My new gf has never had an orgasm nor oral sex

[Poconobob]

Hello, a couple weeks ago, I met and have been dating an absolute knock out model material lady who has been in 2 former abusive marriages and shared with me very intimate details of herself, the most confronting is that she has not EVER had an orgasm, and she has never had been given oral sex. Why post? Well, for one thing, I have never been told this and secondly, being that I am married getting divorced after 18 years, I don't even know how to deal with this. I know, I know, I'm still married, I fully shared this with her, she by the way is only 2 years divorced and has not had sex since then. She has shared with me that once she gave a bj to someone because she liked him but didn't want to go all the way but wanted to give him some......and as a result, things didn't work out so it was good she didn't go to bed afterall.

Anyway, here goes, we met through a mutual friend quite by accident as I'm not looking to get attached but I have met someone that I now have feelings for. She is 35, I'm 39, we're both good looking people, in my opinion she is literally georgeous and as a result she gets hit on so much she has recoiled into not trusting anyone fully except for seemingly myself. I'm a gentleman, I immediately told her about my pending divorce, the fact my wife still lives under the same roof as I do, and all the laundry has been aired. Sandy tells me that she cannot understand how someone can let someone like myself go.....ya, I caught the compliment. Anyway, after date 2, I asked her if she wanted to get a room somewhere and she acknowledged yet was kind of standoffish. So I backed off, she then "wanted" to perform oral sex on me which of course I allowed her to initially do but stopped her saying that this isn't the right feeling, I want our relationship to be more than this. This seemed to impress her, I know this sounded plasticy but I stopped her from actually going through with the bj.... Next day, I went over and she asked me if I wanted to wash her back, I said sure....but instead of reaching in to wash her back, I undressed and went into the shower with her. We kissed, and I picked her petite body up and hugged her.... then to the bed where we made out and I penetrated for 5 minutes but had to stop abruptly as her roommate came in on us, but I could handle it.

 

It was later on the next day when she told me things she says she has never told anyone before...

 

She said she had been feeling so sore from the little bit we had done, I noticed she was extremely hard to penetrate even though excited. So anyway, this girl tells me she was never catered to and I was wondering what to do? By the way since the encounter, we agreed to slow things down a bit since they went into sex too quickly and we don't want a relationship based on that. But, I know eventually we'll get to it and I wanted to do all I can to pleasure her the way she deserves to be pleasured.

 

She confided about never having oral sex, I'm eagerr to do that, very eager if she'd let me. She says that she obviously never has had it and feels too old to try it now OR so she says....why else would she share that with me?

She tells me she is super attracted to me and that it is very hard for her to get close to someone....and I must knock down her wall before she would feel completely comfortable having sexual intercourse.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

bob

[CurlyIam]

I'm 25, have had a 4 and a half years long relationship.

 

When I came out of it, just like you, I didn't feel like jumping into something else, which I did.

 

I must confess that I was very inlove with my ex, but as far as sex went, I wasn't attracted to him anymore. We split up for other reasons, but I admit that I did not: 1. Want to spend the rest of my life with only one man and 2. if I do, I'd better be damn attracted to my guy (sexually speaking), which I was not.

 

Went out a while,met another guy.... I know I'm lucky, but I couldn't feel my knees on a date with him. I knew I liked him and was about to fall for the guy, but knew he was still casual about our thing.

 

 

LEt me tell you that my knowing this put a lot of pressure on us. Sexually speaking.... it was different. I cannot even say good or great. I felt the differance. I felt he did not love me, didn't love me like my ex did, I felt I was throwing myself with my head forward into nowhere.

 

 

First time with another man, even after a long time, it's always hard. For me it was.

 

You need to know eachother better.

 

About her physical condition:

 

Tell her to go and get screened for a bacteriological test. I think it is called vaginitis. It is damn hard to get rid of it ....and it is transmitted orally as well as sexually ( I think the bacteria is candida). The treatment is antibiotics. My sister had it and as she also is very petite and with a very weak immunitary system, it took her a year to finally get rid of it.

 

 

As far as oral sex is concerned, I say do not expect miracoles. Sometimes it works like a charm, other times it never does. She needs to trust you a lot so that she can completely enjoy it. At least that's how I work. Take it easy and do not expect any breakthroughs'.Notover night,at least . I think she might need a bit of time to get used to it and then to fully enjoy it.

 

 

Again, don't worry, first times are always funny.

 

I say take it a bit easier. Focuss on solving your pbms at home. I know it sounds silly, but when I'm stressed or worried about something, I have a hard time relaxing and thus enjoying sex.

 

Good luck,

 

Curly

[SoleMate]

She says that she obviously never has had it and feels too old to try it now

Wow, sounds like a challenge! I agree that you should go slowly, both on the emotional side and the actual physical expression of it. A guy your age should know enough not to attempt penetration unless she is lubricated, for goodness' sake! You hurt her and made her sore. Sounds like she is used to painful, unpleasant sex, but a true gentleman would be eager to introduce her to pleasurable encounters, when she is ready.

 

I know this sounded plasticy but I stopped her from actually going through with the bj

You want congratulations? Well, rah rah for you Poconobob.

 

She tells me she is super attracted to me and that it is very hard for her to get close to someone

I would take both parts of this statement very seriously, but it seems like you're only listening to the first part. Are you looking for a relationship, or just some quick fun? Given how fragile she appears, do you feel right about rushing her into something? I hope you don't, Bob. Also, does her undoubted beauty and attractiveness outweight the emotional baggage she's obviously hauling?

[whichwayisup]

Pamper her, shower her with lots and lots of affection...Fool around, do massages, lick her all over her body, kiss her everywhere, tell her she's the most perfect beautiful woman you've ever seen, that you adore her and want her to trust you, you want to please her, make her feel GOOD about herself...

 

Communicate as much as you can as well...Be honest, sincere (sounds like you are anyways...)And when she is ready, able and willing...It will happen. Just be patient baby! I know that must be hard...Just don't rush it...My saying is, you never rush a good thing.

 

Post back soon!

[VivianLee]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t38643/15-16

[SoleMate]

Hey PoconoBob, I'm reading a way different story now. I would read all your threads to see what the HECK is going on...but as jmargel pointed out, your story is far from straight, to put it mildly.

[Poconobob]

I conceed that I have not told all the details as put in the other posts; some of it is just simply I was scared to put what was really in my "world". I didn't set out to offend, didn't mean to mislead, and the truth is, the person I really was misleading was myself in not disclosing details, thus I once again say I'm sorry. I made a mistake coming out so quickly with question such as this.....perhaps I was a bit curious so I placed this original post as a fantasy of the future.

 

From now on, the posts will be on the other one, not this one so long as I keep on my promise, this post shouldn't matter to me for a loooong time.

 

By the way, in case anyone is remotely interested, I have agreed to take a long, long step back in a relationship to be just friends so as to not muddy my situation any worse than need be. I'm obviously confused, I am going to continue to sort out my life without another person involved, thanks for reading, and once again, I'm sorry.

 

bob