Deciding To Be Long Term Ow

[Guest]

This thread covers the self esteem issues and love and happiness, jealousy etc.

If an OW has had a long term affair and the mm will not leave and the reasons do not really matter because that is the situation, do you think that if the OW stays in the Affair she MUST have low self esteem?

 

I have commitment isssues myself (don't know why-my parents have had a long and happy marriage, no issues there) but I do get bored easily. I am also fearful of somone being totally dependant on me. I have never wanted kids although I am a god parent to 2 children and get on well with them.

 

So given the above, I am quite content and have made a conscious decision to stay as the OW. My mm and I have skirted around him leaving but it always seems to get shelved and maybe he has picked up that I am not sure I really want it OR he may have decided that he is not sure a full time r with me would work.

 

I am quite comfortable with this affair and I do not feel that I hate or despise myself. In fact I have a good circle of friends and interests and am happy with my own company.

 

My mm tells me that he doesn't want sex with anyone else and I tend to take him at face value on this. I have seen him and his w out shopping (he didn't see me) and there was no closeness, talking, humour--they were like two stranges. Does my lack of jealouy mean that I am not in love with him? I don't think so.

 

I enjoy visiting various friends who live abroad and I can go whenever I want as I work from home. I enjoy this freedom and if mm was with me, my ability to do this would be curtailed because of his work, children's school activities etc. You may think I am selfish, but I do not consider that I am.

 

I am a very loyal and giving person and often help my friends out.

My mm confides in me about problems he is having with his chidren, and although the relationship is sexual we just cannot keep our hands off even after years of seeing together. I want him to desire me in thisway. I always look forward to the time we spend together, partly because we both choose to spend time together, not because we have to.

 

It is the fact that we are not together 27/7 that keeps the relationship alive and interesting for both of us. We do also confide in each other and are comfortable and I know that he regrets marrying her, but that is the status quo that we both live. I think that she must know but tolerates it and turns a blind eye, so that he remains in the family unit.

 

So I do not think that I am selling myself short, and I do love him and he loves me or the relationship would not have lasted so long. I also do not feel that I have low self esteem or that I need therapy just because there is no prospect of this being a full time time relationship.

 

This is another perspective of the affair and I would welcome any comments.