Down with porn!

[jeanie]

Hi everyone...very new to this, i dont know why it took me so long? I dont know who else to ask where to go. Im in love with my boyfriend of 2 years. We are considering marriage and a future. He is very affectionate and warm to me. But he seems to have this porn addiction. Im talking about videos, Internet, girl on girl, young teen stuff (at least 18 yrs old)....everything. Last night i curiously pressed the play button on the VCR and found earlier before i got home he had been watching some 70's porn with mother and daughter lesbian scenes!

 

Meanwhile he claims to be losing his sex drive, having less sex with me. On top of that hes having a difficult time expressing that he loves me. He tells me that Love is just a word and can be thrown around loosely. He wants to show me. Ive sat down with him and told him how much it bothers me (about him watching porn and the lack of expression) but he tells me he has a hard time expressing his emotions vocally and he gets mad at me for being upset with him watching porn.

 

Not being told that "i love you" by him and his constant porn watching has made me want to leave him but i still think about all the good things in our relationship and it makes me reconsider. I just need some advice dearly from anyone, i

I know that every guy uses some kind of pornography and i could deal with that. But for my boyfriend it just seems too frequent too much too nasty!

[InmannRoshi]

I'm having a hard time drawing the correalation between him watching porn and not being able to say I love you.

 

So, if he said "I love you" more often and was still up for sex at any time, then you would have absolutely no problem with the porn right?

[sonofhud]

I know that every guy uses some kind of pornography and i could deal with that.

 

How do you know every guy does?

 

And by the way, I'm tired of hearing women talk about their man's porn addiction. What about a woman's addiction to clothes? You never see a guy running over here griping about how many pairs of shoe his girl has.

 

Anyways, not to get off topic. Hes addicted to porn and he's not gonna stop for you. He won't change, only you can. Either get over it or get outta there.

[Pyrannaste]

Meanwhile he claims to be losing his sex drive, having less sex with me. On top of that hes having a difficult time expressing that he loves me. He tells me that Love is just a word and can be thrown around loosely.

 

Do you really think his lack of sex drive is related to porn? Would you be okay with porn if he still had his sex drive? Does he prefer masturbating to porn to making love with you?

 

I sort of agree with the 'not throwing the word love around loosely', but here comes the really interesting question.

He said that

He wants to show me.

,

 

so does he do anything to show you? Does his action speak in stead of his words? Are you satisfied with the way he shows love to you (apart from the porn problem)?

 

 

he gets mad at me for being upset with him watching porn.

 

I think the bigger problem is not his watching porn, but that he gets mad at you instead of trying to reassure you, discussing the problems with you, trying to find a compromise.

 

Sonofhud,

And by the way, I'm tired of hearing women talk about their man's porn addiction. What about a woman's addiction to clothes? You never see a guy running over here griping about how many pairs of shoe his girl has.

,

the reason is the same why you hardly ever see a lady here griping about her bf's habit of leaving the toilet seat lifted: shoes and toilet seats can not be (hopefully!!!) compared to you.

And almost nobody would really love to be watched/used by his/her SO the way you watch/use a pair of sneakers or a toilet seat.

[sonofhud]

I wouldn't call leaving the toliet seat down an addiction. Daily porn viewing is.....buying clothes just to buy clothes is.

[HokeyReligions]

http://www.firesofdarkness.com/pornography_addiction.htm

 

http://www.secretaddictions.com:16080/forum/

 

http://www.open-mind.org/News/SLA/9.htm

“Many wives found their husband preferring fantasy sex (they would catch them masturbating to pornography) to making love with their partner. This had devastating effects on the marriage. One wife, in great pain, confronted her husband, "What do you see in those two-dimensional faceless women that I can't give you as a loving wife who is flesh & blood, a real person & committed to you?" The men never had an answer. To some extent they enjoyed sexual relations with their wives but most preferred the fantasy with masturbation because "these women" could do anything & were perfect in form & appearance!

I found that once addicted, whether to just the pornography or the later pattern of sexual acting out, they really lost their "free agency." It was like a drug addiction. And in this case their drug was sex. They could not stop the pattern of their behavior, no matter how high-risk for them it was.”

 

http://www.open-mind.org/News/SLA/

 

 

http://open-mind.org/Sex-Love.htm

 

 

There is a huge difference in being curious and being addicted and unhealthy porn use. I pasted some links to articles and information that may have more information. If he is losing his sex drive and your sex life is changing then there is a problem. Porn may or may not be part of the problem--that needs to be determined.

 

Also, you have every right to be upset, hurt, or angry with him for his porn use. Not every man has to watch it, no matter what anyone says in defense of it. Porn use is a deal/marriage breaker for a lot of people. Just because he may think its no big deal to him, does not mean that it should not be a big deal to you or that you should have to accept it.

 

I found pornography a couple of times when I was dating my husband and we talked about it. I refuse to lower my own moral standards and values because "boys will be boys" or because some people think me silly. I'm not the one losing out -- he is. I told him my feelings and that he would have to choose. Me or porn. He chose me.

 

Your guy may not have an addiction, but he may not be considering your feelings in this. Read some more about porn addiction and maybe see a counselor about your relationship. You are hurting and something isn't right. Porn may be a symptom of a larger problem--or it may BE the problem. A good counselor might be able to help you figure it out and guide you in what to do about it.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by sonofhud

I wouldn't call leaving the toliet seat down an addiction. Daily porn viewing is.....buying clothes just to buy clothes is.

 

There are all sorts of addictions --- compulsive shopping is one, and compulsive shopping for certain articles, like clothes or shoes or purses or whatever, can be an addiction too. I saw a news show on that a couple of years ago. There were some people who literally took out second mortgages or actually lost their homes because of their shopping addiction and I remember one house had something like 10,000 blenders and hand mixers that the woman had bought!

[dudesomewhere]

my belief...guys who watch too much hetero porn are really gay, into looking at the dudes. Guys who watch too much lesbian porn have an ego/machismo problem...ie., they want to dominate and either can't or not enough

 

Last time I watched porn was cuz ex had it...she was into that nasty hardcore porn...the type guys usually watch. I don't get the whole porn thing when you have someone...I mean, isn't that the point of porn? To watch it when you don't have someone and not when you do? Real deal laying next to me is 100x more erotic...wazzup

 

I need to ebay this porn...3 tapes how much you think that'll get me? hehe

 

uh, forgot to add the important part of my comment, the actual comment and not some lame ass political/social view, lol. His problem I think stems from watching too much porn, it has desensitized him to what is real, which happens often and leads many men to disrespecting women and treating them like objects or more like objects. Homeboy needs to realize that watching them so much is his problem and that he'll maybe be able to love you genuinely without it. Chicken and egg effect I guess.

[The_Analyzer]

I agree with dudesomewhere's last paragraph, this is so true.

[Pookette]

Also, you have every right to be upset, hurt, or angry with him for his porn use. Not every man has to watch it, no matter what anyone says in defense of it. Porn use is a deal/marriage breaker for a lot of people. Just because he may think its no big deal to him, does not mean that it should not be a big deal to you or that you should have to accept it.

 

I found pornography a couple of times when I was dating my husband and we talked about it. I refuse to lower my own moral standards and values because "boys will be boys" or because some people think me silly. I'm not the one losing out -- he is. I told him my feelings and that he would have to choose. Me or porn. He chose me.

 

Excellent post Hokey. I had issues with my husband's use of porn and we had it out. It was me or it. He chose me as well. What normal human would choose pictures/scenes over flesh and blood?

 

dudesomewhere - Awesome post as well. "I don't get the whole porn thing when you have someone...I mean, isn't that the point of porn? To watch it when you don't have someone and not when you do? Real deal laying next to me is 100x more erotic...wazzup" <------

 

Jeanie, you have to put your foot down. You found out about it before you got married, I didn't. I had thought about leaving hubby over it if he didn't change. He did change and we got past it and all is good now. Don't let anyone tell you it's your problem with it and to get over it. That's not cricket. Some women have no problem with it, and there are some of us who do. It's so hard to deal with - I can empathize with you. Do what you have to.

[jeanie]

Originally posted by Pyrannaste

Do you really think his lack of sex drive is related to porn? Would you be okay with porn if he still had his sex drive? Does he prefer masturbating to porn to making love with you?

Yes- maybe- i think he has a hard time using sex to be intimate with me- and get closer. I feel that he has an easier quicker time getting off with porn and maybe feels it difficult ( time consuming, insecure about his performance-though i try to be more than encouraging of it) to initiate sex with me.

 

 

I think the bigger problem is not his watching porn, but that he gets mad at you instead of trying to reassure you,

agreed ---thanx pyrannaste

 

 

 

HOKEY- Thank you.. everything you said helps me.. all the sites etc. I ve been looking online for articles, advice through search engines and couldnt find much.

 

 

and sonufahound...

maybe your not familiar with aa, or na or oa or sa.. ... but they are all programs to help addicts stop being addicts and recover and funny there are some addicts (people) that actually can change meaning stop being addicted amazing isnt it. .. there is much literature to enlighten you about this new phenomenon. ahh 12 step i think it is.. its quite amazing.

 

 

 

I thank everyone cause I did not know if there were other woman out there with the same predicament as me and its nice to know that there are. also the dude you are def a smart man! thank you

 

I cant pretend that it doesnt bother me, nor will I give up on a relationship until ive tried all my options whether it be books, web sites and all helpful necessary advice.

[moimeme]

my belief...guys who watch too much hetero porn are really gay, into looking at the dudes. Guys who watch too much lesbian porn have an ego/machismo problem...ie., they want to dominate and either can't or not enough

 

Oh, gracious.

[UCFKevin]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

 

Then people who watch too many action movies are really murderers deep down inside since they like seeing people die.

[sonofhud]

Look, if people want to please themselves sexually by veiwing legal pornographic material, why try to stop them? I realize there are certain people who overdo it and can become addicted to it, just as they could to anything else. I think the issue here is addiction and not the actual porn....so don't try to blame it on my precious.

[JulieinTx]

This is for the guys. Me and my husband have only been married for 5 months. He had a Swank magazine that was a couple of years old he kept around to use before we met. Problem was he had it in his bathroom and I could always tell when he used it and he'd leave his KY Jelly out. This bothered me because I felt it was an "in my face" display. I felt if he did this he should make an effort to hide it when I spent the night. When we got married I asked him if he felt he needed it - he said "No, I don't need it - you are all I need".

 

I asked him to jack off with the magazine while I watched - he freaked and gave me a "no way" look. I felt we were having sex ALOT - why did he still need to jack off to that magazine? He threw it away. We got married and I wanted to have wild sex, swing from the chandeliers, have him talk dirty to me, etc. He simply performed sex and was done. I've been unfulfilled and have been faking it - basically not happy - he's boring in bed.

 

I recently found a new High Society magazine in our closet stuffed under his books on the top shelf. That and a new bottle of KY jelly. I said "Do you have to jack off to porn even now that we're married?".

 

I was hurt and felt disrespected. Sorry guys but to a woman this means a man is turning to other women to look at and come with. It leaves us girls feeling pretty insecure and unattractive like "What the hell is wrong with us?".

 

I told my husband I was hurt - he knew I didn't like him looking at porn at the beginning of our relationship - he promised he'd respect my wishes but then he lied and bought more porn.

 

This has made me lose respect for him as a husband. I look at him as this pervert jacking his hand up and down with magazine propped on his knees while he sits at the toilet and I've lost all sexual desire for him. He just looks gross to me now.

 

Wouldn't guys feel differently if women preferred masturbating with vibrators while looking at Big Dicks in Uniform? I mean come on - jacking off to porn - is it that obsessive? Something is wrong when a man prefers that over a warm body.

 

There's too much porn to look at - I think it's ruining alot of relationships and marriages - it's ruining mine!

[capitald]

Alright, I am going to be brutal right now.

 

First of all, julieintx, both you and you husband have issues with sexuality. You have to be a major tight ass for this to be happening to you. Maybe you feel guilty about sex, maybe you have boundary issues, maybe you have uptight feelings about sex, maybe you put too much pressure on your husband in bed. Women are always so ready to blame. And in a society that every day effeminates and weakens men more and more, and turns them into housewives, not only are these modern day brutes of women expecting that the sex is going to be great but also that the man is always going to be strong and powerful and always knw the right thing to do or way to be.

 

Our whole society is hell bent on undermining men and women are not innocent but accomplices and what they are really doing is undermining men's confidence. But this undermining has its downside even for women, these men that lack confidence have a hard time satisfying women in bed and then the women aren't happy. That is why we have all these hard-on pills but how effective can they be. Women want to wear the pants, rule the world, have men do all the work in the world and expect men to have the energy to do all the work in bed as well, because we do do all the work on top or on bottom, because the real work is staying up and you women don't understand what kind of job that is, sex is just fun for you, for us it is also work, WE NEVER GET A REST FROM WORK!!!!

 

So if we occasionally drag a porno mag into the bathroom to get some peace of mind in our miserable little existence, and it is miserable compared to the la, de, da, de, da "all play" existence of women, then can't you grant us that one little consolation? Its no wonder he can't get aroused, he getting whipped by too many demons. Didn't you ever think that the reason that he goes to the magazine is that the women in it don't give him a hard time, they just open themselves up to him and smile. Maybe we overrate the power of fantasy, or perhaps the fantasy is not so much in the visage of the women, but in the fact that she is warm, friendly, inviting and she shares things about herself (in Playboy and other magazines there is always the bio specs of the girl).

Or maybe the fantasy is what it is all about but maybe you can sympathize with him. Maybe you could feel bad he doesn't have the model wife or live among "high society" and is just a poor, common Joe like the rest of us. Life is anything but perfect.

 

The Disney "illusion" has had a poisoning effect. All women think that the are going to meet prince charming and their husband and marriage are going to be perfect and perfectly faithful and the guy is never going to have the desire to look at another girl. Who does it really hurt if it is done in moderation? Your getting mad about it is just going to make him do it more. There is not much to say. Maybe you need to communicate better and watch the anger, judgementalness and intensity levels because those things will just bring it down to the lowest common denominator, grief and they may possibly be factors which like I alluded to earlier, are adding to these relationship problems.

[faux]

Porn is NEVER THE PROBLEM.

 

::SMACK::

 

Porn in no way can cause a relationship to end. Porn in no way can cause a person to be inconsiderate and uncaring for his SO. EVER.

 

::SMACK:: ::THWAP::

 

The real issue at hand is almost always: The woman is insecure, and chooses to blame the pornography rather than accept that she herself has problems.

 

Every time the woman is insecure, the man suddenly is "addicted" to pornography. The man suddenly "oogles other women", or "No longer finds me desireable". Let me tell you... If I had to deal with someone so insecure that they would constantly blame me for things I feel that I would have every right to find them undesireable!

 

The OTHER real issue that comes into play at times is: The man is an outright scumbag. It is NOT the porn that is causing the problem. The woman would rather blame the pornography than accepting the fact that her man is a complete, disrespectful idiot. He becomes unattentive to her needs, discontinues any form of emotional support, and acts a fool. Lesson to be learned: Sometimes it takes a while for people to show their true colors. Porn does not cause this.

 

I think, in as so far as the main thread post here is concerned, the man is a scumbag. Then again, I'm really uncertain. I have witnessed men having casual conversations with female acquaintances, and listened for hours going insane as their girlfriends cried to me about how "He flirts with every girl that walks by" and "He no longer loves me!" Far too often do these things become fish stories.

 

I got chewed out for hours once because I smiled and waved at a waitress that I used to go to high school with!

 

The main thing is that pornography does not cause problems. The problems already exist. Most of the time people are blind to the problems, and find it far easier to blame pornography. Pornography has, in a sense, I think become the new devil:

 

Did you hear about that drive by? Yes. I hear the guy watched porn! Porn made him do it!

 

Just like "The devil made him do it! He's possessed!"

 

In my opinion, this way of thinking is completely ignorant and ass-backward. Some people are just genuinely messed up to begin with, and we refuse to see it. When we finally begin to realize we may have made a mistake, we'd sooner blame porn or flirting or friends.

[Pyrannaste]

I agree that in many cases porn is NOT the problem,

but IMO women have every right to feel upset about their SO viewing porn if they are hurt by it.

 

Demonizing women who have problems with porn is as bad as demonizing men who watch it.

 

I think all women and men have the right to feel upset about whatever will hurt their feelings for whatever reasons,

may it be porn, or romance novels, or eating cheeseburgers, or drinking, or playing tennis, or growing tomatoes in the garden, whatever.

 

It's up to them to find a partner that will not engage in the said activities, or to compromise with their SO.

 

I also would really love to know why ALL men I have known personally so far would *not* react well about their GF watching porn.

 

I'd really love to know how many 'help, my gf is watching porn' threads there would be on loveshack if girls were as interested in porn as men are, and if porn for girls were as popular as 'porn for men'.

 

There are enough double standards about casual sex, a big number of sexual partners, so I really hope that all men who say they'd not mind at all their girlfriends to masturbate in front of pics of handsome men with huge penises are being honest about it.

[johan]

I don't buy the "it's ok, because it really doesn't hurt anything" argument, when talking about porn or strippers or drugs or whatever. I think that is rationalizing weak behavior and makes everyone cynical. I think it isn't just about weak women being insecure. I think it's about what kind of man does a woman want to be with.

 

I think women want to be with men who have high expectations for themselves. The sex industry appeals to guys who have low expectations for themselves. So, insecure or not, I don't blame a woman for getting upset about it. It's out there and it's readily available and free, and I think that it's something to avoid.

 

To me it's just one of those subtle little things that undermines a relationship and an entire society. I think it's our responsibility as men to be better.

 

This is my opinion, and it won't change. I've visited port sites, and I don't like what it does to me. I don't like doing anything I have to be sneaky about or hide. I'm not a good liar and I'd just prefer to live up to the image my girlfriend has of me. Try to anyway.

[mary77]

My husband and I have been married for two years. We have a baby girl together and I'm terrified of leaving her alone with him. I caught him several times looking at porn with descriptions like LOLITA and YOUNG UPSKIRT. I've always minded the regular porn because of the fact he spent 6 months on unemployment looking at this stuff on the internet instead of looking for a job.

I left him here with my daughter while I ran errands one day to find out he spent most of the time looking at porn...I'm afraid she was exposed to it.

 

Every time I confront him with this he gets very angry, to the point where one time he left me just to come home the next night like nothing happened.

 

My husband is a very laid back type of guy, so when he gets that angry, it frightens me...but I can't ignore this problem...I'm afraid it will affect my daughter.

 

Now he says he works so much that he's too tired for sex.

 

He has a mental problems, too much stress, and I guess I've ruined things between us trying to confront this issue. I believe he uses porn to relax, destress, whatever...I'm not an insecure woman, I don't mind porn in moderation, but to the extent my husband has taken this is beyond any woman's limits.

[capitald]

I don't think and didn't mean that looking at porn is an ideal thing but I don't think that it can't be useful in moderation either. It is what it is, slimy yet exciting.

[roja901]

Originally posted by Pyrannaste

I also would really love to know why ALL men I have known personally so far would *not* react well about their GF watching porn.

 

I'd really love to know how many 'help, my gf is watching porn' threads there would be on loveshack if girls were as interested in porn as men are, and if porn for girls were as popular as 'porn for men'.

Let me guess, all these "guys that you have personally known so far" are a bunch of platonic-friend types who seem to always tell you exactly what you need to hear? Next time one of these guys calls you up at 2 AM and says "I need you to come over because there's something I need to talk about" that you should stop at the 76 and pick up a box of trojans. The Polyurethanes are my favorite.

 

There are enough double standards about casual sex, a big number of sexual partners, so I really hope that all men who say they'd not mind at all their girlfriends to masturbate in front of pics of handsome men with huge penises are being honest about it.

 

If I walked into my girlfriend's room and caught her masturbating to anything at all I'd just be all turned on and be all like "you want an extra hand?" or something of equal cheesiness.

[capitald]

Some women like porn. Some women are curious about it and some even want to find out more about it. Not every women has such a problem with it. This is not to say that porn can't become a source of problems. It is to say that judgementalness, close-mindedness and uptightness tend to aggravate issues more than they resolve them.

[TineeTam]

Originally posted by capitald

Alright, I am going to be brutal right now.

 

First of all, julieintx, both you and you husband have issues with sexuality. You have to be a major tight ass for this to be happening to you. Maybe you feel guilty about sex, maybe you have boundary issues, maybe you have uptight feelings about sex, maybe you put too much pressure on your husband in bed. Women are always so ready to blame. And in a society that every day effeminates and weakens men more and more, and turns them into housewives, not only are these modern day brutes of women expecting that the sex is going to be great but also that the man is always going to be strong and powerful and always knw the right thing to do or way to be.

 

Our whole society is hell bent on undermining men and women are not innocent but accomplices and what they are really doing is undermining men's confidence. But this undermining has its downside even for women, these men that lack confidence have a hard time satisfying women in bed and then the women aren't happy. That is why we have all these hard-on pills but how effective can they be. Women want to wear the pants, rule the world, have men do all the work in the world and expect men to have the energy to do all the work in bed as well, because we do do all the work on top or on bottom, because the real work is staying up and you women don't understand what kind of job that is, sex is just fun for you, for us it is also work, WE NEVER GET A REST FROM WORK!!!!

 

So if we occasionally drag a porno mag into the bathroom to get some peace of mind in our miserable little existence, and it is miserable compared to the la, de, da, de, da "all play" existence of women, then can't you grant us that one little consolation? Its no wonder he can't get aroused, he getting whipped by too many demons. Didn't you ever think that the reason that he goes to the magazine is that the women in it don't give him a hard time, they just open themselves up to him and smile. Maybe we overrate the power of fantasy, or perhaps the fantasy is not so much in the visage of the women, but in the fact that she is warm, friendly, inviting and she shares things about herself (in Playboy and other magazines there is always the bio specs of the girl).

Or maybe the fantasy is what it is all about but maybe you can sympathize with him. Maybe you could feel bad he doesn't have the model wife or live among "high society" and is just a poor, common Joe like the rest of us. Life is anything but perfect.

 

The Disney "illusion" has had a poisoning effect. All women think that the are going to meet prince charming and their husband and marriage are going to be perfect and perfectly faithful and the guy is never going to have the desire to look at another girl. Who does it really hurt if it is done in moderation? Your getting mad about it is just going to make him do it more. There is not much to say. Maybe you need to communicate better and watch the anger, judgementalness and intensity levels because those things will just bring it down to the lowest common denominator, grief and they may possibly be factors which like I alluded to earlier, are adding to these relationship problems.

I hope this is a joke, or else this person is really bitter. capitald, I hope that you feel better soon and find some happiness.

[TineeTam]

Originally posted by faux

Porn is NEVER THE PROBLEM.

Sometimes it IS the problem.

 

Porn in no way can cause a relationship to end. Porn in no way can cause a person to be inconsiderate and uncaring for his SO. EVER.

Of course it can. Pornography can and does come between people. In the same way OM/OW come between couples. People are human and if taunted and teased enough they are going to react somehow. Even a loving and caring person can crumble under the constant battering of pornography. It's difficult to get away from sometimes. Its in the news and on TV, Internet, mainstream publications, radio, etc. If its talked about enough, and alluded to enough, people will get curious and check it out more. Pornography has power over basic instincts. It can change body chemistry and brain activity for short periods of time--enough time to do something that will destroy a relationship. Just like any drug use. It can happen to anyone and that is why so many people fight to keep pornography under control. Sadly, they are losing the fight. It's not all innocence and curiosity and fun. It starts that way for many people and can end up in disaster-even death.

 

The real issue at hand is almost always: The woman is insecure, and chooses to blame the pornography rather than accept that she herself has problems.

WHAT! Absolutly not. How did you come up with this?

 

Every time the woman is insecure, the man suddenly is "addicted" to pornography. The man suddenly "oogles other women", or "No longer finds me desireable". Let me tell you... If I had to deal with someone so insecure that they would constantly blame me for things I feel that I would have every right to find them undesireable!

Some people do jump to conclusions. Others don't recognize the addiction for what it is because so many people keep telling them it's their fault and not pornography's. The same can be said for insecurity. Many men accuse women of insecurity because its a convenient excuse for them to continue destructive behavior. It might not be insecurity at all, but these men don't want to take responsibility.

 

The OTHER real issue that comes into play at times is: The man is an outright scumbag. It is NOT the porn that is causing the problem. The woman would rather blame the pornography than accepting the fact that her man is a complete, disrespectful idiot. He becomes unattentive to her needs, discontinues any form of emotional support, and acts a fool. Lesson to be learned: Sometimes it takes a while for people to show their true colors. Porn does not cause this.

Some men, and some women, are jerks--or scumbags. But sometimes is IS the porn that is causing the problem. Once the cause of the problem (porn) is eliminated and the behavior is redirected to healthier outlets, the relationship can be, and often is, saved - to the complete satisfaction of both parties.

 

The main thing is that pornography does not cause problems.

If you talk with some doctors who have counseled couples because of pornography, you will see that most times, pornography IS the problem. There was no problem before the person began using pornography. Once that item of disrespect is removed, or modified to satisfy the moral/values of BOTH partners, the 'problem' is resolved.

 

The problems already exist. Most of the time people are blind to the problems, and find it far easier to blame pornography. Pornography has, in a sense, I think become the new devil:

As I stated, many times the problem is pornography, therefore, it did not exist in the relationship prior to its introduction. There is nothing new about pornography--its been around as long as people have existed, so its not a new devil it's an old one.

 

In my opinion, this way of thinking is completely ignorant and ass-backward. Some people are just genuinely messed up to begin with, and we refuse to see it. When we finally begin to realize we may have made a mistake, we'd sooner blame porn or flirting or friends.

 

You are certainly entitled to your opinion, and I don't want to change it, but I do hope that you get more information and facts to back up your statements. I hope those who are suffering with pornography in their relationships will do some research on their own and maybe even go to counseling, because what they see in this thread (and the other porn threads) will let them know that there is no right or wrong answer that will apply to everyone and every situation.