space and time??? =confused, grrrr!

[Puma]

after readin some of the help and suggestions given by some of you. to others...i feel it would help me if someone could help me out with thier advice as well, and would very much appreciate it.

 

they say love is for the strong..i finally realize why that is so. love is pain, love is joy, love hurts, love heals, love is peace, love is coherent yet unstable, but in the end love takes you to the same direction, that person.

 

with that in mind, my situation: im 21 soon to be 22, my ex now is 19. we live an hr away from each other, but the distance is not an issue as we always see each other on the wkds. we were together for 4 mths, u may think that is not much, but ive always believed love cant be captured in length of time of a relationship..but the quality of it. i also now believe that one does not fall in or out of love..but grow in love. grow as people, as individuals, and therfore..as a couple. the whole duration of my relationship was great..i knew and still feel that she is the one.

 

i believe in divine reason for certain things that happen to us..and i felt that God put us in each others paths at the right points in our lives. we both have had our past affect us in terms of bad relationships..and becasue of that, recognized what we had in each other. she was used to meeting jerks and guys that cheated..i was used to meeting girls that would take advantage of my sincerity and kindness. we both are who we are because of our pasts..and i can only thank our pasts because of it, because i wouldnt be able to realize the value of such. however i feel that her past might have more at hand of her decision to the break up. i feel she might have gotten a lil scared that she was gettin serious with me..and at a fairly early age and point in her life.

 

now this is what happened: our relationship was GREAT, we had fun, enjoyed each other, and if we had any of few diagreements (not fights) we would tlak things out and be laughin in no time. but in two weeks things kinda got rocky. i felt she was distancing herself emotionally from me almost. she wasnt as affectionate as usual, and things seemed to be more casual. she had said that school and work were stressin her out more than she thought she could handle..she had to even drop a class to make more time for other classes and work. i reccomended her to drop the class but didnt push it cause she is too pridful to give up or admit she cant do somethin on her own. she felt good after taht decision and i noticed she became relieved and more joyful. but as the weeks progressed she was stressed with midterms and work again and i felt sorry for her to see ehr that way so i would support her and let her know i ws there for any help.

 

well the jist of things happened when she came for halloween and we had a disagreement and she told me that she felt suffocated by me and by being in a relationship..of course that hurt me, as everything was good between us. i told her that it sounds liek she doesnt even want a bf..she replied "i want you". she said she jsut needed me to understand taht and that she needs some space. we talked and things were good again and we were good that whole wkd.

 

durin the week, we talked but not that much cause i wanted to respect what she said and not jeapordize anything. well, come friday, i had a pretty bad arguement with my mom over my dad and them gettin a divorce..so i didnt eel liek bein home or at school so i took off to see my gf for soem comfort. i didnt tell ehr i ws goin cause it was a last minute thing...when ur sad and feel a lil sick in the stomach, you want to see that person you love so i did. she was not home so i had to wait awhiel till she finally got there then i followed and knocked on the door. she didnt seem to please to see me :/ i went in for a kiss and she gave her cheeck! i knew soemthin was up....

 

 

The breakup: she asked what i was doin there..i explained..and she said she wasnt even gonna be there and that i shouldve called and not jsut show up like that. perhaps true..but what is a surprise if the other person knows?? anyways she didnt talk to me at all right away..and once i got her to talk..she let it all out on me. she said that i didnt listen to her the other night (halloween) about her and the space, and what she had said. i told her i did but taht due to me and my mom fightin..i couldnt be home and needed to see her, she said she understood but still.

 

she then went on to tell me taht shes young and wants to have fun..figure thing sout for herself as i did her age, and she feels she cant be what i expect of her..which i told her i expect her onlyto be herself. she said it hurts her but she needs space and time to herself, to get her life striaght, to do well in school and work, and to have fun with her friends. i dont understand how one can ask for more space..when we only saw each other on the wkds?

she said it was becasue that was the only free time she even had..and even then she still had to do hw on the wkds. i understood her and agreed and said that maybe time would be good, for her to realize what she has in me also. she cried and gave me a hug and then we left it at that and didnt realy finish the talk cause her best friend got there.

 

 

SO: we all went out to the movies(me, her, and her best friend) the same night she had broke up with me..she grabbed my hand in the movie, and later at night when we went to sleep..she pulled me in closer and got my arms to wrap aroudn her and we fell asleep liek that. why the mixed messages i dont get it? the next day we went to stay at her parents house and even there she was callin me affectionate names..it led me to believe she recognized she was talkin out of anger the night b4 and regreted her decision. BUT

 

on sunday we went back to her place and then she was casual towards me..so i left ehr to study before she kicked me out haha..and i departed. and i havent talked to her since that night when she imed me at night to talk a bit..i asked her what the situation was and she seemed to get frustrated so i dropped it and then thats that...its been a week and two days now since hearin from her and i feel hurt, and confused. is there any chance still? if she loved me liek she said she did..then it cant all go away in a few days..what can i do to get her back, cause i know she is the one for me PLEASE HELP

[lostNconfusedx10]

well bud...she needs her space. It sounds to me like she wants to go out on the weekends with her freinds. If the weekend is all the free time she has and and she wants to go out she cant if you spend the whole weekend with her. You need to ask yourself a few questions. 1) Is her timing right to ahve a boyfreind right now? 2) Can you stand back and give her the amount of space she needs? (which could be like 1 weekend a month with you) 3) Do you know that she would be loyal to you if you gave her that space?

 

Invading her free time will only push her farther away. Give her another week and then try talking to her. If you can stand it, offer some compromises. tell her "You should have your free time to go out with your freinds and live it up while you're here and i want you to cause i love you, but can i be assured you will be faithfull?" or somehting to that sort. Also ask her if you could see her on the weekend like maybe spend a whole sunday together but then you'll leave early enough for her to go out too? try to find compromises that fit her needs and your needs

 

girls (and guys) love their free time. If she only has such limited free time then you cant soak up all of it

[Puma]

thanks for ur insight, appreciate it. i am willin to allow that space...and thats what she has got to know, which is why i havnet talked to her because i dont want to give her reason to tell me "see just goes to prove, you dont listen and not given me space". cause that just defeats the whole purpose of tryin to get her back. she knows im a great guy..and she made it clear to me that im a really good bf, which is why it hurt her to do it..but i dont think you should let go of somethin such as a relationship because youhavin trouble with life..a relationship should try to help you with life if anything. there was nothin she can really say was bad or destructive in the relationship which of course is why it hit me the most as to why she decided as she did...grrrrrrrr, women!! they say they want something..then you get it and they dont know what to do anymore. PLEAsE HELP WITH ANY MORE ADVICE PEOPLE