Did you tell your husband/wife about their friends advances?

[a4a]

Just curious to know if you were caught in a spot with your spouses friends by them making serious comments or advances toward you? Did you tell your spouse about it? What was the outcome?

 

This has happened to me many times in the last year. One on our wedding day.....YIKES!!! I did tell my husband, as I believe in being honest but was in slight fear of him getting irate......however, he knows I will not cheat so he had little reaction.

 

Actually this has happened quite a few times.... and no I don't flaunt my parts about or instigate it (that I am aware of). I do speak my mind around our male friends in the presence of my husband. Including smartass comments back at them about some lewd thing they say about other women or men.

 

I don't want to cause a scene or upset friends spouses ect so......I keep quiet until we get home...... at times this is almost flattering to be flirted with (I think it is human to feel that way at first).....but overall this is very very uncomfortable for me. More so when it is out right just a serious sexual advance.

 

And no I am not model material......just average to a tad maybe above average in the looks dept. ( at least this week LOL)

 

I have been turning down some social functions with our "play group" to avoid this. Also many of our male friends have confided in me about their affairs....

I keep this info to myself or only share it with my husband. Don't want the drama of breaking up a marriage by ratting out a rat.

 

I don't ask.......nor comment about the affairs to those that confess to me. Are they trying to advert that they step outside their marriage to me?

 

What is the dealio with this situation?

 

a4a

[glittergurl]

You have some weird a$$ friends

[a4a]

Well I would have to agree...... the friendships are null and void to me post their advances or comments. As for those who confess, some we have known for years......one is my husbands life long friend since the age of 5. Funny how he told me about this and his other "conquests" but did not tell my husband. He is not in a happy marriage to say the least.....I can almost understand why he did do these things.....but it is not right.

 

Many of these friends are new and business/social groups.......so new ones coming on the scene often.

 

The wedding jerk was a good friend of my husbands best friend, he attended our wedding as a guest as he was in town visiting here with his family in tow. So of course we invited them and knew them only through brief meetings and gatherings......but extended an invitation out of courtesy.

 

He is off our guest list from that point on! LOL!

 

The latest one was with Benny Hill look alike with his wife 4 feet away and my husband 3 feet away...... "Benny" was drunk and trying to stick his tongue in my ear......WTF? Benny Hills wife was right there.....I did not know what to do..... scream, smack him, drop kick him? Husband was in a serious and nice conversation with another person..... I did not want my husband to get into a fight with Benny Hill ........ Our conversation with Benny and his wife was about the hurricane and local economy...... what made him think my ear needed to be mined with his tongue? We just met the Hills not but 30 minutes before the ear mining and really really explicit comments started. This kinda crap happens all the friggin time!

 

Should I have caused a huge scene? I got up and went to the bathroom and returned to Benny waiting on me for more ear mining...... It was very loud and it did look like he was bending in to just talk to me over the noise I guess.... This is what I am talking about.

 

At the wedding the jerk asked me to dance with him....then started with his comments.........WTF? There are so many more I cannot even start to write about them all.......my favorite is the hand on the shoulder start.....then the squeeze is next........

 

a4a

[RecordProducer]

I always tell my BF when someone makes advances on me and I would definitely not hide anything from him. Especially if a friend turns out to be a fake one - he should know what his friends do behind his back. I could never let my partner be fooled by someone and not tell him about it. It's just wrong to hide things from someone you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with. You don't need to tell him about a waiter who flirted with you in a restaurant, but his "friends"??? That, of course, implies that you shouldn't flirt back with his friends either. Smiling is okay, but encouraging them to continue is putting you in a position where you don't know who started first and feel guilty afterwards. I would remove myself from the situation and tell my partner about what happened.

 

 

I don't think you should tell their wives about these advances or the affairs they confide in you about. There will always be people who cheat and you can't change the world. But if you want these "confessions" to stop, just tell them that you think it's wrong to cheat and they should tell their wives about the affairs. They will never mention it in front of you again!

[witabix]

"You have some weird a$$ friends".......

 

Too right!

 

Where on earth do you meet these people??? I'd stop socialising in the bar of a home for deviants and wierdos.

 

But seriously folks...... you have to tell your hubby. If these are his friends he really knows how bad his judgement of the people he chooses to make friends with is. I hope he is a heavyweight boxer or something 'cause some of these guys need a slap, badly.

[a4a]

You misread the message...... I do tell my husband. These are not all his best friends....but we meet several new people because of client parties, trades, and social gatherings. (With the exception of the Benny the ear miner. We went out for a beer and crabcake that night alone. And also I don't think Bennys wife would have benefited from a brawl involving her husband either...So I kept my mouth shut until we got in the car).

 

My actual question is: How did you handle it?

Now really people if you are in a business situation which includes clients with $$$$ should I ask my husband to slap the **** out of his clients and business associates right on the spot? Should I threaten to tell their spouses about their affairs? Should I or my husband start a brawl among clients and our respected friends or in their homes?

 

I don't think that would help his career or mine. LOL! I guess he could beat the hell outta people in the unemployment line that stick their tongues in my ears. LMAO!

 

Believe me after we get home or into the car he gets an ear full. I certainly cannot expect him to cause a huge scene or brawl........we are in our late 30's and realize the world is full of a**h***s and sometimes its in your best interest to just ignore them and deal with them on a higher level than smacking the hell out of them in public. Not to mention legal aspects of brawling in public. Being put in the Clink would probably not be all that great of a career move either, not to mention being sued later.

 

I admit it would be nice to do ..... smack the hell out of one of these guys.

and it is not always guys. This beast of a woman also did something similar at a trades/social gathering. This was in the home of a business client. We don't hang out in bars with these people. We will go out and have sit down dinners and drinks with our friends, but most the time it is a social gathering based on business.

 

The confessors is what is really getting to me......why do they confess to me? tell me? Those of you that have confessed an affair to someone why did you choose that person to tell? (trying to figure out how to stop putting out the "tell me your secret vibe"). I am also informed about secret crushes, who is just too HOT and must be hunted ect..... these confessions take place on the spot....not in long conversations.....not over the phone......last one was in my kitchen waiting on DH to finish getting dressed to go out to dinner. I am guessing my jaw dropped.......as this was very unexpected news.

 

Also keep in mind my husband is not a locker room talker, he shares nothing with his friends about our sex life. He is very private and respectable. I find it odd that I keep becoming a target for these unwanted advances and wonder if it is more common than I ever realized it could be in the "business world". On average I would say this happens about 1-2 times per month. The Benny Hills average about once a month as well, but without outright ear mining LOL!

 

I admit that I do have a reputation as a tough cookie. I build my own barns, I run my own business, I do my own remodeling, I drink Jack (no more than 3), I am fit, and I am blunt. People are well aware of what I do for a life path. Wondering if this is some sort of a turn on to men?

 

I will put our friends in their place when they start making lewd comments about other women or men...even if they are making fun of them (big boobs, big butt, ect), not just their tongue wagging. I do this by turning it around on them in a smartass fashion not by verbal spankings.....I don't tease them is what I am trying to say here. I am a smartass and it comes out dry and to the point (I do not have control of this, it just happens)

 

I just got an email last night from a client about her sex life/who she is doing.... I have not spoken to her in 2 months. She is a church member and teacher. I doubt she is telling anyone else about this affair. But chose to tell me......she not in our social business realm.

 

I am not all that and a bag of chips...... I am fit, not a ditz, I don't dress like a whore, Hell, my jeans are baggy! I got cuts and scrapes on me from work. I do clean up pretty good though if I really really have to!

 

 

 

a4a

[elijahBailey]

I would advocate telling your SO everything. But, hmm, the last time I told my girl something like that she went totally bananas, so, I dunno.... maybe I should just shut the f*ck up the next time around.

[witabix]

Sorry a4a I did sort of misunderstand. I assumed it was all your husbands fiends, oops friends!

 

"My actual question is: How did you handle it? "

 

Ok when my girlfriends were, on the rare occasion, approached by anyone in a similar situation ie Friend, I would immediately confront the friend and warn him about his approaches and the consequences of ever doing it again. Business associates of mine never ever ever did anything like this nor have 99.9% of acquaintences, and men who approach my gf's in bars when I am getting drinks leave the vicinity the moment I arrive back. On the other hand when women have made improper suggestions to me, and this includes sisters of gf's, I have responded with the same line - "That will never happen" - and not said anything to my SO. I was a heavywieght boxer when I was a young man.

 

"The confessors is what is really getting to me......why do they confess to me? tell me?"

 

Thats a cracker of question! Its odd, some of us just have the kind of face that people want to tell things to. If I am in a bar or on a bus and there is an empty seat next to me its guarenteed that the next male freak in off the street will sit next to me and strike up an inane conversation, more often than not to generate an argument. Women on the other hand want to tell me how bad their relationship is, how sad they are, how they are drifting apart from the bf etc.

 

I wonder how much respect these people are showing themselves, you, and your husband. Its a really difficult one with the business associates. You can hardly choose them, seems like you have to put up with them for the sake of work. Friends on the other hand you can and should choose carefully.

[a4a]

Damn you opened my eyes! THANK YOU!

 

Your comment about respect for my husband.... that is what is so so so pissing me off! Otherwise I would not give a crap! Who cares about what some dumb pathetic loser says to me about things......but it does disrespect my husband 1000%. Now I know why its ticking me off now to find a way to nail them. hummmm?

 

As for your freaks on the bus....... I agree..... perhaps we need to turn off our A-hole magnets? LMAO!

 

I don't agree with these affairs.....even thought about sending a note from out of town to the spouses (fleeting thought of course)......I have to face these couples on a normal basis. I feel guilty for something I did not do. Needless to say I have lost respect for these people on a personal level. When you see so much of it you realize how lucky you are to have an awesome spouse!

 

a4a

[witabix]

Cool. Its good to hear that someone else can be pissed off by people disrespecting their SO in this fashion. I refuse to allow anyone to treat my SO with anything but the utmost respect. I hope you figure out a way to deal with it. Maybe you can tell your husband that you feel these people are disrespecting him and possibly your relationship with him?

 

Good luck a4a.