chelsea2011 Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 I've been reading through a lot stories here and have decided that I'm going to go strict NC. I won't bore you all with my crazy story, but I hope to be able to stick to it and update my progress. My first goal is to start working out regularly (thanks to jiltedgenerations thread) and give myself the time and space to get my head clear. I'm not even going to date right now because honesty, I don't feel like it...lol. The truth is, I'm not sure what to think about the situation I was in; I've realized though, that I need to work on forgiving myself for some the things that happened. Who knows what the future holds with him because it's not up to me to be honest. The only control I have in the situation is to work on getting myself to a better place. If he knocks on my door one day to talk and clarify things, I will listen. In the meantime, I'm dedicating my time to get in touch with my feelings about it all and see where that leads me. Wish me luck! Link to post Share on other sites
BoredAgain Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Working out always helps. Specifically, running is awesome - of course it sucks the first few weeks, but I heartily recommend picking that up as a hobby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Thanks for the suggestion, boredagain. I think that would be a good start and it's something I can do first thing in the morning before work. I am also going to look into buying a bike once my raise comes through, although it may be tough to ride in the winter. I was thinking yoga too. All I know is, I've got to quit sitting around pining away. I'm no good to anyone feeling this way. He is still in my thoughts so much! It's driving me crazy! Gotta get those endorphines moving to clear my brain...ugh. The good news is that I have plenty to keep me busy with work and my house. If I stay focused on that, develop a good work out regimin and surround myself with family and friends I should be able to work through this...hopefully. :\ I'm going to give it my best effort! Thanks for the support...it helps for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Your last paragraph is right on the money and i'm in the same exact place. Good luck to both of us! Feel free to PM me anytime. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Thank you fucpcg! *holding up glass* Here's to both of us (and everyone else who's struggling) to making it through to the other side! Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 It's just sooo difficult when you know you f'd up, especially when you know you intend to be such a better person. My life is full of friends and activities, but it just doesn't remove my thoughts of the fact it's my fault my significant is gone. Just doing my best... Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 8, 2012 Author Share Posted January 8, 2012 Why are you blaming yourself fucpcg? It takes two to create the issues in a relationship not just one. I created problems in mine, but he contributed to them as well. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 My #1 struggle has been how much blame to assign myself. She blames me 100%. I've never in 40 years had a girlfriend leave me saying how terrible I was to her, so I'm really just confused and shaken up over this one. I go from she didn't want the relationship, to she wasn't ready for a relationship, to its both our faults, to it's my fault.... its 10 months out and i'm sitting at its my fault. I guess i'll never really know, especially considering she refuses to speak to me since the split... just been a tough road, and a road i've never been down before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 8, 2012 Author Share Posted January 8, 2012 ....is full of emotional hair-pin curves. :\ I admit that NC is good right now though. It's giving me a chance to "sit" with all that happened and process it finally - I mean really process it. I'm seeing, for the first time, how I should communicate my thoughts and feelings when in a relationship. How to express what I need. Quite an amazing epiphany for me. I beginning to see what is needed on both sides to repair the damage we created. It could be a pipe dream because I don't know if there will actually be an opportunity to do so. But, you live and learn right? At the very least, we can carry it with us into the future. Now back to the hair-pin curves! I'm starting to have all kinds of questions and am feeling sad. Was everything that happened just a game or did it truly mean something to him? Was I a complete fool for trying to believe that it was real and not just a game? Is he the man I thought him to be or was that just a fantasy in my head? Did he truly care and see the things I saw? See what I mean about emotional hair-pin curves?! One minute I'm having epiphanies and the next I'm wondering if any of it was even real. In another minute, I feel like saying "I love you" to him and then the next I tell myself it's not allowed in this situation. Oy, DOUBLE oy. :\ It feels good and sad all at the same time. But then again, I finally feel like I'm heading toward "forgiveness." I just needed to get that out because it really helps the processing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 8, 2012 Author Share Posted January 8, 2012 I've also decided to put dating on hold for now because I'm obviously not over this yet. Thanks to reading here, I don't want to be one of those people that go from one person to the next without healing first. I admit I got scared when people in my life (therapist) started to wonder if I had commitment issues. That scared me BIG time! I don't have them...that I know for sure! While I do feel I'm able to have a healthy relationship, I still have some healing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
moosekaka Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Working out always helps. Specifically, running is awesome - of course it sucks the first few weeks, but I heartily recommend picking that up as a hobby. i agree...but then I am biased since I come from a x country/track background. Try an adult gymnastics class if you feel adventurous....the thrill of landing a new acrobatic trick and the confidence you get from feeling of being in control of your body cant' be beat. Link to post Share on other sites
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