Guest Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Anyone?? I have an issue with my LDR. I've been with this guy for just about 8 months and we only live 40 minutes away from each other. We kind of work together, but don't. Thats how we met. He put more effort into seeing me at the first few months of our relationship. I just happened to buy my first home in Oct of 2006. He rents an apartment. He knew I was looking for a house closer to my work, which is about 15 miles away from my current home. His excuses keep getting more rediculous. He drinks cuz he's stressed, or cuz his brother in law does it, or his friends at work do. BUT he hates getting up early and needs his sleep and wont go out during the week when he's with me? He smokes because everyone else does, even tho he wants to quit. Complains about driving the 40 minutes and says there are stupid drivers on the highway, as if that doesn't happen everywhere? He doesn't want any responsibility as in: doesn't want a house, or animals, or to be fully "committed". We dont date other people. He goes off of what his family or friends have done or didn't do in their relationships instead of doing what HE would do. I know we are in different places in our lives, but he wasn't this way at the start. I'm not able to tell him anything because he accuses me constantly of fighting or arguing and then he ignores me or says he doesn't want to talk about it. So then the problem goes unfixed. Of course it comes up again, but then is brushed off. I'm lost as to what to do. I love him, I really do. I just can't handle being disrespected, or shat upon. He's also missed important things to me such as, my housewarming party, and my birthday. He won't come down when my mother comes up, saying that she comes up to see ME not him? I want them to get to know each other too! I'm also frustrated with his bad eating habits, drinking, and smoking. He has high blood pressure. Im concerned about him doing harm to his body. I just am not sure how to proceed with this... do I give him an ultimatum to grow up? He's 24 going on 18...Do I tell him I have already tried understanding his "flaws" and am trying to be ok with it, but its not working? While he can sit and pick fights about me and mine? Someone with any advice please? I could say more, but I don't think there's enough room. Also, we basically don't have a sex life. And our signs are supposed to be the most sexual? I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 It doesn't sound like you like very much about him - his habits, his lifestyle, his attitude, his behavior, sex. So what is it that you love about him? You can't change people. Only they can change themselves if they truly want to. And, 40 minute drive is not long distance. It often takes me that long to get to my bf's house, and he lives 20 miles away. It has never been a problem for us to drive the distance. It doesn't sound like he is putting much into your relationship. Maybe you should cut your losses and move on. There are men out there with whom you might be more compatible without him having to make drastic changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetie2007 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Anyone?? I have an issue with my LDR. I've been with this guy for just about 8 months and we only live 40 minutes away from each other. We kind of work together, but don't. Thats how we met. He put more effort into seeing me at the first few months of our relationship. I just happened to buy my first home in Oct of 2006. He rents an apartment. He knew I was looking for a house closer to my work, which is about 15 miles away from my current home. His excuses keep getting more rediculous. He drinks cuz he's stressed, or cuz his brother in law does it, or his friends at work do. BUT he hates getting up early and needs his sleep and wont go out during the week when he's with me? He smokes because everyone else does, even tho he wants to quit. Complains about driving the 40 minutes and says there are stupid drivers on the highway, as if that doesn't happen everywhere? He doesn't want any responsibility as in: doesn't want a house, or animals, or to be fully "committed". We dont date other people. He goes off of what his family or friends have done or didn't do in their relationships instead of doing what HE would do. I know we are in different places in our lives, but he wasn't this way at the start. I'm not able to tell him anything because he accuses me constantly of fighting or arguing and then he ignores me or says he doesn't want to talk about it. So then the problem goes unfixed. Of course it comes up again, but then is brushed off. I'm lost as to what to do. I love him, I really do. I just can't handle being disrespected, or shat upon. He's also missed important things to me such as, my housewarming party, and my birthday. He won't come down when my mother comes up, saying that she comes up to see ME not him? I want them to get to know each other too! I'm also frustrated with his bad eating habits, drinking, and smoking. He has high blood pressure. Im concerned about him doing harm to his body. I just am not sure how to proceed with this... do I give him an ultimatum to grow up? He's 24 going on 18...Do I tell him I have already tried understanding his "flaws" and am trying to be ok with it, but its not working? While he can sit and pick fights about me and mine? Someone with any advice please? I could say more, but I don't think there's enough room. Also, we basically don't have a sex life. And our signs are supposed to be the most sexual? I don't think so. Saying he can't drive 40 minutes to go see you sounds like the worse excuse in the book. It sounds to me like he doesn't want to be with you, and as much as you love him, I think you could do better. sorry Link to post Share on other sites
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