kaveets Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 I just got out of a very toxic, unhealthy, and abusive relationship. We had broken up over and over again over the last year and a half. I kept going back after a week or two when he would come back after me. It was like he'd throw me away when it was convienient for him and come pick me back up -- saying that "he knew we were meant for eachother and he f'd up" ect. He would be sweet for like a week or two and then go back to being totally mean and abusive. Well- the last time we broke up, Jan 14, I decided this was it. I told my parents everything that had been going on with me (they had no idea that I was even dating him, they just knew I was acting different and sad alot). I knew if I told them, I'd stick to staying away from him. So- for the first time I was able to stay away from him. I even changed my cell number-- but kept my house number the same (because of resumes I have sent out). Well- he's been calling my house phone everyother week and he even called me 3 times of Valentines' and left me a sweet message. I know that it is all fake and a manipulation tactic. But I still love and miss him at times. I'm also really mad at him. I'm so proud of myself for not answering the phone. So, it snowed here on Monday and he plows snow for extra money in the winter. So, early monday I get a phone call from him. I didn't answer. Then I hear all this noise outside, I peek out the window. There he is with 2 of his workers-- plowing and shoveling my driveway!! My heart sank. I hadn't seen or talked to him in a month and a half. This was really a test. I opened the door and said "Thank you but you don't need to do this". Before he could say anything I shut the door and went inside. He left. I think about it all time. First because I feel bad because I rejected him when he was doing a nice thing (but I know the real motive behind it is bad). Secondly, because in 2005 I used to cry to him to plow my drive way and he would say no, but still go plow his ex wife's drive way-- so it makes me mad, that he's doing it now... Just to get me to fall for his game again... What should I do? I have been so good at NC. Should I just continue to ignore him? Should I tell him in a letter to leave me alone? It hurts me because I so want to believe that he has changed, but from taking him back over and over, I know that is not true at all. He's a very angry and disturbed person. Please let me know what you think... Thanks (sorry so long) Link to post Share on other sites
Yernasia Quorelios Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Carry on the NC, you're doing brilliantly. Link to post Share on other sites
callherbigjim Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 If he was abusive... cut him out of your life. It could be a vicious cycle. Keep the no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaveets Posted March 1, 2007 Author Share Posted March 1, 2007 Thank you for the advice. I will continue the NC. Is there a time limit on this? Or is it NC forever w someone who was abusive? He broke my heart and now he is coming around, it seems so unfair, I wish he would just let me heal Link to post Share on other sites
Simian Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Kaveets... keep the NC as long as it takes... eventually he will stop coming around... this could take a fair amount of time depending on how persistant he is. Dont give in... any hint from you that you are softening will bring more visits and calls. Link to post Share on other sites
jidgey16 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 hi, i have been going through the same thing with a guy who was abusive and I can understand how hard it is with NC. He has been cheating on his current g/f with me for over a week and i called it off...and he still contacts me...and its like please just let me go...please...and i just wanted to say stay strong you can do it! you are doing great Link to post Share on other sites
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