I am ready to have a talk with the biomom

[almostthere]

Its been two years now since my bf and I have started seeing each other. All of the past bs I dealt with is over now and things have been quiet for a year. I am finally over the emotions I had when I was posting on here before. I am not sure if any of you remember all the stuff that I said. But dealing with those two (my bf and his ex) was insanely hurtful at times.

 

My ex-husband and his girlfriend and me have a nice relationship. We all talk and laugh when I come over and I feel glad he has her and we can all get along really well. Me and my ex-husband have argeed to become friends over the past two years and at first it was hard. but now two years later we are good friends and get along great. But we both know there is never another chance because living together we would kill each other. I have explained this to my bf along time ago and he respects this part of mine and my ex's relationship. We do it for the kids. Everything runs very smoothly.

 

My bf and his exw do not get along. we dont call her by her name, as we do when we speak about my exh and his gf. We do refer to her bf by his name though.

 

I am ready to move beyond the constraints of his dislike for her. I have been wronged by her but also by my bf allowing her to do that to me, to us. I have since forgiven him and i do look forward to a day that me and her can get along too.

 

I have been debating writing a letter to her. I am tired of the tension when we are dropping off and picking up the kids. I would like to smile and say hi. I would like for her to do the same. I think she is ready for that. But there is no way for me to find out.

 

What is your opinion on this? I am not doing this for some need other then to reach a common ground like me, my exh and his gf. I am ready to move past all the differences and past hurt. I dont want to hang out with her...I just want to get on some kind of pleasant ground with her.

 

So now what do I do?

[Mistaken Identity]

I haven't read your past posts. But you sound reasonble to me. In fact, it seems like you have gone out of your way to get along with everyone. I think a letter is a good idea.

[dropdeadlegs]

While I think it is a good idea to have a civil relationship with your BF's ex, and it sounds like you and she are ready for that, how does your BF feel about you contacting her in such away? He may feel that you are betraying him in some way by befriending the enemy.

 

Just a thought.

[almostthere]

Well...i havent shared the thought with him or her just yet. It's just in the planning stages still. I wanted to see how I really felt about it before I mentioned it to anyone. I was hurt pretty badly during that time and I wanted to make sure this wasnt just a phase I was going through.

 

I will sit down with him first before I make any contact of course. I guess I just wanted an outsider's opinion so I can at least see if I am being reasonable. I am not sure if she is ready. But two years have past and I dont see any angry jealous looks towards me from her any more. And I dont feel resentment anymore towards her, I havent for a long time.

[Sassy]

I know that you would like to do that with the ex but sometimes ex's will act like they want to do that but really intend to stab you in the back. Trust me be careful if you befriend the ex ! I did the same to make piece and all she ended up doing was taking my man. Be cautious. She plotted and ployed and got him away from me . He regreted it and we live with it everyday. I never thought in my lifr he would ever go back to her . I don't mean to be ugly but she is trash I am not. She sleeps around and I don't we are like night and day. Just please be careful. Sounds like you and your ex h and his gf are great with you. But remember the past post reminds me of the way my man's ex is and they wasn't even married.

[dropdeadlegs]

Well...i havent shared the thought with him or her just yet. It's just in the planning stages still. I wanted to see how I really felt about it before I mentioned it to anyone. I was hurt pretty badly during that time and I wanted to make sure this wasnt just a phase I was going through.

 

I will sit down with him first before I make any contact of course. I guess I just wanted an outsider's opinion so I can at least see if I am being reasonable. I am not sure if she is ready. But two years have past and I dont see any angry jealous looks towards me from her any more. And I dont feel resentment anymore towards her, I havent for a long time.

You are certainly going through the thought process in a healthy way. I hope you can achieve peace.

 

I have a great relationship with my ex and my BF has a good relationship with his. The two exes don't know each other, but my BF and I both have good relationships with each others exes although we don't hang out with them or anything, like you have no intention with your BF's ex. It's just so nice to not have constant confrontation and arguments as that isn't at all healthy for kids. I think the timing is the thing here. there are a lot of hurt feelings after a breakup and sometimes when one of the parties finds love with another, too. It sounds like things are calm enough in your waters to at least try to make peace in a positive way.

 

Good luck to you. If she is somewhat cold about your olive branch, at least you will know you took the high road and tried.

[EnigmasMuse]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you talking with the bio mom. If its something you feel needs to be done, then its probably a good move. I agree about at least being cautious some, not ALL but SOME ex's are out for revenge.

 

 

Trust me be careful if you befriend the ex ! I did the same to make piece and all she ended up doing was taking my man. Be cautious. She plotted and ployed and got him away from me .

 

Oh thats awful sassy, sorry to hear. You all must have been in a vulnerable time in your relationship for him to do that?

[almostthere]

Thanks for all the replies. I think I will give myself some time still to kick it around. I know that it took me and my exh some time to get to where and how we are now with each other and our new relationships with other people.

 

I am weighing the pros and cons of this. Exploring what differences it would make if we all could just get along. I am usually a firm believer in leaving well enough alone.

 

I am pretty sure that my bf and her could never get along even if they tried. They hated each other during their marriage...I'm sure nothing would change. But I unitntentionally preach about how important it is for the kids if the bio parents still get along. I just think it would be healthier for all the children involved.