tlcrews88 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 I am in relationship that is going so good, I know its going to lead to a happy marriage. She is my high school sweetheart, we had a crush on each other for years, but neither one of us would come forward. When we graduated in June, she was not in another relationship so I took control of my inner self and we started dating, and the last 7 months have seemed like 7 days......everything is perfect, sure we have little spats here in there but we work them out cause we have a very good line of communication. All of our problems are worked out and we are happy as a we could possibly be and deeply in love. We have both made mistakes in the past but that is what it is the PAST. There is one problem, not with her and I, but with her mother. 4 years ago she met a guy from California at her biological father's wedding. Little did she know he is a nutcase. He packs all his stuff, moves out of his mothers place (alcoholic family) and drives 3,000 miles to VA. Shows up at her doorstep, she was young and made a mistake by letting him in her life. She was a minor and he was 21, in my opinion thats when mom and stepdad should have gave him the boot. Well things didnt work out between them she did everything possibly to make him get the hint (trying other relationships, telling him its over multiple times, etc..) He kept coming around till it led to violent arguments and fights. He has a drinking problem, but not a threat to me. Well here we are presently happy together as I was telling earlier. This guy is still around and little did I know until few months ago that her mother is apparently attached to this poor soul. I confronted her about the situation in nice manner, which is very hard for me to do due to my short temper especially when I found out that she was inviting him over for dinner and whatnot, she basically blew me off. As far as I know this has been going on forever and must be the reason he cant take a hint because of mom's generousity. The same night I confronted her so did my girlfriend. From the information she relayed back to me I got the impression that mommy wants to be his life counselor because of his rough chidhood (or maybe more than that if you know what I'm saying, but its not my marriage and Im not getting in that). Mother will not talk about this in front of her husband and husband does not have a clue that mommy is keeping him around. At first I thought it was like using the COW to get to the CALF but now I dont think so because mommy did tell me that wasnt the case. What mommy doesnt realize is she is putting wall between me and her which causes complications when I want to marry her daughter....also losing daughters respect as well which is very sad. The funny part is he will not come near if Im there or my girlfriend is there but when we are not hes knocking the door down. Stepdad and I have very good relationship but I feel theres this barrier preventing me from proceeding in the next step of there daughter and my relationship. I repeat there is no contact between Cali guy and my girlfriend they hate each other with a passion. I just feel that in her mothers head I am walking in shadow of this guy. Rest of the family as took me in with arms wide open, but I feel I cant get to her mother with him still in her life. Please help me find a solution to this problem(other than an ###whipping) or at least help me ease my mind. Note that everytime that my girlfriend and I talk about this she blames herself for letting him in her life, but I reassure her it is not her fault it is her mothers for not letting things change with the times. PLEASE help US we want to grow old together and are going to, but I dont want my future Mother-In-Law locked out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 The relationship between the mother and your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend sounds bizarre. Why doesn't her husband know about this kid? Were you told not to mention him? If not, is it possible to "slip up" in front of the husband and ask the mother about the ex-boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tlcrews88 Posted March 1, 2007 Author Share Posted March 1, 2007 Her husband knows about him and they have had some hard times because of him. Supposedly there is no hanky panky and they have put it behind them. I know that deep down the husband knows whats right for me and his step-daughter but he doesnt have the balls to put his foot down and end this drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tlcrews88 Posted March 8, 2007 Author Share Posted March 8, 2007 It seems clear to me that I am not going to get support of you guys to help me handle this situation. So instead of checking every day for a hopeful remedy or stress relief, I'll check back in a month and hopefully I'll have some sort of reply. Mistaken Identity, much appreciation goes out to you and your showing of concern. Thank You. Link to post Share on other sites
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