Feeling Lonely Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 OK guys, I'm new to this website, but I really need some help. I haven't really taken the time to read other threads on here so the advice I need may already have been posted. OK, so I’m 18 and I'm from London in England and I need some help. I'd been with my boyfriend for 14 months and although it sounds sad, he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've been suffering from depression for around two years now and he has helped me to deal with it so much. Although, the relationship wasn't without its fair share of problems, I have such a flirty personality and also an honest personality, every time I even remotely liked another guy I would tell him and I even went out one night and got another guys number and I almost met this guy until my boyfriend gave me a taste of my own medicine. I met my boyfriend at work, it was lust at first sight. I was always pretty shy but when I met my boyfriend I asked him for his number and when we went on our first date I made the first move. It was so unlike me! We got serious and loved-up immediately, but after a while the flirtatious me came through. He ended up leaving work for a better job and I was really proud of him, then I saw who he was working with, loads of attractive girls! One day we had a huge argument, his next-door neighbour is like a mother to him since his mum died 6 years ago. And I was rude to her. So I was no longer allowed into his house. Although I apologised to her and we get along fine now, his family still hold the grudge. And that argument was like a mental kick up the ass! I knew I could be a good girlfriend and I was going to show him! Sorry, going on a bit here. But it was too late, my behaviour had done its damage and neither of us trusted each other, on top of that I had just lost my job and was £1,000 in debt and he was £10,000 in debt with nothing to show for it. So factors outside the relationship were affecting us too. We split up, temporarily, we knew that we would get back together, we both still had such strong feelings for each other. Unfortunately he began to like a girl at work. But one night we went out on a date, it was fantastic, both of us forgot all of our problems. So we decided to give it another go. The next day we confessed to me that he had slept with the girl from work. I WENT MAD! He even had to wrestle a small knife out of hand, as I am also a self harmer (he has had to put up with a lot)! But I met him the next day and we talked, cried and kissed for 3 hours. During the time that we were apart I met him one night and we kissed and almost had sex, I later found out that that was the night after he had slept with her, he could of had both of us in 24hours. So know this girl from work is his girlfriend and he told me that he didn't love me anymore. So I sent him a letter, next thing I know he does love me and his girlfriend isn't sure that she wants him. The next day they decide to work it out, so he doesn't love me anymore. So I decide to ignore him and all of a sudden he loves me again. One Friday night I was in the pub with my friends, he was in a nearby pub with his friends and his girlfriend was in another pub with her friends. So I saw him and we hugged and kissed and he said he wanted me and felt bad about what he had done, he also told me that he was going to dump his girlfriend. Later on that night once I was at home he rung me and told me that his girlfriend had seen me while I was waiting for my lift home, but he had dumped her and he wanted me, but we just had to sort ourselves out. I'm cool with that because I want to stop being a flirt. Next thing I know I’m having an argument with him over something I said. When I’d seen him outside of the pub I said to him that from what he's told me about her, his mum would be disappointed in the way he had treated me and the other girl. He agreed with me saying that he hadn't slept the other night through thinking that. So I said the same thing on Sunday and he screwed. He went mad! He told me that I should kill myself and do the world a favour. So I changed my number, ignored him, etc. He got back together with the other girl and she emailed me. She slagged off our sexlife and told me I never cared about him because I was too busy hurting myself, which was not true. Then I suddenly get emails from both of them apologising and his email even said that he loved me and not being able to contact me was killing him. So I went to see him at work. I told him it was so hard for me to stand there in front of him and not touch him, he told me to stop fighting temptation and I kissed him. I didn't trust him but I knew in the future that I would be able to and that I loved him so much. That kiss meant everything to me! He told me that his girlfriend, now ex again (how confusing) had seen him that day and was asking him questions like "do you want me to wait for you?" and "how long will it take?". When I got home I went on the Internet, she was online and I asked if she was ok. And we got talking, I told her that I had seen my ex and she had asked if he'd said anything about her, so we got talking. It turned out that nothing matched. Apparently he asked her to wait for him. And while he emailing me saying no contact was killing him, he was emailing her telling her how serious he was about really wanting to be with her. The girl and me agreed to meet for a drink and we spoke on the phone, apparently he told her I wasn’t even out that night he met me outside the pub and she told me I could have him if I wanted him. I said I didn't either (BIG LIE). I ring him and he tells me that he’s actually in the pub with her (so she would of stood me up) and that they're back together, she had recorded the phone conversation between me and her and he listened to it. Although what I don’t understand is that she was saying more than I was, yet he wants her and not me. He told me that the reason what he said to her didn't match what he had told me is because he didn't want to break her heart, so: 1. Why is he with her then? 2. WHAT ABOUT MY HEART!!!!! Ok, so this is the question. How do I make him realise that I am the best thing for him?????? Sorry it's so long! 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NiCoLe20 Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 why dont you guys just get together and have a 3some? lol ... seriously he's playing you both out. he got the power in this situation b/c your LETTING him do it! why dont you leave him be? he's a player and a dirtbag. he wants both of you guys. he wants to go hook up with that chick, then the next day hook up w/ you. he doesnt love either of you's b/c i doubt he knows what love is. why be w/ someone who told you to go kill yourself? thats just nonsense. i wouldnt put up w/ a dude like that. you can do better. i hope you guys use protection , to say the least, b/c he's switching back n forth b/w you two. kick him to the curb, leave him alone, and get over him. he's not worth the stress and drama girl Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 I agree, he's playing both of you. He doesn't love you. He knows that as long as he tells you something good and hopeful you will keep coming back to him. He's probably the type of guys that wants to be able to say to him buddies that he slept with two women in 2 hours kinda thing. Leave him alone. Don't talk, don't see him, change and de-list your number again. He's gonna play you against her (or some other chick) until you won't put up with it anymore. And who knows, there could be other women in this triangle that you don't know about. Most of all, don't sleep with him, condoms or none. One might break and he'll give you an STD or get you pregnant and take off!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 12, 2005 Author Share Posted February 12, 2005 Thanks guys. I realised today that he had changed, he was never like this before and because he's changed he has changed me. I have become really clingy and desperate to keep him. I used to be so strong and was always the one to wear the trousers in my relationships. But i have become so weak, i feel like i can't do anything without him. He clicks his fingers and i come running. Man, i'm hopeless! But i guess admitting the problem is the first stage to recovery Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 [font=arial][/font]MORE HELP NEEDED! OK, i spoke to my ex yesterday, i told him that some things are better said face to face and could i meet him for his lunch on Tuesday. But in reality the only reason i want to meet him is because i want to kiss him and make him realise that he still loves me more than he thinks he does. I know that is so ****ed up. But what do i do? I don't care what he's done, i just want him back with me where he belongs! Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 ummm... if he belonged there with u, then he wouldn't have BEEN with someone else. Don't be second best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 I know, i've already to said to him that i don't want to be second best. He told me that i was never second best! That is so not how it feels. But its horrible, when i think about him i am so down and depressed. And when i'm not thinking about him directly he is always in my subconcious, but when i think of him that way i think of all the good times and it feels like were still togther! So i just end up feeling worse. Link to post Share on other sites
soldier Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 what makes you think that his new bird actually wants him - is that what hes told you or did you just assume that? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 you need to get some self respect and not let some piece of trash like this guy run your life and jerk you around. Dont let him fug with your emotions. I say you and the other chick get together. hehe j/k Link to post Share on other sites
lil'miss naughty Posted February 15, 2005 Share Posted February 15, 2005 what are you doing? Really, You need to try to get over this! It seems that he wants to be with this new girl. And by you not letting them get it on properly, they may end up resenting you! It seems that this other girl is the innocent party in this, along with yourself. You seem like a down to earth gal, however, you seriously lack self-respect by doing this! If you meet him, DO NOT force yourself upon him, he will think he can keep playing games and use you for when thing fall through with this new chick! It seems like he wants to keep you at arms length.........................If i were you I would cut my loses ( it doesn't look like you have much to gain) and move on. Could you imagine the lack of trust in the relationship? He would still have to work with the girl(s) and you would hate that. It really isnt worth the heart ache darling as it just isnt going to happen.................. SORRY to upset you, But if i were you I would just walk away!! Good Luck in what you do hun! I hope you take this advice........You are worth more! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 15, 2005 Author Share Posted February 15, 2005 Lil' miss naughty. . . . . i don't suppose your real name is Katie by any chance? If yes, then, EVERYONE THIS IS THE OTHER GIRL! Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 15, 2005 Share Posted February 15, 2005 hmmmm..... meow!!! *scratch scratch* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 15, 2005 Author Share Posted February 15, 2005 HEEHEE I don't suppose theres anyway you can delete your own user on this website? I came here for some inpartial advice on how to deal with my situation. So my ex's new girlfriend being here means i cant say things i really want to say. But just to update everyone, i met the ex today and although it was v.awkward at first we got back into our usual selfs and it was good. I'd forgotten how gorgeous his smile was. The weird thing is that i always saw a long future ahead of us and for some reason all of this has made it seem a lot clearer, im positive that were meant to be. Although i dont believe in "the one", i do believe that there are people in this world that we do truly connect to and he is most definatley one of those! And although i didn't believe a word he said to me today, i do still want to get back with him! Link to post Share on other sites
lil'miss naughty Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 I was just about to reply, when I saw something about me!! He he. Erm...........My name is Sarah but I do have a cousin named Katy - it that helps?!? Was only trying to give some friendly advice I hope it works out for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 18, 2005 Author Share Posted February 18, 2005 Sorry lil' miss naughty. I heard from my ex that his girlfriend had been on here. And the way you talk (or should i say type) you sound just like her. Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
tis ok......... Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 that is fine sweety! are you ok? how are things? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 18, 2005 Author Share Posted February 18, 2005 things are going ok. We've spoke and were going to sort things out between us. We want to be together more than anything. We kissed the other day and his boss saw, my ex told his girlfriend and then their boss told her. She was pretty ****ed off! As you can imagine. The thing is his now-ex-girlfriend has noticed that that he's been a bit down, so shes talking him out tonight!!!!! And, i've been talking to his brother online, his brother is the 14 and he's lovely, we've always got along so well, so i've been talking to him and hes saying loads of things like how this girl was like part of the family and everyone loves her. Then he told me i should leave them and let them be together, BUT HE WANTS TO BE WITH ME and i told him that and he didn't believe me! Then he told me i was posessive. He was so rude. I rung my ex and couldnt get through to him, so obviously im ****ting myself! Eventually he rings me, he was in his kitchen where he gets no service, and we've been talking and he said i can trust him, i think part of me does, even though i know its stupid but im gonna be worried all night. Its him, his ex and her friend. I am so scared, but i guess if this works i can trust him a little more! So thats the latest update. probably have more tomorrow! Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 I know you don't want to hear this, but it sounds like he's playing both sides of the fence again. The two big things that stand out are 1. he hasn't told his bother that he wants to be with you and 2. he's hanging out with a girl right after he supposedly broke it off. Seems very suscipious to me. Hoping I'm wrong, Roxy Link to post Share on other sites
Other Man Posted February 19, 2005 Share Posted February 19, 2005 By leaving him alone and getting on with your life, I know it hurts but in a few months, everything will be alright. Link to post Share on other sites
lil'miss naughty Posted February 20, 2005 Share Posted February 20, 2005 I was Just about to reply when I saw what others were saying. I do kind of agree with them, it does seem asthough he is playing you both . But we wont know until he comes back from his day out. I can't believe he went out with his ex I wouldn't of had that I am guessing you know how things went now?? I hope it went well Link to post Share on other sites
lil'miss naughty Posted February 21, 2005 Share Posted February 21, 2005 I thought I would write as it seems everyone is having a similar problems lately. My friend is going through a similar situation to you. She is heart broken. He keeps telling her that they will get back together one day and that gets her hopes up. I don't think that is fair. I told her that she should give a choice and tell him that the decision he makes is the one he has to stick with forever. She is obviously ****ting it but at the end of the day I think she should be in control of her own feelings and also have a degree of control over the outcome. He told her that they can't be together as he needs to go and see and experience NEW things. She doesnt think he is seeing anyone else, but apparently he has been seen with a new women (she looks about 12) but I think it is wrong. I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 OK. I just want to thank everyone for their advice. Heres how things stand: Apparently this girl was there when my ex's bro was being rude to me on the internet and my ex could hear them laughing together but didn't know what it was about. His bro has always been like the little brother that i never had and i loved him like a brother, i can't believe he would do that! I blame her! Together they are evil and spiteful! Only a few days before this incident he was calling me 'big sis'! ARGHHHH So my ex and his ex went out that night. They had a good time, he was texting me through the night, i made sure of it so that i was on his mind. He got really drunk, but he text me and told me that he was 'faithful'. Then i found out yesterday that he doesn't know whether or not he was. Apparently they went for a kebab after the pub and he doesn't remember that, so he doesn't remember if they kissed or not. GREAT! And, he had a chat with his step-dad about stuff and his step-dad said that we would never work out because when i finish Uni i'll be 21 and he'll be 27. we'll be at different stages of our lives! SO ****ING WHAT! That means nothing, I told my ex that all he's ever done is listen to other people and follow their advice, he never does anything for himself. So. . . . .what did he do? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . GOT BACK WITH ME!!!!! I want to be with him, i think maybe i should have waited longer so we could sort things out properly, but while theres the threat of the other girl lurking i can't trust him! So we'll just have to see. But i swear to god, if this doesn't work then i'll be the first to admit that thats it for good! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 ARGHH OK, me and him are over for good! I found out yesterday that he went back to her house on friday night and they had sex, despite the fact that he had been texting me that night telling me he wanted me in his bed when i jokingly said he better be staying in his own bed that night! I am such an idiot. Now he's not even manly enough to admit what he did and apologise for it, even if he's not sorry about what he did he should at least be sorry for the lies he told. I'm not really that miserable today, just sour. Well sweetie, if you ever find this, I HOPE YOUR LIES KEEP YOU WARM AT NIGHT! As for the other girl, well she says that she wants nothing to do with him, im not sure if i believe that, i think he'll find someway to get into her knickers but if not, perhaps me and her should start a girl-on-girl relationship, what do u think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feeling Lonely Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 I've been thinking, and i might just be being paranoid. But i get the feeling that this girl told me these things, about friday night, etc, so that i couldn't take anymore and i would leave him alone. Leave them alone to be together. Am i being paranoid, or do you think that is possible? Link to post Share on other sites
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