Ok now what

[soosad]

OK now what

 

Its been almost 2 months since my fiance broke off our 14yr. relationship ( i posted about this before). The only physical contact we have had was 1 time she asked for us to go out to dinner (2 weeks after split) to see if we had a chance to rekindle our relationship. She said she still didn't feel a the spark after that. Another time She came to pick up her bike and hugged me many times and I gave her a letter. The only other contact was us e-mailing each other and an occasional phone call. Initially i kept wanting answers but eventually i came to the realization i have to just accept it and move on. I told her that i wasn't ready to "just be friends" and that i wouldn't be calling her but if she needs me i'll be there for her.

 

So a little over a week ago i get a e-mail from her saying that she called my father and my aunt saying that she's confused and part of her wants to run back to me but another part isn't so sure. She also told them it would only happen with out time apart. Hmmmm... why did she call my family?

 

Then 2 days later she e-mails telling me that she pictured us being together in a totally new and different relationship (which she says she hasn't felt in a while) and that she loves me and that i am the only one that truly loves her. She also said that she see's me in a different light, appreciates me, and misses me. She doesn't know if we were to ever make it as a couple but she has been picturing it.

Also that we have a lot more to learn about ourselves and each-other and that she doesn't expect me to sit and wait for her but she wanted me to know she was feeling this way. She says again that we needed this time apart.

 

A day later she e-mails me to tell me that my father has invited her over for the holidays should she come. I replied that I didn’t think it would be a good idea for us see each other if we didn’t have the intentions of getting back together and that if we were to make up by then i would love. She then wrote back saying she agreed and that she would let me know if she wanted to come back before Christmas also saying that would be kinda soon.

 

I am wondering what her intentions are but do not want to contact her.

I feel like she is giving me a false hope or keeping me hanging around.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

soosad

[Merin]

Crap! Why would YOUR Dad invite your EX Fiance' over for the holidays without asking you how you felt about that FIRST?

[NiCoLe20]

sounds shes really confused in what she wants.... give her a lot of time for herself...in the meantime no contact w/ her... ignore the email i wouldnt reply back... she called off a marriage...that would mean a big deal with me..i probably would just forget about her...but everyones different...send a card or call on xmas...i wouldnt do much more

[alphamale]

Originally posted by soosad

I am wondering what her intentions are but do not want to contact her.

I feel like she is giving me a false hope or keeping me hanging around.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

soosad

 

 

OK Soosad:

 

Listen to this and listen good cause it is your ONLY chance to get her back:

 

#1) Your stmt above about false hope is essentially correct, she is feeling you out

#2) Immediately you must institute a NC (no contact) policy with her, NO TYPE OF CONTACT at all

#3) Tell her she must in no way contact your family members because she left you!

#4) sit and wait, make yourself #1, get a new hobby, date other women, have fun without her

#5) after a time of NC (maybe 2 or 3 months) she will most likely contact you and when she does then you have her

#6) if she decides to come back to you then you need to make her work to come back, don't take her back to easy cause then it won't be worth much to her, MAKE HER PAY AND CLIMB UPHILL FOR MILES. Tell her you're casually dating other women even if you are not.

 

good luck

 

alpha

[soosad]

Thanks for all the great advice. It really helps a lot:)

 

My father really pissed me off when he did that. He said "oh yeah i invited her to come" when i confronted him.

 

It was really weird i felt the strongest i have ever been since our break up and then i got those e-mails. Every so often I seem to think about what was the point of all telling me those things. I feel like i should make a deadline as to when i will no longer accept her back because i feel as if she's keeping me hanging. The last thing i want is for her to think i'll be waiting forever.

 

I am definitely sticking to no contact it seems like it can work if i continue. I have already picked up a new hobby but i have no desire to date anyone yet. Believe me if she were to come back i would definitely make her work for it. Not necessarily for payback but just to make sure that she is seriously ready to commit and that i can trust her because right now i feel like it would take a long time to rebuild that trust i once had (i feel betrayed).

 

I 'm sorta hoping that we can reconcile for New Years (although not likely).

 

soosad

[Celie]

Originally posted by alphamale

 

 

 

OK Soosad:

 

Listen to this and listen good cause it is your ONLY chance to get her back:

 

#1) Your stmt above about false hope is essentially correct, she is feeling you out

#2) Immediately you must institute a NC (no contact) policy with her, NO TYPE OF CONTACT at all

#3) Tell her she must in no way contact your family members because she left you!

#4) sit and wait, make yourself #1, get a new hobby, date other women, have fun without her

#5) after a time of NC (maybe 2 or 3 months) she will most likely contact you and when she does then you have her

#6) if she decides to come back to you then you need to make her work to come back, don't take her back to easy cause then it won't be worth much to her, MAKE HER PAY AND CLIMB UPHILL FOR MILES. Tell her you're casually dating other women even if you are not.

 

good luck

 

alpha

 

K but be careful. you can't go on about your life fully if you have this in the back of your head. also, i was in this sitch & did the exact above things. (not in a manipulative way, it just turned out like that b/c i really DID NOT want to talk to him!!!) i even had a new bf who treated me the way i deserved. after 3 months of my ex's repeated calls, flowers, etc, i dumped the new guy & took him & his vows of "change" back. a year & a half later we are back to square one. i'm afraid that if someone like that treats you less than respectfully once, the potential will always be there. & people like that will always come crawling back b/c they know on some level they can dominate the relationship & that's seductive. i say start fresh w/ someone who ADORES you unconditionally & doesn't pull this hot/cold crap. life's too short! then again, i am still having trouble letting go of him so i'm not as confident as i sound. it's hard! but try to use your head not your heart in this one & later your heart will thank you!