Reasons why a woman should take her husband's last name and not reverse?

[loony]

There was this thread where someone had problems because her fiancé insisted that she take over his name. She had been married before but decided to keep her husbands name as she was afraid that people would have too many negative associations with her maiden name because of her sister's wild behavior.

 

Now some of the male posters thought that she should change her name when she get's married. I wonder if this insistence that the woman change her name doesn't resemble a bit the branding of a cow. And to all the guys who jump up and protest -- would you freely take your wife's name? If not, could you name a good reason why the woman should do this?

[Horse]

I didn't post on the previous thread, but I think it is better to have the same last name if you are married. You are a family and the last name is the family name.

 

I could see why the woman would be hesitant if the guy had a dumb last name though.

 

I think those hyphenated names are kinda silly. I think it would be better to just moosh the two names together like Smith + Jackson = Smackson or Jackith... OK Not a good example, but you get the idea.

 

And yes I would have been willing to take my wifes last name if it was a cool name.

[tanbark813]

I would not take my future wife's name. I don't have a good reason other than tradition and chivalry. Women take the man's name. The man protects the woman and opens doors for her, etc. It's just part of the dynamic of a relationship. It can be argued that you lose some of your independence and identity in a relationship, but why is that a bad thing??

 

IMHO, I think things like this are a good example of why there is a feeling of the death of chivalry to which people sometimes refer. I think there is a give and take involved in keeping chivalry alive. Women are just as responsible for it as men are. If you want a man to be a man, then let him. Some women seem to be so afraid of being "branded" and want to be a "strong, independent woman". Is it really so bad for a woman to be associated with a man or vice versa?

 

People seem to have this retarded need to prove to each other how much they don't need them.

[smile95]

well how do you all feel if the soon to be husbands last name is still the last name of the ex wife? So you and her and Mrs. _______.

 

I would always take my husbands last name. Just a tradition I like. With the world today, you are already going to have step this and ahlf that...why make anything more confusing with diff last names????

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by loony

I wonder if this insistence that the woman change her name doesn't resemble a bit the branding of a cow. And to all the guys who jump up and protest -- would you freely take your wife's name? If not, could you name a good reason why the woman should do this?

 

This is exactly why American men are commitment-phobic. Because of women who pump their rights 24/7!

 

Regarding this matter, I don't have any specific attitude. It depends on many factors. My personal atittude is - I would take my husband's last name although it would differ from my children's.

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger is married to a woman who comes from the Kennedy clan and her name is Maria Schrider or something like that. I don't know if she took Arnold's last name, but the point is that obvioulsy it's her mother who is Kennedy and when she married Maria's father, she took his last name. So if a Kennedy woman change her last name, why wouldn't anyone else for the sake of tradition?

[HokeyReligions]

Tradition

Legalities (its easier when a family has one name---just ask the blended families! Although that is changing)

Kids -- what last name do you give them?

 

I took my husband's last name because I liked it better than my maiden name and I've had this last name for over half my life now.

 

Traditional wedding asks "who gives this woman?" That says a lot right there.

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by tanbark813

Some women seem to be so afraid of being "branded" and want to be a "strong, independent woman". Is it really so bad for a woman to be associated with a man or vice versa?

People seem to have this retarded need to prove to each other how much they don't need them.

 

I agree. If the woman doesn't let her man be a man then why does she need him at all? Of course people should be equal, but not literally equal. We differ by nature emotionally, physically, even intellectually... If you compare women's posts to men's posts here on LS, you'll see how men are different from women.

 

They are simpler, more realistic, less impulsive in their anger, more down-to-earth, less into details and proving their rights, and more practical. Women on the other hand are very intuitive, warm-hearted (when they are not angry), curious, clever, have high family values, compassionate, etc.

 

If you kill the best features of any gender, the balance of the relationship is ruined. Making the man take the woman's last name, is like letting him know "you are the woman now!" Traditional values are well encoded in our minds. Just like we don't go out naked or don't eat from the floor.

[MadManMike]

according to the bible, the man is the head of the household and when a man woman marry they become one. therefore it would only make sense for the woman to take the mans last name.

[quankanne]

Just like we don't go out naked

 

*some* of us don't, RP

 

 

my best guy friend hates his last name, and swore since our college days he'd take the last name of the woman he married. He didn't though she does use both her name and her married name for work purposes, but goes by his last name in general.

 

I also use both names professionally, at the request of my editor, but legally I'm *quankanne-husband's surname*. When we married, I took his name since I wasn't writing at the time, though had I been, I most likely would have kept my maiden name. This double last name works out well, though, because our Hispanic readers feel like they've got a connection to our paper, just as the editor had hoped.

 

the worst part of doing that? I have four names in my byline! My double-Southern first name, my maiden name and my married name

[Blackfrost]

I have no idea why there is this tradition, but, since I bought the $2000 engagement ring and the $8000 wedding ring, I guess it's some kind of trade off. If the woman wants me to change my last name to hers, I'll gladly accept a total check for $10,000 and sign on the dotted line.

[loony]

Originally posted by tanbark813

Is it really so bad for a woman to be associated with a man or vice versa?

Well, as far as it looks now the woman will always be associated with the man - through his last name.

 

IMHO, I think things like this are a good example of why there is a feeling of the death of chivalry to which people sometimes refer. I think there is a give and take involved in keeping chivalry alive. Women are just as responsible for it as men are. If you want a man to be a man, then let him. Some women seem to be so afraid of being "branded" and want to be a "strong, independent woman".

Taking your man's name has nothing to do with a woman doing her share in exchange for chivalry.

 

People seem to have this retarded need to prove to each other how much they don't need them.

This is not about it. I just find the insistence of some guys that the woman has to take his name to be a bit narrowminded. There are indeed other cultures where things are regulated a little bit different, but you all seem to think that for a woman accepting her man's name is a must. It's not, it's just a tradition.

 

Originally posted by beth5201

well how do you all feel if the soon to be husbands last name is still the last name of the ex wife? So you and her and Mrs. _______.

If he took the name of his second wife there wouldn't be any problem anymore. Or wow do you think do women who have been married before usually solve this problem?? Your argument in no way is valid as I just presented a reverse case.

 

Just a tradition I like. With the world today, you are already going to have step this and ahlf that...why make anything more confusing with diff last names????

God beware if people can't deal with such complex things as different names...

 

Originally posted by RecordProducer

This is exactly why American men are commitment-phobic. Because of women who pump their rights 24/7!

Nice try, but I'm not American.

 

So if a Kennedy woman change her last name, why wouldn't anyone else for the sake of tradition?

Great argument. Citing a famous (?) person as a rolemodel.

 

Originally posted by HokeyReligions

Kids -- what last name do you give them?

I have my dad's last name.

 

Traditional wedding asks "who gives this woman?" That says a lot right there.

 

Originally posted by RecordProducer

I agree. If the woman doesn't let her man be a man then why does she need him at all? Of course people should be equal, but not literally equal. We differ by nature emotionally, physically, even intellectually... If you compare women's posts to men's posts here on LS, you'll see how men are different from women.

Whoa, no kidding. I wasn't aware there were any differences between them...

 

They are simpler, more realistic, less impulsive in their anger, more down-to-earth, less into details and proving their rights, and more practical. Women on the other hand are very intuitive, warm-hearted (when they are not angry), curious, clever, have high family values, compassionate, etc.

So, how does this justify the claim that a woman has to take her future husband's name?

 

If you kill the best features of any gender, the balance of the relationship is ruined. Making the man take the woman's last name, is like letting him know "you are the woman now!" Traditional values are well encoded in our minds. Just like we don't go out naked or don't eat from the floor.

You mean, a man will feel more manly if the woman carries his name?

 

Originally posted by MadManMike

according to the bible, the man is the head of the household and when a man woman marry they become one. therefore it would only make sense for the woman to take the mans last name.

What if you're not Christian?

 

Originally posted by quankanne

I also use both names professionally, at the request of my editor, but legally I'm *quankanne-husband's surname*. When we married, I took his name since I wasn't writing at the time, though had I been, I most likely would have kept my maiden name. This double last name works out well, though, because our Hispanic readers feel like they've got a connection to our paper, just as the editor had hoped.

 

the worst part of doing that? I have four names in my byline! My double-Southern first name, my maiden name and my married name

I'm not sure how it is for Hispanics, but I know that Spanish women by tradition will keep their maiden name and also take her husbands name. You have first name - husband's name - maiden name. The children will the father's last name.

 

Originally posted by Blackfrost

I have no idea why there is this tradition, but, since I bought the $2000 engagement ring and the $8000 wedding ring, I guess it's some kind of trade off. If the woman wants me to change my last name to hers, I'll gladly accept a total check for $10,000 and sign on the dotted line.

I'm not sure about the traditions concerning paying, does the woman never contribute financially to the wedding? I thought it was the job of the father of the bride to pay for the wedding?

 

As far as now I haven't seen any really good argument why a woman should take her husband's name even though a lot of people seem to believe it's an absolute must. There are other possibilities and traditions.

 

In my opinion a guy has no real reason to feel threatened in his masculinity by the mere fact that his future wife doesn't want to take his name. I may, I may not take my future husband's name, but that's something that I will decide when the time comes, with consideration about his feelings of course.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by loony

Taking your man's name has nothing to do with a woman doing her share in exchange for chivalry.

 

I disagree.

 

Originally posted by loony

This is not about it. I just find the insistence of some guys that the woman has to take his name to be a bit narrowminded. There are indeed other cultures where things are regulated a little bit different, but you all seem to think that for a woman accepting her man's name is a must. It's not, it's just a tradition.

 

I think it's narrowminded for a woman to refuse to take her husband's name.

 

Originally posted by loony

As far as now I haven't seen any really good argument why a woman should take her husband's name even though a lot of people seem to believe it's an absolute must. There are other possibilities and traditions.

 

In my opinion a guy has no real reason to feel threatened in his masculinity by the mere fact that his future wife doesn't want to take his name. I may, I may not take my future husband's name, but that's something that I will decide when the time comes, with consideration about his feelings of course.

 

You can justify it all you want, but most guys consider a woman less attractive and less worthy if they're not willing to take their husband's name. That's just how it is. I don't think I could marry a woman who didn't consider it an honor to take my name.

[loony]

Originally posted by tanbark813

You can justify it all you want, but most guys consider a woman less attractive and less worthy if they're not willing to take their husband's name. That's just how it is. I don't think I could marry a woman who didn't consider it an honor to take my name.

Explain to me what makes your name more special than her name.

[smile95]

If he took the name of his second wife there wouldn't be any problem anymore. Or wow do you think do women who have been married before usually solve this problem?? Your argument in no way is valid as I just presented a reverse case.

 

 

 

Loony-Women who have been maried before take the last name of the new guy....problem solved. also-I would never have the guy take my last name. I think that is ridiculous unless he insisted because of a hidiuos name he had and wanted to change.

 

Taking a man's name is a tradition......why does it have to change?

[loony]

Originally posted by beth5201

Loony-Women who have been maried before take the last name of the new guy....problem solved. also-I would never have the guy take my last name. I think that is ridiculous unless he insisted because of a hidiuos name he had and wanted to change.

 

Taking a man's name is a tradition......why does it have to change?

If you feel fine with explaining the reason why you do things in a certain way with: "Because it's a tradition." and don't bother to inquire for the justification behind it then more power to you.

[smile95]

well in addition to it being tradition.....it has always been a big thing in my family that the son carries on the family name and has children to do so.....I guess it is different in each family....some people have different values and beliefs.

[loony]

Sorry, beth5201, if I was a bit harsh in my previous post.

 

I'm not against traditions, but I seriously wonder about the purpose of a tradition that makes someone say that a woman should feel honored to carry his name. What male attitude towwards women is hidden behind this tradition? And as you have mentioned sons, this also places more importance to the male offsprings who can carry the name to the next generation unlike their sisters. People place so much importance on the male line that you wonder if men have special genes that need to be preserved for humankind.

[smile95]

You were not harsh.....lol

 

The more I think about it.........it seems like it is just one of those things that people do and we do not really know why? It may have already been stated on another post, but do we know where this tradition came from ?

[Blackfrost]

I'm not sure about the traditions concerning paying, does the woman never contribute financially to the wedding? I thought it was the job of the father of the bride to pay for the wedding?

 

In a perfect world: yes. But if your spouses father is deceased, or her family does not even remotely have the money to afford a wedding, you can't exactly ask them to contribute.

 

I payed for my wedding as well as the rings - she was worth it Now if she suddenly decided to argue semantics with me at the last minute and say "I'm also not taking your last name when we marry" that would have been a very interesting moment hahaha

[smile95]

As far as I know.....the woman pays for the whole freaking wedding minus the rehearsal dinner(grooms job)

[Art_Critic]

Interesting take Black Frost ..

 

I read your posts and I've never thought of the side of the name coin as you presented..

 

 

Money ..you believe that because the male bears the brunt of paying for the props in a marriage/engagement that she should out of respect take your name ?

 

I've never had to deal with a woman not wanting my name.. My ex wife never batted an

eye at removing her name and adding mine..

 

Still 4 years after the divorce she still has my name..( it kills me ) .. No kids and we were married 5 years.

 

I like your take on it.. and in the future I hope I remember your post..

[loony]

Originally posted by beth5201

The more I think about it.........it seems like it is just one of those things that people do and we do not really know why? It may have already been stated on another post, but do we know where this tradition came from ?

I honestly have no clue where this tradition comes from but as I said I just wonder if it's a good tradition if some guys feel emasculated if you refuse to follow it or at least would like to have a discussion about it. And as I said, it's simply not a tradition in every part of the world.

 

Originally posted by Blackfrost

I payed for my wedding as well as the rings - she was worth it Now if she suddenly decided to argue semantics with me at the last minute and say "I'm also not taking your last name when we marry" that would have been a very interesting moment hahaha

Well, honestly, I would have prefered that my future husband would respect my feelings and ask me how I thought about taking his name instead of showing me the bill and telling me that's the reason why I should better accept his decision.

 

I don't assume you did it like this. Your wife probably didn't mind taking your name but I in any case would prefer to know that my marriage is not one-sidedly ruled through the power of money. It's nice if you have paid for the wedding and the engagement ring but nonetheless it's something that you decided to do out of love and hopefully not in order to obtain the means for blackmailing. I'd rather not get married so soon and pay half of the ring, wedding, etc. than putting myself in a golden cage.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by loony

Explain to me what makes your name more special than her name.

 

It's not a matter of my name being more special than hers. It's a matter of me being more special than other men. A woman taking a man's name is a sign of devotion. As is the man buying the woman an engagement ring. As is the actual wedding ceremony. But if those traditions are so bad I guess we could just do away with them all. No more weddings, just people showing up at the courthouse to sign their marriage license talking about how independent and empowered they are.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by loony

I wonder if this insistence that the woman change her name doesn't resemble a bit the branding of a cow.

So what if it does? Most men and women agree that the woman should change her last name, its tradition.

 

And to all the guys who jump up and protest -- would you freely take your wife's name?

Hell no!

 

If not, could you name a good reason why the woman should do this?

Because that is the way it is and the majority of people accept it and are happy with it. Period.

[whichwayisup]

The man who married Don Cherry's daughter took her last name. He wanted to be part of the "Cherry" family.

 

I think that's cool.

 

So, what do you all think of hyphening lastnames?? Good, bad idea? Guess it depends on how long the names are and ofcourse, what they are.

 

PS I'm not explaining who Don Cherry is. If you don't know, GOOGLE it!