MiaColletus Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 So I posted last week about my boyfriend, to reiterate he used to be amazing and treat me better than anyone. And now 9 months down the road I realize he has anger issues, now is depressed/hates everyone and has even started to snap at me a little bit. Never violent, just rude/sarcastic and unnecessary comments. I was going to wait until he said one last rude thing to me but this weekend started out great, we had a date night, had a good time, things were nice. And then we ended up in the stupidest argument that night at least imo. We had made love and were laying in bed watching TV and then a little later the both of us got the urge to do it again so he gets another condom but at that point I was sort of cold so I asked him to pull the covers over us and he said he didn't want to because he was going to get hot and sweat and I insisted that I was really cold and then he got mad, said "forget it" and went cold on me. Started watching TV again. This upset me so I tried talking to him and I told him how I didn't understand why he reacted that way and he just didn't respond and had this angry look on his face and I got a little bit emotional because here he was doing it again. So I caved and started telling him how I've been unhappy at his behavior and sad and upset and he was just quiet refusing to talk to me about anything and I kept insisting that he could/should open up and talk to me and he kept quiet. Which made me feel even more hurt. In any case, he ended up telling me that he feels like no matter how much he tries I'm still unhappy and that kind of caught me off guard because to me it doesn't seem like he's been trying at all. It's just getting worse and worse with his anger. He also told me one of the things he loved most about me was how happy I was in comparison to his misery and its true I'm a very happy person but he was also happy then and treating me amazing. So I really don't know what to do to fix this situation or if it is even fixable. He says all he wants is for me to be happy again, but I won't ever be if he continues to be short/angry/sarcastic the way he's been. After that discussion the rest of the weekend went flawlessly but to be honest I alwaysss feel like I'm giving more affection because that's just the kind of person I am, and he used to give a lot too but now he barely does. And I'm kind of worried that either: A. he can tell I'm not as happy and feels bad and has become annoyed because he thinks he's trying B. he feels like I give him too much affection and maybe thinks I love him too much or something which is turning him off? C. he really just doesn't feel the same about me and that's why he's not as careful with his anger or affectionate D. he's angry and depressed plus a mix of all of the above I don't know what to think, or do right now.... I need some perspective, and also, guys, when you don't quite feel right in a relationship and you don't know why...do you think the relationship is fixable and how!? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveBear22 Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 It honestly sounds like he has some issues going on that he covered up at the beginning of your relationship, and he seems quite selfish. I think that if he continues to give you the "silent treatment" when you try to communicate with him (and this is, by the way, a form of emotional abuse) then you need to take a step back and decide how much of this behavior you are willing to take and maybe you need to take some space for yourself. Don't let anyone treat you poorly, a relationship is a give and take and he clearly isnt being good at communicating or tending to anyones needs but his own. Please think about whether you really want to be long term with this guy and if you do, you should set limits or some sort of ultimatum for change. Communication is absolutely key. You're beautiful and you're doing it right, don't let anyone treat you poorly. EDIT: PS, I used to date a girl who kind of acted the same way. Completely perfect like a dream come true at first, then turned rather self-centered, argumentative, angry, and extremely difficult to communicate with. She turned out to be pretty close to being a narcissist (I think) and cheated on me repeatedly. Not that this guy is the same, but selfish people are not good relationship partners. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MiaColletus Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 To clarify he's explained to me on that same night that he wasn't raised to show any emotion or talk about things when he's upset and it takes him longer to do so but he tries. And he did eventually tell me some things that were bothering him. although initially his first instinct was to close up and not talk about it. But I kept insisting to because I can't ignore something and hope it goes away. I feel like this annoys him more than it does good though. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveBear22 Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 To clarify he's explained to me on that same night that he wasn't raised to show any emotion or talk about things when he's upset and it takes him longer to do so but he tries. And he did eventually tell me some things that were bothering him. although initially his first instinct was to close up and not talk about it. But I kept insisting to because I can't ignore something and hope it goes away. I feel like this annoys him more than it does good though. Ah sorry, thats very rough. The part about him getting angry during intimacy (hot/cold) is what I was talking about in terms of selfishness. I think that the situation can work out if and only if he takes serious steps to try and open up to you. I honestly dont think a relationship can survive when you are giving more attention/affection to him than he is giving you and if he is unable to communicate fully. The relationship WILL stall if this continues, and will hurt, i think. I hope it works out for you if you love him and he loves you too. Link to post Share on other sites
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