How long can you last in LDR?

[Guest]

Ok, just a few questions for the people that have experience with LDR's. I've completely fallen for this girl, and she has basically stated I'm the perfect one for her, and she will never leave me. Things have been going VERY well despite the fact that we have been long distance for 5 out of the 7 months we've been bf and gf. I'm just out of school working full time and she is in graduate school for another year and a half. We talk, text, and send an average 15 emails a day (seriously)

 

I'm wondering how long can people go in LDR's with not seeing each other? The longest we've gone was 5 weeks and honestly it was very hard. Is that actually pretty short? The longer we've been together the stronger our relationship has gotten...ironically the harder it has gotten we're not together.

 

Does that physical presence HAVE to be there for these relationships to last? Looking how things are now...I will see her for the summer, but it will be another whole year of this while she's at school? I wanna know my chances compared to others?

 

Any advice would be appreciated!

[catrocks]

The longest I have gone is 6 months - not sure I could do any longer than that because when we saw each other again it felt weird and it was like we had to get used to each other again... it was horrible but luckily we overcame it.

I think anything under 6 months is fine, but I know there are people on here who have gone a lot longer.

I've been doing this for 2 years now and I don't regret any of it. If you and your gf love each other then be strong, a year is nothing! Go for it

[Sweetie2007]

Ok, just a few questions for the people that have experience with LDR's. I've completely fallen for this girl, and she has basically stated I'm the perfect one for her, and she will never leave me. Things have been going VERY well despite the fact that we have been long distance for 5 out of the 7 months we've been bf and gf. I'm just out of school working full time and she is in graduate school for another year and a half. We talk, text, and send an average 15 emails a day (seriously)

 

I'm wondering how long can people go in LDR's with not seeing each other? The longest we've gone was 5 weeks and honestly it was very hard. Is that actually pretty short? The longer we've been together the stronger our relationship has gotten...ironically the harder it has gotten we're not together.

 

Does that physical presence HAVE to be there for these relationships to last? Looking how things are now...I will see her for the summer, but it will be another whole year of this while she's at school? I wanna know my chances compared to others?

 

Any advice would be appreciated!

 

My BF and I have been together for just over 2 years. We met 8 months into the online-only relationship. After that it was 17 months before our next meeting. We are together now, have been for 2 months, and will be for another one, before I return home. We live in different countries (him: Germany, me: USA), so it is very hard for us to get together a lot, because we are both in school plus working full time.

 

There is light at the end of the tunnel...I've read posts from people who have been in LDR's for 10-15 years, so it can work. It sounds like you have a good line of communication, and you get to see each other a lot, compared to some, so you should do okay! Stay strong, and stay busy! good luck

[Andrea1234]

well ive been going on for 6 1/2 years without meeting, we are hoping to meet soon, and i love this man very much

[blondegirl30]

Ok, just a few questions for the people that have experience with LDR's. I've completely fallen for this girl, and she has basically stated I'm the perfect one for her, and she will never leave me. Things have been going VERY well despite the fact that we have been long distance for 5 out of the 7 months we've been bf and gf. I'm just out of school working full time and she is in graduate school for another year and a half. We talk, text, and send an average 15 emails a day (seriously)

 

I'm wondering how long can people go in LDR's with not seeing each other? The longest we've gone was 5 weeks and honestly it was very hard. Is that actually pretty short? The longer we've been together the stronger our relationship has gotten...ironically the harder it has gotten we're not together.

 

Does that physical presence HAVE to be there for these relationships to last? Looking how things are now...I will see her for the summer, but it will be another whole year of this while she's at school? I wanna know my chances compared to others?

 

Any advice would be appreciated!

My boyfriend and I met online october 2005 and then saw each other for the first time physically in august of last year. It's not easy to wait for months at a time before seeing one another but as long as you communicate on a daily basis it does make things easier. We saw each other again in october of last year for a week when he was here( he's in canada and i'm in the US) and then he was just here for a weekend with me in the beginning of the month. I find the hardest is right after he leaves, i always cry my eyes out and like this past time i started crying before he even got in his car to leave.

But no, if there is true caring in the relationship, then a year is definitely nothing! I know it will still be some time before my BF and I can be together but I do truly love him and am willing to wait, although I'm constantly bugging him about when he's moving here, LOL!!!

[taiko]

I do believe that a physical relationship is necessary. But that is what should be happening when you see her this summer. That's just 4 months away. A year after that you will be together if you are both strong and you are meant to be.

 

I assume that work, school or financies keep you from visiting her at other times. In my case we knew that a year would be spent apart. I set my vacation schdule and my budget so a priority would be to see her every six months for the two years of our forced seperation. When I see her next month should be the last vacation.

 

Things could go wrong. The war can take a bad turn and she gets extended or I can get recalled but if it does we will survive it.

[Guest that posted]

Thanks guys, its great to hear a lot of positive input about it, and it helps a little more to know that 1 year really isn't that bad as long as both want it. It seems to be common knowledge that long distance relationships are always doomed from the start, but I think a lot of people can underestimate them. Plus, when I do meet with my baby, that short time together sure is well spent!

 

I don't think our relationship would have been as strong as it is now if it wasn't for the LDR because it really forces you to get things in order...if you know what I mean (plus, when we are apart - I have to say it is somewhat nice to have the freedom to do other things with my life....applying to graduate schools, working on my portfolio, training, hanging out with other friends and whatnot)

[ibitealil]

Being in LDR is not that easy i can tell you. I met a really nice guy in november but a month after that he got a job in another city and now we get to meet only weekends once or twice a month. But we are still together now after 4 months.

The problem is, we are great when we meet but for some reason we have arguments when we are away (i mean a lot of aguments, but true they are mostly because of my caprice). I am very tired of the arguments now and he says hes also fed up and he told me that hes thinking of giving up on us someday, and he s not sure if he loves me anymore. but he still wants to give it a try cuz he still is attracted to me. i am also willing to give it a try and make an effort not to show caprice. But still, I m a bit confused right now...i love him but i dont want to be with him if hes going to dump me someday...Do you think he means it when he says he doesnt have feelings anymore? please comment...

[Guest]

I know how hard for you when your not with your gf:'( but I have a bf in america and i currently live in japan. and I've been going on for like a half year!! but actually we still strongly love each other:) so i think its up to you and her!! if you guys really love each other then a year is nothing!!!!! you guys should just believe each other^_^ then everything is going to be great:) AND, dont think too much!! you can see her a year later!! its not goodbye 4ever:D!! I hope everything is going to be great with you:3

[4whatItsWorth]

The longest I have gone is 6 months - not sure I could do any longer than that because when we saw each other again it felt weird and it was like we had to get used to each other again...

 

I agree with that. Think 6 months is the most to go, after that it feels like you're next to a stranger. If you spend some time together just being close without being physical - the feeling usually return after a while. But for a moment it's like you're together with a complete stranger!!

 

Then again...I have doubts already after 2.5 months. Maybe I'm just extra needy.

[Guest]

well ive been going on for 6 1/2 years without meeting, we are hoping to meet soon, and i love this man very much

 

you have NEVER met the person you claim to love and its been 6 1/2 years?! Why the delay in meeting up? are you exclusive?

[pcherokee]

I don't know if I could do 6 months. I would probably have an open discussion about possibly seeing other people during that time only if both agree to doing it. Thats why I try to get to see my girl every 5 weeks...maybe 6 weeks worst case (for at least a weekend).

 

Things have gotten a little confusing after we just spent a solid week spring break together. It was a whole week just us 2 together 24/7, and to be around someone like that is way different than long distance. Make sure you have time to do this when you're in a LDR to remind you who you are really with.....phone conversations can be deceiving sometimes because it forces you to put on your "best behavior."

[catrocks]

Being in LDR is not that easy i can tell you. I met a really nice guy in november but a month after that he got a job in another city and now we get to meet only weekends once or twice a month. But we are still together now after 4 months.

The problem is, we are great when we meet but for some reason we have arguments when we are away (i mean a lot of aguments, but true they are mostly because of my caprice). I am very tired of the arguments now and he says hes also fed up and he told me that hes thinking of giving up on us someday, and he s not sure if he loves me anymore. but he still wants to give it a try cuz he still is attracted to me. i am also willing to give it a try and make an effort not to show caprice. But still, I m a bit confused right now...i love him but i dont want to be with him if hes going to dump me someday...Do you think he means it when he says he doesnt have feelings anymore? please comment...

Who or what is caprice? Am I just being dumb?

Distance is hell, and it's impossible to maintain if you're arguing. He is probably wondering if you can make it as a couple if you always seem to be arguing when you're apart. He might think that eventually, if you were together all the time those arguments would work their way in and consume your relationship. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you anymore, but I think you both need to have a break from talking and really think about what's important. If you want to be together you have to communicate better and try to have adult discussions if you disagree rather than arguments - arguments are BAD when you can't cool off and then talk face to face and make up. If you really want this to work you'll have to make the effort to stop arguing (I'm not saying it's all you, he will have to do the same as well).

Have a break for a few days, tell him to think about what he wants really and you do the same, and then after 3 days or so, talk about it together, calmly. Hope this works for you and you guys figure it out.

[Sweetie2007]

Who or what is caprice? Am I just being dumb?

 

if you look here I think that's what she meant by caprice, it confused me too, until i looked it up

[catrocks]

if you look here I think that's what she meant by caprice, it confused me too, until i looked it up

 

lol thanks at least I can say I learnt a new word today

[ibitealil]

hey thanks a lot! You were 100% right! We had a break for a week and he came over and we discussed the issues on the same weekend. Now things are better. We both want to be with each other. He doesnt say he loves me anymore, but i know he still cares about me. There are still puzzles in me if its gonna work out in the long run but we both re trying and no arguments since then. (hope it wont be) Im concentrating on my studies now more cuz its my last year of the uni. After i finish my studies im planning to move to his city if he still hangs out in there

[catrocks]

hey thanks a lot! You were 100% right! We had a break for a week and he came over and we discussed the issues on the same weekend. Now things are better. We both want to be with each other. He doesnt say he loves me anymore, but i know he still cares about me. There are still puzzles in me if its gonna work out in the long run but we both re trying and no arguments since then. (hope it wont be) Im concentrating on my studies now more cuz its my last year of the uni. After i finish my studies im planning to move to his city if he still hangs out in there

I'm glad you worked things out. Hopefully things will be clearer from now on for you. Good luck with uni, I'm also in my last year, it's hard work isn't it!

[ibitealil]

I'm glad you worked things out. Hopefully things will be clearer from now on for you. Good luck with uni, I'm also in my last year, it's hard work isn't it!

 

Hell yeah! I am writing my thesis to catch up the deadlines, plus the courses and work(need some pocket money too ). But i think right now this situation being in LDR is kind of helps me. That means i can concentrate more on whats important NOW than him. True, weekends without him sucks! But we can do it, hopefully.

 

All the best to your uni. too!

[Aline Maria]

Hi,

I have had that problem, in a LDR where I used to meet my boyfriend every 3 months, for 1 or 2 weeks only. It was very hard, and when something tragic happened in my family, I resented him for not coming over soon enough and broke up. It was the worst mistake of my life : it was 7 months ago, and I still love him. Though he still has feelings for me, he is dating someone else and prefers not to take the risk of starting our relation again. What I have learnt this year is that, whatever the distance is, if you really love the person, it is wrong to end the relationship just because of that. I did it, and will probably regret it the rest of my life.

I know this message is a little late, but hope it helps.

[Zona76]

For me it was 3 1/2 years before I met my online love.

I too believe it was strengthened by the distance.

We learned how to cope over our time apart. And you can see by my signature how it worked out. Being apart makes it stronger. If it doesn't then there was not that much there in the first place

[Island Girl]

Think 6 months is the most to go, after that it feels like you're next to a stranger.

 

Soooooo NOT true.

[Island Girl]

whatever the distance is, if you really love the person, it is wrong to end the relationship just because of that. I did it, and will probably regret it the rest of my life.

 

So true. My husband and I remain strong because we know there is no other that could be so completely perfect.

 

Being apart makes it stronger. If it doesn't then there was not that much there in the first place

 

Again -- true true true.

 

The distance is just something we deal with -- that we accept for the time being because being apart is inconceivable.

 

I imagine how war-time marriages survived in the age of letters.

 

They sent a letter off not knowing when their love would get it -- or IF he would. The men wrote letters wondering what was really happening back home. They had years and years of not being together. Some of them only just met and married before leaving to go to war. Now THAT would have been difficult to say the least.

 

We have phone calls and e-mails, etc. And plane tickets are now much easier to come by -- except to my husband's little spot in the world!

[ibitealil]

Hi,

I have had that problem, in a LDR where I used to meet my boyfriend

 

Hey,

 

I have another problem now... Well we are still together...Now when the spring comes i became more busy and more depressed..i have my deadline of the thesis very close and exams and the plan for the next year etc etc. But at the same time me and my bf are not being as hot as before, anymore. That started to worry me lately. When i am busy of course i still miss him but i dont have time to talk to him or chat with him. But he also does not call me or text me as much as before. He even told me he misses me less if he doesnt see me for longer time . And even if we meet we both feel like we both exhausted and we want to be alone from each other after a day being together. I dont know if our relationship is fading away or it is just normal phase of such a relationship. After all he doesnt really love me as much as i thought?

[DOA]

Is anyone else here kinda sick of having really negative friends about your LDR?

 

I used to be such an LDR skeptic myself..I probably still am, but I wonder where all my supporters have gone?

 

It's so hard being in an LDR already, but I hate it when I have friends who are seemingly trying to support me and keep me strong, then badgering me to break up with my boy "for my own good".

 

I know they have the best intentions for me, but really, it's no help!! Just when I feel very positive (not often btw) and tell myself "we can make it through this!", one of my friends starts telling me to "think logically" and "it's only ever going to be a dream".

 

DON'T TELL ME THAT!!! BE HAPPY FOR ME BECAUSE I HAVE FOUND SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME FOR ME, THAT HAS STRENGTHENED ME, THAT I HAVE SUCH FAITH IN THAT I WOULD BE WILLING TO WAIT DISTANCES AND YEARS TO BE WITH HIM AGAIN!

 

Don't tell me it's just going to end eventually and I had it coming.

[Island Girl]

I have another problem now... Well we are still together...Now when the spring comes i became more busy and more depressed..i have my deadline of the thesis very close and exams and the plan for the next year etc etc.

 

You need to focus on yourself. You are half of the relationship and these feelings can cause separation from your partner because it is coming through in the way you speak and the things you say.

 

So when you are in "you" time - BE in "you" time.

 

But at the same time me and my bf are not being as hot as before, anymore. That started to worry me lately. When i am busy of course i still miss him but i dont have time to talk to him or chat with him.

 

I hope you have explained this in detail -- how busy you are and what your days are like.

 

And also how much you do think about him and want to be able to talk to him.

 

But he also does not call me or text me as much as before.

 

Could be because you are busy and he knows that.

 

He even told me he misses me less if he doesnt see me for longer time .

 

This needs to be clarified. Does he miss you less or does he just find that getting into a routine is easier instead of having an emotional upheaval that takes a while to get over and then *boom* happens again.

 

It could be word choice -- not choosing the EXACT word for the emotion.

 

And even if we meet we both feel like we both exhausted and we want to be alone from each other after a day being together.

 

I've never had this. It seems like a strange reaction but it could just be you both are so emotionally wound up and then when you see each other you each finally relax -- ?

 

I dont know if our relationship is fading away or it is just normal phase of such a relationship. After all he doesnt really love me as much as i thought?

 

Each relationship is different. Have you talked to him about this? About your feelings when you are together and when you are apart?

 

Do not assume in this type of relationship. Really, it is terrible in any kind of relationship but in a LDR it is worse because usually all we have are minutes out of a day. There is less time to resolve misunderstandings and more time for the distance to take hold.