boyfriend - flirting, strained relationship - how view?

[tessie]

So here is the situation:

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. I love him intensely, and he tells me I treat him better than he deserves. We love doing stuff together, and tell each other we love each other a lot. Nevertheless, things have been tense between us at times - I get very stressed about my grades at college, and my stressing has a negative effect on our relationship - we have had a few mild fights over it.

 

Yesterday, he left his email logged in - the same email client I use - and

I saw that he has been flirting with girl from his work, even considering meeting her to hang out, although I don't know if this has happened.

I've known from the beginning that he has a tendancy to flirt and its difficult for him to resist temptation, but it still hurts to find this out - (this is the second time in our relationship - nothing serious happened.

 

I also saw that he "thinks I'm amazing," but thinks he "seriously has to consider the possibility of breaking it off" because of the stress and strain in our relationship.

 

Any ideas how I should view our relationship?

 

THanks,

-Tessie

[Carbine]

• "he tells me I treat him better than he deserves"
  
• "I get very stressed about my grades at college, and my stressing has a negative effect on our relationship - we have had a few mild fights over it"
  
• "but thinks he "seriously has to consider the possibility of breaking it off" because of the stress and strain in our relationship"

Any ideas how I should view our relationship?

 

Um...I'd view it as just a tad confusing. If your stress has caused you both to fight, then how the heck can the negative effects be "mild" if he's seriously considering breaking up with you over it?? What's more, if you truly do treat him better than he deserves, then he probably wouldn't be thinking of breaking up with you. Sounds like your stress causes you to say and do things that hurt him, and he doesn't feel equipped to deal with it right now.

 

If you're a highly-stressed person in general, then that's going to affect your relationship with him in the long-term. If he can't cope with it then I'd question how long the relationship will last, even if the situation with this girl from work blows over.

[a4a]

Let's see.

 

1. you are stressed about your grades

2. he flirts, is a known flirter - causes you more stress

 

 

So maybe if he was not in your life you would have more time to concentrate on your education and not worry or waste energy pleasing him while he is flirting.

 

Maybe he should be a bit more understanding and supportive and understand that your education is important.

 

IMHO...... let him go off with the coworker chicky..... get your education and you will find someone once you are less stressed..... someone you can say treats you great.

[LakesideDream]

That's what "dating" is for, to find out if you are good for each other, although it sound like you two are shacked up at least part of the time.

 

He wrote his friend that you are "amazing". That's nice. He also wrote that there was to much stress (school induced?) in the reltionship and that he might need to break it off, not so nice.

 

If this guy is the one for you, you need to lower the stress level. If he's just a nice guy, among other possibilities, you can continue introducing your problems into the relationship and he will leave.

 

Look at the situation through his eyes. Unlike what was written by another poster (a4a) there is no reason for him to go to extreme's to overlook your stressing behavior, you two are "dating". Contrary to the popular sentiment on this board, and society in general, woman are not "entitled" to extra "understanding" or "support". Those things are appropriate in long term, commited relationships, not for dating couples.

[Trialbyfire]

If at the first sign of trouble, the guy is finding another platform to leap onto, he doesn't sound like someone to rely on. If he's also discussing your relationship with a third-party who he has feelings for beyond friendship, it could easily be the start of an emotional affair.

[LakesideDream]

If at the first sign of trouble, the guy is finding another platform to leap onto, he doesn't sound like someone to rely on. If he's also discussing your relationship with a third-party who he has feelings for beyond friendship, it could easily be the start of an emotional affair.

 

 

Sorry, I disagree. This couple is "dating". One of the two is introducing outside stress into the equasion. The other "talks" to a friend about it, talks, flirts, use your own term.

 

The whole "emotional affair" thing is pretty tenuious. On this board, any contact between people of opposite sex's is often referred to as an "EA". IMO it's not appropriate for a person in a "dating" relationship to refer to their dating partners friends in such a manner.

 

If you want your input into another persons circle of friends, and their communications, GET MARRIED. Until then, it's none of your business.

[Trialbyfire]

Sorry, I disagree. This couple is "dating". One of the two is introducing outside stress into the equasion. The other "talks" to a friend about it, talks, flirts, use your own term.

 

The whole "emotional affair" thing is pretty tenuious. On this board, any contact between people of opposite sex's is often referred to as an "EA". IMO it's not appropriate for a person in a "dating" relationship to refer to their dating partners friends in such a manner.

 

If you want your input into another persons circle of friends, and their communications, GET MARRIED. Until then, it's none of your business.

Did you read what I wrote? It makes reference to having feelings beyond friendship. Perhaps you missed this.

[Salicious Crumb]

Well I've always heard the phrase, "there is no hurt in a little flirt".

 

That may be true when you are flirting so gain the attention of someone and you are not committed.

 

But if you are committed to someone, no good can come of it unless the flirter is wanting to get out. Otherwise it is highly disrespectful to the SO.