Michael426 Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 You'd think I would have gotten over this decades ago, but no! There is a lady (very much a lady) whom I work with. We've known each other for years, but in the past three or four years have gotten pretty close -- but in a strictly platonic sense. Anyway, last year she helped me get over a broken relationship that damaged my ego incredibly. Shortly after that, I started thinking: why am I looking all over for what might be right in front of me? But I'm hesitant to move for a number of reasons. Firstly, we've both had some very bad relationships over the past 30+ years (very bad to the point of severe physical and psychological trauma). Naturally we both tread lightly for our own protection whenever considering a relationship. In this case I have to be doubly concerned, not only to keep from getting hurt myself, but to prevent hurting one of my best friends. And ... the existing relationship can't be jeopardized. Can this even be done? If so, what steps (cautious steps, of course) do I take? I've become a little more flirtatious around her lately, but I may be too subtle that she isn't noticing. (Again, I have to take the no-risk route.) Link to post Share on other sites
ocset Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 I'm in a very simular situation; I've been trying to be a bit more flirty around her but I think I'm been to subtle so I try and be a bit more obvious then I'm worrying if I've been too obvious. I know exectly what you mean - I'm 30 yet I feel like a 14 yr old! its not a pleasnant feeling. I want to ask her out but I dont want to damage a very important friendship to me. From what I've read on various sites - women are much more perceptive at 'detecting' signs that a man is attracted to her. I've been trying to make sure that I 'm giving off these signals (I'm quite a shy man who gets quite nervous), but I try to keep an 'open stance' to her, and maintain eye contact and stop figiting - i always fidgit with my car keys. I now make a point of putting them down - and shes noticed this. I wish you luck with this and I hope it works out for your both. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 Women have a pretty good idea when a man is into them even if that man is a good friend. Why don't you just ask her to accompany you somewhere that you think you both might enjoy as just a friend and see how she responds. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 I can sense when someone is attracted to me from a mile off. She probably already knows Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael426 Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 Well, she hasn't asked me to back off, so maybe that's a good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Definetly. When I sense that someone I don't like is attracted to me, I either tell him to back off or I start avoiding him. Link to post Share on other sites
Pretty Fly Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Definetly. When I sense that someone I don't like is attracted to me, I either tell him to back off or I start avoiding him. Really? Is this common? As I'm teetering on the brink of asking out a friend of mine who is actually an ex of 2 years ago (she broke up with me because she thought I wasn't serious about her, but in fact I was crazy about her - but that's another story), and I've def been dropping some heavy handed hints/compliments her way and she has in no way backed off. But on the other hand I know a girl who says that when she can tell a guy us into her and she isn't into him, she ignores it until it goes away. Is this common? Link to post Share on other sites
uplooker80 Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I can sense when someone is attracted to me from a mile off. She probably already knows Well I guess I'm jumping on the bandwagon here. My problem http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t107041/ is a little bit like the one here, except that she is unobtainable and I know that. The thing is, that whenever I am politely aloof with her, in an attempt to try to get over her, she always eventually approaches me to start up a social conversation. I am totally attracted to her, and according to what is being said here, she knows it. Just to play the "if things were different" game, and selfishly sooth my ego, do you think she is somehow attracted to me, even after all the foolishness I have pulled off, as you can read in my thread? Sorry for the hijack, but I think I could feel better about my plight if I had at least some hope that she is somehow conflicted by all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
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