magda Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Let's analyze this phenomena. Why is that as soon as you're spoken for, everybody suddenly notices how hot you are and asks about you. It's more than just unavailablity (although we can talk about that aspect, too) because the difference is noticeable even just dancing in a bar. Something about the person who's unavailable gives them that confidence? that is so irresistable. What do you think causes it? Do you agree that it exists? Let's figure it out. Maybe it's something single people can duplicate. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 I've noticed it. My reckoning is that it has a lot to do with confidence & just being relaxed. You're not out there looking so you don't have that kind of desperation or neediness about you & I think people pick up on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magda Posted May 17, 2004 Author Share Posted May 17, 2004 It's weird, though. I never would've EVER called myself desperate or needy before. I also wouldn't have said I was putting on a front of any kind. And you? So do you think it's the same if you're a place dancing where you're totally not interested in anybody that is there - not interested in anything because of your own reasons? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Originally posted by magda It's weird, though. I never would've EVER called myself desperate or needy before. I also wouldn't have said I was putting on a front of any kind. And you? Sometimes for sure I was out looking, but most times not. It is strange though, I think it's one of those "unknown" things (if that makes any sense). Like when you know that you're OK with being single is precisely the time you meet someone (I've said that to more than person on this forum!!). Link to post Share on other sites
Author magda Posted May 17, 2004 Author Share Posted May 17, 2004 I agree with you fully... I just wish it was a little less "one of those things" and a little more something people can fake. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 I don't know the answer but how about me and you go out for a drink hotty. Link to post Share on other sites
singa Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 I agree. I think it's confidence. When you know you have someone you don't bother looking as you don't care. It's not that you were needy before, but you were probably looking around to see what was out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted May 18, 2004 Moderators Share Posted May 18, 2004 I think you both have something there with the "confidence with being taken thing." Another thing I think that makes a difference in that kind of a situation is that, once you already have a SO, then people (who may in fact have been somewhat interested in you before you were with the SO) then think that you must be a good "catch" for sure, given that you're with someone and appear happy. It's almost a "validation" to others that you "make the dating grade?" Curt Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Don't let others play into your vainity, the "miserable love company" and 29 out of 30 people are handing out applications. Don't fall victim!!! This is not to say that you aren't very cute, you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magda Posted May 18, 2004 Author Share Posted May 18, 2004 Yeah, I guess I'm more confident now. I was shakin it like a polaroid picture for me and my friends having a good time. I was aware I looked good, and I was diggin that fact I suppose, but it wasn't like I was looking good for them. At all - ever- even if they happened to be really cool. I was thinking it might also help that nobody sees me flirting with guys. Maybe it makes me look like I'm saving myself for them or something - all pure. When I was dancing recently after I kind of shooed some guy off on the dance floor I turned around and the whole row of guys just smiled at me like I was their girlfriend. Maybe they just thought it was funny... I got the distinct impression they wanted into my pants, however. I think we've definately narrowed it down to confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 You can't hate guys for wanting down your pants but your going to find that crude type in bars, so don't fall into the error of thinking that all the world is like a dance club. A dance club in fact is one of the worse place to meet good people. Anyway, they are all your boyfriends in a sense. In a way everybody in the world is related to everyone else, we are all humans. Your that kind of person that people feel at ease with and feel comfortable to be around. Thats why they look at you like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magda Posted May 18, 2004 Author Share Posted May 18, 2004 Naw, guys are my favorite. Can't hate 'em unless they really do disrespect me. I empathize, I do.Your that kind of person that people feel at ease with and feel comfortable to be around. Thats why they look at you like that. You probably have something, there. Not that you know me at all, but I think you're mostly right on your assessment, there. (for once! ) Now that I think about it, I am remembering that instead of this I used to contemplate what it was why so many guys I thought were only friends suddenly admitted more feelings or just blatantly asked me out. Maybe nothing has changed at all! (Hey, when I'm done patting my own irresistable back, there might be room if you wanna have a go! ) 'Course, then, there's also the ex boyfriend that took awhile in returning an email of mine asking for his updated digits until I posted pictures of my and my boyfriend in my journal. I didn't think too much of it until a few guys who read my journal commented on it and I thought, "that was a little weird, huh. i thought coincidence" they are like, "uh HUH . dunno bout that." That's a whole different ball game. Don't you say? Friend of mine has a whole theory on women doing this to men: The Rule of Ex Girlfriends: An ex-girlfriend will not come back to you if you are single and missing her. They will only and almost always come back into your life when it will be most disrupting, when you have finally met another woman that there is potential for a long relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Originally posted by magda Let's analyze this phenomena. Why is that as soon as you're spoken for, everybody suddenly notices how hot you are and asks about you. It's more than just unavailablity (although we can talk about that aspect, too) because the difference is noticeable even just dancing in a bar. Something about the person who's unavailable gives them that confidence? that is so irresistable. What do you think causes it? Do you agree that it exists? Let's figure it out. Maybe it's something single people can duplicate. People want what they cannot have. And relating to events that I have gone through recently... Guys tend to want the girl that YOU have, and will for instance, flash them in your girl's vehicle. People just desire what they know they cannot have. I do not like to do it, but if I go around telling people that I am taken and my girlfriend is "long distance" and I "don't get to see her that often because I am so busy" I notice a PROFOUND interest from women. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 Magda, and how is it that I don't know you? I have observed your behavior and attributes in our dealings. Maybe I don't know you on a deep level, but I can see certain things about you. Link to post Share on other sites
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