Is this considered cheating

[Guest]

Hi there,

 

I have something that is really bothering me. I would like to know If I should worry. First off I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and I love him with all my heart. It hurts me so much to even think this. So we have had some problems like any normal relationship. I guess it's hasn't been perfect since the begining. I have a trust issue with my boyfriend when he is on the computer because I found out that after we started dating he did some "stuff" with girls online and got a few phone numbers.

 

This was after 3 months of us dating and he was still doing it. About a month ago I got a new job so I'm out of the house alot. Since I have gotten the new job, he is on the computer twice as much and I have found that he has lied to me about talking to females on MSN. I forgave him as he said they were friends from college.He never used to go on MSN when I was home and since I got this new job, he is now coming home early from work to go on msn, which i caught him the other day.

 

Well recently he had added some girl who he claims was a friend from college, but there is no message history from her anywhere on his computer (he keeps all message histories from years ago). When i found out I got mad and deleted her from his MSN in which he said he didn't care because he didn't realize who it was and he didn't want to talk to her.He promised me that he wouldn't add her back on his MSN and wouldn't talk to her. I found out today, that the day after,while I was at work all day he not only went and unblocked/undeleted her, he also went and talked with her after promising me he wouldn't.

 

Then he went and deleted the message history and also went on the computer and went and deleted the message log. I asked him if he talked to her and he promised me he didn't. I went into the recycling bin on his computer and restored that message log. So I found that he lied to me about talking with her and tried to cover it up, and now he went and added her again on his msn. Should I be worried about this or am I making to much of it. I'm just having a hard time because if he says it's a friend from college then why is he covering it up so much?? Thanks

[Limerent]

This whole thing reeks of betrayal of trust. I am not sure what you should do at this point, but I am annoyed on your behalf.

 

I wouldnt nag at him anymore. Instead, I would sit down and let him know that his betrayal of your trust has reached a point where you are slowly becoming uninterested in him. Let him hear that you are disappointed in him, and that if you should find that he continues to lie behind your back, then you will have no choice but to break up with him.

 

That way, the choice is his, and you have left it all in his hands. He doesnt have to betray your trust. That is HIS desicion. If he chooses to betray your trust again, you can walk, knowing you did what you could, and knowing that you gave him a decision in it too.

 

Yes, you could stick around, and fight about this, and hope for a resolve, but why would you waste your time? It seems as if he isnt going to get over his lying and hiding any time soon, and it will eventually cause more heartache to you.

 

This isnt about you being a jealous catty girlfriend in my opinion. You asked him to stop and he didnt. Then you caught him and he lied. Then it snowballed out of control from there, with the both of you being one step ahead of the other. If he didnt like the fact that you asked him to stop talking inappropriately with girls online, he was free to voice his concern then. The fact was, he didnt. He agreed and accepted to stop. That is when it turned into betrayal of your trust.

[CardPlay3r]

Well lying can surely be considered emotional cheating....maybe some sexual too depending on the "stuff" they did there - cybering, masturbation on cam etc.