I've hit a brick wall in my relationship!

[industrialdoll]

I've been so confused lately! My fiance and I have been together for a little over a year now, and got in engaged after about 7 months. Everything was great for the longest time, it was still new, plus hes very respectful to me, my parents like him alot, ect.

 

The problem started taking form when me moved in together around March. I dont know what happened but I slowly started to lose intrest in him... this worried me but I just assumed it was normal and eventually everything would be normal again, but it just kept getting worse! I just dont see him the same way anymore, hes just seems like a good friend to me now. Im just not physically atracted to him anymore no matter how hard I try to bring those feelings back!

 

And the situation only gets worse....after a few months of struggling with this I started seeing someone. I love spending time with this person, we talk on the phone everyday, sometimes for hours (i dont know how I'm getting away with that no questions asked!) and try to see each other once a week (thats the only non questionable free time I have) I'm very intrested and the feeling is mutual. But thats only a result, all relationships start out like a rush to the senses, like a school-girl crush situation. Whos to say we wont break up soon? The thing that worries me with that is if my attraction toward my fiance doesnt improve this will continue to happen!

 

My fiance has noticed changes in me, Ive become more reclusive at home and not intrested in sex with him at all more and more all the time. One night he asked me what was wrong, and I told him I don't think I'm ready to get married right now. He understood, I'm 21 and still have alot of years ahead of me, he told me he is scared too (hes 31), he also said the only thing he would ever get upset to the point of potenially breaking up over is if there were someone else (!).

 

So with that, I couldn't bring myself to tell him the big picture. I still have this little ray of hope in me that everything will turn out fine over time and that I will just fall in love with him all over again, so I couldnt confess that I've been seeing someone, in fear of ruining our relationship right then and there. I wanted to tell him, so maybe we could take steps to try and work on it or go our seperate ways, and I still want to confess in some way for that reason, but I dont know how to talk to him about it without a huge confrontation and/or messy break up!

 

This has just been a big mess and it doesnt seem to be getting any better. I just dont know what to do at this point!!!!!

[bailey_jn]

From your post, it sounds like you do not know what you want from a man, yourself, or out of a relationship. Obviously the person you are seeing on the side is giving you what you want from a relationship that your current relationship is not giving you. You need to figure out what you want in a relationship and who gives it to you. Once you do that, you need to discuss deeply with your partner how they can meet your needs to keep you from going astray and how you can meet their needs. If you love someone and want to marry them, you will do whatever it takes to make them happy which will ultimately save your relationship. I would highly suggest you read a relationship book. I am currently reading one and in as little as 2 weeks my relationship has changed DRAMATICALLY. Sometimes the only problem in a relationship is communication. Maybe your fi does not know what you want. Maybe he does not know how to put you in the mood or make himself attractive to you. From how you ahve described him, I am sure he wouldf do whatever it takes to make himself attractive to you. You need to let him know. (Not in a rude way, just tell him that you want a romantic evening or something) Problems start small with miscommunication and escalate to bigger ones. That is my only advice. I hope it helps.