repeat: being OK w. the ex

[Spoonandfork22]

i posted this as an answer on a thread but i figured I could start a new one and see where it takes me.

 

 

heres what happened to me in a very very small nutshell. we have a group of work friends who are close. my current bf dated one of the girls we work with. when i say dated i mean hung out w. a lot, slept with on more than one occasion. it was more of a 'what i have for the moment' type thing. although feelings were involved, he or she wasnt willing to commit to one another, it was just a fling of sorts. him and i are now together, and she obviously still works with him and hangs out with our same group. i do get jealous b.c. i wonder if he dated me b.c. he couldnt have her (shes a girl who likes 3 or 4 guys at once, not just one. and shes never been monogomous w. anyone). i figure since this girl has been there from the beginning i need to let thigns be and understand they are friends, b.c. im not going to tell people who to hang out wtih. however, i think that due to my comfort level there should be some bounderies set. no hanging out alone, only group settings, no 4am phone calls. i dont think thats asking too much. i havent spoken w. my bf about this b.c. i dont want to be the 'overbearing-telling-you-what-to-do" gf, but i also feel i am validated. i also think he should make sure she knows damn well that he is not interested in her anymore, b.c. i feel she still pines for him in some way...........so thats my dilemma. anyone been there before?

[Carbine]

I see where you're coming from, but does this chick actually call your bf at 4am and hang out alone with him, or are you maybe trying to predict what she's going to do on the basis of your jealousy? The whole 'group' friendship thing is different to hanging out alone with one friend. If your bf and this girl suddenly start interacting differently, then that would set the alarm bells off for me.

 

Whatever you decide to do,do it sooner rather than later but at the same time tread carefully because it's a situation that's got the potential to screw up quite seriously. Not only is the problem unclear, but it can also affect your friendships within the group, the group as a whole, and a bunch of people's lives at work.

 

Personally, I don't think you're anywhere near the "overbearing-telling-you-what-to-do" stage yet, I think your concerns are perfectly reasonable. Hopefully, so will your bf if you chose to take it up with him in a non-hysterical manner.