SeatPanda Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 So after I pledged no contact with my ex-fiance and stuck to not contacting him unless he contacted me first, things were going fine until we were at a meeting together (we work as RAs on the same campus but in different buildings). I did my best to not look at him, as he was across the room, then he came over and talked to my friends next to me even though they are his coworkers and he had originally been sitting across the room. I also caught him looking at me a couple of times, and later he sat near the circle of friends I was sitting in. My friend said he just wanted to be in my presence, but I have no idea. Is he trying to make me jealous, or ... I accidently cried because he was absolutely gorgeous, but I tried my best to hide it. What should I do? Should I keep up the no contact? Try to ask him if he wants to go out on a date? Or will he call me? Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 I notice this was a 'fiance', -and not a dating relationship. I don't know what the differences were causing the split, but since you began with NC, I can only guess you had good reason. If the reason was good enough to begin with, then keep it. No Contact is primarily for people who absolutely want and need to move on. If it's over and irreparable, and you have no decent hope of living in a committed, trusting, and loving relationship, then you have been using the concept and purpose NC well. A version of No Contact (I call it 'NC Lite'), is also used in relationships where a 'break' or 'time for space' is needed to allow necessary time for sorting through intense emotions, or where there is confusion in the direction the relationship is headed. A good 'for instance' for using NC Lite would be when your relationship is about to be taken to the next level of commitment like moving in, getting married, etc. It's when you need to step off the gas, get your head straight about what you're doing, and make sure you know what you're doing before you make any more moves and be certain you can keep the commitments that you're about to make. It's a natural occurance, although many people get so caught up emotionally in the 'break' that they totally lose it and it causes serious problems in the relationship, because they just don't understand the need for it. Another mutant form of NC is generated from more of a juvenile, high school perspective in which the entire relationship is based on the willingness and desire of emotionally immature partners who simply want to make each other jealous and carry out a long, dramatic game. I DO agree that feeling sharp pangs of jealousy over your partner can reel you back in suddenly, and initiate the territorial/possessive response, which can make you realize what you have, -but it normally backfires if you use it too often, and with trivialities, and may become just a temporary 'fix' for partners who just need to end the relationship. Rigging NC to benefit yourself with a little 'attention' drama is abusing the whole concept. Hope this helped. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
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