Does this sound like a jealous ex to you? Opinions please!

[eastern_mystique]

Hey everyone,

 

My ex called me last night to confirm plans that I'd made with him a few days ago for meeting up on my birthday (which is tomorrow - I'm 20!). Basically we're just gonna meet up for a few drinks in the evening, an hour and a half, two max. He talked to me for about 35 minutes.

 

Anyway, he was asking me about my week, and I mentioned that I went over to my friend Andy's house to help him with his animation project (quick history - me and Andy liked each other last year, but nothing happened because we realised that any relationship between us would be an ummitigated disaster, as we're completely incompatible). Well, I mentioned to my ex that something sort of happened when I was at Andy's place (he kissed me - but I didn't tell my ex that) and that I'd been thinking about it for a couple of days. Suddenly my ex is all kinds of interested and is begging me to tell him what happened, and I said that I didn't want to talk about it on the phone - and he's saying all sorts of things like:

 

"You have to tell me!! Please?"

"You can't leave me hanging! Go on....you can tell me...."

"Oh, now I've got all kinds of thoughts running through my head...."

 

 

He was mad with curiousity. And then he asked me "did he try to kiss you?" and I said I'd tell him when we met up on my birthday if he wanted to know, but I didn't want to discuss it at the present moment. Then in a strange, defensive tone he said "well, obviously he did". Anyway, I changed the subject and started talking about his karate grading that he has today and I confirmed what time we'd meet up on Sunday. Then I said "well, I'll talk to you on Sunday then" and he replies "actually, I'll probably call you tomorrow night and tell you how my grading went, so we can talk about other stuff on Sunday". I can guess what he wants to talk about and I know he's going to bring it up. He sounded about ready to die if I didn't tell him.

 

Of course, it doesn't mean he wants me back - not yet - but was his obsessive questioning a sign that this bothers him.....just a bit? Some kind of some-other-guy-is-encroaching-on-my-territory-and-I-don't-like-it reaction? There's still palpable chemistry between us, so does it sound like this has aroused some kind of dormant possesiveness?

 

Thoughts please!

[helena abadi]

it does appear he is still connected to his feelings for you, but be careful. he is still the ex.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Men don't like it when other guys encroach on their back burner girls. He panicked because he sensed for a second that he might not have you where he wants you.

 

I mentioned to my ex that something sort of happened when I was at Andy's place (he kissed me - but I didn't tell my ex that) and that I'd been thinking about it for a couple of days. Suddenly my ex is all kinds of interested and is begging me to tell him what happened

 

Why did you tell your ex? It sounds like you want to get back with him and told him just enough to purposfully make him jealous, but not enough for him to get angry with you and have your 'back burner' status threatened. Were you testing him to see how he'd react?

[eastern_mystique]

When he broke up with me, he told me about 5 days later that he liked some other girl who also liked him. He felt no compunctions whatsoever in telling me about this and even went so far as to ask my advice!!

 

I don't see why I have to tiptoe around his feelings when he clearly didn't with mine - I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine and see how much he liked it. Yes it's petty, but I can't read his mind, and it seemed like an instant-result way of testing his feelings for me. So, yes I suppose I wanted to see how he'd react.

 

Besides we've always been incredibly honest with each other and told each other everything. He's always been able to tell when something's on my mind and sometimes even knows what I'm thinking, so it would have come out eventually.

[helena abadi]

no, it's not petty. it's just human, and i guess i would probably do just the same thing. ah, the games we play....

 

a little revenge ain't a bad thing.

 

men are really something, aren't they? asking your advice on another girl! well, you paid him back, and who can blame you?

 

breaking up is a confusing time on both sides. the dumper has a hard time, even tho the dumpee feels the injustice is mainly on their side.

 

the score is 1-1. now what?

 

he obviously has feelings for you still, you tested it and you got the reaction you were hoping for. and Lucrezia is right, men don't like it when someone encroaches on their back burner girls.

 

he also understands you still have feelings for him. will you settle for being a backburner girl?

 

my advice, get tough, keep some distance. the score might be 1-1 but play it very cool and divert your attention with other activities -- self-protection is heathy.

[eastern_mystique]

Here's an update on the situation

 

[color=indigo]I met my ex last night for my a few drinks, we spent about two hours together. It was really good, he started off talking enthusiastically about how his karate grading thing went (he passed) and a few other things......then he started asking about what happened with Andy and me......I don't know why, but I suddenly felt reluctant talking about it with him, and he could see that. But that didn't stop him from asking me over and over and over again, even though I told him that it wasn't that interesting all he said was "Just tell me". When I asked him why he cared and why he was so interested all he'd say is "I want to know, tell me". In fact I tried changing the subject and started talking about something else, but he saw right through it and quickly steered it back to this whole Andy-and-me subject.[/color]

 

When I told him that Andy had kissed me he started asking questions like "Was there tongues?" and "Was he good?" (does that mean "was he better than me?"). Anyway he wanted to know "all the gory details", so I told him what Andy had said to me afterwards (i.e along the lines of "I like you but I'm not sure if I want to go out with you, because there's a good chance it won't work out"). Then my ex asked me "Is anything gonna happen with you two, then?". I told him that no, nothing was gonna happen with me and Andy for various reasons (we're incompatible, it would be a long distance relationship and other stuff too). Anyway, after I'd finished telling him all of it, he said "I'm glad you told me" - he said this three times. When I asked him why he was glad all he said was "I don't know". Perhaps he's glad because it means I'm still 'his'? I don't know.

 

[color=indigo]We also got onto the subject of my mother not wanting me to meet him (she doesn't trust him because he broke up with me) and he was like "really? what did she say? I want to know" and he was really curious and when I said to him "why does it matter? it's not like you care" and he said "I do care."[/color]

 

Anyway....the rest of the night was good. At one point I looked up and he was staring right in my eyes for what seemed a long moment (5-7 secs) and he had this smile on his face....we went to a different bar after a while and this time he was sitting next to me (he was sitting opposite me before), our knees were touching at one point. He seems comfortable being close to me. Then we went somewhere else after a while and he tried to get me to dance (I didn't). Then suddenly he saw some guy he vaguely knows and he came over and started talking to him and then this guy turns and says to me "I've never met you before but I've heard a lot about you". I didn't realise his out-of-college friends knew about me....we left soon after anyway, because I had to get home (his dad gave me a lift back) and while we were walking he could tell I was feeling a bit cold so he asked me "Do you want to wear my jacket?" I said no but he still asked me three or four times more. It was a good night overall.

 

[color=indigo]He came up to me at college today. We spent the late morning/early afternoon together (neither of us had lessons) and our two friends hung out with us too. He was playing pool and sometimes when he got a ball in a pocket he'd turn to me and say "Did you see that *insert my name here*? That was great!". He did that same staring-at-me-for-a-long-moment-with-a-smile-on-his-face thing when he was sitting next to me too. He took two really close up photos of me on his phone for no reason (which he then deleted because they weren't very good). When I challenged him to a game of thumb war (I know, it's childish ), after he won he held onto my hand very tightly for much longer than was needed (about 15-20 secs). When I stood up to leave, as I had a lesson to get back to, he did this trick which involved grabbing my leg from the front and back and pushing me back down, so I ended up sitting back down, next to him. Normally I see him at the end of the day but I think he left college as soon as it finished - he said he was going to get my birthday gift today (he didn't forget to buy it - he wanted to get it a few days ago but he forgot his wallet). Even though I told him I really really don't want a present from him, he was adamant that he was getting me something.[/color]

 

(I know this is lengthy but just wanted to make sure I haven't left anything out).

 

[color=indigo]I don't know what to make of all this really. I feel like we're getting closer again.....certainly the way he is acting with me isn't negative, but does that make it positive? The fact that he was sooo interested in what went on with me and Andy is something of an indication that he was jealous. I mean, if someone I wasn't interested in romantically told me that some girl had kissed him, I might say "Hmm, really? That's nice" but I wouldn't ask loadsa questions because if I don't like them in that way, why would I care? But he was so desperate to know. Another thing is that he remembers like everything I ever said or did when we were going out and even since then, and he notices all these little things like if I'm wearing interesting earrings or how I laugh. He always brings up something when we spend time together. It's silly stuff and not important but the fact that he remembers....well, does that say something? I remember/notice this stuff about him too, but that's because I care about him, so that makes sense to me.[/color]

 

What do other people think? Sorry this is indecently long, but I think details are important Was he actually jealous? Does his behaviour indicate there is still interest/attraction towards me? I personally don't think he would be completely against giving things another shot, but I want to continue as just friends for a while longer and give it sufficient time before I suggest that....

Anyway, opinions/thoughts/ideas would be welcome, thankyou! - xx