lando Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 alright, this is my first post.. I came to this site because of a situation that I'm in with a lady friend. In order for your accurate advice you're going to have to hear the whole story, so I'll make it as brief as possible. Alright. I met this girl in my Grade 12 year at highschool. We started talking about half-way through the second semester. We hit it off pretty well... Soon after I started driving her home every day. Its funny to note that at this point she had a boyfriend that she never talked about... Graduation came, now we were out of school... By this time I liked the girl a lot. During the summer, there was no contact until I returned from my annual road-trip.. I was at work, and she came in out of nowhere to see me! It was then that we hit things off. It was also about this time when she broke up with her boyfriend... As time went on, we started spending more time together. It started off with just seeing eachother when we were with our mutual friends, but developed into just her & myself spending the evenings together. The point came to where I knew I had to finally ask the girl out officially. So one night, I did... Let me tell you, first off, that this girl is not a decision maker... Hence, she didnt have an answer... I took that as a nice way of her saying "No". However, after all that, I was driving away to go home, and she followed me home! the reason was because "her friend wanted to see where I lived". Later that same evening, she called me and said she was coming over. that made me happy, needless to say. We spent a good deal of time just talking... Towards the end I brought up the subject again... As before, she had no answer... We talked about it. Her reasons for saying no were "she didnt want to lose me" and because" we we're such good friends"... However, she said that her reason for saying yes was "because we're such good friends". So whatever, the evening ended, she went home, everything was cool... I was at least happy that she still wanted to be in my life.. Its very odd, that since I asked her out, we started spending EVEN MORE time together! She would call me seriously about every 3 hours, even when I was at work.. She would come visit me at work, she would make plans with me and call them "dates"... At this point, what are you thinking?? This went on for quite some time... I dont know if i'm right, but I kind of classified what was going on between her & I and kind of a pseudo-dating relationship... She was really the only important girl in my life and I was the only important guy in her life.. This is where the story gets kinda funky, and i apologize for the length... I live in a somewhat northerly climate... So, we got hit with a lot of snow... Right after that, things between her & myself dropped off severely!!! Instead of her calling me and always coming over, it changed to me calling her all the time (I did before too) and us ever hardly doing anything!!! Its still like this, too! Things are getting better, though.. She calls me now, but not nearly as frequently as before. I've only seen her face about 3 times in the past 3 weeks... It's very frustrating.. I would love to spend time with her, but our work schedules are somewhat different.. Everything was fine in the summer, but now by the time she gets home its almost too late to do anything, and if we were to do anything it could only be for at most 1 1/2 hours. Not to mention she lives on the other side of town... Please tell me that I have nothing to worry about, and that its just the weather!! I know that I generally worry too much about things of this nature, but its hard to adjust to such a drastic change in behavior! I've fallen in love with this girl, and all I want is to be with her officially and finally. Thanks alot in advance for ur inputs... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 The reason she never had a definite answer for you as far as going out was that she wanted to keep you on the line to do things with until she found another boyfriend. Originally, she never talked about her other boyfriend because she didn't want to discourage you from hanging out with her. She knew you were interested in her but she wanted you as an activity buddy and somebody to keep her busy when her lovelife was at a low point. I only wish I had better things to say for you...I really do. I've been right where you are and I know it hurts. Most likely she now has another love interest going and you won't hear quite so much from her until the newness wears off. You, my friend, need to go find a girl who will say YES when you ask her out. As far as this girl goes, you need to have one last talk with her and see just what's going on. If you don't get any good answers, stay far far away from her. From all you've written, she sounds like a real user...and she doesn't care one bit about breaking your heart. For a girl to spend even more time with a guy after he declares his feelings and not reciprocate in some way is truly hateful. I hope you will get this resolved quickly...and get this girl out of your life if she won't come around and give you some straight answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lando Posted November 11, 2002 Author Share Posted November 11, 2002 I thank you for you're advice but I must say, although you're advice does sound right in general, I honestly dont think it applies here.. This girl is quite complex and difficult to understand unless you have gotten to know her... I realize now that asking outside advice can't really give accurate answers, because its difficult to get the whole story in. I say this because in the past, everytime some possible road-block may occur, the opposite of what I think is going to happen happens! She's always been able to surprise me like that... She just isnt like every other girl out there. This may not sound right, but its true! I've read everything you wrote, and I'm left believing that what you think is going on in actuality isn't... You may not believe me due to you're experiences, but please try. If there is one thing that being with this girl has shown me, is that she doesnt behave like the average woman. So I guess I'm on my own, but I'm confident that I have nothing to worry about. Once again, that you for you're help... Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 "You're unique, just like everyone else" We all are different. I even surprise myself sometimes. You should make one final attempt to ask her out... if she says no, then you should realize it's a no and most likely will always be that. or.... maybe she's just stressed out from being out all the time. You say she's always out and you don't get a lot of time together. She may be overworked! Just relax and wait until things settle down, then make your move again. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 but why don't you just ask her what is going on? is she introspective enough to tell you? from where i am sitting she seems scared. she was scared to say yes to a date. why do i think that? because she followed you later. that meant to her, that it was okay to like you, you weren't going to reject her. something has made her scared again. find out what it is. maybe she realizes that she's going to mess this up. even though you give her the message that you dig her, in her mind, she may think that that thought could vanish from your heart in a minute. i know this sounds crazy, but think about what i have said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lando Posted November 12, 2002 Author Share Posted November 12, 2002 Im not quite sure what introspective means, but if it means that she keeps some of the important things to herself, then yes, she is like that. She isn't very good at talking about stuff.. She's always been like that. I do have to say that aside from her best girlfriend, I'm the only one that she talks to about personal stuff. I think you are somewhat correct about the scared thing.. You see, I asked her out about 1 month after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend. She hated (and still hates) the guy.. We talked about it, and she considered him her first love. She expressed that she didnt want to lose me the same way... Do you think that she might be moreso scared that "she" might mess things up? I honestly dont know if she is scared again, or if she was scared in the first place... I cant think of anything that would do that to her... either way, i'm serious about sticking this out, cuz i'm sure this little thing will pass.. she just came onto msn messenger from work to chat with me, so im happy about that.. she hasnt done that in quite some time. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 yes, i mean i think that she is scared that she is going to mess things up AND that she is scared of the unknown. she is being gun shy and needs reassurance that you care for her. don't go overboard, but just accept her going through this phase right now. she may not be feeling very lovable right now. Link to post Share on other sites
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