Wonder what is going thru HER head?

[whichwayisup]

Either way, he shouldn't be bringing her up AT ALL. In a bad way or not, she shouldn't be even entering his mind anymore. Yuk!

 

Only good can come of you two going to MC again. And maybe with the help of the counsellor, he'll learn NOT to bring up the OW at all.

[silktricks]

AGREE! I PM'ed you by the way. I can see why he gets bugged about me bringing it up but I hate when he brings my past lover up too. Only difference is, that R was years b4 I even met H. I want to leave that in my past just as he wants to leave the A in the past. Maybe we really ought to seek MC again to see what the counselor says. I know when I was in IC he told me not to bring up the A to H anymore.

It's been four years. It really is best to not bring it up anymore. At this point it only brings up painful things that are best left in the past. Yeah, he did it. But at this point for you to bring it up is only rubbing salt in both of your wounds.

 

There needs to be a point at which he feels safe too. He screwed up major. He knows that. Don't forget that as insecure as you have felt, he has felt insecure as well. He didn't know whether or not you'd stick it out with him. He didn't know if you'd throw it at him for the rest of his life. He didn't know if you'd turn around and "pay him back." It's best to let it die.

 

Usually when he brings the OW up he says bad things about her. I think it's his way of reassuring me I'm a better person and that he was stupid for doing what he did.

That probably is the reason. But maybe you need to let him know that you don't really want him thinking about her, and when he mentions her to you, in whatever context, it shows that she is in his thoughts. Let him know that is tormenting. You don't need to know that you are better than her, you already know that. As WWIU says, MC would be a good thing.

 

Regarding the woman coach, though. I would STRONGLY recommend that you do not in anyway refer to the past when bringing up your questions about this woman. Trialbyfire gave you the PERFECT way to ask whatever questions you need to ask. If you bring up the past, then it immediately throws your worries about him into the mix. It's best to avoid that if possible.

[mopar crazy]

That is what I'm going to do...tell him to stop bringing her up. But, I'm going to wait until he brings it up again. I'm going to try real hard not to talk about his A again but it's gonna be hard. If he talks about her again I'm going to point out that he always talks about my x's name and I don't want to discuss him, he should do the same for me.

 

This woman hasn't called yet to let him know if the game is still on but will post here when she does to say what she said when I answer.

[BenThereDunThat]

Here are a couple of things bothering me about all this. If this has been brought up, I apologize. I'm lazy - I just skimmed.

 

Where is her H? Does he go to the games? Does he sit with the rest of the families?

 

If I were this woman, I would go out of my way to be friendly to you. Make it a point to talk to you when I had to call for your H. I would not call the cell. I assume you have an answering machine? I would only call the house and leave messages pertaining to whatever it is I had to talk to him about. And it would be about coaching only.

 

My exH had a "best friend" (female) when we started dating. I didn't think anything of it because they had been friends for years, and I'd known of this whole crowd for a long time. Well, after we started dating, I noticed she avoided me. And if they did anything, it was without me.

 

To me, if she was such a good friend, doesn't it make sense that she would at least try to be my friend, too? If she found out later that she didn't like me, that'd be one thing. Turns out he had feelings for her all along and when she finally left her abusive husband and didn't want to be with my exH, he was devastated. My point is, my spidey sense was tingling all along and I kept letting him get mad at me and making me feel stupid for feeling that way.

 

I'm not saying anything is going on between your H and her, but things are not being done to make sure you're comfortable. Whether or not it's because of what you went through 4 years ago or not, you feel uncomfortable and are being made to feel stupid about letting your feelings be known.

 

What about inviting her & her husband to come over one night with the kids for dinner or something?

[mopar crazy]

Here are a couple of things bothering me about all this. If this has been brought up, I apologize. I'm lazy - I just skimmed.

 

Where is her H? Does he go to the games? Does he sit with the rest of the families?

 

If I were this woman, I would go out of my way to be friendly to you. Make it a point to talk to you when I had to call for your H. I would not call the cell. I assume you have an answering machine? I would only call the house and leave messages pertaining to whatever it is I had to talk to him about. And it would be about coaching only.

 

My exH had a "best friend" (female) when we started dating. I didn't think anything of it because they had been friends for years, and I'd known of this whole crowd for a long time. Well, after we started dating, I noticed she avoided me. And if they did anything, it was without me.

 

To me, if she was such a good friend, doesn't it make sense that she would at least try to be my friend, too? If she found out later that she didn't like me, that'd be one thing. Turns out he had feelings for her all along and when she finally left her abusive husband and didn't want to be with my exH, he was devastated. My point is, my spidey sense was tingling all along and I kept letting him get mad at me and making me feel stupid for feeling that way.

 

I'm not saying anything is going on between your H and her, but things are not being done to make sure you're comfortable. Whether or not it's because of what you went through 4 years ago or not, you feel uncomfortable and are being made to feel stupid about letting your feelings be known.

 

What about inviting her & her husband to come over one night with the kids for dinner or something?

 

 

Her H hardly ever goes to the games. I have seen him once since they started this season and they have played several times. He doesn't go b/c he has to work. When he does come he sits up in the stands w/ the rest of the parents.

 

Yes, we have an answering machine but she usually calls H on his cell. Yesterday I was going through his cell to check minutes used. I noticed in the last 60 calls (over the course of a few days) she called 6 times and he called her 3 times. Out of of all those calls they were short, under 5 minutes. However, on Valentines Day evening she called him and it was 8 minutes!!! WTF was she calling MY H on Valentines Day? I can just hear it now...."It was only about BB!" Ya know they have practice twice a week for 2 hours. If they can't talk then about what plays and crap they want to do at the next game then they aren't using their time wisely. There shouldn't have to be calls amongst them several times a week. When I am around they do just talk about BB, however how do I know what she maybe saying on the other end?

 

I spoke to H yesterday about this. I didn't accuse him of anything. I asked him if she has been acting differently towards him b/c she sure has towards me. She wont say too much to me and the other day I waved at her and she looked the other way real quick. I asked him if she was mad at me and he chuckled and said no. He admitted he talks to her a lot on the phone about BB so he would know if she was acting differently.

 

The 8 minute phone call on VD pisses me off! I wasn't home when she called but he was. Should I mention all these calls I see between them and ask him what's up? And if he says "It's just about BB" then what? I don't like how they are communicating like this all the time, even if it's about BB. How would he feel if I was constantly on the phone w/ some guy co-worker talking about work? He wouldn't like it at all. They need to get their ***** figured out during practice instead of her having to call him all the time.

 

K, now I am just downright pissed!

 

As for having them over for supper, nope not gonna happen, lol. That is close to one of the reasons why H xOW tried to push her nose into H's personal life. She kept asking me to babysit her child. H told me it was b/c she wanted to get closer to him.

[jmargel]

I'm worried he will say I'm nuts or need help w/ my insecurities

 

Is a HUGE red flag, it's there way of diverting the affair to you. The best defense is a strong offense.

 

When my wife was doing crap behind my back she had me pretty well convinced that I was 'paranoid', 'crazy' and that 'nothing was going on'. Took a psychologist to unravel all of that and to get me to see things straight. When I would bring it up she was get mad, defensive then lay blanket statements on me that really had nothing to do with what SHE was doing.

 

There is no need for this chick to call him this much. Don't accuse him of cheating but tell him 'I really makes me FEEL uncomfortable that she is calling you so much and my feeling of her trying to get closer to you'. Then see what he says. If he gets mad or defensive, becareful could be a sign of things.

 

If he refuses to budge, then talk to her. Be straight up about it.

 

The only way to win this game, is to not play it.

[Mz. Pixie]

They aren't good things, mostly disgusting things that make me want to get

 

 

He's not showing you respect by talking about his kind of stuff with you!!!

I cannot believe you would sit there and listen to that!

 

This is the same H that wanted you to get a second job but he wouldn't?? Is this the same H who doesn't help around the house???

 

Where there is smoke, there is usually fire. And let me add this- he knows he's vulnerable to attention from other women- because he had an A. IMO he should be doing everything he can to avoid making you feel like this but he's not. See what I mean???

 

Because I had an affair in my first marriage- I guard myself against that now. I'm not buddy buddys with any men, and they certainly do not call me. I don't "ride" with any men anywhere! First of all, it puts me in a situation I shouldn't ben in, secondly its disrespectful to my husband, IMO.

 

My H has friends (female) from college he's been through everything with. They do not call each other as often as he's talking to this woman!!!

[whichwayisup]

JM has a good point, and I just thought of this. If it was guy, instead of her, would he be talking to him as much about BB? Afew times a day, on Valentine's day.....Makes ya think, huh?

[mopar crazy]

Is a HUGE red flag, it's there way of diverting the affair to you. The best defense is a strong offense.

 

When my wife was doing crap behind my back she had me pretty well convinced that I was 'paranoid', 'crazy' and that 'nothing was going on'. Took a psychologist to unravel all of that and to get me to see things straight. When I would bring it up she was get mad, defensive then lay blanket statements on me that really had nothing to do with what SHE was doing.

 

There is no need for this chick to call him this much. Don't accuse him of cheating but tell him 'I really makes me FEEL uncomfortable that she is calling you so much and my feeling of her trying to get closer to you'. Then see what he says. If he gets mad or defensive, becareful could be a sign of things.

 

If he refuses to budge, then talk to her. Be straight up about it.

 

The only way to win this game, is to not play it.

 

 

Thanks JM for the reply! What you said makes sense. Why would he get defensive if nothing is going on between them? I haven't accused him, or asked him flat out why she is calling all the time b/c I know the answer, it's just about BB, that is it. UGH! That will be his story and he will stick w/ it.

 

What I'm thinking about right now is letting it go for the time being. When BB season is over and they are still calling each other I will definitely know something is up.

 

I guess my feelings on this is that he will give me the same reasons behind their calls, BB, so why even bother ya know?

 

Pix, I have asked him why he has to bring her up I get the same response, he doesn't know, he just thought of it. I haven't broughten the OW up and he hasn't either and I'm keeping it that way.

 

Yes, this is the same H that expected me to get another job and he didn't try. Yes, this is the same H that doesn't help around the house. However, I never took that job. I told him I already work FT and take care of the house and kids and I don't feel I should be doing more. He ended up getting another job that pays a lot better so there isn't that issue anymore. Since my last vent about him not helping things have gotten a little better. He helps a little but not near as much as I would like. All I want him to do is pick up after himself and do the trash, etc. He has been putting dishes away w/o it being a fight. He usually offers to do it. He does most of the grocery shopping as he knows I don't like it too much. He has NP going shopping for us so I can just come home straight from work instead of heading to the store.

 

Do you think it's wise I just chill for a little bit and see what happens? I know he can't possibly being having sex w/ this woman, he is always home or at BB practice. I know he wouldn't be leaving the girls practice to go shag some from this woman so I'm not worried about that. I'm just worried they are getting too close which could end up in an EA turning into a PA.

[Trialbyfire]

While jmargel's way is the most honest/upfront way which I do highly respect, it rarely works with a real cheater and in the long run makes you wish you hadn't done it. It might clarify the situation but it might also make him defensive due to past history.

 

I truly would not bring up the past or anything remotely close to you suspecting him of anything. Ask him from a normal interpersonal perspective and responses will allow the story to unfold. Many people don't really understand the power of an emotional affair or even admit that they exist and how it erodes on your relationship, then eventually becomes a physical affair.

[Impudent Oyster]

Mopar, I see red flags EVERYWHERE!

 

First of all, why all the calls? There is NO reason coaches need to be calling each other so often everyday, none at all.

 

Secondly, her behavior SCREAMS that she's uncomfortable seeing you because she KNOWS she's doing something wrong.

 

I've gtg now, but I want to PM you if I can figure out how. I'd get a voice activated recorder in his car YESTERDAY!

[mopar crazy]

Mopar, I see red flags EVERYWHERE!

 

First of all, why all the calls? There is NO reason coaches need to be calling each other so often everyday, none at all.

 

Secondly, her behavior SCREAMS that she's uncomfortable seeing you because she KNOWS she's doing something wrong.I've gtg now, but I want to PM you if I can figure out how. I'd get a voice activated recorder in his car YESTERDAY!

 

Is this the reason why you see red flags everywhere, b/c of her behavior?

 

I can't say I blame her if she finds my H attractive, he is, and he has a sense of humor. She must think he is funny if she laughed at his comment the other day to the girls playing. Even if she finds him attractive she shouldn't be calling him all the time even if it is only about BB. He helped coach w/ her last year and she never called this much. There was a guy coach last year w/ them also and H and this guy coach never called each other and if they did, it was very few times.

 

I'm surprised when she called the other day to inform us of game times that she called our home # instead of his cell.

 

I HATE being suspicious! I hate thinking I need to check up on him! I don't want to be sneaky and try to find out what is going on. I just can't pretend it's not going on. I know if I worked w/ any men I wouldn't be calling them about work related issues and they wouldn't be calling me.

 

This sucks! Why does she keep calling! Get your ***** together at practice and quit calling my H! That is what I want to tell her.

 

Ok, I'm loosing my mind w/ all this. I looked at the time of the Valentine's Day call and it was during the time H and I were out having supper. He shouldn't of answered the d@mn phone! Anyhow, I do remember their conversation from where I was sitting. It was about BB...another team couldn't play so they had to rearrange what they were going to do, blah, blah, blah. That phone call lasted 8 minutes. She called twice on the 16th. One he didn't answer the next they talked for almost 2 minutes. She called once on the 23rd but he didn't answer. She called twice on the 24th: one no answer, one for 37 seconds.

She called twice on the 24, no answer as we were in the store and he left his cell in his truck. She called once on the 26th, no answer.

 

Tonight she must of called our home phone and asked if our child could go to a BB out of town w/ some of her teammates. He didn't go w/, he could have but he didn't. She was taking the team to go watch the game. I don't think she asked him to go but I know if he wanted to, he would have.

 

 

What have I reduced myself to by checking up on him again!

[silktricks]

You are scared and out of control. Take three steps back and breathe. You have zero hard evidence at this point. Granted their are some suspicious circumstances, but they can also be explained without suspicion.

 

Even if the woman is interested in your H, it doesn't necessarily swing both ways. Take some time for yourself.

[noforgiveness]

mopar crazy I am sorry you are having such a hard time with this. I do have a different take on it though.

 

My husband is an assistant coach for a very competitive sports team. Same age as your child. My husband and the main coach talk on the phone after practice every single practice for about a half hour. They talk about the girls and who should be doing what, who's really putting in effort, what position they should switch around etc etc etc.

 

They take it very seriously and from what you said your husband is very serious about sports. To me it seems normal and an 8 minute conversation seems short. My daughters team had practice from 7 to 9 on valentines day lol.

 

He speaks in front of me during these convos but also often walks away in private because he is talking about the kids strengths and weaknesses and it is private. When I am there the main coach says hi to me and nothing more. There is no reason for conversation with me and nothing really to talk about. He gets my daughters perspective from my husband all the time.

 

The drive to the game weren't the kids in the car with them? Just think if this coach was a man would you be upset or think anything odd over discussing sports?

 

I can not blame you for having reservations but I think you are worrying for no reason here. Childrens sports has really become very serious.

 

Relax, keep your guard up but relax. It seems totally innocent to me. Normal coaches behavior. They can not talk about the girls during practice. they need to speak after about the kids.

[Mz. Pixie]

I couldn't care less about her behavior- it's his I'd be concerned about.

 

Women can throw themselves at a man anytime they want to- it's his job to turn them down. He knows good and well that you will be uncomfortable with this given his past history and he still continues to do it.

 

He should be the one to tell her to quit calling so much and to convey to other women he's not interested.

[Impudent Oyster]

that you're overreacting. Your situation mirrors mine, it's EXACTLY the way my husbands A started, and the first tip off? The OW's reaction towards me. She went from being friendly and talking to me every time we were at the kids games to not being able to even look at me. THAT IS A HUGE SIGN that something isn't kosher. She feels guilty.

 

Also, all those short phone calls could just be quickie reminders for them to call each other back on a landline or to meet with each other. How far away from this woman does your H work? Is it physically possible for him to be meeting her during the workday?

 

My husband was never late from work, never out at night either, always home for dinner. If people want to see each other during the day they can always go to lunch.

 

Look, maybe it is nothing, but having been through one d-day do you really think he isn't capable? Don't say a word to him, just keep a keen eye out, heck, I'd even follow him if possible, anything to ease your suspicions.

 

If nothings going on you'll feel better and will be able to relax, if something is going on, better to nip it in the bud.

 

Good luck, I know exactly how you feel and honestly, TRUST YOUR GUT. It's usually right.

[mopar crazy]

noforgiveness, thanks and what you said about your own H and coaching is the same thing that my H talks to this woman coach w/. They talk about switching players b/c they may not be playing that position well. They even talk about things the girls do bad, or well at.

 

She hasn't called again since yest and he didn't answer. However, she could of called the home phone.

 

There is another ballgame coming up this weekend and so I'm going to watch how her reactions are then.

 

She isn't a stuck up person, maybe she just doesn't have much to say to me. She doesn't talk to much of the other parents one on one either so maybe I'm just freaking for nothing.

 

Pixie, I do understand what you are saying about not caring about her actions, but what my H is towards her. He doesn't talk much about her at all. Shortly b4 his A w/ the xOW he talked about her all the stinking time. It got to the point where I was sick of hearing about her so I flat out asked him he wanted to sleep w/ her. His answer was "If I wasn't M"

 

I'm not going to say anything, just keep my eyes open. Thanks again for all the replies and will keep ya all updated.

 

ETA: H works 3rd shift. He stays at work for his breaks. There isn't any chance he could be taking a break and going to meet her after 11 pm. That would raise to many suspicious w/ her own H if she was leaving that late at night. He comes right home from work and goes to bed. We live 20 miles from her. I'm not worried about her coming out here b/c she works at her own business and is needed there.

[jmargel]

Insanity: Doing the same thing over & over, expecting different results.

 

Now read that a couple of times and then reflect back on your situation. You have been doing the same thing over & over, hoping to come to a resolution with this.

 

I think you really need to have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him what his intentions are and what he thinks hers is. Then let it be known that her calling/closeness is making you feel uncomfortable.

 

Thing is, he's not a stupid man and he realizes what he is doing is stirring the pot when it comes to adultry since he's done it to you before.

 

I would still highly recommend couseling for you two as well.

[mopar crazy]

Insanity: Doing the same thing over & over, expecting different results.

 

Now read that a couple of times and then reflect back on your situation. You have been doing the same thing over & over, hoping to come to a resolution with this.

 

I think you really need to have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him what his intentions are and what he thinks hers is. Then let it be known that her calling/closeness is making you feel uncomfortable.

 

Thing is, he's not a stupid man and he realizes what he is doing is stirring the pot when it comes to adultry since he's done it to you before.

 

I would still highly recommend couseling for you two as well.

 

Your right JM, I didn't realize that I was doing that. I'm just worried what his reaction or his feelings towards ME will be. I don't want him to think I'm insecure, I'm really not, BUT when he is in contact w/ this woman all the time it bothers me.

I guess my feelings are on all of it is a double standard....he would HATE that some guy was calling me all the time! Even if it were something harmless, like BB.

 

However, no forgiveness post does make sense also.

 

JM, I wouldn't say he is a stupid man either, but when it comes to this he is VERY naive on how it makes me feel. He sees nothing wrong w/ the calls between them b/c it's only about BB (or so he says).

 

I'm going to try to chill for a little bit here. If she has a "crush" on him I don't really care, that is her problem and I feel for her H. What I do care about is what MY H's reactions are to her. What she feels for my H (if there is any feelings) is her issue, not ours, so I'm going to step back and see how this plays out.

 

Insanity: Doing the same thing over & over, expecting different results.

 

Yep, I plead insanity, lol!

[ohmy3]

I have read and read the pages of replies, and to start @ he 1st few I felt so so for you and your pain and after i reached the end I can't help but feel your are Accepting theshort end of the stick here ! (LIKE IF YOU WERE ONTHE AR RIDE) WHEN they were together you would sat in the back seat and let this OW ride up front w/ your husband ! You'r the wife NOT HER (no name)---- I am very upset you aren't standing up for your self and your child he seems to have no respect for you When no matter how long he should be walking on thinice AFTER Fu--ing another BIT-H ONCE! Wake Up women, if he aint screwing her yet he will be, she is what sounds like Obsesside w/ him and might be looking for crap w/ him her own life is missing and if he so willing to talk to her so ofter short time or not but she has had her foot in the door for sometime & i Bet if not yet he's had/has his something , soemthing in her soemthing ! BE a ADULT not in high school Put Voice recodered in her truck sooner or later i say w/in a week you get some proof if or if not , hide it well and put 1 where you know he takes phone to talk in private in house hide you 1 there ! test enm' when you 1st put them in so you know they are picking up stuff then bate him like well i gotta run to the store so he will talk to her and you can hear as soon as he goes towork at night shift what he said or get him to run to the store orwhateverresons you can get him outta house where he is alone and would talke to her on the cell! you will go NUTS if you don't find out OR higher a PI if poss. it seems you jsut really don't want to know the truth crap I wouldn't but if the check was acting how she is and your husband is LESS than concered HOW YoU FEEL about how he/she makes you feel well you've to have blinders not to see whatright in front of you! HE cares more about her @ this time then you and you ALLOWING yourself to be treated this way by accepting it there needs to be a huge limit to the calls #1 and he needs to give a SH-T about how you feel! Bottom line you'll will not know till you want to know or ask what you want to ask IF they have nothing to hide they won't act defensive and will be more happy to share any info you want! I don't want to sound mean to you but you will only get what you allow yourself to accept, HIGHER A PI. if you can-- if your husband is abusive don't so any of this yourself RUN AWAY!

[jmargel]

I don't want him to think I'm insecure, I'm really not, BUT when he is in contact w/ this woman all the time it bothers me.

 

You are not insecure as a person but what he is doing to you is causing insecurity. It falls on him. He cheated on you once before so that compounds the problem.

 

I'm just worried what his reaction or his feelings towards ME will be

 

He is doing the inappropirate things, not you! Seems like you are putting him before you in regards to this. IMO you really need to nip this in the bud now before it becomes a worse problem later on. Trying to ignore the situation or wait and 'see how it goes' is not going to solve it. It hasn't, since that's what you have been doing.

 

Maybe you are afraid of the truth? If you get that feeling you are reliving the times when he was cheating on you then it's imperative that something be done.

 

All you need to say to him is 'It really makes me feel uncomfortable that she is calling so much and you two have been getting closer. I really hope for the sake of our marriage that you make the right decision here'. If he asks what kind of decision, ask him how he would feel if you were talking to another man everyday on the phone no matter what the subject matter is about.

 

Tolerating this behavior is just going to allow him to continue it onto the next level. Don't be afraid of the unknown, it's usually not as bad as what you imagine it might be. It's time to get everything out in the open with him.

[ohmy3]

I have read and read the pages of replies, and to start @ the 1st few I felt so, so sorry for you and your pain and after i reached the end I can't help but feel your are Accepting the short end of the stick here ! (LIKE IF YOU WERE ON THE CAR RIDE) WHEN they were together you would sat in the back seat and let this OW ride up front w/ your husband ! You'r the wife NOT HER (no name)---- I am very upset you aren't standing up for yourself and your child he seems to have no respect for you when no matter how long he should be walking on thin ice AFTER Fu--ing another BIT-H ONCE! Wake Up women, if he aint screwing her yet he will be, she is what sounds like Obcesside w/ him and might be looking for crap w/ him her own life is missing and if he's so willing to talk to her so ofter , short time or not but she has had her foot in the door for sometime & i bet if not yet he's had/has his something , soemthing in her soemthing ! BE a ADULT not in high school (DO NOT PLAY A VICTUM SO WELL) He did it 1 time! Wake UP! Put Voice recodered in her truck sooner or later I say w/in a week you get some proof if or if not , hide it well and put 1 where you know he takes phone to talk in private in house hide you 1 there ! test em' when you 1st put them in so you know they are picking up stuff , then bait him , like well i gotta run to the store so he will talk to her and you can hear as soon as he goes to work at night shift what he said or get him to run to the store or whatever reasons you can get him outta house where he is alone and would talk to her on the cell! you will go NUTS if you don't find out OR higher a PI if poss. it seems you just really don't want to know the truth. Crap I wouldn't! but if the chick was acting how she is and your husband is LESS than concered HOW YoU FEEL about how he or she makes you feel well you've to have blinders not to see what's right in front of you! HE cares more about her @ this time then you and you ALLOWING yourself to be treated this way by accepting it there needs to be a huge limit to the calls #1 and he needs to give a SH-T about how you feel! Bottom line you'll will not know till you want to know or ask what you want to ask IF they have nothing to hide they won't act defensive and will be more happy to share any info you want! I don't want to sound mean to you but you will only get what you allow yourself to accept, HIGHER A PI. if you can-- if your husband is abusive don't do any of this yourself RUN AWAY!

[Mz. Pixie]

Maybe you are afraid of the truth? If you get that feeling you are reliving the times when he was cheating on you then it's imperative that something be done.

 

 

I think this says alot.

[mopar crazy]

JM, ya know even if there was actually something going on between his, he would lie through his teeth about it. He did the first A, they both lied.

 

I will post more later...have to run. Thanks!

[mopar crazy]

I have read and read the pages of replies, and to start @ the 1st few I felt so, so sorry for you and your pain and after i reached the end I can't help but feel your are Accepting the short end of the stick here ! (LIKE IF YOU WERE ON THE CAR RIDE) WHEN they were together you would sat in the back seat and let this OW ride up front w/ your husband ! You'r the wife NOT HER (no name)---- I am very upset you aren't standing up for yourself and your child he seems to have no respect for you when no matter how long he should be walking on thin ice AFTER Fu--ing another BIT-H ONCE! Wake Up women, if he aint screwing her yet he will be, she is what sounds like Obcesside w/ him and might be looking for crap w/ him her own life is missing and if he's so willing to talk to her so ofter , short time or not but she has had her foot in the door for sometime & i bet if not yet he's had/has his something , soemthing in her soemthing ! BE a ADULT not in high school (DO NOT PLAY A VICTUM SO WELL) He did it 1 time! Wake UP! Put Voice recodered in her truck sooner or later I say w/in a week you get some proof if or if not , hide it well and put 1 where you know he takes phone to talk in private in house hide you 1 there ! test em' when you 1st put them in so you know they are picking up stuff , then bait him , like well i gotta run to the store so he will talk to her and you can hear as soon as he goes to work at night shift what he said or get him to run to the store or whatever reasons you can get him outta house where he is alone and would talk to her on the cell! you will go NUTS if you don't find out OR higher a PI if poss. it seems you just really don't want to know the truth. Crap I wouldn't! but if the chick was acting how she is and your husband is LESS than concered HOW YoU FEEL about how he or she makes you feel well you've to have blinders not to see what's right in front of you! HE cares more about her @ this time then you and you ALLOWING yourself to be treated this way by accepting it there needs to be a huge limit to the calls #1 and he needs to give a SH-T about how you feel! Bottom line you'll will not know till you want to know or ask what you want to ask IF they have nothing to hide they won't act defensive and will be more happy to share any info you want! I don't want to sound mean to you but you will only get what you allow yourself to accept, HIGHER A PI. if you can-- if your husband is abusive don't do any of this yourself RUN AWAY!

 

I understand your POV, I really do. And no, I'm not willing to take the backseat in this situation. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to cause a stink in my M, however I can't sit idly by not saying anything.

 

I'm going to do it...I'm going to talk to him. I have been putting it off long enough. If he isn't guilty of anything then he wont get all pissy. If he says I have self-esteem issue, I'm going to tell him it has nothing to do w/ my self-esteem, it has everything to do w/ him and this woman talking all the time and I don't know any woman who would like it. It also has to do w/ if a man was calling me he wouldn't like it either.

 

I can just hear the conversation now... "Do you think I would cheat on you w/ HER? Come on, I can't believe you would think I would be attracted to her." Or he would just laugh. He just doesn't seem to understand that A's are not all about looks. His xOW wasn't all that attractive, walked funny (like a duck as her co-workers would say), but he still had an A w/ her.

 

This woman coach hasn't called for almost a week, or at least it's not on his cell. He has no reason to delete her calls yet b/c he doesn't know it's a concern of mine. If he had something to hide he would definitely be deleting the calls they make between each other. Or he would be finding other means of talking w/ her b/c I could read it on the cell bill. And from what I have seen through the cell bill she calls him a lot more. She is the head coach. She is the one that deals w/ coaching and game situations and fills H in on as she knows.

 

I spoke w/ a parent who's child is on the BB team and asked her if this woman talks to her much. I didn't mention anything about what was going on. She told me she doesn't talk to her much either. I told her she just doesn't say much to me at all and when I try to talk to her she just doesn't seem in tune w/ our conversation. She said she is like that.

 

 

Maybe this woman is just that way, not a very social person. Doesn't like small talk, crap like that.

 

And I know this is way off topic but maybe she is just plain jealous of woman who are more attractive of her. This woman, and I know it's mean to say, is very butch. There isn't a feminine bone in her body besides the huge diamond ear rings she wears. Her hair cut reminds me of a military man's hair cut. My mom has known her for years and says she has always been that way.