I don't know what I'm doing!?!

[princesssockhead]

Well it seems as though I come to visit the Loveshack when I feel really alone and things are not going so well. I posted some back in Nov. '06 when my boyfriend then(ex now) and I were having some problems. Obviously those problems still remain to be fully resolved although the break-up has made both of us more aware of our independent self and problem areas we need to work out. Notice I still talk about us as if we are a we. This is my issue...

 

My ex-bf of 4 years and I broke up a couple days after Christmas. We lived together and shared financial responsibilities. We had been fighting a lot for the last several months and it had been really bad before the holidays. He broke up with me because he said he couldn't take the arguing anymore and felt like we both had become too inter-dependent on each other. The other issues at hand were my jealousy and distrust. At this point it was hard to communicate with each other about tough subjects without getting defensive and arguing. I moved back in with my parents and he stayed at the apartment. When I say moved in - I mean I moved all of my clothing, books, bedding, art supplies, and toiletries to my parents; the rest is still at the apartment. Anyhow, the sub-story to this is that he quit working in December when things began to crumble and hasn't had a paycheck since. This is a re-occuring issue with him and happend when we were together a lot. When we were together I dealt with it because I was committed to him. I wound up paying a lot of the rent for January and February and I'm afraid I will be for March as well. I know this is wrong but I do feel bad that I still have a lot of my stuff in the apt. and the fact is that I am still spending at least 4 nights a week over there still.

 

Yes, we are still dating. That is kind of what it has evolved into at this juncture. It's almost like we are still living with each other except I go to my parent's a few nights a week and we aren't monogamously dating. However, we are only intimate with each other and so far I've dated more than he has. Last week was a good week for us. We played Monopoly a couple of days in a row and just in playing the game - we were finding better ways of relating to each other in more effective communication styles. We were both quite cuddly with each other throughout the week and it almost felt like we were back together.

 

So I am obviously confused. It is strange to me for things to be so normal with he and I and yet I am single. Am I being duped?

 

I know that he needs to work out his own issues with working and maintaining. I know I still need to work on my issues of possessiveness and trust. Can we work them out together? I am not comfortable jumping back into a full-on living together situation until he gets his job stuff straightened out simply because I deserve to have a functional, equal partner. However, I would like to call him my boyfriend again.

 

Eh, anyone else out there relate? Have any advice for moi? Thanks for reading about my silly little life.

[chrissymcal]

i wish i could get my ex to sit down for a game of monopoly, LOL

[CTAngel]

Actually I'm pretty much in the same position as you. My guy and I have been dating for almost 4 years and I moved in with him this past fall. We were constantly arguing and I felt like we didn't really spend a lot of time together anymore nor did I feel like he cared about me anymore. I got to the point where I decided to move out a month or so ago and moved back home. I miss him so much and have been spending more time with him again. We're trying to work on things slowly and spend more time together doing fun things. Last night ended up just watching some tv and went out to dinner. I'm hoping things will pick up and we do some fun things as well. My suggestion is to talk to him about what it is that he wants. Does he want you to move back in? Hope this helps a little.