What Other Women Have to Say to Betrayed Wives

[Mr Spock]

Moderator's Note: This post and the next few that follow it were originally in a thread posted in the infidelity section. They were split from that thread and moved to this forum because they didn't address the original poster's topic, and were inappropriate for the Infidelity forum

 

Unless you walk in our shoes, don't judge.

 

 

Exactly.

 

You think you've got the market on pain cornered simply because you were MARRIED to someone?? Gawd.

 

 

I am SO tired of the attitude that the OW is betraying the wife simply because they're both women. A big freaking percentage of the women on here are PURSUED by your husbands. They form emotional attachments - REAL FEELINGS, people - and yes, they have sex. Probably as much as they can. Even if they INTENTIONALLY pursue your husband, it doesn't make them EVIL - women look at a man and think he equals happiness and they mean to have themselves a piece of that happiness. Wives do it too. It's why they cling so tightly when he's done nothing but cuckhold them since day one.

 

 

If a co-worker, friend, stranger, relative comes up to your husband and flirts and he doesn't say "Hey, back off I'm married and I love my wife" and instead whips it out and dips that wick then you've got no one to be mad at but him. But, it rarely works like that. Believe it or not, the man that professes to loooooooooooove you for better or for worse usually decides he needs a new cow. Sometimes it's because the old cow isn't doing it for him anymore.

 

Sometimes it's because he just wants a new cow.

 

Your husband stuck his penis in another woman and really liked it. This is something you will have to deal with probably for the rest of your marriage. The easiest way is to blame the OW. More power to you, but at least acknowledge what you're doing.

[phillygirl63]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

 

Your husband stuck his penis in another woman and really liked it. This is something you will have to deal with probably for the rest of your marriage. The easiest way is to blame the OW. More power to you, but at least acknowledge what you're doing.

 

Give me a break. Most men could stick it into a mole hole and really like it. I, for one, think it's hysterical that OW fall for the sh*t these men give them regarding their marriage, wife, feelings for them, etc. The OW somehow find the crap these MM feed them flattering and actually buy it! MM that cheat will take whatever they can get and when they find a live one they will jump onto them like a tick to a deer. OW would love to believe the lies these MM tell them about what a wretch they have at home and how they are just staying because of the kids. 9 1/2 out of 10 of them would dump them cold when the wife finds out. They may have enjoyed sticking their penis in another woman but they aren't going to stick their necks out because of it.

[Mr Spock]

Give me a break. Most men could stick it into a mole hole and really like it. I, for one, think it's hysterical that OW fall for the sh*t these men give them regarding their marriage, wife, feelings for them, etc. The OW somehow find the crap these MM feed them flattering and actually buy it! MM that cheat will take whatever they can get and when they find a live one they will jump onto them like a tick to a deer. OW would love to believe the lies these MM tell them about what a wretch they have at home and how they are just staying because of the kids. 9 1/2 out of 10 of them would dump them cold when the wife finds out. They may have enjoyed sticking their penis in another woman but they aren't going to stick their necks out because of it.

 

 

You're missing the point, in a big big way. The line of "forgivness trust and recovery" is just a big a dung heap in most cases. The word of a MM is somehow worth more when he lies to his wife??? "Baby I only love YOU, it meant nothing, I'm sorry, I'll never make that mistake again"

[izzybelle]

spock,

 

the word of a MM is somehow worth more when he lies to his wife??? "Baby I only love YOU, it meant nothing, I'm sorry, I'll never make that mistake again"

 

that's exactly it! and i've always wondered about that. yes, as OW we may be vulerable, naive, whatever else anyone says about us that we actually believe the crap that is fed to us. but i've always felt that the fact that they lie to their wives is worse. and who knows who's getting told the "worse" lies. i know the BS wants to believe that once they've come clean that the lies have stopped. but how exactly do you know? many of these men have perfected the art of lying to either save their butt or to get a piece of one .... IMHO, they deserve to spend the rest of their lives with their own their hand to give them the satisfaction they betrayed their families and others just to get.

[Naive]

Originally posted by phillygirl63

 

 

Give me a break. Most men could stick it into a mole hole and really like it. I, for one, think it's hysterical that OW fall for the sh*t these men give them regarding their marriage, wife, feelings for them, etc. The OW somehow find the crap these MM feed them flattering and actually buy it! MM that cheat will take whatever they can get and when they find a live one they will jump onto them like a tick to a deer. OW would love to believe the lies these MM tell them about what a wretch they have at home and how they are just staying because of the kids. 9 1/2 out of 10 of them would dump them cold when the wife finds out. They may have enjoyed sticking their penis in another woman but they aren't going to stick their necks out because of it.

 

 

The way you put it makes it more clear that both the OW and the W are victims of a selfish man!!! Of course that's not always the case, sometimes the OW is also at fault and other times it's the wife. The case is always going to be different. The only thing that always is the same is that the Hspouse who cheats is the real f*cker in this whole situation because he owes respect to his wife and the OW/OM do not owe sh*t to the W or H!!! Whatever the OW/OM does is only wrong doing to themselves.

[Mr Spock]

Whatever the OW/OM does is only wrong doing to themselves.

 

 

No, not quite-they're enablers. One must be able to accept fault for their actions-but it's entirely true they don't owe the BS sh*t. That's what I'm saying. People get on here and post "Think of the W, how could you" well it goes both ways. Most of the time the W places a large chunk of the blame on the OW.

[Naive]

and the H is the one who promised and professed eternal faithfulness and love not the OW!

[StillHurtin]

One of the big reasons I was so angry w/ the OW was b/c she tried to be my friends for so many years, always wanted me to do back-up daycare for her daughter, and every time I went to see H at work she came over to me and would talk to me like we were the best of friends.

 

When I confronted her about the rumors (that turned out to be true) about her and my H she of course denied it. Not only did she deny it, but she acted like she wanted to help me to make him change his mind about the D. She said she would talk to him, tell him I still loved him, blah, blah, blah, but as soon as she got the chance, she slept w/ him. She stabbed me in the back, big time. She didn't care how I felt.

 

By her wanting to help was just an excuse to keep me from wondering what was going on. H didn't know what he wanted at the time, me or the D. He admitted he moved too fast filing for the D and was having second thoughts about the D, even the OW said he was having second thoughts. During our phone conversation she admitted to me that she can't walk into a store w/o some woman glaring at her b/c they thought she was trying to take their H's away from them, she laughed about it.

 

After we got back together (but still separated) the OW called H. She told me that I shouldn't be mad at her b/c he was the one that "started it all." I told her that was BS and she knew it b/c she was after him since day one (the first company party she told H he smelled good and bit him on the neck). When I told her I knew she was the one persuing H she shut up. All she could say was that she hoped our M worked out.

 

I never said I blamed the OW fully for the A, I blame them both, and H did get my wrath a lot more than the OW did. I was A LOT more angry at H for the A than I was w/ the OW. When you love someone you tend to want to forgive them more than the person you aren't too fond of. H is the father of my children, the OW is nothing to me. H was the stupid one who risked loosing his M and children for a roll in the hay.

 

The OW claimed she was happily M and wasn't having an A w/ H. Sure seems funny though, if she was such a happy W why did she file for a D from her H a week after my H filed for a D from me? Doesn't sound like she was very happy and it's obivious she knew my H was getting a D and was on the market so she wanted to be. They both fed me a line of BS lies.

 

I am slowly starting to forgive the OW and in time, I will fully forgive her. In away, I honestly don't blame her for wanting H. He is a good looking man, w/ a great sense of humor. I wanted H from the day I seen him, and I didn't even know him.

 

I know what it's like to be the OW and it's not fun. It causes a lot of pain and tears. Wanting someone so badly but you can't have them.

[Mr Spock]

It's a healthier attitude to have where you acknowledge the faults of others but admit that you still love them-you can even understand why your supposed friend wanted your husband, than to act like you've siezed the brass ring at the merry go round. Or something like that.

[HoneyWheat]

I think there are two kinds of other women

 

the innocent ones

 

and

 

the homewreckers

 

 

i think joyce needs to think about that...was this ow lied to by her husband or did she intentionally try to break up their marriage.

 

it makes a big difference

 

I would be livid if i was dealing with a homewrecker

 

but if its an other woman who was lied to i would feel sorry for her

 

 

 

ok maybe there are three types

 

the fatal attraction one is a third i would say

 

but i do tend to place ALL of the blame on the MARRIED MAN because in my view HE is the one who BROKE the VOW to me. He should not have pursued an extramarital relationship which means HE cheated on the wife.

 

I feel bad for Joyce that she is not putting more blame on her husband....

 

but if she is truly dealing with a homewrecker/fatal attraction type woman i don't blame her for being pissed. the woman tried to steal her husband basically.

 

 

PS: I was an Other Woman who didn't know it...so just thought this should be added to this thread...I have never been an other woman since then...I do my best to ferret it out ahead of time and let's just say Im not very nice about it when I find out

[phillygirl63]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

You're missing the point, in a big big way. The line of "forgivness trust and recovery" is just a big a dung heap in most cases. The word of a MM is somehow worth more when he lies to his wife??? "Baby I only love YOU, it meant nothing, I'm sorry, I'll never make that mistake again"

 

I truly understand what you are trying to say but keep in mind, the betrayed spouse knew the MM when he was single and free. He wasn't cheating (or was he?) and making up insane lies while he was wooing her and making sure he made her his wife. My husband cheated on me and I found out after 15 years of marriage that he betrayed my trust and lied to me. I did not know before this time that he could lie and manipulate. My point is this, why do OW want to be with someone who are such capable liars and manipulative people? Look, when you start something with a married man you already know he is a liar and a cheat. I don't get why that's a turn-on and how you could really truly love someone like that. I fell in love with my husband when he was single and free. I didn't become deeply in love with him until I saw what a wonderful father he was. When he cheated, part of that love died with me, but because there was a powerful bond between us I didn't want to give that up. The bond was the life we built for the past 15 years. What's the bond OW share with a man that will lie and cheat to be with them and then most of the time let them down when they have to call up and cancel?

[Mr Spock]

My point is this, why do OW want to be with someone who are such capable liars and manipulative people?

 

Why do you?

[phillygirl63]

Spock, you obviously missed my point in my last post. I didn't start a relationship with someone I knew was capable of lying and cheating as an OW does. I started a relationship with a single, free man. My husband did lie and cheat on me. No two ways about that. Will I be capable of trusting him 100% ever again? Probably not, although I'd say I'm close after four years and lots of therapy together. But Spock, we married women have a heck of a lot more invested in our husbands than OW have in their MM. Children, families (his and hers), houses, finances, years of memories, and future years spent with grandchildren. My question was...what do the OW have with that man, other than the lies he feeds them? Why would they want to stay with him? I'm not so sure had I been childless my husband and I would have made it through the rough patch. I'm glad we did but it wouldn't have been such a big investment to lose had I'd have to just worry about myself.

[BoatingBabe]

Originally posted by phillygirl63

My husband did lie and cheat on me.

 

Regardless of time frame, you still stay with him eventhough he's NOW a liar and cheat, OW's fall into the same trap....a cheat is a cheat, don't try to justify it because it is NOT any different for the OW as it is for the wife.

[whichwayisup]

Regardless of time frame, you still stay with him eventhough he's NOW a liar and cheat, OW's fall into the same trap....a cheat is a cheat, don't try to justify it because it is NOT any different for the OW as it is for the wife

.

Sorry, I'm calling Bullcrap on this one. It IS DIFFERENT as she (as any wife) has INVESTMENT in her husband. A Wedding in which VOWS were taken. Children, families bonded, friends, neighbours, a LIFE together. The OW does NOT have any of that - Please, don't compare and say it is not any different cuz it is.

[BoatingBabe]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

.

Sorry, I'm calling Bullcrap on this one. It IS DIFFERENT as she (as any wife) has INVESTMENT in her husband. A Wedding in which VOWS were taken. Children, families bonded, friends, neighbours, a LIFE together. The OW does NOT have any of that - Please, don't compare and say it is not any different cuz it is.

 

Yeah yeah, but he is still a lying cheat. to BOTH women....if the wife chooses to tolerate it, it's her choice.

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by BoatingBabe

Yeah yeah, but he is still a lying cheat. to BOTH women....if the wife chooses to tolerate it, it's her choice.

 

Yes, he may be just that. But most wives will give their H's another chance because they regret cheating. Together they work on things and go to marriage councilling.

 

I don't think she "tolerates" it, I think that the fact that most in that situation have CHILDREN and because of that important factor they tend to want to work it out.

 

And it's the OW's choice to keep hanging around, hoping that "one day" he will leave his wife and family for her...

[BoatingBabe]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Yes, he may be just that. But most wives will give their H's another chance because they regret cheating. Together they work on things and go to marriage councilling.

 

 

Yes, and the husband continues his adulterous ways, some he'll get caught on, some he won't...OW's will come and go...and the wife continues to stay for the house and children....and I don't believe she'll ever trust him again....no matter how much counseling there is...it remains a permanent scar.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

.

Sorry, I'm calling Bullcrap on this one. It IS DIFFERENT as she (as any wife) has INVESTMENT in her husband. A Wedding in which VOWS were taken. Children, families bonded, friends, neighbours, a LIFE together. The OW does NOT have any of that - Please, don't compare and say it is not any different cuz it is.

 

Different, but not always better.

 

 

It's an investment you can't take to the bank, really. I could see forgiving ONE indescretion, but women who stick by repeat cheaters (and cry foul) for the sake of INVESTMENT end up being worse enablers than any OW.

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by BoatingBabe

 

 

Yes, and the husband continues his adulterous ways, some he'll get caught on, some he won't...OW's will come and go...and the wife continues to stay for the house and children....and I don't believe she'll ever trust him again....no matter how much counseling there is...it remains a permanent scar.

 

OK I see your point...IF the H continues to cheat. Some MM continue that road of destruction, others learn that the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence.

 

And yes, the scars probably DO stay forever, but lessen with time and the trust being rebuilt. Hopefully though if the marriage is continually worked on (see Thumbingmyway's posts) some feel that it is like having a second chance at having an even better marriage than before.

[BoatingBabe]

I, personally, have never met a man who only did it once(cheat, that is). I'm sure they exist, but it's probably a VERY small percentage. I see it all the time, especially at work, serial cheaters, and the wife stays.

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

 

 

Different, but not always better.

 

 

It's an investment you can't take to the bank, really. I could see forgiving ONE indescretion, but women who stick by repeat cheaters (and cry foul) for the sake of INVESTMENT end up being worse enablers than any OW.

 

Again, it's because they have more of an investment, a LIFE, children, house, mortgage etc., so that is the reasonings behind it. Now if the wife had none of that and still stuck it out - then you're point makes more sense.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by BoatingBabe

I, personally, have never met a man who only did it once(cheat, that is). I'm sure they exist, but it's probably a VERY small percentage. I see it all the time, especially at work, serial cheaters, and the wife stays.

 

If my H cheats a second time it will be the last time he cheats on me again. I will be heading to my attorney's office as soon as I find out. I was willing to give him a second chance, but he wont get a third.

[kkat]

Sorry, I'm calling Bullcrap on this one. It IS DIFFERENT as she (as any wife) has INVESTMENT in her husband. A Wedding in which VOWS were taken. Children, families bonded, friends, neighbours, a LIFE together. The OW does NOT have any of that - Please, don't compare and say it is not any different cuz it is.

 

If I have a million dollars and lose it all I have lost everything I had.

 

If someone has twenty dollars and loses it all they have lost everything they had.

 

My point?

 

While the Wife obviously has things the OW doesn't have, it goes both ways - the OW may have things in the relationship that the Wife doesn't have.

 

And in many cases, because the OW DOESN'T have a house, kids, family, etc. - she feels that she is losing it ALL to give up the MM. And don't forget, in many, many cases, the OW has either promises or fantasies or hopes of a wedding, vows, children, all of those things with the MM.

 

I'm not saying it makes it wise to hang on - god no - but trying to illustrate that perception is reality in these situations, and the OW may perceive or feel that by losing the MM she is losing it all.

 

I am only saying that, while I am obviously biased, as the OW, I don't think the BS necessarily experiences a hurt beyond that which the OW does. Remember, in almost all of our cases, the MM stays with the BS (obviously by mutual choice, or at least somewhat) so the OW endures rejection of a permanent nature, on top of the loss of love, trust, etc.

[BoatingBabe]

Originally posted by StillHurtin

If my H cheats a second time it will be the last time he cheats on me again. I will be heading to my attorney's office as soon as I find out. I was willing to give him a second chance, but he wont get a third.

 

StillHurtin, I hope he won't do it again...One of the main reasons I have fought getting involved with the MM currently in my life is because of the pain both the wife and the OW go through...this site helps a lot.