there is this cute girl I have a crush on and asked out. Need advice big time.

[Midwest guy]

Hi, Im new to this board. I was wondering if someone could give me some advice on a girl I like. At my work there is this cute college girl I asked out. Problem is she goes to school two hours north so I wont see her till the summer when she comesback to work. Anyways so when she was back at work for a few weeks over Xmas break I asked her if she wanted to go out and do something sometime and she said sure she said let me see what Im doing so I was like cool and wrote my number down for her. So we talk again the next day to see what she wanted to do and I told her Id like to take her out to dinner and I asked her if I can have her number and she said "I'll call you" she said she doesnt like giving her cell number out to people so I was like ok then and she said she would promise to call me.

 

Anyways I bought her a giftcard for xmas since I figured we were going to go out sometime that week like she said. So I gave it to her and she thought it was cute and gave me a hug. and said thanks and that it was sweet of me. I thought I scored and all, and that a date was a sure thing. Well she said she was busy like she said before and she would call me. So I saw her at work a couple days later and asked her when she was going to call me and she said I was starting to be a little pushy and she said she understands that I want to take her out and all but she said she had friends she wanted to see since she was on break and I said ok. So I backed off and she still didnt call me by Sunday so at work I didnt bring the subject up much until I went home and I asked her if shes busy this upcoming week and she said she would see.

 

So I joked and asked her why she wouldnt give me her cell num and she said cause she doesnt like people calling her all the time lol. I told her my feelings and that I thought shes a polite girl, and thats shes really cute and she smiled and said thanks and stared at me kinda blushing well I did the same too cause I kinda froze. Anyways so I asked someone at work who had her cell number and they gave it to me since she wouldnt. SO I called her one day on it since I knew she was off work that day and asked her what shes doing and she was shopping and her cell phone was breaking up so we said we would talk at work she wasnt rude or anything at all. So the next day at work I see her and I asked her whens a better time to call her and she says "you really need to stop, dont call me" I was so angry. I just called her once and at work she just snapped at me like I was some stalker or something. her last day there I asked her if she would ever go out on a date with me she said "never" I asked her why and she said I'm too persistant with her.

 

I told her sorry if I sounded pushy but that I wanted to really take her out and I asked her why she got mad when I called her and she said cause it was rude to call her when she said she didnt want me calling. I mean if she agreed to call me and go out on a date calling her just once I dont see being rude. I just seems everytime she would make excuses that shes busy or something. Like one day I had one of her frtiends at work call her cause I knew she would get mad if I called her and had her ask her what shes doing and if we could go out after I got off work she gives another lame excuse "Im going to the movies" Could it be she was just trying to blow me off since shes polite and didnt want to hurt my feelings? At the end I asked her if she was mad at me and she said she wasnt. She said she doesnt like to date co workers, and that shes not in town cause shes goes to school up in Quincy to play soccer goalie. I asked her if she has had a bf recently and she said she doesnt. She said Im not really her type. Could it be I was too pushy and that turned her off? I asked her if over the summer if I can please still take her out and she said she would see.

 

Is there anyway I could get her to change her mind? Maybe since summer vacation is longer she would have more time and less pressure. Shes really attractive looking and I never had a gf before and I grew the sacs to ask her out on a date. I felt really hurt though by her. I was thinking if I call her sometime just to see how schools going and how she is doing do you think that would make her mad that I called her again? What happens if I call her again and she doesnt like that? I mean I dont want to look like some stalker and have her call the cops or something, or tell her dad or anyone. If she was more upfront with me when I first asked her out I wouldnt have had a problem with it. Please can someone give me advice?

[morrigan]

IMHO, I don't think she did or is currently wanting to date you. If anyone keeps giving excuses (too busy, going to movies, etc.) when they are asked oout, it's a good indicator that they are not interested. I'm not trying to be nasty, everyone has been rejected at least once, but pestering someone to date you after they've given you excuses isn't going to charm them over.

 

She should have said she was seeing someone else instead of the "I'll call you," line. However, she has since told you she didn't want you calling her, and you should respect her wishes. I'd cut my losses and not ask her out anymore. Get out and meet other people--she's not the only interesting girl out there.

[Huntr777]

I'd say that you probably gave her the wrong impression with the constantly asking her out, and why didn't you call me lines etc. It seems to me that it was totally unintentional on your part, but she's seeing in it a different way. I think she said it all when she said that you were being pushy. Right there, back way off and let her make the next move. I say move on, don't worry about this girl.

 

And when the summer comes, don't ask her out (hopefully you'll have met somebody better for you by that time). Because if she does come back in the summer, and if you ask her out again, you're in for another round of excuses and blow-offs. Like Morrigan said everybody gets rejected, just don't make the same mistake that I did and let it get you down. Remember, it's not how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you get back up.

 

Good luck.

 

Hunter

[Hund1976]

I agree with the last one, forget about her, she was trying to blow you off by being nice but you weren't taking the hint very well. Anyone who is remotely interested in you will give you their phone number. Just think about it from your shoes if you met a cute girl wouldn't you try to make time to see her no matter how busy you were? Excuses are just a nice way of saying "I'm not interested in you"

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by Hund1976

I agree with the last one, forget about her, she was trying to blow you off by being nice but you weren't taking the hint very well. Anyone who is remotely interested in you will give you their phone number. Just think about it from your shoes if you met a cute girl wouldn't you try to make time to see her no matter how busy you were? Excuses are just a nice way of saying "I'm not interested in you"

 

Im still upset though. She goes to Quincy though which is over a hundred miles away so I can see why maybe she doesnt date also being a soccer goalie I assume she would get hit on by the males around campus. I just dont see why she doesnt like giving her number out for. One of her friends told me she doesnt like to give it out also and that she doesnt date.

[Hund1976]

Well either way you still need to forget about her. If she really isn't interested in dating anyone then you don't want to pursue a girl like that. Maybe she's a lesbian for all you know?!?

 

If you got up the courage to ask one girl out then just keep that up and start asking more girls out. Just think of it like baseball, Barry Bonds doesn't hit every pitch out of the park. Sometimes you strike out sometimes you get a hit, but you just have to keep walking up to the plate and swinging.

[iceisles]

Is there an effective way to gauge the legitimacy of the "I'm busy" excuse? I've wondered if there is a way you can tell if they really are busy, or if they are just saying that. What about jokingly asking something like, "Are you playing hard to get?" and see how they respond?

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by Hund1976

Well either way you still need to forget about her. If she really isn't interested in dating anyone then you don't want to pursue a girl like that. Maybe she's a lesbian for all you know?!?

 

If you got up the courage to ask one girl out then just keep that up and start asking more girls out. Just think of it like baseball, Barry Bonds doesn't hit every pitch out of the park. Sometimes you strike out sometimes you get a hit, but you just have to keep walking up to the plate and swinging.

 

true. There are two other girls who work there "twins" who are friends with her cause they played for Quincy too I bet one of them would go out with me. But the girl I like though I like her personality, she has a cute smile and is pretty. Why is it women dont like pushy men? I mean us guys if a hot girl came up to us everyday wanting to go out we would be over her like flies on Sh*t. What do most girls do when a guy who has a crush on them keeps calling? I only called her once but I might call her this week. Is like a friday or weekend good so that way I dont bug her if shes in class?

[iceisles]

Originally posted by Midwest guy

What do most girls do when a guy who has a crush on them keeps calling? I only called her once but I might call her this week. Is like a friday or weekend good so that way I dont bug her if shes in class?

 

That depends on 1) how much they like you and 2) how open they are with their feelings. Some women will welcome such calls, others may not, while some may welcome them BUT have no idea how to respond. Her personality and her recent relationships may play a role in determining which category she falls into.

 

I would probably call Friday night, unless you're looking to maybe get together with her, then Thursday night would probably be better. It's always good to catch someone before they make other plans.

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by iceisles

That depends on 1) how much they like you and 2) how open they are with their feelings. Some women will welcome such calls, others may not, while some may welcome them BUT have no idea how to respond. Her personality and her recent relationships may play a role in determining which category she falls into.

 

I would probably call Friday night, unless you're looking to maybe get together with her, then Thursday night would probably be better. It's always good to catch someone before they make other plans.

 

Uh shes like 150 miles away at school right now. What I mean is if I call her to see hows she doing? You know just small talk. Then that way over the summer maybe I would have a shot. Anyways she didnt like it when I call her before so if I call her this time and she takes it the wrong way what would she do most likely? Should I flirt with her when I call?

[Midwest guy]

Also if she doesnt get mad I call her how often should I call?

[Midwest guy]

I was thinking when I call her should I tell her my honest feelings about having a crush on her? If I tell her I really like her and admit I have a crush on her and thats why I kept asking her so much would she be understanding and maybe give me another chance or would she snap and say never call her again? I just feel akward telling her I have a crush on her cause it sounds kinda stalkish. I dont want to be a stalker lol, but I really do like her. Shes beautiful but she has a personality that I like too which is important to me.

[Midwest guy]

Also when she comesback over the summer should I write a letter and give it to her with my feelings about her on it? I wrote one and was going to give it to her but decided not to since I talked to her at work on her last day.

[Bronzepen]

Your too infatuated with her. If you haven't scared her away permanently then you will, if you call her again or send her a letter.

 

She already told you she doens't like to be called. Getting her cell number from a friend was not cool. That is stalker's MO.

 

Look at it this way. Think of a girl that you have no interest in and not attracted too. Now this girl started to call you even though you didn't give her your number then started to send you letters on how she feels about you.

 

Pretty creepy, right?

 

My advice, ignore her. Not forget her. Just ignore her. Even when she gets back next summer.

 

In the mean time, concentrate on the local gals.

 

When summer rolls around and you see her again -

 

Say hi and bye to her. Only talk if she initiates it and keep it brief and say you have to go. Don't bring up your feelings about her or that you want to date her. Believe me, she will be surprised in a good way that you have done a 180 on your stalker personality.

 

Tease her. Treat her like a little sister (if you have one). Show her that you have a life. Tell her your going to a concert, hockey game, bull fight, whatever.... Show her your a busy man.

 

If she starts to show interest in you, meaning she starts talking to you more then it's on. Keep teasing her and never show your "feelings" for her. Don't be a wussy. Girls don't like wussies. - Not trying to be mean here.

 

Then say, "Hey, I'm going to a game, restaurant, concert this (pick a day) you should join me."

 

If she is interested then she would say yes. If not then don't bother with her anymore.

 

Move on.

 

Good Luck.

[Huntr777]

I would highly recommend a book to you called "Dating For Dummies". Now please don't take that as an insult. I bought it myself, and guess what? I saw all the mistakes I was making. Plus I saw all the mistakes some girls I dated were making. I honestly wish I read this book when I was younger, I probably wouldn't be single now!

 

Believe me, it's a great read...you could probably get a used copy off of Ebay for 6 or $7, and it's worth it's weight in platinum! If this sounds like a commercial, I guess it is...but I honestly think it would definitely help you out.

 

Hunter

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by Bronzepen

Your too infatuated with her. If you haven't scared her away permanently then you will, if you call her again or send her a letter.

 

She already told you she doens't like to be called. Getting her cell number from a friend was not cool. That is stalker's MO.

 

Look at it this way. Think of a girl that you have no interest in and not attracted too. Now this girl started to call you even though you didn't give her your number then started to send you letters on how she feels about you.

 

Pretty creepy, right?

 

My advice, ignore her. Not forget her. Just ignore her. Even when she gets back next summer.

 

In the mean time, concentrate on the local gals.

 

When summer rolls around and you see her again -

 

Say hi and bye to her. Only talk if she initiates it and keep it brief and say you have to go. Don't bring up your feelings about her or that you want to date her. Believe me, she will be surprised in a good way that you have done a 180 on your stalker personality.

 

Tease her. Treat her like a little sister (if you have one). Show her that you have a life. Tell her your going to a concert, hockey game, bull fight, whatever.... Show her your a busy man.

 

If she starts to show interest in you, meaning she starts talking to you more then it's on. Keep teasing her and never show your "feelings" for her. Don't be a wussy. Girls don't like wussies. - Not trying to be mean here.

 

Then say, "Hey, I'm going to a game, restaurant, concert this (pick a day) you should join me."

 

If she is interested then she would say yes. If not then don't bother with her anymore.

 

Move on.

 

Good Luck.

 

See when she was down here I told her I was free almost the entire week to do something and she would say I'll call you sometime this week. SHe was really nice about it at first each time I asked her. She seemed kinda interested at first but I think she was just trying to be polite with me and brushing me off. Although when I bought her a gift she gave me a hug and thought it was sweet and said I didnt have to buy her anything. I'll call her on Saturday. I mean I wouldnt call her like 20 times if she said no cause then she could get the FBi or something like that lol.

[Midwest guy]

Oh also what happens at my job if I loose my job before the summer? I work at home depot and they fire people left and right all the time. If I miss anymore time they will fire me they told me today. If I got a diff job then is it alright to call her since I wouldnt see her at work?

[head/heels]

for real.....do not call her again...are you nuts? she said do not call her ...she isnt that interested in you....if she was , she would have jumped at the chance the first time...believe me....so just let it go...no letter, no phone calls, nothing...and if you lose your job you still have no right to call her since you found out her number from her friend when she didnt even give it to you.........you have to have signs she likes you to do those types of things....definitely, do what BRONZEPEN suggested...that is exactly what to do...i couldnt have written it any better.....

 

follow that advice not only with her but with all those girls who you are not sure are feelin you in the future...

 

as for this girl....yeah, she has every right to act like she is acting...you can take what n e one says too seriously especially if you ask them out...they dont want to hurt anyones feelings....i am amazed she told you you were pushy...most would not have the cojones to tell someone that but would chose to, instead, make up another excuse or tell you she will call when she has time..

 

so take these words to heart...and dont make these mistakes again!

d

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by head/heels

for real.....do not call her again...are you nuts? she said do not call her ...she isnt that interested in you....if she was , she would have jumped at the chance the first time...believe me....so just let it go...no letter, no phone calls, nothing...and if you lose your job you still have no right to call her since you found out her number from her friend when she didnt even give it to you.........you have to have signs she likes you to do those types of things....definitely, do what BRONZEPEN suggested...that is exactly what to do...i couldnt have written it any better.....

 

follow that advice not only with her but with all those girls who you are not sure are feelin you in the future...

 

as for this girl....yeah, she has every right to act like she is acting...you can take what n e one says too seriously especially if you ask them out...they dont want to hurt anyones feelings....i am amazed she told you you were pushy...most would not have the cojones to tell someone that but would chose to, instead, make up another excuse or tell you she will call when she has time..

 

so take these words to heart...and dont make these mistakes again!

d

 

Then again she agreed to go out and such so I figured she was interested. Shes single though and shes what I want.

[morrigan]

Midwest guy, who this girl wants to be--if she wants to be with anyone at all at this time-- is her choice, not yours.

 

Everyone--tall, short, good looking, smart, nice, funny, charming--has liked someone who just didn't reciprocate the feelings they had. It does feel bad when you felt a connection with someone and they do not feel the same. But to continue to believe that you can somehow change their mind isn't fair to you or them.

 

It's much better to meet another person who will like you for who you are, without the need of persuasion.

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by morrigan

Midwest guy, who this girl wants to be--if she wants to be with anyone at all at this time-- is her choice, not yours.

 

Everyone--tall, short, good looking, smart, nice, funny, charming--has liked someone who just didn't reciprocate the feelings they had. It does feel bad when you felt a connection with someone and they do not feel the same. But to continue to believe that you can somehow change their mind isn't fair to you or them.

 

It's much better to meet another person who will like you for who you are, without the need of persuasion.

 

So what can I expect if I call her again? She said maybe she would see about going out and doing something over the summer. I mean I dont have anything to lose really calling her. If I called her alot could she report me?

[Hund1976]

Well if you call her and she says "please never call me again" and you keep calling her she can file a report on that.

If I called her alot could she report me?

But the thing you have to ask yourself is why are you calling someone who you think there is a good chance that they will call the police on you if you call them.

She seemed kinda interested at first but I think she was just trying to be polite with me and brushing me off. Although when I bought her a gift she gave me a hug and thought it was sweet and said I didnt have to buy her anything.

Most people will act nice at first, as long as they are half decent human beings. If a girl you weren't interested in asked you to hang out sometime what would you do? Would you be nice and try not to hurt her feelings or would you scream "Hell no!!! I'd rather die!!" and run away.

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by Hund1976

Well if you call her and she says "please never call me again" and you keep calling her she can file a report on that.

But the thing you have to ask yourself is why are you calling someone who you think there is a good chance that they will call the police on you if you call them.

 

Most people will act nice at first, as long as they are half decent human beings. If a girl you weren't interested in asked you to hang out sometime what would you do? Would you be nice and try not to hurt her feelings or would you scream "Hell no!!! I'd rather die!!" and run away.

 

True. She said she would go out with me though. Could me being too "persistant" as she says turn her off?

[Midwest guy]

I want to call her this week, but should I do it tonight, or over the weekend? Would the weekend be a better time? I mean its a weeknight and she might be doing homework or something.

[Adunaphel]

Please *don't* call her.

 

It would drive her even more away than she already is.

And you'd really look like a stalker.

 

True. She said she would go out with me though. Could me being too "persistant" as she says turn her off?

 

It is very possible.

Also, when she said she'd go out with you, she could have only been trying to be nice.