Island Girl Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Is anyone else here kinda sick of having really negative friends about your LDR? I used to be such an LDR skeptic myself..I probably still am, but I wonder where all my supporters have gone? It's so hard being in an LDR already, but I hate it when I have friends who are seemingly trying to support me and keep me strong, then badgering me to break up with my boy "for my own good". I know they have the best intentions for me, but really, it's no help!! Just when I feel very positive (not often btw) and tell myself "we can make it through this!", one of my friends starts telling me to "think logically" and "it's only ever going to be a dream". DON'T TELL ME THAT!!! BE HAPPY FOR ME BECAUSE I HAVE FOUND SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME FOR ME, THAT HAS STRENGTHENED ME, THAT I HAVE SUCH FAITH IN THAT I WOULD BE WILLING TO WAIT DISTANCES AND YEARS TO BE WITH HIM AGAIN! Don't tell me it's just going to end eventually and I had it coming. Hey DOA - You should probably start a new thread. I'd answer in detail but I don't want to hijack the thread out of respect to the OP. I'll look for the thread... IG Link to post Share on other sites
ImALuckyGuy Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Hi, this is my first post here. I have been in a LDR for just over 2 years now. She and I are from different countries (same continent tho). What started as a chance meeting in a file sharing chatroom progressed to meeting, then spending vacations together and being with each other every 2 or 3 months and an engagement that will bring us together finally in a couple of months. It hasn't been all roses and sunny weather, but I'm not complaining either. She makes me extremely happy and I feel fortunate to have found her. I feel like I could write a novel on this romance hahah and perhaps I could share what I have learned. Just some quick points (probably already mentioned): Communicate, communicate, communicate. We talk everyday before I leave for work and after I return. We also txt during the day. Some would say this is compulsive and perhaps it would be in the context of a "normal" (please forgive the wording...i dont mean to imply it is abnormal) relationship, but it allows us to be there for one another and feel apart of the other's lives. Save money. LDRs can be expensive and you want to capitalize on the time that you spend with your dear. Focus on the positive. This one was hard for me. You have to keep the positives in sight always and not allow yourself to sink into the "stinkin thinkin" rut that can ruin any relationship. Be forward and set goals. This goes with the above point. It's like climbing a mountain. You reach one goal then set another slightly higher while you climb. Being forward keeps you both on the same page and goes along with communication. Assumption is your enemy. LDRs are not for everyone. It takes 2 special people with alot of heart and trust to pull something like this off. About the time between visits: This probably varies from person to person, but I feel like if I didnt see her for another 20 years (lord forbid that happen!) I would still know her warm smile and beautiful face like it were yesterday. God bless. Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea1234 Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 its not a clam its a fact i do love Sean with all of my heart and soul the $$ isnt working out yet, i am willng to wait unlt forever for him because hes Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 WOW !! I have nothing to add here, but I have to say I admire all of you very much for the perseverance and patience you are showing in your LDR's ! I didn't know it was so common or so....workable ! I guess I'm just a spoiled, impatient brat, because I don't think I would posess your strength and again, your patience. Good luck to each and every one of you !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
RaeRaeRae Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 3 months is the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other. My advice to you...communicate-about everything! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest (OP) Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Thank you all for the encouragement! Yes LDR's have the bad rep but I think this thread helps prove that wrong. I think if the dedication is there to make it work, I think the relationship may even be better off than if it wasn't long distance (in the long run). There is a type of communication you get that a couple doesn't get in a normal face-to-face relationship. You really get the know the person a lot more if the communication is there. I'm happy to say that things are still going great with my girl, which we have just passed the 9 month point. And no, 5 weeks apart does not seem that difficult after hearing what some others have said here. Link to post Share on other sites
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 I chanced upon this thread, and I'll say that I agree with most of what IslandGirl said. I think Imaluckyguy also made some good points. I was in a similar situation, and I think I can honestly sum up the good and the bad points about a long-distance relationship. We were on different continents when we started, which brought more ambiguity to the relationship than is tolerable. Also, I didn't meet him for almost 2 years - never even saw him once - which again wasn't a good thing. Lastly, there were a lot of times when I brushed aside any doubts I had about him and the relationship - and later, I wished I'd paid attention to my gut feelings then. Anyhow, that was the bad part. The good part is that I STILL think that if two people are compatible, LDR shouldn't be a huge problem. How long is it possible to survive in such a situation? Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I think a few months to a year is acceptable. If you're getting to know a person, it's better if you don't jump headlong into things and move in, and then realize you two aren't compatible. I think a long-distance relationship, if it does have to be that way, is probably a good thing for a while. Because then, the onus of maintaining the relationship is really on the couple involved. I've seen that a lot of times, people are just too lazy to put in the extra bit of effort. Everything is convenience-based, so they'd rather look for something easier to get. And so when the relationship becomes long-distance for a while, they bail out. It's necessary to meet as often as possible in person, of course. But to me, being at a distance for a while isn't a make-or-break criterion. It really depends on how much each person wants to nurture the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ibitealil Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 You need to focus on yourself. You are half of the relationship and these feelings can cause separation from your partner Hi Island Girl, Thanks for your comments, its been a while since i logged in. I had to hand in my thesis and all. Now im done, i only have my exams left until June. I am still with my bf. He is coming over this weekend for 3 days. Things are not the same as in the beginning. I mean not as romantic and exciting but i am taking it easy because after 6 months of being together now things become like this (not all over each other but the connecion is still there) especially in LDR? Plus i also feel that he becomes a lil cold feeted when we dont see each other for a longer time...but then it changes when we meet...The good news is he says he loves me evenhough its quite rare. Anyway, i think we r gonna go on like this until the summer break and then im moving to his place for a couple of months, to see what happens. I am still not sure if he really loves me or not but i dont want to ruin everything. Still need patience...i guess..its not very easy :-( but i can do it just like everybody else in this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Beautiful_Tragedy Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 i say anything is possible as to how your wondering how long it will last for. u just gotta believe in it and never "EVER" give up hope. don't listen to anyone or anything else except what your heart is telling you. you'll hear a lot of outsiders say negative things "that'll never work" or "it's ridiculous", "why bother" etc... but whatever you want in life, go for it. i think as hard as things are going to be.. the simpliest things are if you both want this long-distance relationship, && if your completely honest with each other from the beginning. i believe absense makes the heart grow fonder, there is no time limit.. but just remember to seize the moment in your life & don't way too long, not because one of you will loose interesting, but only because u never know what 2moro will bring. it is certainly a lot different to relationships where as boyf/girlriend get to see each other everyday... but i think this way is a lot testing to your relationship... and of course it's very unique, but i think it's wonderful... a quote "don't let anyone promise that they won't ever hurt you because at one time or another it will happen, the "real-promise" is if the time u spend together is worth the pain in the end" and to be honest, your post did catch my eye.. i'll give u a lil run-down of my life.. i've been in a LDR for the past three years(it's crazy but hard because of life-commitments) and we're still going, which to be honest i never thought it would have happend... but it's something we both wanted. so best of luck to you. =) Link to post Share on other sites
ibitealil Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Thank you soooo much, We met last weekend and it was amazing. He told me he loves me, again...i probably wont see him another one month since next week im going to Prague and then the exams will start right after i come back. But i still feel good about us at the present eventhough im yet still worried about the future. Wish you a very Good luck to ur relationship too..I mean it Link to post Share on other sites
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