Wound Up Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 I need some advice and insight into my problem: I am 25, female and living with my boyfriend, and while we have no immediate plans to get married, it is assumed by everyone that this will occur in the future. I also have a child with an ex who lives 100% of the time with me and my bf (the child, not the ex). Since I was about 13 I had sex with quite a lot of men. I was very sexually charged but once I was actually having sex it wasn't as good as the anticipation. No man has ever given me an orgasm; I have only achieved them on my own. I am attracted to men but they do not satisfy me sexually. I have, however, always had an underlying attraction to women. When people-watching, I not only take note of the men but also of the women that I find attractive. I have fantasies involving women, I masturbate to my bf's all women pornography, I think about women, etc. I feel as though I love my bf for the person he is, and he is a good man and provider. But I feel unsatisfied and lonely. Recently I met a woman online and she and I have struck up a conversation. She lives near me, has never been with a woman (neither have I), but is interested in giving it a try. I am very interested in this woman. But I feel very strongly about cheating, and I do not want to cheat on my bf. Any advice? What should I do? Why do I feel the way I do? Am I a lesbian? Bi-sexual? Confused Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 i haven't had this problem/situation. but if you are gay, then you need to explore what this means to you and your life (in its entirety). it would mean a complete overhaul of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
lostone Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 Let me say that I'm a man whom my woman left me for 2 lesbians. I was devasted for years. She told me that she did the stupidest thing by leaving me; regretted it and begged me back. You have to be honest w/ you and your feelings...try not to hurt your man though.... Maybe talk to him.... Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
bebop Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 You need to break up with this guy and explore your sexuality. I don't know if you should tell him the real reason why as yet. But you do need to tell him you are confused and need time out of the relationship. I don't know how he feels about you so if he doesn't love you and you tell him the truth he may get excited about the prospect and ask to be a part of your exploration and get in the way and add to your confusion. If he loves you and gets bitter or his ego is bruised he may start spreading rumours. However if you feel he will be understanding and not react like the above two scenarios when you tell him the truth be prepared to lose him if this turns out to be a phase. Whats important here is that you find out now before you get married and making sure you are not going behind your boyfriends back either. But its up to you if you tell him the real reason why depending on how well you know him and how he feels about you because and how you think he might react. This is your life and a very personal dilemma. Its up to you to choose how much personal information you want to disclose to your boyfriend because his reaction and consequent behaviour will affect your life, either positively or negatively. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted November 15, 2002 Share Posted November 15, 2002 At first I was going to recommend that you take a break from your boyfriend, so you'll have time to explore this relationship. The thing is, that once you leave a place you've been living, it causes a lot of hurt, misunderstanding, and chaos. Are you in love with your boyfriend? Are you merely sexually intrested in this woman? Or, is it more? You need to analyze your feelings, and put those people in priorities. If you are in love with your boyfriend, and don't want to leave him...you could just tell him about your curoisities, and he very well probably would love for you to explore. However, if you are intrested in more than sex with this lady, it would be a good idea for you to leave your boyfriend and re-evaluate your relationship with him. You said that you are unsatisfied and unfulfilled. That could mean many things. You could just have one experience and that be enough for you. Or, it could just awaken something within you. Basically, you have to settle this, or you'll never be able to find true happiness. You only have the answers, and you only can settle this. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
opie_wonder Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 heres somethin to know. im male and 16.... i had a girl leave me for another gurl... but i had a gurl who was bisexual and this was a good part of the relationship. u should talk to him and see wat he thinks...maybe even ask if he would like to join... it would be a new experience with a female for u and probably for him too. but u need to consult him first. you sound like u have a good thing goin with this guy and u should not get rid of this if u do not have to... he sounds like a great guy and ur kid probably would be effected too if u eneded the relationship with this guy.. so make no rash desicions and do what u must. but see wat he thinks first. (seduce him if u must) opie Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 I have been with a women while in my current relationship. This occured very early on in the relationship and my b/f was always aware. He was even present on one occasion. He never considered it cheating because it was something he couldn't give me. I have, since falling deeper in love, stopped all my 'bisexual' antics and become 100% faithful. My idea of using bisexuality to cheat is pathetic. I have informed my b/f of his, and he says that whatever I am comfy with he will do, and whatever he is comfy with I can do. You need to tell your b/f without sounding as if you have it premeditated. Some guys are ok, some guys aren't. If you don't believe in cheating then I suggest not doing it. Because it is cheating in a way. Link to post Share on other sites
katy_katt Posted January 6, 2003 Share Posted January 6, 2003 I agree with Ally Boo and kat -- the best thing to do is explain your feelings to him and why, pretty much the same way you have explained them to us. It's hard to say what he might think; some guys really like the idea that their gf is attracted to other women, other guys see it as a threat. A while ago, I was in pretty much the same boat as you in regards to my sexuality, with one exception. I wasn't dating anybody at the time and had the freedom to explore and find out where I stood. But I think if I was dating somebody long-term and broke up with them just to explore, I would have regretted it. I have had some experiences with women, but it made me realize that I still prefer guys over them. At the same time I still get those little 'cravings' once in a while. I told my ex about the way I felt while we were dating and it excited him a great deal; we even incorporated it into our sex life and it certainly made things a lot more interesting. Not the real thing, but just fantasizing together about having a threesome, or I would tell him about my escapades with other women. But back to my original point, just talk to him about it and see how he feels before doing anything too rash, like breaking up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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