Addicted to this damn girl, I keep taking her back constantly.

[YuGr.]

Hey guys, I know about 1% of you guys will actually click this link and read my story but here you go anyways http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t290521/

 

So as a quick recap, this girl never been single since she's 14, all long term relationships. Dated 2 years (broke up with me once and get got back together again within a month). This summer, June 28th to be precise, she broke up with me by email on our second anniversary saying she resents me inside for not having had a job and her having to pay for everything (I'm 19 she's 23 now). Which is completely understandable. She also claimed that perhaps our relationship had reached a dead end. Anyways, she breaks up with me, following weekend accepts to go out with a guy from work who's been asking her out for 3 years lol. They end up 'hooking up' that weekend, 2 weeks later they were in a relationship.

 

First week of October I woke up to a random ''I still love you & Miss you sometimes'' text from her after 2 months of NC. She left him and within 24 hours we were back together officially. It did not feel right for me, but I went along with it hoping it would be okay with time.

 

We broke up 6 days later.. I texted this girl from work I was being flirtish with during the week. I'm no shrink but if I had to guess I'd say it's because I just wasn't feeling it with her(ex). I actually TOLD that girl from work 10 minutes after I miss you:P (jokingly flirtishous text) that this is wrong and I shouldn't be doing this in a relationship. I told her this by chat at the office so I had no proof when my ex (gf at that time) found the texts and dumped me.

 

2 Days later she got BACK with 'the guy'........ And there I was again, left heart broken on Day 1 of recovery, for the thousandth time.

 

I sent her an email to apologize a week ago after receiving a few MMS's of random inside joke pictures from her that she had saved on her laptop that I'm guessing she came across at the time.

 

She replied nicely, very poetically that we should appreciate the time we had together and she'll always love me, all that good old stuff that's already posted all over this forum, and basically said goodbye.

 

This monday we emailed back and forth, started texting again and she basically said that she needed a few days to break up with 'The Guy' for me, for a second time this year. Yesterday morning 'The Guy' broke up with him because he knew it was coming, he saw some texts I believe. We texted all day, and she was very strong in what she was saying. Claiming this time she wants this forever and that this is all she's ever wanted is for us to be together and happy. We planned on seeing each other this saturday as a first date.

 

This morning I woke up to ''Im sorry this already feels wrong. I can't do this. Leaving him was a mistake. Move on, don't contact me anymore. Good bye.''

 

I replied

 

''Are you kidding me? Again??? I deserve so much better than you, please leave me the f**k alone this time. From the bottom of my heart I say this to you, F**k You.''

 

I was pissed off this morning, for the first time she plays me like this and I was actually just Angry, nothing else. Now already that's faded away and here few hours later and I can still feel the wave of sadness soaking in very soon.

 

I don't know what to do. I keep trying to move on from her and this keeps happening. It's been going on for 7 months now, that's without counting last year where we'd break up and get back together few days just not officially.

 

I'm just so fed up of it all, but on the other hand I know how much I love her and how much I care for her. I'm having trouble moving on considering she is my first love. We even lived in an appartement together for 12 months. I'm really having trouble seeing myself find someone else because not only do I have high standards physically (which isn't THAT much of a big deal, I don't really have trouble look-wise without being arrogant here..) , but I'm finding myself looking for girls that are as similar as possible to my ex. Which when applying basic logic, it's obvious that there won't be a better girl than My Ex herself if I'm looking for the 'closest one' to her.. (In terms of similarity it's personality wise not necessarily physically.)

 

If you've made it thus far, cheers, please leave a comment suggestion advice anything.. Thank you.

[betterdeal]

I remember you. You're still messing around with the same girl, and yet it's not getting any better?

 

Dude. No contact. Read the guide I wrote (in my sig) and block all contact routes. Throw away any memorabilia you have, and spend at least 6 months without a lover. Okay, one night stands, fine, but no feelings, k?

 

No-one is worth that much drama.

[YuGr.]

Hey 'betterdeal' thanks for replying!

You're right and I knkw you are. The only thing in the world that I would rather than to be with her, is to be okay without her. I WANT to move on. But I'm just having real trouble into believing in it. I'm constantly thinking to myself 'how vould I possibly get someone better or who I love more?" She's everything I look for in a girl, or, this breakup i just making myself think that it is (?). I just really like who she is underneath the GIGs the insecurities and personality issues lol.

 

Need help believing I can actually completely fall in love with a girl who maybe wouldn't listen to same kind of music that I do, maybe not have the same style.. Etc. I know this sounds stupid but this is what this forum is for right? :/

[betterdeal]

Oh, for sure, get your crazy out here - I did

 

Take a leap of faith - nothing is guaranteed - you are the master of your own destiny and the more you deal with what's right in front of you the better your life will become. She has gone. She is not there. She left you. Give her the finger by changing your number, blocking all means of contact. Take control of your destiny. You are the only person you will know from cradle to grave, so get used to times when you'll be the only company you have. Learn to cherish it. Soon enough it will become not a case of, will I meet someone better but I am a better person. And the better a person you are, the better the people you meet.

 

You'll be on life's freeway and some chick will join you via a slip lane rather than crashing into you sidelong at an interchange. Ya dig?!?

[twinkles]

Hey Mon Ami..

 

You just wait till you get older and you meet a woman. This girl will be forgotten.

 

She is not ready for you or anybody else. She just comes back because she knows she can. She obviously doesn't like to be alone. Only you can stop this cycle. You are being mentally and emotionally abused.

 

There is definately someone better out there for you and she'll probably treat you alot better than this one...Go find her.

[YuGr.]

Thanks for your comments guys, it's very encouraging. You're so right that I should learn to be happy on my own and not worry so much about trying to find someone new so much.

 

It's just WHEN it comes to someone new, I can't seem to think of someone better minus her self issues.

[betterdeal]

Then stop trying to think of someone new. It's not doing you any good. Besides, you have your own issues to address and once you do, you will be the kind of person a girl without the issues your ex has would like to get to know.

[YuGr.]

Update.

 

Well well well, go figure we got back together after breaking nc at new years. She left the other guy for me and told me the truth about EVERYTHING (which was quite a but more than i knew) but of course i forgave her an we lasted just until our 3 year anniversary june 28th this year.

 

Check this out: she gets my lips tattoo'd on her and cheats on me with a SERIOUSLY beneathe her league horse looking guy and no one gets why. I broke up with her (very proud of myself to have done the impossible). Now they're 'dating' (wtf lol). Her sister tells me how her co-workers say "wtf your sister isnt that bad looking:S".

 

Im on a bit over a month no contact. I THINK ive 100% accepted that it really is over this time. But I still feel like I need to know wtf is wrong with this girl. She always goes on these crazy emotional hypes and leaves me and puts on a new skin and bottles everything up somehow.

 

Her sister (one of my close friends) claims she hasnt mentioned my name or break up once since the break up. (they also live together)

[betterdeal]

But I still feel like I need to know wtf is wrong with this girl.

 

Why? How does knowing her story enrich yours? Surely the more important thing is to know your story and while you may well strongly identify with her (hence the attraction) it would be better to look at yourself directly and consider your reasons for bobbing in and out of her life. Other people don't make very accurate mirrors.

[YuGr.]

Still going 2 months no contact now..

 

Feeling quite different than I did a month ago. I'm not living for her anymore. Which i had trouble doing.. Although I still think about her every day, when I do, it's not as painful.

 

I still can't picture being with anyone else though. I feel like she died or something. I don't think she'll come back again, I know her and I know that simply leaving it to me breaking up with her short and sweet in person after her ignoring me for 2 days contemplating another nest to jump to really is a place she'll enjoy moving from. She feeds off anger towards me to keep moving on. Whenever she feels vulnerable and feels any real emotions of missing me she simply acts angry and bottles the rest up.

 

Anywho.. Just had a nightmare about her datingma close friend of mine, its just a dream but it felt very real and woke me up on the wrong foot.

 

I keep wondering if she ever will text me again or if she's seriously going to be able to move on while skipping any kind of griefing..

 

She's still with that fkn ugly guy that she "went out with as friends" for a week behind my back. Undoubtfuly a complete rebound for her ego.. But I know that I need to run for the hills because this girl isn't healthy. But it's damn hard after three years of your first true love.. I remember a time where we were on TOP of the world together.