person, its just it is so hard for us to see each other and him and I both have a lot of maturing to do I have realized. Although he hasn't said it, I can feel that he still loves me deep down, and I know I still mean a lot to him. It's just that girl he was also seeing is still in high school so it is easier for him to see her than me.

 

So I would like some opinions on this, I know it is long but I would appreciate it. I almost feel like he feels like he has to let me go, just because of college and such. I want to wait for him in a sense and work on bettering myself and hope that in time, we will be brought back together, but idk

Edited October 7, 2011 by perfectlyflawed459

[TheDovic]

When he said "you'd meet someone better" was it in a frightened way or a patronising way?

[perfectlyflawed459]

when he said it he just kinda muttered it and looked down at the ground...that was one of the main reasons that tore us apart, i always tried talking to him about college back when we were together but he would always shrug it off cause he never wanted to think about it. i knew it hurt him that i was graduating and that thought of other guys around me always bothered him back then

[Sweety90]

You can wait for him and work on urself until one day he realises what a great girl u are...but do u rlly want to spend ur life hoping that he'll mature and realise?? i broke up with my fiance (who i was with for 5 yrs since the age of 14) and for the past 3 mths i've been moping around but still ok becuz im holding onto the fact that one day he'll come back to me...howwever yesterday i spoke to him and he said all we can ever be is friends...im not down for anymore than that...And that tore me up completly...my point is that...you have to try to move on from him..and live ur life...ur going to college..hopefully not the same as him..so u'll meet a lot of new ppl...ur young...still have an entire life ahead of u..so even though it kills u to see him with this other girl just try to be as positive abt urself as possible...Its the only way to go about not wanting to drown urself in ur own tears...But dont forget sumtimes its good to lean on a friend and cry.. we all have our weak moments and its ok to sometimes fall on someone for support.

[perfectlyflawed459]

i have felt more positive about it within the past few days and am working on myself and my personal goals that is what is most important right now and i know right now it is not meant to be between us because we are in two different parts of our life. plus, lots of guys have hit on me this past week and it just kinda made me realize i do need to get out and see what else is out there too. if we ever did reconnect, i want him to want what i want and be a more mature guy as well, along with me being a more mature girl. i know we both really care about each other a lot and i can feel that deep down he still harbors love for me. right now i should just leave it at that and just remain positive, and i am gradually becoming okay with that our paths will cross again one day, and when that day comes, i want things to go much better, but until then i am doing some soul searching and beginning some vocal lessons!

[perfectlyflawed459]

i am sorry to hear about your fiance though you never know what the future brings and i dont wanna sound like i am trying to get your hopes up, but my ex told me he would never miss me or want me in his life and as time passed, he ended up contacting me and saying he missed me and now we are on better terms than before. time works in funny ways, but i hope you are taking care and im here if you ever need to talk

[Sweety90]

Yea it rlly does suck because i really love this guy and always will.. even if he moves on...but deep down i always feel that one day he,ll return because i've known him for so long and i know he wont be able to move on just like that...But im rlly glad ur feeling better...its good keeep the positive attitude:)

[perfectlyflawed459]

Thanks all for the great advice much appreciated. I am curious though, do you guys think him and I have a chance in the future? It is established that we both care a lot about each other, we were each other's first everything, and obviously maturity and timing are way off between us