marie01 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 My husband and I have been married for 7 years, and he told me about 3 weeks ago that he has masterbated more then once to my sister, and my cousin. I really don't know what to do about this, it really is bothering me. He has always told me in the past that he thinks that my sister is ugly, but now I know better. Please, give me your opinions because I am seriously ready to get a divorce. Is this normal? He says that when he thinks about them he just pictures their face and he will put a different body on them, but I want to know if he is picturing that he is having sex with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 As long as it isn't his sister that he is masterbating to I see no harm.. It is all part of the FANTASY.. It doesn't mean that he wants to have sex with her .. it means he finds her sexually attractive.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 My sister's ex h done this . He had a picture of me under his mattress . I use to go on vacation's and spend the night with them when i was young ,and after she told me about this it made me sick to my stomach. He was one sick man to be fantasizing about me as a teen ! I was only in middle school. I think your h fantasizing about your sister is sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marie01 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 If he finds her sexually attractive then why has he always said that she is ugly and she makes him sick. Also, is he having sex with me and thinking about her. I feel like he may think that he settled for second best. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marie01 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 Me too, and I wonder if he would actually try something with her or my cousin? I feel like I don't even know the man I married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marie01 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 Did your sister divorce him for that or for other reasons? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladylay Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 My husband and I have been married for 7 years, and he told me about 3 weeks ago that he has masterbated more then once to my sister, and my cousin. I really don't know what to do about this, it really is bothering me. He has always told me in the past that he thinks that my sister is ugly, but now I know better. Please, give me your opinions because I am seriously ready to get a divorce. Is this normal? He says that when he thinks about them he just pictures their face and he will put a different body on them, but I want to know if he is picturing that he is having sex with them? How old are your relatives? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marie01 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 I am 28 ,my husband is 27, my sister is 30, and my cousin is 27. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 My sister's ex h done this . He had a picture of me under his mattress . I use to go on vacation's and spend the night with them when i was young ,and after she told me about this it made me sick to my stomach. He was one sick man to be fantasizing about me as a teen ! I was only in middle school. I think your h fantasizing about your sister is sick. Your comparing apples and oranges here..What happened to you in your teens isn't the same why do you think he is sick ?.. she isn't a teen.. what is the difference between Heather Locklear and her sister ?... Nothing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marie01 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 The difference is that she is my sister and his sister-in-law, not some chic on tv. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladylay Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I am 28 ,my husband is 27, my sister is 30, and my cousin is 27. Why? I would be concerned if they were young. You could say, he is being honest he does not have to tell you his thoughts.The fact he has shared this with you. IMO indicates that , they are no more than fantasy thoughts. You must have a strong trusting relationship for him to share this. Link to post Share on other sites
SILLYRABBIT Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Hi Marie, First I would like to say that your situation is very interesting because husbands normally would not make such a stupid mistake as to tell their wife something like that! How did the conversation start? Have you always know he masturbates? Did you ask what he thinks about and he said your sister, or did you ask if he thinks about your sister? Point to argue: At least he trusts you enough to tell you the truth and his inner most personal things. You should watch American Pie Band camp that just came out... they have a scene where Stifller is masturbating and they show how things just come into his head, that's kind of how it is sometimes. Stuff just gets in your head but it does not mean that he will cheat on you or that you should want a divorce. Silly Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 The difference is that she is my sister and his sister-in-law, not some chic on tv. To him she is just a chick on TV.. She is not related to him like she is to you.. You are looking at this thru your sibling goggles.. She isn't HIS sister.. Inlaws are not Blood relatives.. Granted.. his using your sister is unusual but try and look at it without the colored glasses Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 When I was married to my ex, I fantasized a few times about some guy I worked with. I didn't find him attractive IN ANY SENSE whatsoever. I would never date him, I thought he was an average-looking, non-charming, cold person. I have no clue how I could think of him during making love to my ex. I didn't really imagine myself with him, but it was definitely a sexual fantasy that I had. My husband told me that he's had sexual fantasies in his life about women he would never do in reality. The most important thing is: TO NEVER TALK ABOUT IT unless you are absolutely sure that they won't hurt you or your partner. I've warned my husband that I don't want to know anything about his fantasies if he has any about other women. I don't ask him and never will. It's possible that your husband finds your sister and cousin unatractive and still imagines them. Everyone has sexual imagination. If these two women meant anything to your husband, he wouldn't have told you about it. Just let it go and don't ask anymore questions. He is so stupid! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marie01 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 It's not like we have a great relationship and he tells me everything. He never would have just come out and told me. I caught him masterbating and I wanted to know what he thinks about when he did this and he said JLo, and porn girls on t.v. So then I asked if he did this with any people in real life, and it was when we where drinking , and I named my sister and he said no, but the look on his face I knew he was lying so, I insisted on knowing and was telling him just to tell me the truth . He said no cause it's wrong. And then I knew and he confirmed it. And told me that he also thinks about my cousin. These girls are not ugly at all they are very pretty. I then asked him if he thinks about anyone else in real life and he said no. So, I think he actually wants them. Otherwise he would be thinking about a lot of different girls that are pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 So, I think he actually wants them. keyword here is: you THINK and that is not fact. Personally I think you may be over reacting. I say that, because being male, we ALWAYS are thinking about sex and the opposite sex. I fanitizies about the gas station clerk, the mail lady, the chick I see driving in her SUV every day to work, etc..... When I masterbate, I think of my wife, some of her friends, the women above, the woman with no face....and sometimes I think of my wife with another man . And not all of these woman are HOT, some are just plain janes. BUT its just fantasy....nothing more. Its the way the male brain is wired. Dont sweat over this. If I told my wife of every single sick sexual fantasy I had, she would prolly freak out too, sometimes I freak over it cause some of it is REALLY naughty So in regards to your sis and cousin, dont surprise me at all. But to me, its just thoughts, nothing more. DOES NOT MEAN your husband wants to physically be with them sexually. It just means that he finds them sexually attractive, which is normal IMO. honestly, I wouldnt fret over this. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 He told you this while drinking? I'm assuming he wasn't sloppy drunk when he told you this. Seems you were persistant in knowing, so he told you. Its highly possible too that he told you they were ugly to throw you off, to make you think he didn't think they were pretty etc, when in fact maybe he does. Then again since you were asking, and were persistant he told you just to be telling you. It may bother you that he thinks of others while masterbating, but as long as thats all he does, then its probably ok. Did he ask you if you ever thought of anyone else? Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Ladylay Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I think of "Josh Hollaway" [sawyer from Lost] We all do it, think of others when we do the deed.ie; masturbate. Masturbation is a solo act, so we tend to think of people who are Out of our league [sawyer] for me Or some butt ugly person we know. The human race is strange, I never think of my O.H. because he is not physically involved in this solo act. rambling sorry:o Link to post Share on other sites
carmaenforcer Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Have you girls ever, told your man that you find some guy attractive or that someone flirted with you, just to get a rise out of him? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, the question is rhetorical. marie01, my point for saying the above is, maybe your husband is just trying to get a rise out of you. To what end? Why would he do that to you? Maybe to get you jealous, make you insecure, have you keep these girls away from your home. It could be any number of motivations to his actions. Who knows, he might legitimately just get off on your Sister and Cousin. But then why tell you, knowing how it might make you feel? Right... Either way, there is nothing that you can do to keep him form doing what he's doing. If it really bothers you bad enough to divorce him, but you really don't want too, you may ask him to keep this fantasy to himself and never bring it up to you again. Sometimes not knowing is best, especially with something this innocuous. Ok now for some BAD advice, If he has a brother, hot guy friend, co-worker or someone else that he may have issue with you masturbating too and tell him you do that, see how he likes it. Know that this works best if you do it in a way where he thinks it's legitimate and not just you bluffing to get back at him. I call this bad advice because it's childish, stooping to his level type thing but sometimes you have to give them a taste of their own medicine to get them to feel what you are feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 He shouldn't have shared that info with you. His thoughts are his own private thoughts and honestly I'm betting he just didn't think when he told you. Didn't pop into his head that maybe it would upset or gross you out. Ignore it or you share who you fantasize about. But try not to make a big issue out of it. The Stifler example was funny! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 If I told my wife of every single sick sexual fantasy I had, she would prolly freak out too, sometimes I freak over it cause some of it is REALLY naughty Oh Thumbs, you're killin' me here...I'm busting a gut laughing! The way you worded that is priceless! One day if you're feelin' naughty enough, you'll have to share it on a HOT thread, k?? You got me curious and wondering wtf goes through that head of yours now... Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 It's fantasy and he was being honest, which is good. He might not find her too attractive, but turning him on might have more to do with the taboo of her being your sister or family member etc which is ever more forbidden. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Leave the guy alone. It does not mean a thing! Hell, I used to jerk off in my grandmom's dirty panties when I was younger. I turned out perfectly fine. I mean it is not like I ever dated outside my species or nothin'---err well uhm well, I am ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I used to jerk off in my grandmom's dirty panties Now that is a subject worth exploring 933.. I wonder if your grandmom is the same older woman that I used to fantasize about? Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 It's not like we have a great relationship and he tells me everything. He never would have just come out and told me. I caught him masterbating and I wanted to know what he thinks about when he did this and he said JLo, and porn girls on t.v. So then I asked if he did this with any people in real life, and it was when we where drinking , and I named my sister and he said no, but the look on his face I knew he was lying so, I insisted on knowing and was telling him just to tell me the truth . He said no cause it's wrong. And then I knew and he confirmed it. And told me that he also thinks about my cousin. These girls are not ugly at all they are very pretty. I then asked him if he thinks about anyone else in real life and he said no. So, I think he actually wants them. Otherwise he would be thinking about a lot of different girls that are pretty. You know the old saying. If you look really hard for trouble, you will certainly find it, as you did. What posessed you to be so controlling as to demand privy to his inner thoughts and fantasies? Are you that insecure? They are not your right and quite frankly, none of your damn business! How did you "catch him"? A term I already find distasteful. Please don't tell me you busted into the bathroom "accidentally". The only injustice here was him not telling you to mind your own instead of letting you bully him. God, if I had a dollar for every time a woman torments their man for more control over them, it might even be enough to pay for the surgury to give them back thier balls! Let me give you a little lesson in etiquette. If you "accidentally" walk in to a bathroom someone is using for whatever private reason, you say "excuse me" and leave. If someone is behind a closed door, you knock, then you enter when they reply with "come in". If you want to invade privacy and peek through keyholes, you're going to see some things you don't like. Put down your magnifying glass and work on someone a little easier to change. Work on yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
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