Trying to be friends... But still love her

[Infinit]

Hi, I’d like to share my experience and maybe get an insight into my situation. I have recently come out of a 5.5 year relationship where i was the dumpee. We were living together for about 4 years. It has been about a month now since we broke up. I have since moved out and she remains in our unit.

 

It was a very hard break up for me. The reasons for the break up were a build-up of many things. Her lack of trust for me, lack of communication and a general loss of interest to me i assume form her end. A couple of weeks before the break up she had told me her concerns and how she felt that she had begun to question the relationship and didn’t know if she could see a future anymore. She said she wanted time apart to figure herself out and see if she could be the person that I wanted, being able to communicate with me more openly and be able to love me. (she could never tell me she loved me the whole time we were together, yet she would show me that she did).

 

So a week before the break up i moved out to give her some space and allow her to think about what she wanted. It was her idea that i come back after a week and hopefully she would have been able to think about what she wanted. Little did i know that things would not turn out for the best. I came back after a week and she had said that she did not miss me as she kept herself busy with work etc. and that she thought it best that we break it off. I of course acted very badly and hurt and did all the wrong things, begging, pleading, very emotional 2 days that followed. It got to the point where 2 days later she said that she could not take it anymore and that i had hurt her so much in the past 2 days with the way that i was dealing with it all. I had made accusations and basically let jealousy into my mind which made me think and say things that i should have not said. She had lied to me also trying to cover up certain things but after those 2 days I had went to work feeling a mess and sunken.

 

I somehow had made the realisation that i had to stop feeling this way and stop acting out of desperation to try and change her mind as that would only be pushing her further away from me so i decided to put my emotions aside and suggest being her friend all the while hoping that maybe i could work on getting her back. Little did i know how hard that would be down the road.

 

We remained amicable and a week later i moved out. She said she still wanted me to be in her life and she wanted to be friends and see how that goes. So for the next week, we met up maybe 2 times travelling on the train to work together, never talking about the past and me just trying to be her friend and be the best person that i could in the hope that i could show her i could do this being her friend. I even tried to flirt subtly and even gave her a kiss on the cheek when departing. She seemed to be ok with it.

 

I was still taking it pretty bad and trying to get though each day was a struggle but i never showed her that when i met up with her. I went out with friends and it helped temporally but at the end of the day i would still be miserable. After a few more days since we last saw each other, she msged me asking how i was and if i wanted to meet up for dinner with during the week. I told i was ok and dinner was good. So we went for a quick dinner and talked as normal like friends. After i had dropped her off at home i drove off and i had a strong feeling of sadness as i missed her and just wanted everything back to how it was. i called her and told her i wanted to talk to her about something. She could sense something was up and so i ended up msging her and asking if she still wanted to be friends. She said of course she did and she was afraid i was going to ask her if i wanted more and if i did that i wouldn’t have liked the answer to that question. The next day i spoke to her on the phone and asked her if she could see a future that we could work on the relationship. She said that she was taking it one day at a time, having fun and not really looking into the future, she wants her time to herself to sort out what she wants. She wants to work on our friendship and see how that goes. She can’t give me more than friendship. After that i decided i had to respect her wishes and back off trying to win her back altogether.

 

It has been a week since I made that decision and so I have not instigated any contact with her. It has always been her msging me in which i would respond. We have met up once on the way to work and we also just went to a wedding together. We were invited before the break up so still decided to go. That in itself was a hard experience for me as she looked beautiful and made me miss her so much more but i had to remain strong and not let my emotions get the better of me. I did not do anything to push it, i did not touch or even comment on her appearance, and I tried my best to just be a friend. Everything seemed so familiar though, sharing food and taking photos together. It went by ok and she msged me when i got home thanking me for coming and that she knew it may have been a bit awkward but it was good to see me.

 

The one thing that surprised me most about that night was the fact she asked me if i wanted to go visit her sister and her baby nephew *who live 4 hours away in a couple of weeks. We use to do this all the time when we were together and she knows i love going there. It confuses me as she said that she wants her time to herself and yet she’s asking me if i want to go away with her for the weekend. It’s not like we will be spending the whole weekend together but the car ride to and form will be hard enough for me and being in the same place together will be a challenge for me i think. I’m finding it hard enough spending a few hours with her when we meet up to put my emotions aside let alone a weekend with her.

 

I don’t know what to think of it. I mean she could possibly believe that i am doing well at being a friend that i would be able to go with her no problems but she has to be kidding herself to think that my feelings won’t be all over the place. Why would she even suggest this soon soon after the break up. It has only been a month?

 

Any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated.

 

Thanks.

Edited February 14, 2012 by Infinit