Want opinions on what the chances are

[norcaldivr]

Here is the situation,

 

I was in a very intense relationship for about a year that I broke off. That was last August. The ex met another lover who is a musician in mid October who moved 1500 miles away by early November. Fast forward to recently, I realize that I want this person back. We have re-established our friendship and I have been clear about my intentions. I said I am OK being friends for now but that I am hoping something grows out of it if things don't work out with her BF. She has serious misgivings about the LDR and has said over and over she is not going to continue it for more than a few more months if they do not get together somehow. I know her well and believe this to be true. By all appearances the prospects of her LDR working out are slim but of course not impossible. I sort of feel bad about being in her life and hoping for the LDR's demise but she is an intelligent woman and the cards are on the table. Like they say, all's fair in love, war, and parking.

 

I am well aware of the "let's be friends" trap and would never go along with that if it were not for the circumstances. One is that I broke up with her, not the other way around and two is the real possibility that she will be available. But I also realize reality and that the chances are also slim therefore have started dating and am in a relationship now. She does not like this one bit but accepts that I am not going to keep myself on hold forever waiting for her. Just so everyone knows I am honest in my new relationship and have chosen someone who does not want a committment. I don't want to break any more hearts and also if things with the ex can be rekindled then I won't have the emotional committment and can easily walk away.

 

Our relationship had issues that eventually would have torn us apart but since we have been friends we have talked much more than we ever did when we were together and in the process resolved almost all of our issues, especially the major ones. While we are only friends now she has stated that she thinks we have potential.

 

So I would love to hear what other folks have to say about this situation. My inner voice tells me to cut bait and move on mainly because of the odds of this sort of thing working but I sense there is potential. What do you all think ??

[bdarlin]

The relationship that you are in now is most likely affecting your relationship with this girl that you are interested in more than you may think. On one hand, it may be making you more desirable, but for the wrong reasons. On the other hand, she may be more hesitant to break it off her LDR due to the fear of being rejected. She also may not feel comfortable with that thought that if she broke off her relationship you would just walk away from your current one. I understand that you don't want to just wait around for her to make a decision. I think you need decide if you are really interested in pursuing the relationship and if so then you need to put everything into it. Show her that she is worth waiting for...make her feel special and show her that you realize that you made a mistake breaking up with her and that you are truly sorry.

[clynn]

". Like they say, all's fair in love, war, and parking."

 

It is a very interesting situation and story and I think that bdarlin makes some worthwhile points.

 

However, if you're being really upfront with everyone about everything.....then I don't know if you can go too far wrong. Though I guess the relationship you are in right now and the relationship your exgf is in are acting both as safety nets for you guys.

 

Certainly this has been a good opportunity for you both to analyze your relationship and to think about what went wrong and if it is fixable or not.

 

Sounds as though you may have your answer within a few months anyhow, though? If she has said that is how long she will wait for the musician.....

 

Good luck, keep us posted!