So Concerned About Looking At Porn - Sooooo insecure!!!!

[CosmoGirl1391]

I wish I had a dollar for all the threads with people ranting and raving about their significant other looking at porn. MY GOD! What is the big deal?

 

No - it's not cheating

Yes - it's perfectly natural

No- it doesn't mean he doesn't love you

No - it doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive

No - it doesn't mean he is going to cheat on you

No - it doesn't mean he is a nymphomaniac

No- it doesn't mean he is having an online love affair

No - he's not been possesed by the devil or aliens.....!!!!!!!!

 

C'mon people...looking at porn is something that almost every guy - and SEVERAL girls do at one point or another. And there is nothing wrong with it!

You people that are so worried because you're sweetie is looking at porn, hop in there and look at it with him - you never know, it might spice things up in the bedroom! In fact, it's very likely that it will. It's so silly to think that it's cheating when a guy looks at porn. And if you think that his looking at porn means that he doesn't love you anymore or that he doesn't think you are attractive or whatever - then maybe you should look at your own self, because it sounds like insecurity to me. If you people were secure in your relationships, looking at porn would be no big deal.

Think about it.

[Darkangelism]

your cool, you are not like the majority of chicks.

[CosmoGirl1391]

Thanks, Darkangelism. But more than that, I am just secure with myself and my sexuality. And I am secure in my relationship. If my guy wants to look at porn - who cares? It's a damn picture. And I have found that actually watching porn with my guy enhances our sex life and adds a touch of spice. I don't feel threatened by a picture or video, and why should I? I am the one he comes home to every night. I trust him, I respect him, I am secure with our relationship - therefore, it's no big deal.

[dyermaker]

You're making it black and white.

 

If your boyfriend only looked at pictures of girls who look COMPLETELY different than you?

If your boyfriend was rude about it?

If your boyfriend compared you to her?

If your boyfriend was "attached" to specific videos?

If your boyfriend spent more time with porn than he did with you?

If your boyfriend spent a lot of money on it?

If your boyfriend didn't WANT to look at it with you?

If your boyfriend said he'd stop, but didn't?

[CosmoGirl1391]

Well, in that case - the problem isn't the porn. The problem is your boyfriend. The solution? Get a new boyfriend. Simple as that.

[dyermaker]

Except the dismissal of a relationship over one issue, I agree with you that porn is not the problem.

[Arabess]

Originally posted by dyermaker

You're making it black and white.

 

If your boyfriend only looked at pictures of girls who look COMPLETELY different than you?

If your boyfriend was rude about it?

If your boyfriend compared you to her?

If your boyfriend was "attached" to specific videos?

If your boyfriend spent more time with porn than he did with you?

If your boyfriend spent a lot of money on it?

If your boyfriend didn't WANT to look at it with you?

If your boyfriend said he'd stop, but didn't?

 

IF I had a boyfriend who did any of those things (other than the first one which is irrelivant) I wouldn't blame porn, I'd blame him for being a JackAss and break up with him.

 

I think a lot of people have a need to find a 'guilty third party' instead of admitting to themselves they have a substandard relationship and picked a looser to fall in love with.

 

 

[CosmoGirl1391]

I agree that it's a shame to break up a relationship over that one issue, but if your boyfriend is doing all that you mentioned above, it sounds to me like his issues extend beyond just porn. And if it really bothers you THAT much, then really there's no point in staying with him, because it's always going to be an issue. Why bother?

[dyermaker]

But, my boyfriend and I have communication, right?

[CosmoGirl1391]

Do you? You never said whether you did or not. Maybe you can communicate, and that's good. But you can communicate all day long in 30 different languages and it still isn't going to get you anywhere unless you both compromise, which it sounds like he isn't willing to do. So there's your answer - you need a new guy.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by CosmoGirl1391

So there's your answer - you need a new guy.

I certainly do.

[jenny]

cosmo girl,

 

how did you get so secure? i agree with you, mostly (though not so much with the tone) and adding one more: no - it does not give you the right to violate his privacy - but i have some sense of why i feel very secure with men.

 

if you recognize you are in the minority, at least in terms of this board, what or whom, if anything or anyone, do you attribute it to? or are you just more naturally enlightened?

[CosmoGirl1391]

cosmo girl,

 

how did you get so secure? i agree with you, mostly (though not so much with the tone) and adding one more: no - it does not give you the right to violate his privacy - but i have some sense of why i feel very secure with men.

 

if you recognize you are in the minority, at least in terms of this board, what or whom, if anything or anyone, do you attribute it to? or are you just more naturally enlightened?

 

"The Tone?"....Hmm, not sure what you meant by that, but I am assuming you meant that I was being smug about it. Well, not really. I am just being assertive and stating my view on this situation.

 

You ask how I became so secure with "men"?? Well, not "men", hun - just the man that I am in a relationship with now. I have been in relationships in my younger days where I wasn't very secure in the relationship and then looking at porn might have been a bigger deal.

I can't give you a step-by-step instruction on how to become more secure in your relationship because every person and every relationship is unique. I think it's mostly about knowing who you are, what you want, and knowing your partner - trust, commitment, and just feeling comfortable in your own skin and in your relationship. That's the best way I know to describe it.

And there's no set way to reach that goal. It takes some soul searching and it won't happen overnight. And it takes the right partner.

I hope that helped.

[jenny]

I hope that helped.

 

o, yes. thank you.

[dyermaker]

Oh, by the way, those were hypotheticals, I don't have a boyfriend, and I hope I never do.

[CosmoGirl1391]

Originally posted by CosmoGirl1391

So there's your answer - you need a new guy.

 

 

I certainly do.

 

 

 

 

Oh, by the way, those were hypotheticals, I don't have a boyfriend, and I hope I never do.

 

 

Then why did you say you certainly did (need a new boyfriend)?

[moimeme]

He was joking, CG. Dyer's our 15-year-old whiz poster who's emphatically male and emphatically in love with someone who is emphatically not male.

[Vivid_29]

Originally posted by Darkangelism

your cool, you are not like the majority of chicks.

 

So, DA, what you are saying is that the chicks that dislike porn are 'uncool'?

 

~V

[guest]

did anyone ever stop wagging their tongues long enough to think that maybe a woman may have problem with porn not cuz she's jealous but because a lot of the stuff out their is smut. it degrades women and treats them as nothing but holes. and don't say they agreed to be degraded. does that make it any better? obviously these people have big issues or they wouldn't let guys "cum all over that slut's face", etc. it's a sick industry and it draws people in like a magnet.. it took an act that can create a life and turned it into nothing but filth. think about that.

 

take care.

[CosmoGirl1391]

That's a good point, guest. But it's not just porn that degrades women. THe degration of women is all in our society ranging from what we see on primetime television to the workforce to the fact that we've never had a woman president. The degration of women has always existed, and I don't see it going away any time soon.

 

And there are pornos out there that focus on men as well. What about Playgirl magazine? Or gay flicks that just feature men? It's not just women in pornos.

 

You did make a good point, but when you look at all thee above, it's not anything new.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by guest

it degrades women and treats them as nothing but holes. and don't say they agreed to be degraded. does that make it any better?

Of COURSE it makes it better!

 

This is a form of entertainment, one, according to Bob Costas, that makes more money than radio and television combined. These are WELL paid actresses, in an extremely competitive INDUSTRY--There's no degradation, their ROLE is "nothing but holes"--they audition, compete, and are paid to behave in whatever manner they are. Additionally, it's not like the men are having tons of fun, they're loaded up with anasthetic and some other drugs, it numbs the feeling so that it will last longer.

 

These people are acting in movies, it's not a shocking depiction of reality.

[zarathustra]

There's no degradation, their ROLE is "nothing but holes"

 

 

No degradation, ugh. Check out some Max Hardcore anal rape flics. Or the Japanese bondage, rape, pain porn. All porn is most definitely NOT created equal.

 

And it is degrading to women when even "consenting" actresses have roles as dom/sub "holes". But that's part of the high of getting off...

 

DP anyone?

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by zarathustra

No degradation, ugh. Check out some Max Hardcore anal rape flics. Or the Japanese bondage, rape, pain porn.

No thanks.

And it is degrading to women when even "consenting" actresses have roles as dom/sub "holes". But that's part of the high of getting off...

How is it degrading to women in general? Is it degrading to men when a man does something unscrupulous? Why do you group, by gender, the "transgressions" that you find offensive? How does the actions of a member effect the gender of the person acting?

[zarathustra]

Sexual symbolism is the difference. Showing a woman asking for directions is not degrading. Depicting a woman giving BJs and anal to 3 guys in exchange for directions is degrading.

 

But degradation, a little force, some submissiveness, gives porn that extra sexual jolt. It is degrading to women but, if done well, it can be stimulating. The purpose of porn is to get people off and the degradation of women helps get some people get off. The Story of O.

 

Yes, dyer, alot of porn is degrading to women. But that's what many people want to pay for and see.

 

Time to call a spade a spade.

 

And dyer, I like porn.

[dyermaker]

You still didn't address my question.

 

(Relevant Google definitions of "degrade")

To reduce in grade, rank, or status; demote.

To lower in dignity; dishonor or disgrace: a scandal that degraded the participants.

To lower in moral or intellectual character; debase.

To reduce in worth or value: degrade a currency.

 

How do the actions of SOME women degrade the gender as a whole?