Guest Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 I'm a very happily married guy, been married for almost 2 years now, and overall we've been together for over 10 years now. Recently I've developed a crush on one of my wife's friends and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I know it's ok to find other women attractive, after all it's human nature, right? But I have to say I've never had this strong of a crush since I was a teenager, and I'm finding it a little hard to deal with. I'm almost feeling a bit guilty for feeling this way about another woman. I have no interest in leaving my wife or cheating on her, but I just can't shake this guilty feeling. any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
StayClose Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 How are things going with your wife? I'm dealing with the same issue. I doesn't help that my wife and her friend discuss the details of the friend's actice sex life, and that she looks like one of the models in the True banner ads on this site, while my wife is overweight and has had virtually no libido the past year. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 How are things going with your wife? I'm dealing with the same issue. I doesn't help that my wife and her friend discuss the details of the friend's actice sex life, and that she looks like one of the models in the True banner ads on this site, while my wife is overweight and has had virtually no libido the past year. Honestly things are great with my wife, the same as it's been for the past 10 years. We get along great, we rarely fight and when we do we never go to bed mad at each other, we really are a great fit. Sex life is fine, no complaints there either. This crush that I have is very attractive but honestly it's not about that... I just have this feeling about her that I can't describe. Almost as if in another life we would have been a great couple. I can't even say for sure if the feeling is mutual... but something tells me it just might be. Either way, as I said I wouldn't leave my wife and this crush I have just recently got married herself. I guess it's just something I need to get over. I have to admit that I tend to have crushes very easily... but this one is different, just so much stronger than usual so I guess that's why I'm feeling confused. Link to post Share on other sites
HilaryQ Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Be careful what you do..... I went through the same thing about 10 years ago. Nothing happened between me and the other guy (in fact he probably doesn't even know) but I told my partner because I thought the truth was best and it nearly split us up. It still hurts him now 10 years later and he still talks about it. H Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 How are things going with your wife? I'm dealing with the same issue. I doesn't help that my wife and her friend discuss the details of the friend's actice sex life, and that she looks like one of the models in the True banner ads on this site, while my wife is overweight and has had virtually no libido the past year. I guess more than anything I just wish I could talk about this with someone, that's why I sought out this site. I have friends I could talk to, but there's no way I would want to risk this ever getting back to my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Lennox Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 You deal with it by not acting on it. Treat this lady with respect and don't try anything stupid, because she will tell your wife about it. I think your guilty feelings will go away once you prove to yourself that you can treat this woman respectfully. Make a point of being attentive to your wife when you're around the two of them. I think little crushes are normal, but they can be problematic if you begin to obsess over them and make a mountain out of a mole hill. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Be careful what you do..... I went through the same thing about 10 years ago. Nothing happened between me and the other guy (in fact he probably doesn't even know) but I told my partner because I thought the truth was best and it nearly split us up. It still hurts him now 10 years later and he still talks about it. H I would never, ever tell her, I know it would crush her. Being truthful and upfront is very honorable, but I know that some things are better left unsaid. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 You deal with it by not acting on it. Treat this lady with respect and don't try anything stupid, because she will tell your wife about it. I think your guilty feelings will go away once you prove to yourself that you can treat this woman respectfully. Make a point of being attentive to your wife when you're around the two of them. I think little crushes are normal, but they can be problematic if you begin to obsess over them and make a mountain out of a mole hill. Yeah you're right, I'm sure it will fade in time. Believe me I know what I have with my wife and I would never want to mess it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mirage222 Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Not ok to have a crush! My sister WAS very happily married and developed a crush on this guy ... Crush led to divorce, now she lives with crush and is very unhappy half the time... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I disagree with the last poster, it's natural and OK to have a crush. That's something you can't control and if you do have one you are not a bad person. Though you have to be very careful about it. Don't pursue it and from experience it does fade over time. You are only human and you will find others attractive and actually meet others that you 'click' with. The problem is though that you have to resist the temptation on seeing where it could go. That's when affairs happen. Don't tell your wife, talk to us on here. It's alot safer than telling any of your friends near you. When things aren't going well in your marriage and you see someone that "seems" to have what your spouse is now missing it's tempting to fall for it. But you have to realize that the grass is only greener on the other side until you step in that first pile of dog ****. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I disagree with the last poster, it's natural and OK to have a crush. That's something you can't control and if you do have one you are not a bad person. Though you have to be very careful about it. Don't pursue it and from experience it does fade over time. You are only human and you will find others attractive and actually meet others that you 'click' with. The problem is though that you have to resist the temptation on seeing where it could go. That's when affairs happen. Don't tell your wife, talk to us on here. It's alot safer than telling any of your friends near you. When things aren't going well in your marriage and you see someone that "seems" to have what your spouse is now missing it's tempting to fall for it. But you have to realize that the grass is only greener on the other side until you step in that first pile of dog ****. I agree. Well put. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Every bit of emotional energy you spend on this other woman is a moment you rob your wife of that energy which is rightfully hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I disagree with the last poster, it's natural and OK to have a crush. That's something you can't control and if you do have one you are not a bad person. Though you have to be very careful about it. Don't pursue it and from experience it does fade over time. You are only human and you will find others attractive and actually meet others that you 'click' with. The problem is though that you have to resist the temptation on seeing where it could go. That's when affairs happen. Don't tell your wife, talk to us on here. It's alot safer than telling any of your friends near you. When things aren't going well in your marriage and you see someone that "seems" to have what your spouse is now missing it's tempting to fall for it. But you have to realize that the grass is only greener on the other side until you step in that first pile of dog ****. Very sound advice here...Excellent!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Crushes are normal and healthy, as long as it isn't interferring in your marriage. Enjoy it for what it is, keep it in perspective and whatever you do, don't tell the friend you have a crush on her, and definately don't EVER put yourself in a situation where you're tempted and can't say no. But, if you find yourself fantasizing about her at night, or in bed with your wife, waking up with thoughts of her that's not good. If that is the case, then you MUST distract yourself and make yourself STOP thinking of her completely... Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I totally and 100% agree with all the advice here ! But..... what if neither of you are married, just in BF, GF relationships, is it then MORE dangerous or more acceptable to have and perhaps act on, crushy feelings ?????? Link to post Share on other sites
StayClose Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Every bit of emotional energy you spend on this other woman is a moment you rob your wife of that energy which is rightfully hers. What if the wife is in a "low libido" period and doesn't want that energy? When my wife is nonsexual for weeks and months at a time is when I find I'm prone to feeling minor crushes or subtle flirting with other women. I feel bad about this because I do feel all my sexual energy and attention should be directed at her. But when my advances are met with cold rejection and occasional anger, that energy has to go somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 What if the wife is in a "low libido" period and doesn't want that energy? When my wife is nonsexual for weeks and months at a time is when I find I'm prone to feeling minor crushes or subtle flirting with other women. I feel bad about this because I do feel all my sexual energy and attention should be directed at her. But when my advances are met with cold rejection and occasional anger, that energy has to go somewhere. That's why I posted it's very easy to fall for someone who has something that your spouse does not. That's when you have to decide whether the problem is big enough for you to either want to goto counseling and get it resolved, or the problem has gotten so bad and your spouse seems to not to care, then you have to decide if you want to end the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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