vibes and body language

[Noos]

When I read about relationship advice, many answers to my sorts of questions come back as "maybe you're sending out the wrong vibes" or about body language.

 

I don't get how someone can interpret a vibe from me that I am not consciously making an effort to send out or that I am consciously trying not to send out (if you know what I mean).

 

It seems that vibes and body language may have sabotaged me for much of my dating life without me knowing it. People have just made assumptions about who I am or how I am likely to react based on these two thinks that I never gave a second thought to.

 

How old were you when you became aware of these vague "vibes" and when do you first recall actively trying to interpret someone's body language, even when they were chatty and kind to you, and deciding - nup, she's not interested?

[Trialbyfire]

Interesting question.

 

I still don't do it consciously but now that I think about it, it's mostly through eye contact. When I make eye contact with a guy, most of the time it's fairly easy to see whether he's interested or not. Once I know that, I act accordingly, based on whether I'm interested or not.

 

I do recall a time during my teen years when I had a mad crush on this one guy but he never asked me out. In latter years when we met again he told me he also had a crush on me but thought that I wasn't interested, so never pursued it. I guess this would be an example of the wrong signals.

[Kamille]

Noos, we seem to share somewhat the same concerns and I think your question is very well phrased.

 

I became aware of 'the vibe' maybe last year. (I've been single for 2 years now) and I guess what I realise is that I can be very 'protected' with people. I wait for them to confirm interest in me before I show much interest in them. In fact, even when I think the guy must obviously know I'm interested, I still try to hide it. Which results in him getting mixed signals or actually not knowing I'm interested.

 

I'm trying now to focus more on how much fun flirting is and am learning to be braver about it. It worked last weekend:cool: .

 

I am trying to work on the moments, when interacting with men, when I disqualify myself. Example, I am at the gym and land myself in a conversation with a cute guy. I used to listen to the voice in my head that said : that guy cannot be interested and would leave ASAP. Now I let whoever I'm interacting with take the lead a bit more. And I participate more fully in the conversation (I focus on what is being said and not whether or not the guy is into me). And it seems to be working for me.

[norajane]

I learned it at work, actually. My first job was at a law firm - lawyers are masters at reading body language and vibes, and I learned how important it was during the first deposition I was in. I picked up on a lot during that job, and it's pretty easy to transfer it to social or any other setting. People aren't nearly as aware of their body language as they are of what they say.

[Topper]

Psychologist will tell you 60% of all human communication is in Body Languages. They get trained in how to read that body language. You may not be aware of the signals you send out. But they are there in every interaction you have with others. You are also always subconciously picking up on other peoples body language. Like all communication it can be misinterpreted. I can be rather shy. I Know That , that can be read as being standoffish or even being cold. I try very hard to show that I am a warm friendly person.

It may take some real soul searching to see what you really project as opposed to what you think you project.

[Trialbyfire]

My initial response pretty much only talked about the dating aspect. For work, I do watch body language a lot. When you're at a meeting of any kind, body language speaks loudly. I only know a few people, all men, who are capable of completely suppressing their body language by looking relaxed no matter what their level of interest/emotion. Most people when attempting to hide body language, tend to become too still or too blank, which is also a teller.