Never knew I could experence so much stress

[AHIWON]

I am no longer able to log as I was before, as H viewed my entry and he is looking for any posts to it now. AHIWON, I feel so many of the same things that you are, but I am only beginning this journey.

 

 

 

He says I ruined a good man.

 

 

He tells me I am the one that is incapable of being close, as my childhood was warped and without love. BTW, this is lala.

 

 

Create your self a new profile and delete the cookies when you are done posting. You will have to type in your UserID and PW every time you come back but at least he won't be able to snoop on you easily. Won't know your user id.

 

Did you have problems being close or is he just blaming you for it? I got blamed for everything. She never made a mistake in her life.

[AHIWON]

I just got the separation agreement from her lawyer. Guess he isn't to bright either, it's unethical to send them directly to me when I have a lawyer. Oh well.

 

What a pathetic settlement it is too. I'm laughing it's so pathetic. It's for 20K buyout and the car that I paid for sold back to me for 15K leaving me with 5K. Will stab me in the back any way she can. Lying about my contributions to our house. She will lie about the car being a gift to her cause she has no self respect. No wonder she has no respect for me or anyone else.

 

My lawyer who happens to be a personal friend for the last 15 years is going to roar laughing at this!

[AHIWON]

I went thru our picture collection today to take the ones that are mine. I haven't gone thru it in years. I thought I would be able to do it without a problem. I did make it thru most before I became watery eyed. There are alot of them where we were very affectionate towards one another. A lot of good times and happy feelings and memories. Some of them were quite funny too, I bust out laughing many times. It's hard to imagine how things went from then to now. The abuse was present way back then but much more suttle. So many people said we looked like a perfect couple, at the time I thought we were too.

 

She is still trying to push my buttons. Last night I went out for an hour and when I came home the dsl modem was disconnected and no interweb. I asked what happened to the modem and she said it's gone. Wouldn't give it back. She had the PW reset yesterday morning so no connection. She said it was canceled. It isn't canceled till the end of the month. I got that from 2 different CSR's. I had it transfered to my name today. Would be nice to get some advance notice about stuff like that. I depend on the web for my job search and the email addy on my resume is our ISP. Another deliberate attempt to screw me up, there are so many in the past. I told her I was indifferent towards her. It would be nice if she could feel the same way about me. Can't believe how she could be so hateful after all those years we spent together. What a cold person she is. I still wouldn't do anything to deliberately hurt her.

[AHIWON]

xSO is still very angry and lashing out. For the most part I ignore her. Still waiting on lawyers to iron out something. Found some reciepts from the last 2 weekends. They are for purchases kind of far away where Ted lives. I guess they are getting more serious and she has been spending weekends with him. It's disgusting but nothing I can do about it. Makes me sick to even think about what she's done. In all likely hood she is setting her self up for another bad relationship. Not me, I'm not EA yet but I am pretty normal and improving at what I think is a good pace. I've met tonnes of new men and women. They have all been very encouraging and I am getting complements on my personality from a lot of people. People have respect for me and enjoy my company as I do theirs. Damn it's good to be alive. I'm having fun again. A lot of fun. It's unreal how much an abusive relationship can rip your soul right out of your body.

 

I want to drive MY summer car now and she won't let me since it's in her name. I gave her an ultimatum, either let me drive MY car or I am going to start dropping "Truth Bombs" on her parents. I asked for a yes or no answer that's all. The only reply I could get was "fu@k off" Every 2 days a new piece of the puzzle will be revealed. I won't stretch anything either, just what is going on and what she has been hiding from them for years. Bet they don't know Ted is 9 years older than her and has kids. Her controlling mother is going to flip. That is only fair to do, she is not playing fairly at all.

 

This will get interesting no doubt.

1st I'll start with Ted and his kids.

Then a pic of xSO smoking. Hell, a pic of me smoking too.

Then a copy of my divorce papers that are witnessed by my xSO. (They think divorce is evil and they seem to be devote but fake catholics)

Then a used birth control pill package with SO's name on it. (They think she is a virgin hahahaha!)

Maybe even some of the things she has said about her mother.

[AHIWON]

She is furious now that she knows I know what she has been up to the last two weekends. A real barrage of insults. Sometimes a hit and run kind of approach. I broke my silence a few times and told her exactly what I thought of her. I wasn't exactly nice about it either but I was truthful. Karma is a bitch. She deserves everything she has coming. Abusive, lack of self respect, selfish, manipulative, two faced, introverted office whore!

[Mz. Pixie]

She is furious now that she knows I know what she has been up to the last two weekends. A real barrage of insults. Sometimes a hit and run kind of approach. I broke my silence a few times and told her exactly what I thought of her. I wasn't exactly nice about it either but I was truthful. Karma is a bitch. She deserves everything she has coming. Abusive, lack of self respect, selfish, manipulative, two faced, introverted office whore!

 

See, this kind of stuff is not going to do you any good..........no matter what she does why don't you take the high road so that you'll be able to live with yourself later??

 

I saw your post on being bipolar. Do you know it takes an average of 10 years for someone who has bipolar disorder to be property diagnosed??? 10 years- because it so closely mimics anxiety and depression. If your therapist

thinks you might be I'd investigate that a little more closely with a Pdoc.

 

One sign of being bipolar is an extended period of depression- which it sounds like you had. Just because you don't spend recklessly or act like the guy in the bar doesn't mean you're not bipolar. There are several different kinds- Type I and Type II- Type I being the more agressive of the two.

[AHIWON]

Mostly I am taking the high road and ignoring her. That was more of a vent and I know I shouldn't be engaging with her at all. I have unanswered questions but they will likely stay that way forever. It would be nice to see her show some kind of remorse but that is extremely remote too. I am thinking about her less and less, keeping myself busy and doing things I like.

 

I'm not much of a mood swing person so to speak. I'm usually slow to anger. Not easy to piss me off. My general disposition is happy and has been for most of my life. That one dark period of depression is the only exception. I have kept the bipolar thing in the back of my head looking for any signs and symptoms. So far I don't see anything.

 

I have to stop attracting abusive women. Maybe bad luck cause usually people are drawn to people like that because of problems growing up. I feel I grew up pretty normal, I have great parents and they were "leaned well" by my older brothers and sisters who rose up thru the ranks before me. I am more aware now of abusive behavior and the early warning signs, I hope it's enough cause I never want to experience any of this ever again.

 

Think I'll send Ted a dozen roses at work thanking him.

[AHIWON]

I hope I'm not making a mistake but I have a date for saturday. I think I'm going to be ok but might be a little nervous initially. I'm 38 years old and haven't dated since my teens. My date is a really nice person. Down to earth, open, sincere, funny, caring, very cute and shes won an Olympic medal too. An outstanding achievement like that speaks volumes to me. We are going to visit a botanical garden since we both like gardening. I'm pretty excited and it is really helping me take my mind off xSO.

 

Gunny is so right when he said there is no shortage of women out there. I'm meeting a lot of really nice women. There are loads of women in their 30's without kids. I always thought there were none. So many years of my life wasted on a bad relationship when I could have had so much better. My own fault for not getting out. Better late than never. Life is becoming so good right now it's hard to imagine how I was so blind and living in misery. Hard lesson learned.

[AHIWON]

xSO's parents called me last night and told me their daughter was making a huge mistake with Ted and I should wait for her to come back. They think she is ruining her life and I agree about that part. I didn't really give an answer about taking her back but my opinion is there is no way in hell I would want her back. Even just the problems that existed pre-affair would be so hard to fix if not impossible. Affairs are not forgettable in my mind and things could never be the same. A relationship deal breaker. It's really so sad in context of the way I did feel about her. We had the same birthday, same kind of sports cars when we met, same major in college and a lot of other things. It's all gone and can never return. I truly thought we would have a family and spend the rest of our lives together. All water under the bridge now. What a shame.

 

My date last night went extremely well, we both like each other a lot. We held hands, talked and laughed for most of the night. The way she can gaze into my eyes for extended periods was making me absolutely melt. Wow, I've met a woman who is not afraid to express her feelings and thoughts. Many of the things xSO refused to partake in for years. She is very intelllegent and has a great sense of humor too. We agreed to see each other again so on Tuesday we are going to go to the lake with my GSD's and have a picnic.

[AHIWON]

Update: I've moved and have a new g/f. We have a great relationship so far. Better that I ever expected.

 

Lawyers are still battling it out. This aspect is moving at a snails pace. Nobody is living in my house at the moment. I took the male GSD to live with me. XSO took the female GSD and the cat. XSO said to me via phone that she doesn't care what it takes in legal fees as long as she can screw up my life by continuing to do what she is doing. Pathetic as that sounds, it is typical of her. It's not getting to me that much so let her play her games if thats what she likes. I'm doing better than I have been in years and there isn't a thing she can do about that.

[AHIWON]

I've learned more here reading this forum in the last couple of days than he could offer us in 50 sessions.

 

No truer words have ever been spoken

 

I'm truly greatfull for the advice folks here have given me. Solid people!!!

[PWSX3]

Update: I've moved and have a new g/f. We have a great relationship so far. Better that I ever expected.

 

Lawyers are still battling it out. This aspect is moving at a snails pace. Nobody is living in my house at the moment. I took the male GSD to live with me. XSO took the female GSD and the cat. XSO said to me via phone that she doesn't care what it takes in legal fees as long as she can screw up my life by continuing to do what she is doing. Pathetic as that sounds, it is typical of her. It's not getting to me that much so let her play her games if thats what she likes. I'm doing better than I have been in years and there isn't a thing she can do about that.

Sounds like she isn't a happy camper & doesn't want to see you happy either.

Funny how sometimes the things we think we really want aren't as good as they look, but then it is to late........

[AHIWON]

I haven't posted in a while so it's time to update whats been gong on with me.

 

Finally had a first court appearance 2 weeks ago. This was for my X to have exclusive access to our house. I was served only two days before the court date which in it's self should have been enough for it to be thrown out. It was not enough time to prepare. I told the judge that there was no hard ship involved why my X should have exclusive use of the house and that I have only been served 2 days prior. By law it is supposed to be at least 4 days. Stated the reason for the emergency was that she was living with her brother and he was afraid that I would come kill him and his family because my X was living with him. Gave her just a few days to get out. I don't even know where he lives or care for that matter. I want that whole family out of my life. Judge ignored my reasons and granted her wishes. I was given two days to get my stuff out of the house. So I can't go back to my own house for a while. She made up a bunch of lies about me, said I tried to keep her from her family, barred her up in the house, had drug problems, disabled her cars and on and on. Painted me as some kind of monster. I've never done any of these things or ever given her a reason to fear me. If my X is so afraid, it doesn't make sense why she would want to move back into our house. That would be just one more place where I could find her. I did not recognize her when I saw her, she has really light hair now and gained about 40 lbs. Meanwhile she stated that I caused her to go into depression and Irritable Bowel Syndrome! That usually makes people loose weight. There are many court dates to come. This is going to be a mess but it isn't bothering me.

 

I started a relationship with in April with who I thought was the most wonderful woman in the world. Thought I found my soul mate. No red flags, we got along great and I fell in love with her faster than anyone else in my whole life. She said the same thing. I was hit with a constant barrage of complements. Everyday. We moved into an apartment together in June. Things seemed perfect except for a few minor glitches. She was logging into a dating site and I noticed. I said several times that I found that inappropriate since we are in a relationship. She should not have any reason to go there. I noticed she did again 3 weeks ago so I brought it up once more why I thought it was wrong. I asked her why. I was hurt and upset. She gave me some excuse that she was teaching her friend how to use the internet. I didn't buy that at all, it doesn't sound right. She didn't want to talk about it. Walked away from me 3 times so I finally said I was leaving for the night to think things over and would return the next day to discuss this further. I returned the following day to find her packing up all her stuff and leaving. Not at all what I would expect. Just the day before she had told me she wanted to marry me and raise a family together. I don't think she was cheating on me or even trying, she did not have enough time to do that. Too busy. None of this made sense to me, we had what I thought was a perfect relationship. All the things she was telling me prior to this event made me think she felt the same way. I have always been brutally honest with her, opened up my heart to her and she has told me many times how different I am from any other man she has even known and loved me for it. She has told me many times that she has never had so much fun with anyone else ever. I felt the same way.

 

I apologized for leaving that night and I meant it. I've tried to get her back and talk with me but it's falling on deaf ears. She even said that she over reacted by leaving but once she makes a decision then it's final. No going back. I cried a couple of times which I know she absolutely does not like cause she mentioned it before. She sad she hates it if men cry. I always thought that was strange but never dug into it. I never cried in front of her up to that point. I haven't cried since my break up with "the evil one"

 

None of this makes much sense to me. Did she mislead me right thru our relationship or does she run from her problems instead of fixing them? I can't come up with much more than that and she isn't giving me any hints. Won't talk with me at all. This is the first time I've ever been in a relationship that ended without any prior warning. I did not see this coming at all and thought we had a very good bond together. I was very sad for the first couple of weeks. Didn't eat or sleep well but I'm doing ok now.

 

My sister mentioned to me that I would likely have trust issues after what I've gone thru but I will not let fear have any influence on my life.

 

I just met another woman on saturday night thru a friend of hers. She knew I was single again and thought we would make a good match. I think she is right, we both went for a long walk together with our dogs and talked. Then sat and talked over a coffee. Great conversation and pretty deep for a first date. We both agreed to see each other again some time this week.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I haven't posted in a while so it's time to update whats been gong on with me.

 

Finally had a first court appearance 2 weeks ago. This was for my X to have exclusive access to our house. I was served only two days before the court date which in it's self should have been enough for it to be thrown out. It was not enough time to prepare. I told the judge that there was no hard ship involved why my X should have exclusive use of the house and that I have only been served 2 days prior. By law it is supposed to be at least 4 days. Stated the reason for the emergency was that she was living with her brother and he was afraid that I would come kill him and his family because my X was living with him. Gave her just a few days to get out. I don't even know where he lives or care for that matter. I want that whole family out of my life. Judge ignored my reasons and granted her wishes. I was given two days to get my stuff out of the house. So I can't go back to my own house for a while. She made up a bunch of lies about me, said I tried to keep her from her family, barred her up in the house, had drug problems, disabled her cars and on and on. Painted me as some kind of monster. I've never done any of these things or ever given her a reason to fear me. If my X is so afraid, it doesn't make sense why she would want to move back into our house. That would be just one more place where I could find her. I did not recognize her when I saw her, she has really light hair now and gained about 40 lbs. Meanwhile she stated that I caused her to go into depression and Irritable Bowel Syndrome! That usually makes people loose weight. There are many court dates to come. This is going to be a mess but it isn't bothering me.

 

I started a relationship with in April with who I thought was the most wonderful woman in the world. Thought I found my soul mate. No red flags, we got along great and I fell in love with her faster than anyone else in my whole life. She said the same thing. I was hit with a constant barrage of complements. Everyday. We moved into an apartment together in June. Things seemed perfect except for a few minor glitches. She was logging into a dating site and I noticed. I said several times that I found that inappropriate since we are in a relationship. She should not have any reason to go there. I noticed she did again 3 weeks ago so I brought it up once more why I thought it was wrong. I asked her why. I was hurt and upset. She gave me some excuse that she was teaching her friend how to use the internet. I didn't buy that at all, it doesn't sound right. She didn't want to talk about it. Walked away from me 3 times so I finally said I was leaving for the night to think things over and would return the next day to discuss this further. I returned the following day to find her packing up all her stuff and leaving. Not at all what I would expect. Just the day before she had told me she wanted to marry me and raise a family together. I don't think she was cheating on me or even trying, she did not have enough time to do that. Too busy. None of this made sense to me, we had what I thought was a perfect relationship. All the things she was telling me prior to this event made me think she felt the same way. I have always been brutally honest with her, opened up my heart to her and she has told me many times how different I am from any other man she has even known and loved me for it. She has told me many times that she has never had so much fun with anyone else ever. I felt the same way.

 

I apologized for leaving that night and I meant it. I've tried to get her back and talk with me but it's falling on deaf ears. She even said that she over reacted by leaving but once she makes a decision then it's final. No going back. I cried a couple of times which I know she absolutely does not like cause she mentioned it before. She sad she hates it if men cry. I always thought that was strange but never dug into it. I never cried in front of her up to that point. I haven't cried since my break up with "the evil one"

 

None of this makes much sense to me. Did she mislead me right thru our relationship or does she run from her problems instead of fixing them? I can't come up with much more than that and she isn't giving me any hints. Won't talk with me at all. This is the first time I've ever been in a relationship that ended without any prior warning. I did not see this coming at all and thought we had a very good bond together. I was very sad for the first couple of weeks. Didn't eat or sleep well but I'm doing ok now.

 

My sister mentioned to me that I would likely have trust issues after what I've gone thru but I will not let fear have any influence on my life.

 

I just met another woman on saturday night thru a friend of hers. She knew I was single again and thought we would make a good match. I think she is right, we both went for a long walk together with our dogs and talked. Then sat and talked over a coffee. Great conversation and pretty deep for a first date. We both agreed to see each other again some time this week.

 

Hey man, it's your boy CB.

 

I've been all up and down your sitch man. Look youve been through hell with the ex. And that new chick you was seeing she was trifling and deep down you knew, and she knew it. That's why she left. Take comfort in knowing that she did the right thing because she couldnt be faithful to you. Everyone knows how to use the internet including my 5 yr old nephew, That was a boldfaced lie if I ever saw one.

 

Stop falling in love with females right now. I understand what your doing. But right now you need to breathe.

 

Go get a gym membership, work out, get a hobby, get new friends.

 

Now in case of women just lay the pipe and be done with it. Do not give your heart away so easily.

 

I know your heartbroken but right now. You need to deal with your ex on a solid mental field. Right now until you get her away from your system you'll never be able to have a great relationship with any female. Settle that first and then move on.

 

I wish you well. Your thread has been an inspiration. You'll make it through. Your ex is just mad your finally gone. but you know what let Tim deal with the damn basketcase. Her parents too! lol.

[AHIWON]

Ya know thats the exact same thing my sister said to me. Stay away from relationships till my house is sold and that basket case (lol) is completely out of my life. CB that made me laugh. It is good advice. I feel like I can handle a relationship and want one but perhaps I am wrong.

 

Anything the X does is not bothering me at all. I see it far more clearly now than I ever have before. I got the smack up side of the head I needed and came to my senses. She can not control how I feel in any way, I'm the master of that domain.

[Gunny376]

OK! This is going to PO the LS ladies, but go your Happy Azz and get a book titled "The Mystery Method" by "Mystery" ISBN 13:978-0-312-36011-5

 

When you read it? You've going to have a lot of "aha" moments in understanding where and when you went wrong with women?

 

When I read it? I saw every single mistake I ever made with any woman I was ever with or tried to get togehter with!

 

And?

 

I also saw things from the women's prespective?!

 

Word up? The book is a "suck-in" to get you to the website, to buy the DVD's to attend the $1000+ seminars etc.

 

But? Its got "news" you could use!

[AHIWON]

I will definitely get that book, thanks for the heads up! Out of curiosity, why would the women not like it?

 

I got a call from my x girlfriend today. Just wanting to get some of her things she left here. Damn I miss her so much. There has to be something she isn't telling me. It would make things so much easier if I knew. I like to understand everything and the unknown bothers me a bit.

 

I had a job interview for a position in Bermuda today. It went well and it looks as if they want to take it to the next level. Just minor things left, they want me to do an online personality test to see if I fit in. HR kinda stuff that they dream up cause I guess they have to hang onto their jobs and look busy too! hahaha Fingers crossed. Great opportunity but I regret a little bit about leaving my life behind to start anew somewhere else. Gotta do what I gotta do.

[AHIWON]

I think I now know why the ladies might not like it. I can't see the ISBN number on amazon.ca but I googled it and came up with a few hits in foreign languages. Its an audio book on CD right?

[Gunny376]

I'll PM you.

[AHIWON]

Gunny, I read that book but didn't discover what I expected. I suspect I read the wrong book. It was all about picking up women which is not even close to where I want to be now. Damn good tips in there and strategy but my heart is not into that. Some of it is manipulation which I do have a problem with. It might be what women want, I just have problems with being dishonest. I have had no problem meeting women before, I just smile and talk, crack a few jokes and tease and they usually open up fairly quick.

 

 

Here is a letter I'd like to send to my X GF, she is not any where close to being out of my system, I have not passed this by her but I will share it with LS!

 

I am having a lot of difficulty coping with this. I have very good coping skills too. Last year I saw an individual counselor after the end of my relationship with D****. It was at the point where I was was almost whole as a person again. He told me I am doing extremely well considering what I went thru. He understood what it is like to be a target of verbal and emotional abuse. I told him how I did it, the books I read and the great help I got from a paticular web site. The only reason I went was to make sure I was normal. Some of the nasty things D**** said about me left me with just a shadow of a doubt maybe there was something wrong with me. The IC dismissed that pretty quick. He said I was very resourceful and to keep doing what I have been doing. Told me I don't need him any more, go and enjoy life while applying your new found skills. He told me the world would be a much better place if more people had the same outlook and understanding as I had. I only saw him for 2 sessions. My online friends on a relationship site saw me go from rock bottom to absolutely shining again. I got a lot of good advice and direction there. I made it thru a very difficult period of my life. I am very proud of what I acomplished then. Likely the greatest thing I have ever done for myself. I came out of that with clear goals in life, a very good understanding of who I am and what I want. Things to watch out for in the early stages of a relatonship that can become huge problems later (you must have heard me mention red flags) and a communication skillset to work effectivly within a realationship. Very important life skills that the vast majority of people in the world do not have. That should put me head and sholders above most men. A good catch and I should be able to find exactly what I want. Well I thought I did in you.

 

I can't seem to get this sadness out of my system now. This is harder to get over. I thought we had a bond that would never break. I was so sure of it. My love for you is stronger than it has ever been for anyone else ever. To me you were "the one" I thought you felt the same way. Everything you said and done led me to believe it. I looked foreward to our first Christmas together and likely the one after with a new baby together. All gone, dreams and ambitions crushed. What I went thru at the end of my relationship with D*** was bad but not this bad. Then at least I knew it had to end, it was not fixable. That isn't the case with us at all. There are mostly positive things in our relationship and few negatives. I've seen and read what other couples go thru, trust me, our problems are tiny. They are easy to overcome when two of us

are willing to put a very small effort into working out the differences. Both sides have to be willing to work hard to overcome big problems normally. Ours are tiny, What is stopping you from seeing it for what it is?

 

This is affecting every part of my life. I am way too sad and hurt. I would do anything to feel the same way I felt before I met you. I was on top of the world then and alone and didn't have any problem with that. I was very happy all by myself. Life was good again. Life with you felt amazing right up to the point you gave up suddely and unexpectedly. Right now life completely sucks and I don't see this feeling going

away any time soon. You leaving when I felt it was not justified is screwing me up severely. Most couples try to work out issues they have unless the relationship is very new like a month old. I thought our relationship was rock solid and nothing could ever take it away. Being here alone in our appartment isn't helping either. I don't know really what else to do but I may just abandon my life in T****** completely and go live with family for a while somewhere else. I've never seriously considered that before, things have never felt this bad for me. I'll loose everything I own and worked very hard to earn ($200,000) but I don't care, I will do anything to rid my self of this feeling. That could back fire on me, I would end up leaving the little social support network I have. I have some hard decisions to make.

 

 

You left me a voice mail to come downtown and meet you to deliver a letter on friday at your convenience. I'm hurt but not an idiot, I won't spend 4 hours of my time to come deliver a letter to you. Nobody takes advantage of me. You come here and get your own letter or meet me some place that is half way for both of us. Last time I met you downtown you were not interested in talking, you wanted to shop and ignore anything I had to say. Any distraction you could find that would detract from what I wanted to deal with is all you wanted. I got little to no feedback. I won't do that agian. There is an old saying, Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

 

If you are not willing to have a serious conversation about important issues between us for at least 3 hours without any distractions, then you can come right here and get your letter. I'm not willing to spend any time bringing it to you, even half way. Your choice.

 

Consider your self lucky I am not revengeful. The sort of stuff D**** is trying to do to me is pure revenge and I won't play that game with her. I don't play it with anybody. You have made a gesture that you are revengeful. The cable modem thing. You asked that I return the modem to you with only a day's notice. Prior to that You said you would leave it here till the end of Dec. I could not get another internet connection for at least a few days. The rogers guy told me you had a hotspot availaible where you lived but for some reason you wanted the modem back immediatly. You had web access from home. I had a position on the line and prompt communication was very important. I scrambled during that process to try to get us both an internet connection. I did it but it wasn't easy. It took a lot of my time. You never contacted me again about picking up the modem even tho it was ready when you needed it. I hacked a modem. Money is tight right now. You then cancelled the account which totally f***ed things up. They cut the cable line and the only way I could get a connection back was to subscribe. If you had not of done that then it would not have been a problem. I had to set up a legit connection after they cut it. I don't consider that playing fair. That was mean and a side of you I've never detected before.

 

I expect to be treated with respect. The same way I am to you. The golden rule of the bible has the same meaning, Treat others the same way as you expect them to treat you. Do you have issues with that? You are the religious one, not me. I was brought up Catholic and my values likely came from there, I am not a religious person tho. We never had an issue with religious views and they did come up.

 

 

Lavalife has been a problem from the start of our relationship. You visited it at least once a month from the point we met. I remember one night I slept at D*Q**ncy with you. I woke up but pretended I was still sleeping while you were still up and surfing lavalife. I couldn't believe what I saw. You were surfing lavavife looking thru men's profiles. I left that night but made an excuse I had to do something at home when I said I would stay for the night. I was hurt and didn't want to bring it up. I deleted my profile weeks before. Well you went back there many times during our relationship. Never deleted your profile even tho I told you several times I didn't think it was appropriate for someone in a relationship to be visiting a dating site. You kept going back anyway. Seemed to think you could hide it. The time you went to your friends house and I was not allowed to go really hit a rough point. You logged into your lavalife account again thinking I would never detect it since you didn't do it from home. YOur last visit is time stamped so it doesn't matter where you do it from. I have no idea what you did there. I'm an IT professional, you can't hide it. When I discovered you did then you said you were teaching your friend how to use the web. What does logging into a dating site have to do with teaching someone how to use the web? Most 5 year olds know how to use the web but don't know anything about dating sites. If she needed that much help, you would have shown her how to type in a web site address or how to use google. This logging into lavalife excuse doesn't fly. It doesn't add up. Do you think I am that dumb? What did you tell me about my intelligence again? I remember you saying you wanted your children to be just as smart. The same genetics I had. You are a friggin' Doctor with a specialty in sports medicine for christ sake. Nobody dumb here. No wonder you didn't want to talk about it and walked away from me 3 times. You didn't have a valid reason staged and made up a lame excuse. You were not expecting what I had to ask. That is what f***ed up our relationship. Other than this lavalife sh*t, we had a very good relationship. You kept your lavalife account active right thru your last relationship too, last time it was changed was back in june of 2006. How would you feel if I kept my lava life account and checked it every month behind your back? Perhaps you didn't care. I did. It was a major issue of trust and I was not the one who f***ed that up. Honesty and integrity, not hiding things was clear in my profile when we met, you knew how important that was to me, You choose to ignore it anyway and I was mislead. Why?

[Chrome Barracuda]

She aint worth the words homie, dont waste your breath.

 

Send something simpler and shorter. Most likely she'll rip it up anyway because she's so angry about what's going on. She's still in the fog.

 

Keep moving on.

[AHIWON]

Your probably right. I've tried to get her to read other things I wrote. There was nothing but positive things in there but she would only read the first few lines and stop. Shed a few tears. Called me a vampire for sucking away her energy. That wasn't my intention at all. My intent was for her to see how I felt and for her to express her feelings on it. She considers that to be negative which it is certainly not. Before our breakup she was open and certainly who I thought was "the one" I'd do anything to have her back less the lava stuff but it doesn't seem likely that is going to happen. I wish I had never met her, I would not be going thru such a hard time right now.

[ilmw]

Hey,

 

Just caught up with your thread.

 

Buddy... you really need time by yourself. Never mind being with any woman... just be with you. find out who the hell you are. Go on a trip BY YOURSELF... do things JUST FOR YOU.

 

Damn... Its not even been a year since you and the wife split... and you ended up living with another woman???? Whooooa...

 

Don't be jumping from one relationship to another... you will just lose.

 

When you don't need to be with a woman... then you know you can be. You know you will be strong enough to hold on to her...

 

Also... if she left you... don't be sending her letters... did it work with your stbxw... what makes you think it will work with this woman???

 

Anyway... that's my 2 cents... take care bud

 

ilmw

[AHIWON]

ilmw, I am completely over that first relationship. I don't think about it any more. I see it now for what it was. She is still trying to damage me any way she can. I haven't posted about what has happened since. Very long story. I am just ignoring her. It's almost a year now since I got the first hint of the affair. Prior to that things were terrible for years and I let my self stay in it even though I knew it was wrong. Nobody to blame but my self for putting up with it. I never will again. Nobody deserves to go thru that.

 

I am still hurt about the 2nd one tho. All the things I expected from a relationship were there and then some. All indicators from her led me to believe she felt the same way. I didn't have any expectations of meeting the woman of my dreams when we met. I just wanted to date some women. We fell in love rather quickly, I didn't expect it and things got very serious at a rapid pace. I can't figure out what went wrong with this one, don't think I ever will. I haven't sent her any emails in days and likely won't send her anything else. Maybe she will come back, maybe not. Either way I am going forward with my life with or without her.

 

Right now I am living in the west end of the city in an apartment and most of my friends and family are in the east. An hours drive away. I am moving back to the east end and into my cousins house before the end of this month. We lived together years ago and got along great. We have been good friends since we were kids. He is only home for a day and a half per week. I'll get a house to my self pretty much. My dog will get a back yard again. There is something I have to be happy about. I have lots of things to be happy about. Just have to get over this latest relationship.

 

I likely will date other women when I'm ready but just date. No getting serious for a while no matter how much I like someone.

[Chrome Barracuda]

ilmw, I am completely over that first relationship. I don't think about it any more. I see it now for what it was. She is still trying to damage me any way she can. I haven't posted about what has happened since. Very long story. I am just ignoring her. It's almost a year now since I got the first hint of the affair. Prior to that things were terrible for years and I let my self stay in it even though I knew it was wrong. Nobody to blame but my self for putting up with it. I never will again. Nobody deserves to go thru that.

 

I am still hurt about the 2nd one tho. All the things I expected from a relationship were there and then some. All indicators from her led me to believe she felt the same way. I didn't have any expectations of meeting the woman of my dreams when we met. I just wanted to date some women. We fell in love rather quickly, I didn't expect it and things got very serious at a rapid pace. I can't figure out what went wrong with this one, don't think I ever will. I haven't sent her any emails in days and likely won't send her anything else. Maybe she will come back, maybe not. Either way I am going forward with my life with or without her.

 

Right now I am living in the west end of the city in an apartment and most of my friends and family are in the east. An hours drive away. I am moving back to the east end and into my cousins house before the end of this month. We lived together years ago and got along great. We have been good friends since we were kids. He is only home for a day and a half per week. I'll get a house to my self pretty much. My dog will get a back yard again. There is something I have to be happy about. I have lots of things to be happy about. Just have to get over this latest relationship.

 

I likely will date other women when I'm ready but just date. No getting serious for a while no matter how much I like someone.

 

Wow, sounds like your getting back on your feet.

 

That's so cool that your moving near your family, that's a great thing. Listen how is she still bothering you? Is she harrasing you, sending you messages?