hmb1000 Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Help! I'm so confused. I found out last night that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend, and all the signs of what he had done made me think about my relationship. I have asked my fiance a few times before if he's cheating on me and he has always said no. When I asked him last night I got the answer I've been dreading but almost expecting to hear. He's been getting 'online shows' from a friend that he talks to all evening every evening. I know there is no physical relationship as she is on the otherside of the world. He has also reciprocated the show. What to do now? He says it was just like watching a different type of porn, but i can't help but feel it's more than that as they have a friendship too. We've been having sex issues in our relationship which we have been working through and this apparently all happened before we started working through them. He says he loves me and doesn't want to loose me but I don't know how to feel. Am I over-reacting? Was he just trying to get sexual pleasure when there were problems in our relationship? I don't know. We are supposed to be getting married in 5 months and have been together 8 years. Our relationship has always been under a lot of pressure from family/work/legal reasons but i'm not sure it can get through this. I feel betrayed. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 porn to me is when you don't have any connection with the person on the other end of the media. Now watching and giving shows to a good friend is cheating, it sounds like you have been worried about this for awhile now and I would realy hold off on getting married to this guy till you work your sexual and other problems out, since marriage isn't going to solve anything and may make it worse Link to post Share on other sites
Author hmb1000 Posted February 28, 2007 Author Share Posted February 28, 2007 We've been engaged, long before these problems were happening. It hurts more that he asked me to talk to this girl about our problems and get advice from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Lennox Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 This is a huge red flag that you should pay attention to because this problem is guaranteed to escalate after you exchange vows. Don't marry this guy until you hash out this problem. If he doesn't think it's cheating and it is to you, dump him before he winds up exposing you to some disease you never wanted nor asked for. Never, ever marry a man expecting to change him after marriage...trust me on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 I agree that this is a big red flag. Any kind of sexual interaction is a form of cheating, be it cyberspace or real life. We've been having sex issues in our relationship which we have been working through and this apparently all happened before we started working through them. Are you certain this wasn't part of the reason for your issues in the first place? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you had intended to say. Btw, I agree with everyone else. Do not marry this guy until you've worked through all your issues. Sex should never be a problem pre-marriage. It will only get worse during marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 ... he asked me to talk to this girl about our problems and get advice from her. So, he thinks she's SMARTER than you are? Seriously, I'd probably be more offended by that than the cheating. And it most certainly IS cheating in my book. I agree with the other posters on that. I wouldn't doubt that your fiance would also agree if it was YOU who were giving online "shows" to your "friends". This loser doesn't seem to think much of you. In fact, if this OW wasn't on the other side of the world... she'd be right up in your business. She's meddling enough as it is. Set your boundaries and stick with them. And don't be afraid to set boundaries on opposite-sex friends as well as on-line friends. If your budding young porn-star doesn't like it... tough. You won't have lost much. Link to post Share on other sites
justpassingthrough Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Any advice? Yep. Postpone the wedding. Marrying this guy is the last thing you should be doing now, in five months, or anytime soon. Think about what you've told us. You asked him if he's ever cheated and he said yes. The answer doesn't come any straighter than that. I don't agree with those who believe porn is cheating. But this isn't porn, sweetie. And this is not his "friend" because females who perform nightly sex acts for engaged males are not "friends." Best of luck, sista. You've got a tough road ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Bee Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Help! I'm so confused. I found out last night that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend, and all the signs of what he had done made me think about my relationship. I have asked my fiance a few times before if he's cheating on me and he has always said no. When I asked him last night I got the answer I've been dreading but almost expecting to hear. He's been getting 'online shows' from a friend that he talks to all evening every evening. I know there is no physical relationship as she is on the otherside of the world. He has also reciprocated the show. What to do now? He says it was just like watching a different type of porn, but i can't help but feel it's more than that as they have a friendship too. We've been having sex issues in our relationship which we have been working through and this apparently all happened before we started working through them. He says he loves me and doesn't want to loose me but I don't know how to feel. Am I over-reacting? Was he just trying to get sexual pleasure when there were problems in our relationship? I don't know. We are supposed to be getting married in 5 months and have been together 8 years. Our relationship has always been under a lot of pressure from family/work/legal reasons but i'm not sure it can get through this. I feel betrayed. Any advice? I think that what he is doing is completely unacceptable. If it were to happen to me, i'd consider it to be cheating. If he talks to her all evening every evening, then chances are, he might have feelings for her as well, as the "shows" Sit down and tell him how much this bothers you. If he cares at all about your feelings then he will make some changes. I don't think that you are over reacting at all. In fact, i wouldn't call this porn at all because he's interacting with her as well as getting to know her through their conversations. Porn is pre-recorded is it not. You can't interact and talk with porn. Or do shows with porn either. How long has this been going on? Link to post Share on other sites
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