Do not know how to deal with problem.

[ME]

Ok, well, here's the deal. About a week ago, a lot of things started to happen to me. I had been developing feelings for this girl, and i knew she felt the same way. We work together, and co-workers dating is frowned apon by management, so already things are difficult. But that is not the real problem. The real problem is that, my ex, who I am still good friends with, is also freinds with this new girl, and that is making the situation very difficult. For whatever reason, myself, and this other girl, now look like horrible, rotten people because of the way we feel. Now, we have talked, and while i was still upset about the situation, i recomended that we be just friends, just to make everything easier. Since then, I have realized that i made a mistake. This is a girl that I know I care about, and we have both said that good things may have happened. I told her how I felt, but again, there is another force fighting against me. My ex is also good friends with the management at work, and now, the other girl has been given bad shifts at work, and as a result, this has driven the girl farther away.

 

I don't know what to do. I know I made a mistake in telling her that I just wanted to be friends, and I have tried to fix that. But now it seems that there is more than just the two of us in this. It seems as though in a relationship that should involve two people, there are several outside parties.

 

If anyone has any advice as to how I can deal with this situation, and how I can win this girl over, and convincec her that everything will workout, it would be greatly appreciated.

[HokeyReligions]

The girl or your job? Sounds like a cruel question - but one that I think should be asked. If the girl is so important to you than start looking for a job change. Or suggest to her that she start looking for a change. Better to do that than for one of you to be fired and jobless. I've seen it happen and it's not against the law -- all the employer has to do is say that you have gone against company policy (better verify the policy) or against company wishes and it has had a negative impact on job performance.

 

On the other hand, I know a couple who met at work and began dating. They both decided to look for new jobs and whoever got the best offer / first offer would leave. She left for a new company and they ended up getting married and having a family, etc.

 

If your jobs are more important than a possible relationship, then TELL those other people that you and this girl briefly explored the possibility of a relationship and decided against it, therefore nothing has changed on your end, there are no hard feelings on your or the girl's behalf, and the subject should be dropped. You might even want to tell them that you feel you and the girl are being punished for exploring this possibility and getting it out of the way and that treatment by management is the only thing hurting your work/productivity.

 

Tough decisions -- good luck.

[midori]

You say you're good friends with your ex, but it sounds like she's been trying to sabotage things between you and this girl. Is she really your friend?

[ME]

To be truthful, this is not the first relationship that she has damaged. And also, i have made it perfectly clear to this girl, that my job means nothing, but she doen't want me to deal with her problem, and she want to wait it out and see if the management's opinion changes. Still I really don't understand!

[Ally Boo]

That's why you can't be friend's with ex's

[ACE123]

Is your job a carreer, or is it just a job?

 

If it is just a job, then go with your guts and make the choice, girl or job!

 

If it is a carreer, there are MANY other things to consider! (see my thread: space...the final frontier!)

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t18204/

 

Basically, as far as your ex causing you grief, my opinion is that it's best just to cut the ties between you and her.....does your ex work with you also?

 

Honestly though, interpersonal relationships at work can be difficult enough, add a romantic one to the mix and you may be in for a world of hurt, both professionally and emotionally.

 

I think you are seeing the beginnings of some of the professional problems ascociated with romance in the workplace.

 

Now, a small piece of advice:

 

Remember this, if you have a relationship with this co-worker, you are not only affecting you and her, but EVERYONE ELSE YOU WORK WITH!

 

Be prepared to seperate your work relationship with her from your romantic relationship outside of work.

Sounds easy?? NO WAY!

It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life!!!!

So far, everything seems okay for me.....but I never thought it could get this complicated!

 

Take it from one who knows, sometimes it is just easier to forget the whole thing and try meet someone outside of your workplace.

However, if you feel it is worth it (as I do of my co-worker relationship) it can be a wonderful thing.

 

Good luck!

 

ACE123

[butterflyz]

would be for both you and your love interest to find new jobs.

 

i have been down this road. my ex husband had crazy ex girlfriends at work (one of whom was married - he was her boy toy). these girls were very cool with me....until i started dating my ex husband. all hell broke loose and soon they were making life at work difficult with upper management and operations.

 

unfortunately my ex did not support me and tell these girls to stop and grow up. this is what i would have done if the tables were turned. instead i had to do it alone while he got to still be the "nice guy". so, you could try talking to this "friend" of yours and ask to her quit it. but then you take the consequences of your bravery. until i approached one of the "cats" and said, "look we talked and decided that you need to take a step back from our lives, we are getting engaged." until that conversation happened, she didn't back off because she felt that she had my husband's support. she of course said, "honey why are you so insecure?" i said, "we decided that your behavior is inappropriate". that shut her up.