Losing My Cool...22 Days Nc And I Want To Call Him

[nikkicam71]

Tired of this NC BS. He was calling me so much...I didn't have to "wait" for the dumper to get in contact b/c he wouldn't STOP calling me! I want him back, VERY much...wouldn't it be easier to work toward that if he actually had some sort of interaction with me???

 

I am very confused right now, doubting my decisions of late. I took this time away b/c I went thru the emotional rollercoaster every time he called, but I MISS HIM SO MUCH. I keep hoping that something will change for him and he will break down and call me, but reality bites...and I know it won't happen. He told me to please call him if I thought I could be okay with being friends. It's only been 22 days, and I know it wouldn't be any easier now than it was three weeks ago, BUT....this really sux.

 

Please advise. I miss him like hell.

 

~Nikki

[jw32802]

I am at the same point as you,where you think "i thought he'd call by now" but my sister told me her ex waited a month and now he sends her flowers every day, went to her house on his hands and knees and begged for her back, wrote her a sweet email and she refused to take him back which is making him try harder. she is dating someone but he deosnt know it. she said she was fed up with how he would keep breaking it off and finally put her foot down and he was shocked cuz she always took him back before. and now she wont and its driving him insane

[nikkicam71]

JW,

 

I would hope that eventually he would come around...I'd be content to sit patiently and wait, BUT...he knows he hurt me terribly when he broke up w/ me, and now he knows that by keeping in constant contact with me after we broke up, trying to be "friends", that he hurt me more. He really does care about me and the last thing he wants to do is cause me more pain. I honestly believe that he will stay away for good, because he believes that to do otherwise would hurt me further. Essentially, unless he's coming back and wants to try again, he's RIGHT. I was honest about that and he understood. So he will probably "wait" until I contact him, until he thinks that I am "ok" with being friends.

 

This whole thing is killing me. I'm still not okay w/ friendship, not really...but at this point I miss him so much that I am almost willing to do anything, deal with anything. Each and every day is so difficult for me, increasingly so as time passes.

 

With your sister, if he broke up w/ her, did he stay away for a month entirely/immediately?

My situation is unusual in that he never really broke contact...he only stayed away for two weeks after we broke up. We had five whole weeks of trying to be "friends" before I started the NC thing. We broke up almost two and a half months ago...we've only stopped talking to one another 23 days ago.

 

I think I shot myself in the foot as far as a reconciliation is concerned by allowing him to call me after we broke up.

 

Please tell me more about your sister's situation? How long were they together? What exactly happened after the breakup? Why did they breakup?

 

Thanks for taking the time to listen and respond.

 

~Nikki

[jw32802]

Well my sisters boyfriend was alike like my ex; he wouldnt really "be there" for her, he would get distant, cancel plans, etc. She was so insecure with herself that she always called him, answered his calls when he did call, etc. (this went on for 3 years while they were together). She would mope around in her room and just wait for him to call; but he would be out w/ his friends, and even cheating on her. She put up with it for years, he'd always come back and pretend nothing happened (but only after a week or 2) and she'd always take him back. Little by little she got stronger and started getting out and guys would talk to her and tell her how awesome she was and her self esteem got better. This last year she would still do the whole 'breaking up, getting back together" thing w/ her ex but little by little she accepted his apologies less. I'd say around may they broke up and my sister didnt really care that time. She didnt hear from her ex for about a MONTH and then he came back and same thing . he said he wanted to get back but she jumped and took him back again. THEN the very last time he did it, this was in the beginning of june, they were fighting and he was like "i cant do this, all we do is fight". She said "this is the LAST TIME " She said "If we break up this time, this is IT AND I MEAN IT, i wont take you back". He didnt believe her and they broke up. For a month she didnt call him at all and he started calling again 2 weeks ago and she wont take him back. He always thought she'd be there and now she refused. She started dating another guy that she likes alot (but he doesnt know about him). She said "I dont care anymore, i dont want him back!). Well her ex sends flowers to her work every day w/ a monkey animal, he texts her, emails her with how he NOW realizes that shes gone for good and that he goes out and meets girls and he is annoyed by them and that no one is like her. She says to him "no i told you i wont take you back again". He showed up at her house w/ my parents there and got down on his knees and BEGGED. She said "I think you should leave, my parents are here". he said he didnt care. Now he wont stop calling her. I think the key is, if they try to get you back, you have to say no and put them further into their emptiness. Make them really think of life w/out you and by that time you probably wont want them back!

[nikkicam71]

wow...that really is a completely different situation. He took her for granted and went back and forth. D never really did that...he pull me close and then push me away, but when he ended it, he told me honestly that with everything going on in his life, he just couldn't be in a relationship right now. He meant it sincerely...he's not going to come running back. He's also INCREDIBLY stubborn; he doesn't ever like to admit that maybe he made a bad decision...maybe he made a mistake. He cares about me, and I'm sure he misses me, but I am also certain that he will have convinced himself that he's made the right decision...for both of us...no matter how difficult dealing with that decision might be now.

 

If I ever want to talk to him again, eventually I will have to break down and contact him. Right now I just need to figure out how long should be long enough....how much time needs to pass before my heart will be guarded enough to deal with him without all of the pain. Without a doubt, I want him in my life again, in some shape or form. I can't imagine going the rest of my life and NEVER talking to him again. He was absolutely my best friend.

 

 

~Nikki

[jw32802]

well your situation is more like MINE. we talked on email i remember

 

My ex pulled me close but wold be distant and i couldnt take it ~ he would drink and would confess all his love but the next day he would be distant again and i couldnt take it anymore so i dumped him and he kept bugging me to come back and i said "only if you change" but he wouldnt change ..i feel the same as you at this point (3 weeks tomorrow of NC). I feel like "i want him to know i miss him but i dont want him to know either". And my ex is stubborn too and has way too much pride but he used to call me when he was drunk, when his inhibitions were down but i changed my number so he cant do that, but i thought id get an email or soemthing but i didnt. I think after about 6 weeks i am going to leave send him a note (i owe him $100 anyway) and put that in there w/ a note just to say "I hope you are well!) or something like that but something inside me wants him toc ontact me first! but i feel like hes afraid to

[nikkicam71]

Right now I would give just about anything to hear his voice. Pathetic, I know. I want to try and get past at least thirty days...I'd like to make it past Aug 16th...that's when law school starts. I still keep hoping he might get in touch, no matter how unrealistic that hope might be.

 

~Nikki

[jw32802]

It's funny you say that about hearing his voice. In the past my ex used to call me when we were broken up and he would say he would just call to hear my voice. In the last few days i have had calls on my cell phone that just say "Call" when it rings, and since i changed my number, only about 3 people have my number. so i cant figure out who it is. I think if someone is blocking their number it would come up "Private" but it doesnt , it just says "Call" but no one else has my number so it drives me nuts! He works for telephone software companies so he used to say he could easily get my number if i changed it, so maybe its him i dont know. I never answer it. I couldnt call him to hear his voice ~ He has this spell over me, that if i saw him or heard his voice, I would melt, hes a sexy guy and I couldnt handle it if i saw him or heard his voice.

[greenie]

Can I get your opinions on my latest thread? I had a new development and I need your advice.

[jw32802]

what is the development?

[greenie]

Thanks for all your help and advice.

 

THIS IS THREE POSTS PUT TOGETHER FROM ANOTHER THREAD_ SORRY

 

I have a new twist to share with you, if you're interested.

 

We talked last Friday and she decided to "see how the new relationship goes."

We didn't communiciate until Monday night when she called me on my cell (I was traveling for work, she knew this), and told me the same info that her friend, a sales recruiter, had told me earlier in the day. She had called about a job opportunity, but she had to have known that her friend would've already called me about this.

 

Well, I tried to be charming and nice, but busy, and got off the phone after about 5-7 minutes (I was at dinner), and I thought that would be it. BTW, she was commenting how funny I was and how great I am to talk to, even though we talked about nothing.

 

Then today she calls again, twice, to see if I would go see a spiritual whatever with her, b/c she wanted to "share her experiences with me." !!!!!!!! I played it off and told her that that was her thing and I that was just happy she was going to see her and enjoying it but I that I was going to "keep that her's."

 

She begged and begged and I finally gave in but then, again, got off the phone early. We are both in sales and coincidentally are going to be in the same city tomorrow, and now she's callling (3rd time) to see if I want to meet her for lunch. When I got home, there was an email asking the same.

 

What is up with her? Is this just her trying to stay close friends with me? Trying to get back with me?

 

I haven't asked her these questions, and don't want to. I was trying to forget about her beautiful face.

 

BTW, she accidentally sent me pics of her and her new guy on a "group email" on Friday, which spurned my phone call to her to aks her why. She seemed truly suprised I got them and apologized. Shaky?

 

....I have also thought about the fact that she may be trying to keep in contact with me in order to lessen her feelings of guilt about rejecting ME this last time, instead of me breaking up with her. Does she want to stick around and make sure I find someone else and truly get over her? I don't get into long term relationships very easily. I'm VERY picky.

 

I just can't wrap my brain around why she's so persistent in staying in contact, even though it is not constant. She'll go a few days without calling, then an email or call. And why does she still want me to meet with her spiritual lady to "share it with me?" She's trying to nail down a day when we can both go there together!! It seems that if she wanted to get me back, she would've been around a little more, not just sporadically. I want to share things with her too, but I know I need to let her take the lead in the relationship, since we have now switched dumper/dumpee positions.

 

I can feel myself maturing about this stuff and am tired of games or whatever. I think I feel now how she felt while we were together. I just hate what I did to her. She's too amazing....

 

 

.....Except that she was SO in love with me when we dated. I mean almost stalker love. And this girl is beautiful. We told each other we loved each other, but she more than I. Whenever we would have a break, she would ALWAYS come running right back to me. Now that I have wised up up our relationship, she is now in a new one, b/c it took me nearly four months to contact her and initiate our relationship again. I don't think she was in contact with any other exes, but I could be wrong.

 

And I told her I screwed up and wanted her back ONCE and that was it. But now SHE"S initiating the contact with me, but not jumping in with two feet. Kinda dipping a toe. I think she may not trust me to not dump her again. This new guy is "stable and safe" she told me. He wanted to marry her right away she said, and it was driveing her away, she said. And he has also said recently, "Don't leave me." to her. I mean, come on!! She would NEVER go for a guy like that!!! She likes tough guys. I masquerade as one sometimes.

[nikkicam71]

Okay, look...I have been her. You took her for granted, you dumped her...you disappeared for FOUR WHOLE MONTHS. She loves you, she's trying her best not to let you walk all over her again. She's confused. You probably screwed up her whole world. Unless she cared less than you say she did. Then that's a different ballpark.

 

If my ex came back four months from now, I'd have a hard time believing him. I've already started dating, and it's only been two months since we broke up, 22 days since N/C. (The N/C was my choice..being "friends" was too hurtful for me). If he came back in four months, I think I might feel like second best. As much as I love him, I KNEW 100% that he was it for me...obviously, he didn't feel the same. He needed to "find himself", figure out his life...and I guess see what else is out there. I want to be the final equation...after all other solutions are exhausted. you probably decimated this girl's self-esteem. NO ONE wants to be what's left when you can't find something better.

 

Capice?

 

~Nikki

[nikkicam71]

sorry....it's late. what I meant is I DON'T want to be the final equation...I want to be first choice. I don't want to be residual. And that's what you all make us feel....less than first choice. You know what I'm saying?

 

~Nikki