My sister

[RecordProducer]

Alch, are you really in Russia? Are you Russian? I am asking because the economic conditions in Russia are much worse than in the US, but you sound very American.

 

I think whatever you choose, you have to realize that it's only temporarily. Your sister means no harm and all the conditions sound like she is trying to help you. Perhaps moving in with her would be a great opportunity for you two to get closer to each other.

 

Why do you speak about your mom in past tense? Did she pass away?

[the_alchemyst]

Hi all,

 

I didn't want to say this publicly because it kind of defeats the purpose, but I decided to create another account and attempt to let the alchemyst rest.

 

I figured that with the move and all, it would be good to start out fresh with just about everything, and that included these forums, as well.

 

Also, although my sister knows, more or less, all the things that I do (substance abuse), there are a lot of posts here that I wouldn't want her to read since they are so private (read: "emotional"). Since I'm at her house and since my laptop is currently in their living room, I figured a new account would be better also just in case I left the browser open or something.

 

But I'll use this one to answer things here . . . and to update.

 

For those who don't know, yes, I did end up moving. Tomorrow will mark two weeks since I have been here.

 

I wish I could say things are going swell, but they're not.

 

EDIT: Too long a post. Let it suffice to say that everything sucks now even more than before.

 

I don't understand my sister even though I try. She frightens me.

 

My dad is now officially worse than my mom. (There's something I hoped I'd never say.)

 

I'm not even sad or disappointed anymore; I'm just angry. For the first time in my life, the predominant emotion in me is extreme anger and hatred towards my family--namely my mother and father.

 

I never ever, ever want to see either of those jerks ever again.

 

Alch, are you really in Russia? Are you Russian? I am asking because the economic conditions in Russia are much worse than in the US, but you sound very American.

 

No, I don't live there. But Russians are pretty.

 

I live here in the USA, but I'm not American, really. At least, I don't feel American at all.

 

I think whatever you choose, you have to realize that it's only temporarily.

 

You're absolutely right. This is what I have been thinking and telling myself for these past few days. It's the only thing preventing me from doing irreversible things.

 

Your sister means no harm

 

Yes, I can safely say that she doesn't. But upon learning what's really going on with her, I can't help but wonder which one of us is more f*cked up.

 

Why do you speak about your mom in past tense? Did she pass away?

 

I don't know. I don't think so. I haven't spoken with her for some months now.

 

In all honesty, it doesn't even matter anymore.

[blind_otter]

I'm sorry that things aren't going well. Just remember that it's possible to endure anything as long as it's temporary. But don't endure them at the expense of your own mental health.

 

I'm just saying.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Good to hear from you again.

 

I never ever, ever want to see either of those jerks ever again.

 

You know, I understand you. One of the things that I wanted to accomplish when I went back to my parents' house was to work out my differences with my father.

 

(Who is controlling, abusive, and cold, kind of like your sister)

 

And to my dismay...

 

I realized that I just don't like the guy. I thought it was that I had issues with him to resolve, but there were no issues. It was simpler than that (as it usually is).

 

So I just decided to stay away from him, like I do with people I don't like, and that was it. I wasn't even sad about it, just uncomfortable, I wished I could visit my mom in a place where he wasn't around the whole time.

 

Anyway, that was my conclusion.

 

Other than that, I'm back in LA and rented an apt.

 

Hang in there, you are the coolest and you'll figure out what to do.

 

Good luck, xoxoxo

 

Ariadne