Dadubwa Posted February 26, 2007 Share Posted February 26, 2007 My girlfriend and I had a fight a long time ago almost 7 months ago about the fact that I had been e-mailing my EX girlfriend, and didn't tell her, or actually denied it. The thing is the e-mail were fairly innocent, I put in some songs and stuff in the e-mails that reminded me of my ex. She did the same back. We just said we missed our "friendship" that's all, Our relationship was more of a friendship then anything. We were just 2 really great friends. I never told my girlfriend only because she's the jealous type...I didn't want to go there...obviously when she found out she was above and beyond ticked off...she actually got so mad she cut her arm open (don't ask). So I stopped all e-mail, I actually sent a really hateful e-mail to my EX, saying I didn't want to talk anymore I was being unfaithful blah blah blah fill in the blanks.. The thing is I cheated on my ex with my current girlfriend so idk why my current girlfriend is so against me talking to my ex...I obviously didn't like her that much. I stopped e-mail my ex though...it's been 7 months...but today she IMed me on AOL...I didn't know what to do...so I just answered her saying "Yea :-/ ?" It was very akward to say the least....but we began talking not about anything in the past just about things with today college and so on... The thing is...I feel so guilty for talking to her, I made a promise with my girlfriend that I'd never talk to my ex again...but I think my girl friend is just trying to control this aspect of my life, I feel like if I want to talk to my ex girlfriend I should be allowed to. Am I "cheating" on my current girlfriend persay? Should I tell my girlfriend I talked to her on AOL? Should I discontinue talking to my EX? Should I still talk to my EX but keep it to myself? Should I be worried about my girlfriends jealousy problems? Should I be thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend just so I can talk to my ex girlfriend? I don't want to lose my ex-girlfriend's friendship even though it seems like I've tried but she'll always forgive me. I love my girlfriend to DEATH...but idk what to do about all this... This is killing me...someone help me out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
boshemia Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 You aren't cheating but it sounds like your current girlfriend has some issues that you need to really think about. In a healthy relationship nobody should be telling the other one who they can and can't talk to. That's a control issue, and it's bound to lead to disaster. Your girlfriend deserves to be honest about her feelings, she has the right to say she doesn't like it... but look where she is leading you already. You are questioning yourself and your own motives, and already feeling the need to hide things from her. Not a healthy way to live for sure... if you can't be honest with her without fearing her reaction then you really need to reconsider your relationship as a whole. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Consider yourself as a whole. You cheated on one to be with the other and now you're beginning with the second and looking to the first. Look to your own motivations and reasons for doing this. Best to start at home before throwing stones while living in a glass house. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 If it wasn't for the fact that you cheated on your ex with your current g/f, I'd say your current g/f has issues. But the fact that you cheated on your ex... Well, that doesn't give your current g/f much reason to trust you, now does it? I think the only thing you can do here is make a choice. Your current g/f or friendship with your ex. It doesn't sound like you can have your cake and eat it too. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 ...obviously when she found out she was above and beyond ticked off...she actually got so mad she cut her arm open (don't ask). This is manipulation at its very worst - probably the worst sort of emotional abuse. Does your girlfriend often use this type of behavior in an attempt to get what she wants? Her jealousy is the least of her problems it sounds like. Her self destructive and manipulative behavior is far worse than just a simple case of jealousy. I love my girlfriend to DEATH... Then by all means... get this girl some help. If it isn't the ex girlfriend, it will be something else that sets her off. Link to post Share on other sites
chilatte Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 I think anyone would be pissed if their boyfriend or girlfriend was talking to their Ex. The way people should handle these situations is not always appropriate. Why is your ex still talking to you? Hasn't she moved on and got a new boyfriend yet? Guys in a relationship do not have girls as friends and vice versa. My husband has HIS guy friends and I have my GIRL friends and then we have OUR friends. I would be pissed if one of my husbands ex's still talked or emailed him. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 I think you're allowed to have any friend you want, but also LYING to her and hiding it is wrong, of course she'll think there's more going on if you lie. Is it that hard to be honest? You can tell her you have no intentions of being anything but friends with her, apologize for lying and be honest from now on... Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Bee Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 I never told my girlfriend only because she's the jealous type...I didn't want to go there...obviously when she found out she was above and beyond ticked off...she actually got so mad she cut her arm open (don't ask). The thing is I cheated on my ex with my current girlfriend so idk why my current girlfriend is so against me talking to my ex...I obviously didn't like her that much. The thing is...I feel so guilty for talking to her, I made a promise with my girlfriend that I'd never talk to my ex again...but I think my girl friend is just trying to control this aspect of my life, I feel like if I want to talk to my ex girlfriend I should be allowed to. Am I "cheating" on my current girlfriend persay? Should I tell my girlfriend I talked to her on AOL? YES Should I discontinue talking to my EX? Talk to your girlfriend about it. Be honest with her and go from there. Should I still talk to my EX but keep it to myself? BIG HUGE NO NO. Should I be worried about my girlfriends jealousy problems? talk to her about them, find out exactly where they stem from. Should I be thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend just so I can talk to my ex girlfriend? What does your heart say? I don't want to lose my ex-girlfriend's friendship even though it seems like I've tried but she'll always forgive me. I love my girlfriend to DEATH...but idk what to do about all this... This is killing me...someone help me out!!! It's obvious that your girlfriend has issues, because she is hurting herself for attention.. But i think that the main reason why she is jealous is because you cheated on your ex-girlfriend with her. She's probably thinking 'if he cheated on her, then chances are he might cheat on me too'. Also the fact that you've been hiding your relationship with your ex and denying everything once she found this out would only intensify that suspicion. I wouldn't say that you are cheating on her, but you are lying to her and going behind her back, no matter how innocent your conversations may be. Lies and secrets alone is enough to damage a relationship. It sounds like you still have feelings for one another if your and your ex are sending eachother your "past songs" and talking about old times when you two were involved. Link to post Share on other sites
kate1977 Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Hey she will not be happy if you said you werent going to talk to ex then you ended up doing it anyway w/o letting her know. its dishonest and maybe you should just move on girls and guys friends hmmmmmmmmm that can be hard. you may think you miss a friendship but maybe its more. Your current girlfriend will pick up on that too, I dont think its a big jealousy thing, its pretty normal. Now if you had been upfront and said, you are only friends with your ex and you would like to stay that way, id say its fine and any girl should respect that, but if you were constantly emailing her or talking and hanging out more with ex than you did with you guy friends or your girl that would be crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 What a strange set up this is and can see why your current girlfriend would be annoyed with you!Sending songs to your ex that reminded you of when you were together is beyond me,even though you are saying your just friends it seems like your missing more then your making out to here. My boyfriend has a habit of keeping ALL his ex's on his contact lists as well as on his mobile phone and I have heard that he has in the past gone back to some of his ex's.It seems like you could be keeping your options open here too,if this does not work out would you go running back into the arms of your ex?Your girlfriend feels threatened and insecure right now.I don't see why you need to keep in such close contact with someone you have been intimate with in the past,that's my opinion anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
goingforgold Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I would not consider it cheating if everything u were talking to your ex about was innocent however sending songs and stuff to each other that reminded u a bit of a past friendship i think thats a bit to far. If you made a promise to your current gf not to talk to your ex then dont talk to her, surely your current gf means more to you than lying to her to talk to your ex. even if its innocent she will still think something is up because u l;ied to her. If i was u i'd be telling the ex to stay in the past where she belongs. This may or may not be true, but the ex maybe trying to wiggle her way back to u to cause trouble in ur current r/ship as revenge to ur gf because she probably sees her as the one that took u away from her. Please think and rethink what you're doing. Stop lying to ur gf. if u cant stop lying then maybe u should let her go so she can find someone that wont betray her and lie to her. Link to post Share on other sites
The Red Pill Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 If you desire to stay with your current girlfriend you need to cut off all contact with your ex, period, no exceptions. You slipped up again and that's not cool but at least this time you knew if was wrong and cut it off. However, she is totally justified being jealous, you cheated on your ex to be with her and in the back of her mind the same thing can happen to her, and you need to be sensitive to that. What's worse is, for all intents and purposes it already is. All that's required for "emotional cheating" to take place is intimacy, sexual chemistry and deception. This is your ex man, so you've got all three and it's more insidious and harmful than just hooking up...because you already have a relationship established there. The only thing that is not present right not is the opportunity for this to progress to a physical level...so keep no contact there and neither type of cheating will be an issue. If you can't get your act together on this one, and I always believe in second chances, then you girl deserves better. So pick a horse and stick with it. Your girlfriend's issue with self mutilation is a whole different can of worms. She may have been emotionally distraught from your relationship issues but to go to such an extreme is very dysfunctional. I am no therapist by any stretch of the imagination but it seem that she may need professional help with this. Link to post Share on other sites
DyingHeart Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I agree with The Red Pill. You should just cut all ties with the ex. It's over with her. You cheated on her to be with your current girl. If I were your girlfriend, I would have every right to be jealous over this. Considering what you have done in the past. Your ex is only one person, just cut her off, and work on trying to get your current girlfriend to trust you again. The more you hide things, the more it will come back and bite you in the ass later. Should she find out about this, I'd be concerned about your "assets" if you know what I mean... So, is chatting with the ex worth loosing your current g/f? Think about that. Hugs, DH Link to post Share on other sites
Spoonandfork22 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 im very curious to see what happens w. this, b.c. my bf is doing the same thing with his ex whatever she is. its interesting to hear from a guy's perspective. my bf too says 'shes just a friend'...but what i dont understand, why do you feel the 'need' to keep an ex around? for me, it makes me think hes not happy with just ME. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dadubwa Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 I kinda wish I would have read this all before.... My ex and I have actually kinda been keeping in touch...like this...2 e-mails...we've talked 4 times. That's it. She told me she still loves me and I suppose I still have deep feelings for her... I told her I never forgot her and still care about her... What's worse...she told her b/f that we talk. I'm afraid he's gonna tell my g/f although they live on oppisite ends of the world really...I don't think they'd ever talk again. I realized the night my ex told me she still loved me...how much I love my current girlfriend. She's amazing. We talked twice after she told me that...and the last time I talked to her I told her we shouldn't speak anymore.....but she comes home from college in a few weeks....she just wants to meet up and say hello...but idk. My ex is a sweetheart..our relationship was nothing more than being kissing best friends really....but we both spoke the same kinda..language ya know? The same humor, the same morals, the same type of love for music and art, the same style....we're very much alike......but we were better as friends really....we're really just like big 9 year olds together. We ended our conversation on a good term saying it was better if we stop talking so that I don't have to continue to lie to my girlfriend...but now...idk.... Can anyone help? I feel like someone must know where I'm coming from..I suppose you can see where the evil me comes out on "Worse love triangle ever." -HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Do you wonder now why your current g/f has issues with you? Women tend to sense this and feel threatened by it. You'de better make up your mind so you stop hurting both these women. It's bad enough that you made the promise to your g/f and then continued to break it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 What Is Wrong With People? If You Cheat With An Ex On Your Current S/o It's Time To Move Forward Away From The X Just Out Of Respect For The New G/f. This Girl Is Not Jealous - She Is Disrespected! She Cut Herself So She Wouldn't Hurt This Guy And Internalized The Pain Herself. Cheating Is Disrespectful. Lying Is Disrespectful. If You Are Doing Either In A Relationship, Get Out. This Guy Has To Come Clean And If He Is In Love, Understand That He Cheated With His Ex And For The Sake Of The Relationship, In This Situation, No! He Cannot Be Friends With The X Because It Is Disrespectful To His Present G/f. If He Did Not Cheat, Then It Would Be Acceptable To Be Friends With The Ex. There Is A Difference Between Feeling Jealous And Feeling Disrespected. It Is So Simple - Just Don't Cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
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